Feel like nobody gets it!
He has been through so much that I feel bad and petty even bringing this problem up but I just have to voice my frustration. My parents and brother have passed away so my in laws are my family now. I cannot talk freely to them because my husband doesn't want them to know everything or to feel sorry for him. They all handle things this way so the limited information I pass on to one gets diluted further when being passed on to the other and as a result I get comments from them like "I sure hope the shadow on his liver isn't cancer or anything". This makes me feel as though I have no one who can relate to how difficult this is and it's hard handling it alone. I realize that my husband is limiting the information but I feel that they are preferring to not hear what I tell them either. It's a very frustrating place to be and I just wondered if anyone else has dealt with this? Thanks for letting me vent. Julie
Comments
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No one gets it anyway
Even if you hadn't kept your in-laws in the dark, it sounds like they would have put themselves there - it happens. My husband's family was much the same way - some of them really couldn't deal with it. My MIL's biggest worry was how much hair Doug was going to lose (none, really - not from the chemo; lost some from the radiation but it grew back). She has already wiped from her memory most of what she did see when she came to visit back in November - it's over and it's more like just a bad dream to her.
You're in a tough place - it can really help to have a family member to confide in. I did have a good friend at work who got it, but she was dealing with her own issues (her son committed suicide) so I really couldn't burden her much. I probably owe my sanity to this list - even when I couldn't post, it really helped to read things from others and feel the kinship. You're not alone.0 -
It feels good that you get it.DrMary said:No one gets it anyway
Even if you hadn't kept your in-laws in the dark, it sounds like they would have put themselves there - it happens. My husband's family was much the same way - some of them really couldn't deal with it. My MIL's biggest worry was how much hair Doug was going to lose (none, really - not from the chemo; lost some from the radiation but it grew back). She has already wiped from her memory most of what she did see when she came to visit back in November - it's over and it's more like just a bad dream to her.
You're in a tough place - it can really help to have a family member to confide in. I did have a good friend at work who got it, but she was dealing with her own issues (her son committed suicide) so I really couldn't burden her much. I probably owe my sanity to this list - even when I couldn't post, it really helped to read things from others and feel the kinship. You're not alone.
Thank you for replying. Everything you have said about your experience is true to what I have been going through. I get the hair question too, and it matters so little in the scheme of things. I appreciate hearing its not just me feeling sorry for myself. Which I know I do sometimes. I do have a best friend who I can confide in and she is wonderful, but part of the problem is that my husband doesn't like me to say anything. I don't think he would like that I am even on this forum. I do think he will eventually understand that I need someone to talk to even if he doesn't. I think this site just might be the place to help me through it.
Thank you for being a sounding board.
Julie0 -
I get itmorrisshoey said:It feels good that you get it.
Thank you for replying. Everything you have said about your experience is true to what I have been going through. I get the hair question too, and it matters so little in the scheme of things. I appreciate hearing its not just me feeling sorry for myself. Which I know I do sometimes. I do have a best friend who I can confide in and she is wonderful, but part of the problem is that my husband doesn't like me to say anything. I don't think he would like that I am even on this forum. I do think he will eventually understand that I need someone to talk to even if he doesn't. I think this site just might be the place to help me through it.
Thank you for being a sounding board.
Julie
Julie,
I get it because my husband is going through the same thing and sadly this is what it takes to really understand. Many people live in denial because they don't want to face the reality of a situation. It is a limitation of people in general. We move towards pleasure and away from pain. Also some like to be what I call "holders of pain". No one suffers more than these individuals. They always know someone who has gone the same thing. Or they know all these people who have fought cancer and won. Well that is nice if you are on the winning team, however if you are on the losing team, their successful experience just makes you feel even worse.0
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