Don't read if you need to stay positive

DrMary

Tina Blondek said:

Thinking of you
Hey Dr Mary
Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you. You are right....all hubbies had their period within the last couple of weeks! Bah humbug!!! Well...they are from Mars you know? Hope this finds you feeling a little better. Enjoy that takeout....I am sure your hubby will tire of it soon and appreciate the food you are making!!! But....he will never tell you so! D....n men!!
Tina in Va

Distance helps
Now that it's almost a week after I lost it, I'm wondering if I was experiencing another symptom of PTSD. I was keeping up an unreasonable schedule, and it might be that I was afraid that Doug would go back to being dangerously underweight or even have his cancer return if I relaxed.

I was VERY self-indulgent last night - we lucked into free tickets to the hockey game (playoffs) from someone not using them; I didn't worry about whether Doug could eat anything there and didn't even bug him to drink water until he got to the point where he couldn't talk ($4 for water!).

If I don't get a summer job, I think I'll look into volunteering with some vet groups. I don't know if this experience has gained me any insight into the PTSD returning vets have, but I'd like to try talking to some of them. At least they are less likely than many of my friends to think it's weird that I have a favorite knife that I talk to occasionally. . .

ketziah35

DrMary said:

Distance helps
Now that it's almost a week after I lost it, I'm wondering if I was experiencing another symptom of PTSD. I was keeping up an unreasonable schedule, and it might be that I was afraid that Doug would go back to being dangerously underweight or even have his cancer return if I relaxed.

I was VERY self-indulgent last night - we lucked into free tickets to the hockey game (playoffs) from someone not using them; I didn't worry about whether Doug could eat anything there and didn't even bug him to drink water until he got to the point where he couldn't talk ($4 for water!).

If I don't get a summer job, I think I'll look into volunteering with some vet groups. I don't know if this experience has gained me any insight into the PTSD returning vets have, but I'd like to try talking to some of them. At least they are less likely than many of my friends to think it's weird that I have a favorite knife that I talk to occasionally. . .

PTSD?
No. You were tired of his complaining a**. You should rent this movie Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Don't imitate it, but just look at it.

DrMary

ketziah35 said:

PTSD?
No. You were tired of his complaining a**. You should rent this movie Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Don't imitate it, but just look at it.

Will do that, and shop, too
Sounds like fun - and I was tired of the complaining, you are quite right. Unfortunately, criticizing is sometimes a sign that he's under stress, so I was briefly overwhelmed by the fear that I'd mad his life more stressful by blowing up. I got over this fast. He's dealing and actually getting into worrying about me for a change (hmm.. . high blood pressure, drinking a bit too much, lost her job and was jerked around a bit finding another one, talks to her knife. . .).

I'm trying to plan a mini-shopping spree, as April suggested. We once had to do Christmas for our kids shopping only at the dollar store, as I had just about $10 that I could scrape together (I might have cashed in my penny jar). They don't remember it, as it was just as much fun as all the others. I do remember we were down to our last can of soup in the house the day before the gift checks from various parents came in - maybe my obsession with having tons of food in the fridge is not just about cancer. . . .

Enough about me, ketz - how are you doing?

neverquit

DrMary said:

Will do that, and shop, too
Sounds like fun - and I was tired of the complaining, you are quite right. Unfortunately, criticizing is sometimes a sign that he's under stress, so I was briefly overwhelmed by the fear that I'd mad his life more stressful by blowing up. I got over this fast. He's dealing and actually getting into worrying about me for a change (hmm.. . high blood pressure, drinking a bit too much, lost her job and was jerked around a bit finding another one, talks to her knife. . .).

I'm trying to plan a mini-shopping spree, as April suggested. We once had to do Christmas for our kids shopping only at the dollar store, as I had just about $10 that I could scrape together (I might have cashed in my penny jar). They don't remember it, as it was just as much fun as all the others. I do remember we were down to our last can of soup in the house the day before the gift checks from various parents came in - maybe my obsession with having tons of food in the fridge is not just about cancer. . . .

Enough about me, ketz - how are you doing?

