When I see Mom

sadie1105
sadie1105 Member Posts: 8
in Esophageal Cancer #1
It's been a while since I've posted a note here...but looking for some desperately needed advice again. Mom was diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer in the beginning of March (Stage II). Unfortunately, because I live over 1/2-way across the country, the only support I have been able to give is over the phone and with a card here or there. She's 1/2 way through her 2nd to last week of radiation and chemo (Radiation 5 days/week, chemo 1 day) and it is now really taking its toll. Initially, she was incredibly stoic - undertaking her usual daily routine with the "this ain't going to get me" attitude we all know her for. But, since mid last week, that spirit is gone. Today she said she just doesn't feel like doing anything, talking to anyone...in other words, it's floored the one person that I thought was incapable of being floored.

The good news, I finally get to see her on Monday. Flying out on a red-eye mother's day to give her a big hug. Bad news - I'm scared out of my mind of what I am going to encounter and my reaction thereto. Of course, this too shall pass, what I really need advice on, however, is how I can be of the utmost support and help to her. I'm sure the survivors on this network probably have some great thoughts on what really helped and things not to do. I am not going to have a lot of time with mom this trip. While I know that she is looking forward to my being their, I suspect that she is also quite down about the fact that she will most likely want to sleep through most of my visit. I'm ok with that and want her to be ok with that as well. I do, however, also want to make the few moments she is up for company count.

How can I be there for her as she has always been for me.

Comments

  • linda1120
    linda1120 Member Posts: 389
    #2
    My advice
    Sadie, I am so happy you are going to be with your mother. I am a cancer survivor and have been through some horrific surgeries and treatments, and have also been with my husband through the same with esophageal cancer. I believe what your mother wants is for you to just be with her. She wants your presence, your touch, your voice, your love. She doesn't want you to clean her house, take care of anything other than just be with her. I know she doesn't want to hear "You are so thin!" This upsets my husband because he knows he is, she just wants you to be with her. Don't be surprised if she is down, she has been through a lot.

    I hope this helps. Everyone is different, but I know for both of us, just having our loved ones around us meant so much.

    Linda
  • rmitchell
    rmitchell Member Posts: 94
    #3
    Your Mom
    Sadie, I am so glad you are going to get to see your Mom. Just being there will be a big help to her. My husband had EC Cancer surgery in Dec and is doing well. It is really hard going through the radiation treatments and Chemo, but will be worth it when it is done.
    She will lose a lot of weight and may get dehydrated so encourage her to drink as much as she can. My prayers will be with you and your mother. It is hard, but just hang in there and be there for her.
    Reba
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #4
    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • sadie1105
    sadie1105 Member Posts: 8
    #5
    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    Going to see mom
    Thank you all so much for your very kind and encouraging words. I am packing my bags right now on one of the most difficult mother's days ever. Mom was hospitalized this morning - yes - for dehydration. She has been unable to get anything down (including water) for the past 48 hours and continues to vomit, despite the Zofran. She is embarking upon her last week of radiation with one more round of chemo next Thursday and is, as William so eloquently stated, in what sounds to be a frazzled state. I haven't been able to talk to her in several days, she's just too exhausted, but have been getting accounts through dad and my sister. I have been doing much info gathering, but am looking forward to finally meeting her doctor and undertaking some true grilling. I am hoping that mom's spirit will return in this, her last week of treatment and the possible encouragement in knowing that once it is over...she will start to feel herself again. Your support continues to be my sanity and I appreciate that.

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