Thank you Carlene! You are the Angel!

jloe
jloe Member Posts: 174
in Ovarian Cancer #1
You snapped be back to reality a bit when I got your text. For some reason, I have been more depressed, aggravated and angry since I was diagnosed 8/2006. I’m just fed up with all the surgery & treatments. Physically, I have bounced back ok and function like I live a full life (NOT) because I work full time but that’s just a way to get through the day. The life threatening death sentence of OVCA is wearing on me and I just can’t shake it. I feel guilty that I’m complaining. I also know the feeling of “I just can’t take the treatments anymore” and then I got over it. I have been sailing through the Topotecan with almost NO side effects to interfere with most of my days. I’m just fed up, tired, worn out and don’t/can’t smile. I apologize for ranting, BI****** and moaning but I’m just P***** O**!!! Aren’t we all??? I feel a little better now that I’ve said this. I hate what I’ve just read browsing around the discussions and it’s just devastating. I’m just trying to get used the fact that it’s life.

Comments

  • jloe
    jloe Member Posts: 174
    #2
    Tina Brown! Thank You Too!
    I just saw this in a post from Tina and boy does this one help me! She says "I can't spend the rest of my life being miserable and scared"
  • Hissy_Fitz
    Hissy_Fitz Member Posts: 1,834
    #3
    jloe said:

    Tina Brown! Thank You Too!
    I just saw this in a post from Tina and boy does this one help me! She says "I can't spend the rest of my life being miserable and scared"

    Welcome back, Joanie.

    Welcome back, Joanie.
  • kayandok
    kayandok Member Posts: 1,202 Member
    #4
    Joanie,
    I can totally relate, and have had one of those weeks with the same kind of thoughts. THanks for sharing.
    kathleen

    PS I satarted my irinotecan (same as topo) last Monday, and it knocked me off my feet for a couple days. I admire your ability to sail through the topo. I am curious if you are having good results with it.
  • jloe
    jloe Member Posts: 174
    #5
    kayandok said:

    Joanie,
    I can totally relate, and have had one of those weeks with the same kind of thoughts. THanks for sharing.
    kathleen

    PS I satarted my irinotecan (same as topo) last Monday, and it knocked me off my feet for a couple days. I admire your ability to sail through the topo. I am curious if you are having good results with it.

    CT/PET next week
    So I don't know about the results yet. My schedule was 3 on 1 off and I was tired the next day and my legs were a bit swollen but nothing else. I did notice that it was a little more tiring after the last couple of treatments. My ca125 is always low so tht's not a great indicator for me. As much as I want to walk away and act like I don't have time for this, I know the treatment is the life line and this is not going away.
  • kikz
    kikz Member Posts: 1,345 Member
    #6
    jloe said:

    CT/PET next week
    So I don't know about the results yet. My schedule was 3 on 1 off and I was tired the next day and my legs were a bit swollen but nothing else. I did notice that it was a little more tiring after the last couple of treatments. My ca125 is always low so tht's not a great indicator for me. As much as I want to walk away and act like I don't have time for this, I know the treatment is the life line and this is not going away.

    Joanie
    Who has a better right to be p o'd then us? We all work through it and get passed it over and over again. I remember times in my life when I had a big problem and it was all I could think about. I would wake up in the night and worry and then begin worrying in the morning. It was like a cloud over my head but of course in time I would solve the problem or it would resolve itself. I feel this way about ov/ca but damn this one will not go away no matter what I do. Thankfully I believe we are given certain things along with the horrible monster. One of them is acceptance. It's not always easy but I refuse to let it take more of me than it already has.

