Remembering all this special weekend.

lindadanis

Hello everyone, I just wanted to say that I'm remembering all this special memorial day weekend of all the people who have left us this past year and gone to heaven, including my husband and my mother. It is a very tough weekend and I'm sure it is for alot of you.
Just wanted everyone to know they are in my thoughts and prayers.

Linda and Diana

Donna70

Linda know it is hard
Dear Linda and Diana,
Thinking of you, holidays always seem to be the hardest. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. How are both of you doing? It was doubly hard for both of you with your husband and Mom almost at the same time. take care, hugs to both of you.
Donna70

Unknown

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lindadanis

unknown said:

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I couldn't have said it better William
Dear William and Loretta, I was just reading your post to mine, I couldn't have said it any better but dear William, you have always had a way with words!!!!!!! You are the expert in this department.

I read this website almost daily, although I do not post often, I read all the stories and honestly feel so bad for the stage fours. You are exactly right, most of them don't even know what's ahead of them, just like I really didn't know what was ahead of me. Looking back, I wish we had spent the last eleven months of Ed's life just hanging out, maybe taking rides, enjoying each other, spending the time left that we had doing something else other than go to doctors, doing chemo, watching him sick and sicker all the timer, doing brain radiation, boy, that was a big mistake. He was never ever the same right from the first brain radiation treatment and in my heart the day he signed the papers, I knew it was going to be the beginning of the end, which in turn, it was.

I feel so sorry for all these stage four's, I do not want to take any hope away from any of them, but I hope they carefully view their options completely. The one thing that I learned from the whole experience is this William, I don't believe that Ed's oncologist was honest with him right from the start, he should of insisted that Ed have his head check instead of leaving everything up to him. Maybe if he had a cat scan of his head, it would of shown brain cancer and Eddie would not have done all that treatment for nothing. I do not believe that his doctor was honest enough to give him all the options and be straight up with him.
I have learned something from all of this, do your own homework, research everything yourself and don't rely on just one doctor. Get those second opinions, bring your own options to the table also, not just the doctors.

It is a very sad weekend, I was at my mother's grave this morning and now just getting home from Ed's grave. I bought a beautiful plant to put next to his grave. I miss both of them terribly and yes, it is these type of holidays that are the hardest.

I am walking steadier each day William, one step at a time. I have cleaned out the basement, the garage and now the attic is left. I don't know where we are heading, if we are heading out of this house or not, but I wanted everything to be cleaned up just in case. I have learned a big lesson this past year, don't take anything for granted, be thankful for what you have and don't ever give up, just keep pushing ahead day by day.

Without you and Loretta in my life, I do not know honestly how I would have gotten through all of this. You are like grandparents to me. I never had grandparents so I have adopted you both if that is ok.

I wish that thing were different since Ed found out he had cancer back on October 7, 2009 but I have learned and accepted the face that it was not me, it was him.

I have forgiven him William for everything that he said and done in his final 11 months on this earth. He was a great husband to me for many years and a great dad to Diana for 22 years.
I believe that his cancer was in his brain probably right from the beginning and I, for one,
don't know how I would have handled some doctor saying to me that you have probably less than six months to live. I do not want to pass judgement anymore on anyone. How he must of felt knowing that he would never see Diana or I again must of killed him inside and I guess he just couldn't handle it. We are all different, we all have our own personalities. I loved him for many many years and I hope he is at peace now. I hope that when I write on this site, that I am helping someone out there who maybe is going through what I have experienced, maybe give that person some insight, this is the reason I write from time to time. This cancer is a beast and they need to find out way sooner when someone has it, not when it becomes stage four before there are symptoms.

I'm so glad to hear from you.

Linda

jojoshort

lindadanis said:

I couldn't have said it better William
Dear William and Loretta, I was just reading your post to mine, I couldn't have said it any better but dear William, you have always had a way with words!!!!!!! You are the expert in this department.

I read this website almost daily, although I do not post often, I read all the stories and honestly feel so bad for the stage fours. You are exactly right, most of them don't even know what's ahead of them, just like I really didn't know what was ahead of me. Looking back, I wish we had spent the last eleven months of Ed's life just hanging out, maybe taking rides, enjoying each other, spending the time left that we had doing something else other than go to doctors, doing chemo, watching him sick and sicker all the timer, doing brain radiation, boy, that was a big mistake. He was never ever the same right from the first brain radiation treatment and in my heart the day he signed the papers, I knew it was going to be the beginning of the end, which in turn, it was.

