i cant stop crying...do the tears ever dry up

AymaRose
AymaRose Member Posts: 1
in Grief and Bereavement #1
sometimes, its like a joke, its like am dreaming, sometimes i pick up the phone to call him then i remember he is not here anymore. will it ever heal? i miss him so much

Comments

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #2
    Healing
    Yes, we heal, but we never forget. Time helps us deal. Grief is not something we get over. It is a process we need to allow ourselves to do. Cry, shout, beat on a pillow. Grieve in your own time and way. Then healing can begin. Fay
  • Stargzr
    Stargzr Member Posts: 47
    #3
    I know what you mean
    At least once a day, I am stunned by the realization that my husband is no longer here. Sometimes the phone will ring and, forgetting for a moment, I think that's Bob calling. I cry a little less than I did 8 weeks ago when I first lost my husband, but I still cry a lot. I still miss him so much. There is such a hole in my heart. Still, I think (hope) we're healing a little each day.
  • Cindy Bear
    Cindy Bear Member Posts: 569
    #4
    sorry
    I am so sorry for your loss... It's been almost 2 yrs and I still can't believe my mom is gone... I still wait for the phone to ring. We talked every Sat. if nothing else..she always called at the same time... now the silence is deafening... it does get a little easier with time... I have slowly, very slowly, started to let go of some of my grief, my anger... I have a saying, kind of like a mantra, it may sound silly but it comforts me somehow.. "It is what it is, and what happens, happens" I don't think we ever completely get over the heartache, but we do learn to cope in time....
    Hugs,
    Cindy
  • Wangari
    Wangari Member Posts: 19
    #5
    Cindy Bear said:

    sorry
    I am so sorry for your loss... It's been almost 2 yrs and I still can't believe my mom is gone... I still wait for the phone to ring. We talked every Sat. if nothing else..she always called at the same time... now the silence is deafening... it does get a little easier with time... I have slowly, very slowly, started to let go of some of my grief, my anger... I have a saying, kind of like a mantra, it may sound silly but it comforts me somehow.. "It is what it is, and what happens, happens" I don't think we ever completely get over the heartache, but we do learn to cope in time....
    Hugs,
    Cindy

    Let the tears flow
    I'm sorry for your loss. Its been a month since I lost my mum. Today morning while driving to work, I found myself crying uncontrollablely. But immediately after, I felt so much better. Please let the teas flow. No one can tell you for how long that will happen so just go with it when it comes. All we can do is hope that one day, we'll be able to think of our loved ones without crying but with a smile on our face.
    Lots of hugs from me.
    Wangari
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #6
    How long?
    Ayma,
    I don't remember reading your posts before, but I'm guessing it's your husband that you lost. When did he pass away? I lost my husband a year ago this past March. And yes, the tears do dry up and you'll find yourself crying less one day. But I still have moments when I think of him or go someplace where we went together, or hear a song that meant something to us, that my tears start flowing again. We were married for 46 years and had known each other since 1st grade. He was not only my husband, but also my best friend. And I miss him every day, but I know he'd want me to be happy so I'm trying my best.
    Be strong!! Carole
  • UNBEARABLE
    UNBEARABLE Member Posts: 23
    #7
    i dont know the answer...
    Ayma,
    I don't know if it does heal. I lost my best friend and my husband 7 mos. ago and the reality of it all is just as painful as when he died. I still feel like it is just a bad dream, I still call his cell phone, I still wake up reaching over to touch him at night. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope it gets easier in time. I too am as empty as you...If you ever need to talk, I am here.

    STILL UNBEARABLE
  • neverquit
    neverquit Member Posts: 220 Member
    #8
    UNBEARABLE said:

    i dont know the answer...
    Ayma,
    I don't know if it does heal. I lost my best friend and my husband 7 mos. ago and the reality of it all is just as painful as when he died. I still feel like it is just a bad dream, I still call his cell phone, I still wake up reaching over to touch him at night. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope it gets easier in time. I too am as empty as you...If you ever need to talk, I am here.