    Karen
  • Mwee
    Mwee Member Posts: 1,338
    #7
    Dear Joanie
    I was diagnosed 5/2006, so we have traveled this highway about the same amount of time. Boy are you correct about how cancer sure weighs on you. If you can't complain here... then where?... so rant away. Lately, I'm in the waking up happy to be alive mode, but then there are those OTHER days when I'm totally PO'ed that our only treatment options are surgery and toxic substances and I wish "they" would hurry up and find a cure already.
    (((HUGS))) Maria
  • jloe
    jloe Member Posts: 174
    #8
    Mwee said:

    Dear Joanie
    I was diagnosed 5/2006, so we have traveled this highway about the same amount of time. Boy are you correct about how cancer sure weighs on you. If you can't complain here... then where?... so rant away. Lately, I'm in the waking up happy to be alive mode, but then there are those OTHER days when I'm totally PO'ed that our only treatment options are surgery and toxic substances and I wish "they" would hurry up and find a cure already.
    (((HUGS))) Maria

    Boy does it ever!
    Maria,
    It took me a long time to complain about this because I was so busy with surgery and treatments for the past 4.5 years with almost no break that I didn't have much down time to think about it. Sure there were many times of worrying about this and what was going to happen next but not for long periods of time. The Avastin and Topotecan treatments have not been very disruptive and I almost started to get my old life back. That's when all of the mental exhaustion hit me. LOL....I've had long periods time to think about it now! I have been very fortunate to be able to work full-time through all of this with the exceptions of time off for surgery & recovery. I know working got me through the times where I would've just sat on the couch and worried myself into outerspace nonsense. I'm so glad to have been introduced to all on this site. I actually was able to meet Carlene and her husband while she was here in NY and what a hoot she is! She really brings a big smile to my face.
  • Hissy_Fitz
    Hissy_Fitz Member Posts: 1,834
    #9
    jloe said:

    Boy does it ever!
    Maria,
    It took me a long time to complain about this because I was so busy with surgery and treatments for the past 4.5 years with almost no break that I didn't have much down time to think about it. Sure there were many times of worrying about this and what was going to happen next but not for long periods of time. The Avastin and Topotecan treatments have not been very disruptive and I almost started to get my old life back. That's when all of the mental exhaustion hit me. LOL....I've had long periods time to think about it now! I have been very fortunate to be able to work full-time through all of this with the exceptions of time off for surgery & recovery. I know working got me through the times where I would've just sat on the couch and worried myself into outerspace nonsense. I'm so glad to have been introduced to all on this site. I actually was able to meet Carlene and her husband while she was here in NY and what a hoot she is! She really brings a big smile to my face.

    And you really gave me a
    And you really gave me a workout! LOL

    This woman is a dynamo, ladies. My husband was amazed at her New York savvy. He comes from a very small town in West Virginia and the subway, at rush hour, was like a science fiction movie for him.

    We had a grat time, though. Too bad we can't post pics on here!

    Carlene
  • jloe
    jloe Member Posts: 174
    #10
    Hissy_Fitz said:

    And you really gave me a
    And you really gave me a workout! LOL

    This woman is a dynamo, ladies. My husband was amazed at her New York savvy. He comes from a very small town in West Virginia and the subway, at rush hour, was like a science fiction movie for him.

    We had a grat time, though. Too bad we can't post pics on here!

    Carlene

    Funny!
    I saw those Sesame Street charcters last week and had a good laugh. And, you can negotiate a good t-shirt price better than anyone I've ever seen. :)
  • Hissy_Fitz
    Hissy_Fitz Member Posts: 1,834
    #11
    jloe said:

    Funny!
    I saw those Sesame Street charcters last week and had a good laugh. And, you can negotiate a good t-shirt price better than anyone I've ever seen. :)

    It's true. I am SUCH a
    It's true. I am SUCH a bargain shopper! Last Christmas my husband said, "This is what you're getting for Christmas. Find the best deal and order it." He knew he would never hear the end of it if he paid "retail."

    Everytime we see a NYC scene on TV that looks familiar, Bob says, "We were there! Remember, we saw that."

    What's your husband's schedule the next couple of weeks, Jonie? We will be back the 8th.

    Carlene
  • jloe
    jloe Member Posts: 174
    #12
    Hissy_Fitz said:

    It's true. I am SUCH a
    It's true. I am SUCH a bargain shopper! Last Christmas my husband said, "This is what you're getting for Christmas. Find the best deal and order it." He knew he would never hear the end of it if he paid "retail."

    Everytime we see a NYC scene on TV that looks familiar, Bob says, "We were there! Remember, we saw that."

    What's your husband's schedule the next couple of weeks, Jonie? We will be back the 8th.

    Carlene

    He should be here
    unless they move his schedule up a day

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