I feel so sorry for all these stage four's, I do not want to take any hope away from any of them, but I hope they carefully view their options completely. The one thing that I learned from the whole experience is this William, I don't believe that Ed's oncologist was honest with him right from the start, he should of insisted that Ed have his head check instead of leaving everything up to him. Maybe if he had a cat scan of his head, it would of shown brain cancer and Eddie would not have done all that treatment for nothing. I do not believe that his doctor was honest enough to give him all the options and be straight up with him.
I have learned something from all of this, do your own homework, research everything yourself and don't rely on just one doctor. Get those second opinions, bring your own options to the table also, not just the doctors.

It is a very sad weekend, I was at my mother's grave this morning and now just getting home from Ed's grave. I bought a beautiful plant to put next to his grave. I miss both of them terribly and yes, it is these type of holidays that are the hardest.

I am walking steadier each day William, one step at a time. I have cleaned out the basement, the garage and now the attic is left. I don't know where we are heading, if we are heading out of this house or not, but I wanted everything to be cleaned up just in case. I have learned a big lesson this past year, don't take anything for granted, be thankful for what you have and don't ever give up, just keep pushing ahead day by day.

Without you and Loretta in my life, I do not know honestly how I would have gotten through all of this. You are like grandparents to me. I never had grandparents so I have adopted you both if that is ok.

I wish that thing were different since Ed found out he had cancer back on October 7, 2009 but I have learned and accepted the face that it was not me, it was him.

I have forgiven him William for everything that he said and done in his final 11 months on this earth. He was a great husband to me for many years and a great dad to Diana for 22 years.
I believe that his cancer was in his brain probably right from the beginning and I, for one,
don't know how I would have handled some doctor saying to me that you have probably less than six months to live. I do not want to pass judgement anymore on anyone. How he must of felt knowing that he would never see Diana or I again must of killed him inside and I guess he just couldn't handle it. We are all different, we all have our own personalities. I loved him for many many years and I hope he is at peace now. I hope that when I write on this site, that I am helping someone out there who maybe is going through what I have experienced, maybe give that person some insight, this is the reason I write from time to time. This cancer is a beast and they need to find out way sooner when someone has it, not when it becomes stage four before there are symptoms.

I'm so glad to hear from you.

Linda

So sorry for your losses, Linda
Hi Linda,
I'm a Stage IV wife, and I read your post with much interest and actually, hope. The hope is that we have chosen the right path by ending the chemo and just enjoying life. Just this week, my husband got his appetite back and was able to go sailing and enjoy the beautiful days we have had.
We know that what will be will be, but I guess everyone wants to try to see if they're THAT person that responds beautifully and completely to the treatments. For us, it just hit the pause button for a while, and when the treatments became what I call, "putting out fire with gasoline", he decided that enough was enough and he just wants to have a nice stretch of summer life.
By posting your experience, it helps to educate those of us who are still on this most difficult path. I can honestly say that the good days have by far outweighed the bad days. Someone at work asked me if I wished I didn't know that my husband has this cancer, and although it's tempting, I said, "no", because "we can choose to live more fully and deeply in the time that we have". If we didn't know, we'd be cleaning out the basement, doing some very mundane things instead of deliberately living large with the folks who mean so much to us.
I hope that you find peace in that you both did try so hard to do the right thing. Honestly, we just don't know where we're going til we get there. It's only in hindsight that things look so darn clear.
Wish us luck as we journey on this road; I wish you peace.
Jojo

mrsbotch

lindadanis said:

I couldn't have said it better William
Dear William and Loretta, I was just reading your post to mine, I couldn't have said it any better but dear William, you have always had a way with words!!!!!!! You are the expert in this department.

I read this website almost daily, although I do not post often, I read all the stories and honestly feel so bad for the stage fours. You are exactly right, most of them don't even know what's ahead of them, just like I really didn't know what was ahead of me. Looking back, I wish we had spent the last eleven months of Ed's life just hanging out, maybe taking rides, enjoying each other, spending the time left that we had doing something else other than go to doctors, doing chemo, watching him sick and sicker all the timer, doing brain radiation, boy, that was a big mistake. He was never ever the same right from the first brain radiation treatment and in my heart the day he signed the papers, I knew it was going to be the beginning of the end, which in turn, it was.

I feel so sorry for all these stage four's, I do not want to take any hope away from any of them, but I hope they carefully view their options completely. The one thing that I learned from the whole experience is this William, I don't believe that Ed's oncologist was honest with him right from the start, he should of insisted that Ed have his head check instead of leaving everything up to him. Maybe if he had a cat scan of his head, it would of shown brain cancer and Eddie would not have done all that treatment for nothing. I do not believe that his doctor was honest enough to give him all the options and be straight up with him.
I have learned something from all of this, do your own homework, research everything yourself and don't rely on just one doctor. Get those second opinions, bring your own options to the table also, not just the doctors.

