Update ----Hospice vs. Visiting Nurses and weight gain.....

Lisa13Q Member Posts: 677
10:20am East Coast Time....I arrive to Mom not being able to swallow pills, she has the dry heaves, and she is very nauseaus...extreme pain and inability to even get to bathroom with help......Sister called the organization the doctor signed us into last week (visiting nurses), and until doctor approves it, we cannot be in hospice...so sister calling all around to get hospice....ladies, never use a GP as your primary on these things...ahh my sister just let me know, back up doctor approved hospice...nurse getting pain meds and anti-nauseau for her....hoping she'll be here soon...let's pray Mom will be a little more comfortable...on one hand, she says she's ready to go, in her next breath she says, she doesn't want to die...tears...I am just sitting here as she goes in and out of restless sleep...I am hoping for drugs soon...too bad I can't have any.......no new food products today, thank God as I am putting on weight.....not sure what I can do at this point, except sit here....and be with her...I've heard all kinds of stories about hospice and how old friends who have passed, come and take the person....no one has yet visited Mom....I am hoping someone comes for her soon...someone she liked....wouldn't it be awful if God sent someone she couldn't stand?


  • Hissy_Fitz
    Hissy_Fitz Member Posts: 1,834
    These are very dark hours, I
    These are very dark hours, I know, Lisa.

    My grandmother, who wasn't on any drugs, just dying from old age, essentially, talked to her husband shortly before she died. He predeceased her by over 60 years. I always wanted to believe that the young man she married at 21 had come to escort his 92 year old bride into eternity.

    My (late) husband, who did die of cancer on hospital palliative care, did not appear to have anyone come for him. But he was in and out of it, due to the pain meds. I talked to the nurses at great length about the death process. This was, after all, their life's work, something they saw every day. They told me that hearing is the last of the senses to go. They can hear us right up to the end. So talk to your mom, even if she seems unresponsive. Jim (the late husband) seemed to be hanging on by sheer willpower. One of the nurses told me that I needed to give him permission to go. So I climbed in bed with him and held him in my arms. I said, "You don't have to stay for me. I will be okay. I love you and I will see you again." He took one or two more breaths and just slipped away, like a man hanging on a ledge and finally letting go. (This is VERY hard to write, by the way.) It was our 25th wedding anniversary.

    One of the nurses opened the door shortly after he passed, and I motioned for her to go away. I held him for probably 30 minutes, then had my kids go one at a time to say their goodbyes. The nurses did not come back in the room until I called for them. They were really, really compassionate.

    The Hospice nurses will give you and W more than respite; they will give you a great deal of insight into the whole process, if you ask them.

    There are no words of comfort that will mean anything to you right now, but know that I am thinking of you and wishing I could soften the blow for you. All I can offer is the assurance that the sun will shine for you again one day.