    STILL UNBEARABLE

    Unbearable. I too lost my
    Unbearable. I too lost my husband; it is a little less than four months ago. Like Carole and her husband, Mike and I also knew each other since first grade, went together for 5 1/2 years from the end of our senior year in high school, and were married for 31 years 3 months when he passed away. Mike was a really great guy, husband, best friend, confidant, comedian and my rock. I too feel empty; like someone ripped my heart out. Although there are a few less tears as time goes on and I can talk more about all of the good times and smile more when I think of Mike, it still hurts like hell. My thoughts and prayers are with you too.
  • jethro-t
    jethro-t Member Posts: 20
    #9
    I understand the pain is so great
    My husband has been gone 8 months now. Esophageal Cancer... I keep thinking this "time" everyone is talking about that we are moving through is getting better, easier, then I break down and cry for days...can't talk, don't eat, like it's all over again. I keep thinking when will it stop.. this pain from losing my friend and husband of 25 years. My kids cry at the great loss they miss their friend in their dad and confidante. I'm sorry I've not been on here. I need some one to tell me they feel this same way. I know I'm not alone, but sometimes I feel like it. Alone, 90percent of the time, kids 19 and 23 are hardly ever with me. What to do? People tell you to get hobbies, stay busy... and I've tried all that, but at the end of the day... night... I'm still ALONE and lonely, missing him.

    Rhonda (Jethro -T) my husband Hal loved Jethro Tull, died Nov. 14, 2010
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #10
    jethro-t said:

    I understand the pain is so great
    My husband has been gone 8 months now. Esophageal Cancer... I keep thinking this "time" everyone is talking about that we are moving through is getting better, easier, then I break down and cry for days...can't talk, don't eat, like it's all over again. I keep thinking when will it stop.. this pain from losing my friend and husband of 25 years. My kids cry at the great loss they miss their friend in their dad and confidante. I'm sorry I've not been on here. I need some one to tell me they feel this same way. I know I'm not alone, but sometimes I feel like it. Alone, 90percent of the time, kids 19 and 23 are hardly ever with me. What to do? People tell you to get hobbies, stay busy... and I've tried all that, but at the end of the day... night... I'm still ALONE and lonely, missing him.

    Rhonda (Jethro -T) my husband Hal loved Jethro Tull, died Nov. 14, 2010

    I understand
    Rhonda,

    My husband died in June 2010 of GBM IV (brain cancer. I have three children 29, 27 and 24. The two older ones married this year and the youngest lives near Boston with friends. There are times the loneliness is all consuming. I encourage my children to move forward with their lives. It is what they should be doing. I don't want to be their project. I see them often but they have their own lives. My life consists of working about 30 hrs per week and then I come home and work on my house. Not how I saw my life at the age of 57, but it is the hand life has dealt me. Finding hobbies and staying busy is hard when you are so physically and emotional fatigued and your concentration is just not there. I go to grief counseling and attended a support group for young widows and they were very helpful but I believe time will still be the ultimate healer. We are not every going to fully recover from this, but I do believe that down the road it will get easier. We need to hold on ride this crazy roller coaster. It is a process and not an easy one.

    There are many of us here on the board. We are all going through the same thing, just at different stages. I have found comfort and support here and I hope you will too.
    Becky
  • lovingwifedeb
    lovingwifedeb Member Posts: 183
    #11
    I Hear That Tears Heal
    AymaRose,

    I am sorry you are here but glad you found your way... hope this place helps you find peace. I lost my husband on May 27th and my mother 9 days before him. This has been the most difficult journey of my lifetime. I can not tell you how long it takes for things to get better, all I know is that my heart is breaking like yours. I finally gave my husband's iphone to my daughter, but I have his messages on my iphone. I have not erased them yet and made the mistake of listening to one a few weeks ago. Not a good idea.

    My grief hits me in waves, I have good days and bad days now. I will have a really bad day that I just can't believe he is gone, like a wave come over me and feels like it is suffocating me. My husband lived his life to the fullest, believed in doing hard work and did not feel sorry for himself to the very end. I am trying to live my life like he died. It is the very least I can do for him. He would want me to be happy, I just have to find a way to do it, a way that my heart can deal with it.

    Be patient with yourself.
    We are in this together.

    Deb
    redesign08.blogspot.com

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