It is a very sad weekend, I was at my mother's grave this morning and now just getting home from Ed's grave. I bought a beautiful plant to put next to his grave. I miss both of them terribly and yes, it is these type of holidays that are the hardest.

I am walking steadier each day William, one step at a time. I have cleaned out the basement, the garage and now the attic is left. I don't know where we are heading, if we are heading out of this house or not, but I wanted everything to be cleaned up just in case. I have learned a big lesson this past year, don't take anything for granted, be thankful for what you have and don't ever give up, just keep pushing ahead day by day.

Without you and Loretta in my life, I do not know honestly how I would have gotten through all of this. You are like grandparents to me. I never had grandparents so I have adopted you both if that is ok.

I wish that thing were different since Ed found out he had cancer back on October 7, 2009 but I have learned and accepted the face that it was not me, it was him.

I have forgiven him William for everything that he said and done in his final 11 months on this earth. He was a great husband to me for many years and a great dad to Diana for 22 years.
I believe that his cancer was in his brain probably right from the beginning and I, for one,
don't know how I would have handled some doctor saying to me that you have probably less than six months to live. I do not want to pass judgement anymore on anyone. How he must of felt knowing that he would never see Diana or I again must of killed him inside and I guess he just couldn't handle it. We are all different, we all have our own personalities. I loved him for many many years and I hope he is at peace now. I hope that when I write on this site, that I am helping someone out there who maybe is going through what I have experienced, maybe give that person some insight, this is the reason I write from time to time. This cancer is a beast and they need to find out way sooner when someone has it, not when it becomes stage four before there are symptoms.

I'm so glad to hear from you.

Linda

Hi Linda
I came on the site after you had been going thru so much with Ed and his illness. What you said today has struck such a cord in me. You question why the drs are not more honest.

I for one ,believe it is because there is big bucks in chemo and radiation and the more they can get you to take the more money for them. I know some of you will be shocked by what I have said but I mean it. There comes a point when the chemo makes you so sick that you should just have quality over quantity. Vince had not one day of happiness or good health once he started chemo. I believe that his cancer when it recurred was so far advanced that he did not stand a chance. Yet the oncologist gave him Cisplatin, Taxotere and 5Fu. 5 cycles that literally starved him to death and eventually killed him.
I did tho get a $1.99 sympathy card from the cancer center saying they were sorry. No Note, no nothing except a signature. and I'm sorry.
I wrote a 5 page letter to the Doctor at Emory who did the surgury the first time when he was stage 2B. I poured my heart out to him on how I felt and when he called me back he reputed most all I said and then said he would get back in touch with me. As yet I have not heard a word. So I guess what I am saying is , like you, there are too many stage 4's and what are we to do about it?
These drs are in it for the money. At least a majority of them. Thank God for the Good Drs at UPMC and other great hospitals who really do care tho. This only makes their job tougher as they have to clean up or try to some messes other drs make.

After all as someone told me. "ONLY about 15,000 people die a year from EC so why make such an issue out of it." We do not have but 17,000 a year diagnosed with it.
It seems to me that EC is becoming a BIG CANCER now and there are a lot more in the late stages now than when you and Ed were on the Board.


I am glad that you and Diana are getting along. This has been the hardest thing I have ever been thru. Losing Vince has rocked my world and robbed me of a future with him.

I hope I don't sound bitter as I am not I guess I am just plain sad that I have to live without him and that his end was not good.
Things should have been different but they weren't. You are probably right. Maybe Ed did have brain cancer early on and all his problems with dealing with the cancer stemed from that. You will never know.


You sound good tho and I am Happy that you are trying to make a new life. Do I make any sense? Today has been tough for me too. Weekends , holidays, etc. are very hard.

I am reading a book now by C.S. Lewis called GRIEF SHARED. I think it is very worthwhile. You and maybe some others might want to read it.


If I have rambled I am sorry. I only wish you the best Linda. God Bless you and your family


Love

barbara

lindadanis

mrsbotch said:

Hi Linda
I came on the site after you had been going thru so much with Ed and his illness. What you said today has struck such a cord in me. You question why the drs are not more honest.