Hey DrMary, You are
Hey DrMary, You are certainly allowed to be pissed off and vent with what you have been through. And just because "time heals all wounds", do not think that you shouldn't have gotten mad and let Doug know. I think Doug does need to know when you are nearing your limit. The last thing either one of you need is for you to keep everything in and then get sick from it; you know stress can do that.

So, I am happy you are going with the buying food out and the shopping spree (great idea April). Have fun and don't over analyze. Maybe you just had so much food in the fridge because you love your husband and are trying to do the best for him. Take care, get some rest and find the joy.

ketziah35

DrMary said:

Will do that, and shop, too
Sounds like fun - and I was tired of the complaining, you are quite right. Unfortunately, criticizing is sometimes a sign that he's under stress, so I was briefly overwhelmed by the fear that I'd mad his life more stressful by blowing up. I got over this fast. He's dealing and actually getting into worrying about me for a change (hmm.. . high blood pressure, drinking a bit too much, lost her job and was jerked around a bit finding another one, talks to her knife. . .).

I'm trying to plan a mini-shopping spree, as April suggested. We once had to do Christmas for our kids shopping only at the dollar store, as I had just about $10 that I could scrape together (I might have cashed in my penny jar). They don't remember it, as it was just as much fun as all the others. I do remember we were down to our last can of soup in the house the day before the gift checks from various parents came in - maybe my obsession with having tons of food in the fridge is not just about cancer. . . .

Enough about me, ketz - how are you doing?

i am fine
I am sleeping better, Although I didn't sleep well last night. I have been planting a lot of plants. Since mid April I have planted over 70 plants. Wow I am sore. I am planting Japanese Holly Ferns, turtleheads, and toad lilies. Wish me luck on getting the rest in the ground before the heat starts to get to me.

3Mana

Be glad
All of you who are complaining about your husbands, should just be glad that you still have them. I would give anything if Tom was still here to complain about something to me. He was the greatest husband and really never complained. I loved him so much and miss him so much now that spring is here and he's not here to walk with me.
But it's okay if you get frustrated with them once in awhile, but please cherish every day with them. Carole

DrMary

3Mana said:

Be glad
All of you who are complaining about your husbands, should just be glad that you still have them. I would give anything if Tom was still here to complain about something to me. He was the greatest husband and really never complained. I loved him so much and miss him so much now that spring is here and he's not here to walk with me.
But it's okay if you get frustrated with them once in awhile, but please cherish every day with them. Carole

Always
I remember how lucky I am to have the little bugger here with me still, especially since I got so close to losing him a few times. I did hesitate before unloading precisely because I felt like the person who complained about having no shoes when so many have no feet.

Maybe, in a way, this is part of celebrating the fact that he is alive - I don't have to keep up the Saint Dougie vigil anymore.

I remember (this relates) about 8 months after my brother died (suddenly, at the age of about 50) when I was helping my mother deal with bills he left and such. We'd discovered that, although she'd lent him tons of money, he'd left all his earthly belongings to his lover, whom we blamed in part for his death. He had even borrowed the money from Mom to pay for his life insurance, so said lover got the house paid off plus a chunk of change. I clutched my head and said, "I just wish he were alive and here RIGHT NOW!" My mother looked worried - was her daughter in the grip of grief? Then I finished, "so I could kill him!" She cracked up. First time in months. Sometimes it's good to be pissed off.

DrMary

ketziah35 said:

i am fine
I am sleeping better, Although I didn't sleep well last night. I have been planting a lot of plants. Since mid April I have planted over 70 plants. Wow I am sore. I am planting Japanese Holly Ferns, turtleheads, and toad lilies. Wish me luck on getting the rest in the ground before the heat starts to get to me.

Just seedlings
but they are singing. I had some potted herbs that I brought in over the winter and kept in front of basement windows plus some that I started 6 weeks ago. I put them all out last weekend - the seedlings are a bit overwhelmed and not ready to do the big league, but the older plants were very vocal - you could almost see them grin when the unfiltered sun hit them. At the moment, I am blessed with a lot of chives to snip (I haven't yet put them in the breakfast cereal but just about everything else) and some very ambitious sage. I sometimes take a leaf or two of sage up to bed - Doug used to keep some by him when he was barfing a lot and the smell helped. For some reason, it still smells peaceful to me.