Hard getting on with life

wendybill
wendybill Member Posts: 84
in Ovarian Cancer #1
My mom completed her carbo/taxol tx last month. She was NED at completion. You would think I would be jumping for joy at this news but there is this big part of me that can't stop worrying for the other shoe to fall and for a reoccurance. My mom has been through a lot in the last 10 months----if she had been in a car accident and then made it to this point I would be elated. However, the dx of Stage 3/4 OVC just carries this continued burden in my mind. Her entire ordeal really frightened me and I just don't want to go back to those days again. I can't stop thinking about her oncologist telling me that she should have "two good years" left. This past year was so lousy and I jokingly ask myself if it should count as one of her "good years". Yesterday we were talking on the phone and debating if she should cancel her Lifeline service. I accidentally said something like "...well if you cancel it, do you know if there is a start up cost if you need it again?" It was the first time I had verbally acknowledged to my Mom that the OVCA could come back. As I replay our conversation, I recall her replying that she had wondered the same thing. So I guess she does know that this could come back. It has been slow for us to talk about it all. I lost my job as a result of my mom's illness 8 mos ago. I recently accepted a new job and start next month. I feel like this horrible chapter is coming to an end, but as I have my hand on the last page, I'm afraid to turn to the next pages if that makes sense. How do you all move on with life mentally and emotionally after such a difficult experience and try and keep the fear of reoccurance from interfering with your life? I think that is where I am stuck.

Wendy

Comments

  • Mwee
    Mwee Member Posts: 1,338
    #2
    everyone's different
    Fear of reccurance, the grief of life altering diagnosis, depression and physical changes can effect everyone differently. Have you talked to her doctors about her mental state? A mild antidepressant made a huge difference for me. You may need professional help to give her a jump start. (((HUGS))) Maria
  • wendybill
    wendybill Member Posts: 84
    #3
    Mwee said:

    everyone's different
    Fear of reccurance, the grief of life altering diagnosis, depression and physical changes can effect everyone differently. Have you talked to her doctors about her mental state? A mild antidepressant made a huge difference for me. You may need professional help to give her a jump start. (((HUGS))) Maria

    Maria---I'm the one who
    Maria---I'm the one who needs the jump start, meds and professional help---not my mom. I'm trying to do all three but it is still hard.
  • Mwee
    Mwee Member Posts: 1,338
    #4
    wendybill said:

    Maria---I'm the one who
    Maria---I'm the one who needs the jump start, meds and professional help---not my mom. I'm trying to do all three but it is still hard.

    Wendy
    Nothing wrong with getting help for yourself! I'm just coming off 5 days of surviving "chemoland" and have to go back for more on Tuesday. It's tough on my family. They hate to see me go through all this. The more you help yourself through all this, the more you can be there for your Mom. I encourage you to enjoy yourself, let go and celebrate how far your Mom has come through all of this.
    ((((HUGS)))) Maria
  • childofthestars
    childofthestars Member Posts: 251 Member
    #5
    Wendy
    I really understand where you're coming from (I think). I finished chemo for stage 11c ovca in December last year and I just want to GET ON WITH MY LIFE. However, my family especially my son and husband seem to be finding it more difficult than me!!!! I feel as if they are just waing for a reccurance and it really annoys me that they can't just MOVE ON and enjoy life like i'm trying to instead of 'what if......' They don't actually voice this I just KNOW that's what they're thinking! Anyway I guess what I am trying to say is - yes we've all been dealt a sh**t hand with this disease but IT IS NOT OVER UNTIL THE FAT LADY SINGS!!!
    After a long chat with my son (18 years) he decided that maybe he would benefit from seeing someone and he did last week. He felt this has really helped him and he is going again this week and hopefully for a while to come. I'm trying to get my husband to go and see someone too.
    Maybe it would be helpful for you to talk to someone completely outside the 'square'.
    Michelle x
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #6
    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #7
    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • joan60
    joan60 Member Posts: 89
    #8
    Stayin Positive
    I know how hard it is not to do the what if, I'm two treatments away of finishing my second round of chemo, and hope and pray I'm done and can get back to "normal" which I know will never be. all I can say is have a good cry and put on a happy face and try to stay as positive as can be. I'm thankful for the great support team I have and hope I never overuse them and they well always be there even if I never really tell them what my fears are as I don't want to bring them down.Try to get back to your life and be there for your mom on good days and bad days.Smiling and cracking jokes go a long way for everyone!!!!
    Good Luck, Joan
  • poopergirl14052
    poopergirl14052 Member Posts: 1,183 Member
    #9
    Wendy my dear girl
    This has been a very stressful time for you and your mon. Enjoy your time now as I am sure your mom is enjoying being ned. Yeah Dr. Baker!! There is always fear of ca coming back in all of us but just take it day by day. Smile, go out to dinner and celebrate
    Have a happy summer and enjoy th freedom from disease...cal
  • garden gal
    garden gal Member Posts: 212 Member
    #10
    poopergirl14052 said:

    Wendy my dear girl
    This has been a very stressful time for you and your mon. Enjoy your time now as I am sure your mom is enjoying being ned. Yeah Dr. Baker!! There is always fear of ca coming back in all of us but just take it day by day. Smile, go out to dinner and celebrate
    Have a happy summer and enjoy th freedom from disease...cal

    wendy-newbie here
    Newbie here. Just read your post and decided to join and respond to it. I have stage 3c and have battling this for almost 2years. Many ups and downs as the time has gone on. Just this January because my ca125 was climbing so fast they told me I had 6months to live if they could not get the numbers down.On January 11, my number was 30085. Went back on taxol after gemzar and doxil, March 14 number down to 109. Through out my journey with OC I refused to let this cancer eat at my days the way it has eaten away at my body. I too have a daughter who has been with me from the begining and have told her she would have to find a way to deal with this in her own way. What I'm trying to say is we cannot predict how we handle these things and we cannot pretend to have all the answers. But just maybe someday somhow you can find a way to handle this. Kath
  • Best Friend
    Best Friend Member Posts: 222
    #11
    Who knows?
    I guess that is why they say it is like a roller coaster ride. This is about the way the cancer acts and the way our emotions are. It is hard. No matter what we are just gonna have days where we feel pessimistic. I am learning that it's okay. If it does come back than you will be even stronger this time to help her. I just saw my mom's doc yesterday and i think he is less optimistic now of my mom's prognosis because she is letting her depression win. If you know you are a little depressed than u should just remind yourself u are allowed to be. I have been on medicine for like two years. I think it has helped me. I mean i am still sad but if i wasn't taking it i would not be able to help my mom.

Discussion Boards