I for one ,believe it is because there is big bucks in chemo and radiation and the more they can get you to take the more money for them. I know some of you will be shocked by what I have said but I mean it. There comes a point when the chemo makes you so sick that you should just have quality over quantity. Vince had not one day of happiness or good health once he started chemo. I believe that his cancer when it recurred was so far advanced that he did not stand a chance. Yet the oncologist gave him Cisplatin, Taxotere and 5Fu. 5 cycles that literally starved him to death and eventually killed him.
I did tho get a $1.99 sympathy card from the cancer center saying they were sorry. No Note, no nothing except a signature. and I'm sorry.
I wrote a 5 page letter to the Doctor at Emory who did the surgury the first time when he was stage 2B. I poured my heart out to him on how I felt and when he called me back he reputed most all I said and then said he would get back in touch with me. As yet I have not heard a word. So I guess what I am saying is , like you, there are too many stage 4's and what are we to do about it?
These drs are in it for the money. At least a majority of them. Thank God for the Good Drs at UPMC and other great hospitals who really do care tho. This only makes their job tougher as they have to clean up or try to some messes other drs make.

After all as someone told me. "ONLY about 15,000 people die a year from EC so why make such an issue out of it." We do not have but 17,000 a year diagnosed with it.
It seems to me that EC is becoming a BIG CANCER now and there are a lot more in the late stages now than when you and Ed were on the Board.


I am glad that you and Diana are getting along. This has been the hardest thing I have ever been thru. Losing Vince has rocked my world and robbed me of a future with him.

I hope I don't sound bitter as I am not I guess I am just plain sad that I have to live without him and that his end was not good.
Things should have been different but they weren't. You are probably right. Maybe Ed did have brain cancer early on and all his problems with dealing with the cancer stemed from that. You will never know.


You sound good tho and I am Happy that you are trying to make a new life. Do I make any sense? Today has been tough for me too. Weekends , holidays, etc. are very hard.

I am reading a book now by C.S. Lewis called GRIEF SHARED. I think it is very worthwhile. You and maybe some others might want to read it.


If I have rambled I am sorry. I only wish you the best Linda. God Bless you and your family


Love

barbara

Good to hear from all of you
I'm very glad that I wrote the above post as I have heard from a couple of you who truly understand what it is like dealing with these doctors, etc. I just wanted to shed some light on my own experience of dealing with doctors who would not put all the cards on the table right from the beginning. They give us so much hope, espeically our loved ones, and I truly believe it is wrong right from the start. I sat down and wrote a three page letter to the head of the team at our cancer center that we dealt with almost every single week for 11 months. I personally sent it to the doctor in head of this team, not just our oncologist that we were seeing, and HE NEVER responded back to me. I cannot tell you how much this got me angry as well as hurt that this man never had the time of day to either email me, write to me or call me. I would never go back to them if I ever needed one (hopefully I never will), nor would I recommend them to anyone. They have to realize that they are dealing with an entire family not just one patient. My daughter and myself went to every single appointment with Eddie, every one, they saw us there every week, sometimes two/three times a week. They knew who we were. It is disgusting how they just move on to another patient, and yes, I agree with you, it's all about the money. This is a field that they all should take a course in "sympathy" dealing with these horrible cancers. They picked the field, they get the big money, they should have ten minutes to write back or call.

Eleven months have gone by and there is not a day that I don't think about this. It could of been different for both my daughter and I, it would of been some closure for us., but they left us with so many unanswered questions.

Everyone has a different situation, some families get closer when someone is diagnosed with terminal disease, others fall apart, mine was the later. Ed put up a wall the day he was diagnosed and would not let anyone in. It pains me to think how lonely he must of felt but boy, I did everything I could to break down these walls.

I hope I can share my experiences good and bad, with anyone who needs help. You can always write to me, pm me, whatever you want and I will always be here for you.

Linda

Unknown

jojoshort said:

So sorry for your losses, Linda
Hi Linda,
I'm a Stage IV wife, and I read your post with much interest and actually, hope. The hope is that we have chosen the right path by ending the chemo and just enjoying life. Just this week, my husband got his appetite back and was able to go sailing and enjoy the beautiful days we have had.
We know that what will be will be, but I guess everyone wants to try to see if they're THAT person that responds beautifully and completely to the treatments. For us, it just hit the pause button for a while, and when the treatments became what I call, "putting out fire with gasoline", he decided that enough was enough and he just wants to have a nice stretch of summer life.
By posting your experience, it helps to educate those of us who are still on this most difficult path. I can honestly say that the good days have by far outweighed the bad days. Someone at work asked me if I wished I didn't know that my husband has this cancer, and although it's tempting, I said, "no", because "we can choose to live more fully and deeply in the time that we have". If we didn't know, we'd be cleaning out the basement, doing some very mundane things instead of deliberately living large with the folks who mean so much to us.
I hope that you find peace in that you both did try so hard to do the right thing. Honestly, we just don't know where we're going til we get there. It's only in hindsight that things look so darn clear.
Wish us luck as we journey on this road; I wish you peace.
Jojo

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