Anyone else sometimes feel crazy, like me???

BioAdoptMom

Today has been a very emotional day for me. I was told on Friday I would be having chemo, by my RO who works downstairs from my MO. My oncotype had been sent off to the lab about 9 days prior, so I was not expecting him to be the one to tell me this news, nor was I expecting it come so soon. Here is the conversation:

Dr. RO: Dr. MO called up here today to talk with me and gave me some news to share with you.
Me: OK......
RO: Your oncotype is back and your score is in the intermediate range.
Me: That means I need chemo, right? (MO had told me he would recommend it if I was either high or intermediate)
RO: Yes, and I would agree with that because of relatively young age, tumor grade, etc.

OK, fine. It was like the bottom dropped out from under me, but this was how I was thinking today:

What if they mixed up my labs with someone else's?
What if my labs are wrong?
What if RO mixed me up with someone else?
and the list goes on

I know these aren't realistic and logical thoughts, but they really wrecked havoc with my emotions because for one, I am just setting myself up for another blow next week when I go back to the MO. I feel like I am back living in limbo land again. I guess what I want to know is, has anyone else ever had doubts like this? All these thoughts are really stressing me out.

Nancy

roseann4

Mistakes can happen.
No one wants chemo so it is natural to look for a loophole. I was also intermediate (18) and opted out of chemo. I was 58 at the time (2years ago) and my age was my main reason. I was concerned about the damage to my aging body which was healthy other than bc. LOL. Had I been younger I would have agreed to the chemo. No one can make that decision for us but you can always ask for a second opinion.

Roseann

skipper54

doubts?
I guess there are always doubts and questions. My patient navigator gave me a file and told me to ask for copies of all my reports to put in there so I had them in case regular docs were out of town or I was traveling etc. All my docs have shown me reports and offered copies. My onc will pull up the results on the computer and even showed me the PET scan so I could see exactly what he was talking about. If you're really concerned ask for a copy of your report, it should show your name and medical records number.

jamiegww

Take deep breaths and try to relax.
I know that at this point in time for you relaxing is just not possible. We have all been there so trust me when I say that you will get through this. As far as questioning test results, I can honestly say that I still wonder sometimes if my test results were incorrect and I never really had cancer at all. I comfort myself by assuming this is normal so now I'm telling you that everything you are feeling is normal and I believe it will get easier to accept once your treatment begins. That first treatment is the hardest because you just don't know what to expect. I hope you have someone at home to talk to and to lean on but we are always here for you so you are never alone.

HUGS!!!
Jamie

dbhadra

jamiegww said:

Take deep breaths and try to relax.
I know that at this point in time for you relaxing is just not possible. We have all been there so trust me when I say that you will get through this. As far as questioning test results, I can honestly say that I still wonder sometimes if my test results were incorrect and I never really had cancer at all. I comfort myself by assuming this is normal so now I'm telling you that everything you are feeling is normal and I believe it will get easier to accept once your treatment begins. That first treatment is the hardest because you just don't know what to expect. I hope you have someone at home to talk to and to lean on but we are always here for you so you are never alone.

HUGS!!!
Jamie

feeling crazy!
I think feeling crazy is an absolutely normal response to the amount of stress that all of us who have been dx'd with BC are going through. The amount of information alone is overwhelming! I have learned so many medical terms and so much information about how cancer, chemo, different meds affect your body, about surgery and radiation, about different types of cancer and different types of tests and different types of treatment....so much more than I ever wanted or expected to need to know! Absolutely feels crazy sometime and I also have had thoughts that it is all a mistake and I really don;t have cancer at all, again I think a perfectly normal reaction.

We may FEEL crazy, but we are NOT crazy - we are human beings reacting to a diagnosis that has changed our lives, and many times everything has happened so fast that our heads are still reeling.

About the chemo - no one here is going to lie and tell you it is fun, (it is not!) but everyone here will tell you that YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT! There are many many survivors here who can share about their chemo experiences and be with you every step of the way.

I am a little more than halfway through my six months of chemo; and I am the BIGGEST WIMP when it comes to feeling sick - if I can do it, anyone can do it!

You've found a great place on this board - keep coming back!

Laura

em h

Yes
I have felt crazy most days since dx. Cancer is limbo. It's about making impossible decisions based on slim bits of lab information and conflicting statistics. Get more labs or a second opinion if you want to feel sure. I wish I could say something to reassure you. It's so tough.

BioAdoptMom

As the song says, "You Raise
As the song says, "You Raise Me Up"! Thank you so much for your empathy and kind words!

Nancy