Help

i have been so mad lately at my husband who is the sick one by the way. i dont know what to do about it. Its not like he ask to be going through this, and i know he dosent want to be sick. He isnt doing well with the chemo and is sick alot.
We have 5 children, so i have to be up with them, keep them and house clean so he dont get sick. Then i dont sleep well at night becouse he is sick in and out of bed all night, ( i know he cant help ) plus i hate the thought of me sleeping when he is sick. But i find myself thinking when do i get to rest? when i do get to sleep? hell when do i get to shower? and i get so mad at him seeing him sleep, sleep and sleep some more. How can i stop being mad at him, i hate this feeling in me, i hate feeling this way about the man i love with every beat of my heart.
We are a military family living in Hawaii so we have no family around, any friends we have mad are moving so i have no saport team. I need help .......

Comments

  • COBRA666
    COBRA666 Member Posts: 2,401 Member
    Help
    I know what you mean. No,it is not his fault. the chemo will knock you down like you would never believe possible. It affects everyone differently. The one thing that stands out is it makes all extremely tired. Some get sick and some do not.What was his diagnosis and what type of chemo is he taking? Believe me he does not want to be sick. You are so right,it is not his fault. It will get better as time goes along. Just try to bear with him till things get better. Its a long ride sometimes,but the end results are worth it. John(FNHL-1-4A-5/10)
  • michelleb1064
    michelleb1064 Member Posts: 53
    dealing with sickness
    I also have Hodgkins as your husband does, lucky for him he has you. I'm taking care of me alone. I'm guessing he is getting the same chemo as me ABVD? I too get sick from it and very tired. The chemo causes me to get thrush, constipation, joint pain, muscle aches, nausea and ofcourse hair loss. I am on meds to control all of these except the hair loss! Have you told the oncologist about the symptoms? There are meds to control almost every symptom. If he is on meds and they are not working there may be other options. If not discussed with the oncologist he will suffer through the whole thing. The first few treatments for me were the worst but they did get a little easier to handle. Hopefully they will for him as well. Best of luck to you and your family.
  • CountryGal7557
    CountryGal7557 Member Posts: 164 Member
    Take care of yourself
    I know it's hard to do when you're so busy, BUT you NEED to take care of yourself BEFORE you can take care of someone else, plus 5 children.

    can you get another army/friend/wife/neighbor who can stop by for a few hours? Schedule a 1 hr massage to pamper yourself. hopefully you have $50 or $60 tucked away and can do this, please do this, because we (cancer patients) want you to be your best, otherwise where would we be! so please take some time each week or bi-week and do something for you!!

    below was posted here earlier & I just wanted to re-post. I hope there is a company in your state that participates. Hugs! Janelle

    http://www.cleaningforareason.org
    Any woman (maybe men too) currently undergoing chemotherapy, please pass the word to her that there is a cleaning service that provides FREE housecleaning – once per month for 4 months while s/he is in treatment. All s/he has to do is sign up and have her doctor fax a note confirming the treatment. Cleaning for a Reason will have a participating maid service in her zip code area arrange for the service. This organization serves the entire USA and currently has 547 partners to help these women. It’s our job to pass the word and let them know that there are people out there that care. Be a blessing to someone and pass this information along.
  • allmost60
    allmost60 Member Posts: 3,178
    Too soon yet...
    Hi,
    I knowticed reading on your"about me" page that you and your hubby just found out about his cancer on March 31,2011. It is still such a shock for you both and will take longer than a couple of months to come to terms with it. I remember how scared I still was at 2 months and sometimes still am. Give it time, but like Janele said...you have got to take time for you too. Having 5 children along with a sick husband is a huge task to do all by yourself. Please check around the base and see whats available for you in the form of help. I'm sure the military has support groups for their cancer families. Keep us informed and know we are all here for you. God bless you...Sue (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)
  • Tracie1981
    Tracie1981 Member Posts: 125
    Hi :)
    Welcome to the Site :) My name is Tracie and I too had Hodgkins and my husband and our 4 kids are stationed at Camp Lejeune Marine Base... All to familiar with the whole not having support. Unfortunately not to many military bases fund a cancer support get-up. But You should go through your FRO's or the EFMP ( Exceptional Family Member Program) they have a lot of different incentives for families with sick members. I receive free daycare through them on days Im not well or have drs appts. Thats definitely a good start. I'll keep in touch, God Bless! Tracie
  • KC13167
    KC13167 Member Posts: 215

    Hi :)
    Welcome to the Site :) My name is Tracie and I too had Hodgkins and my husband and our 4 kids are stationed at Camp Lejeune Marine Base... All to familiar with the whole not having support. Unfortunately not to many military bases fund a cancer support get-up. But You should go through your FRO's or the EFMP ( Exceptional Family Member Program) they have a lot of different incentives for families with sick members. I receive free daycare through them on days Im not well or have drs appts. Thats definitely a good start. I'll keep in touch, God Bless! Tracie

    Sweet!
    Thank you Tracie,

    I knew you'd have some pearls of wisdom for a fellow military wife.

    Kellie
  • onlytoday
    onlytoday Member Posts: 609 Member
    Help out there
    Hi,

    As others have posted I too am so sorry to hear about all you and your husband and family are going through. This sight is for you and your husband as well. So Welcome!

    A lot of things have been mentioned: free housecleaning services, and perhaps some services that can help through the military base. I would also suggest to contact the local churches. That can be a very helpful resource for all kinds of needs. My church sends food over during difficult chemo times and also offers transportation services for treatment. I am confident that childcare services may be available as well. I know that at my church it doesn't matter if you are a member of our congregation or not.

    Hope this helps you! You need some time for yourself- even if it's a cup of coffee with a friend for an hour.

    God Bless,
    Donna