"Should we pull away when our news is bad?" continued...

nancy591

carolenk said:

Heaven is for Real
Sweet Nancy591

Please keep us posted on whatever you want to share with us. I probably wouldn't want to post bad news--not to spare anyone's feelings because I wouldn't want to think about it myself.

Have you seen the book "Heaven is for Real" about the 4-year boy who went to heaven and came back during his emergency surgery? His father wrote the book using the child's words. It is very astonishing and comforting to me. I want to believe that I will be with my family again after I am gone and that I'll see my brother Bruce (who died in a car wreck at age 17) again.

posting
Carol,
I think you may be on to something about not wanting to post because I don't want to think about it or make it real. Your post made me so sad about the book because I don't want to die. I'm not ready to die. My Mother seems to think we struggle so hard to hold onto our physical bodies when something great is waiting for us on the other side. That doesn't give me much comfort. The book sounds interesting and I may check it out.

MK_4Dani

My two cents worth....
When I was in treatment this board helped me with encouragement and great advice and made the whole experience a little less scary. The first death from this monster (Linda) from someone who made me laugh, cry, worry about her daughter was indeed heart wrentching. That in and of itself was a learning experience on the reality of my (and all of ours) situation. As each of my cyber sisters have obtained their angel wings I grieve and it also reminds me of my luck to still be here to fight another day and to enjoy every moment with my family. I am coming on a year NED and I look at this board EVERY evening: hoping to pass on my experiences, my encouragement, my prayers, etc...I want to give back some way to the cyber sisters who helped me and have gone before me. Whether it be bad news or good news I like to be connected. The good news give those newly dx hope, the bad news gives me the empathy and resolve to continue our journey. Honestly, some posts I shake my head and think, "WOW, I had it pretty easy!" This is our shared reality: the good, the bad and ugly. Yep, for me I know a recurrance is possibly around the corner but I know from the others that there are other treatments, life after recurrance....!
That may have been 3 cents worth.
Mary

LaundryQueen

clamryn said:

It is hard but... I want to hear it.
Geez... I know it is hard but ..I want to hear anything that all of you have to say. Sometimes when there is bad news, someone can help. Because maybe it isn't as bad as it seems and one of the "teal sisters" just might have the answer.

Good, bad or ugly.... I think that is what this board is all about. It is also hard when everyone starts putting up good news and in your heart you know that you are not doing too good. But you are happy for them.

Then as "Nancy" said, she doesn't like to put the bad news on because she doesn't like to bring everyone down. I do that too sometimes. But this is what we as a group are all about.

I have learned so much from all of you. And just to know that I am not going through this journey alone helps me. Please please continue to express your feelings and what you experience. It might be tough....but I for one want to know.

Teal Sisters are Tough
Thanks to all of you...We are in this together.

Linda

Self-censorship
This is all I should have said:

Ultimately, I appreciate it when someone comes back on the board to say ANYTHING after they have posted "bad news" or that they were having a hard time--at least you know they are still ALIVE! I've read too many of the old posts on this discussion board that sounded so desperate and then...nothing! It's like reading a book and then someone tore out the last chapter.

My mother always said "Many hands make a burden light." Which is to say that when someone shares their burden or their suffering with us, we hope they may feel a bit less burdened. And rather than bringing us down, the sharing allows us to feel less alone in carrying our own burden or enduring our own suffering because we know others who understand what we are going through.

Hissy_Fitz

rubyslippers said:

My views on these are that
My views on these are that you should be allowed to say anything you want to say good or bad, this site is for friends, and friends that you will make while going through the worse time of your life. If you have a friend knock at the door and they see you are not happy they are not going to run away, friends support you, listen to you and yes give you that shoulder to cry on and friends also make you feel better and make you laugh. Lets be honest, when you log on to a cancer site you do not expect it to be a bed of roses. You need to know the realities of world and not just what the doctors want you to know, you want to know life experiences from other people that are suffering like you, and you just do not want to feel alone. I believe you should be allowed to say what you want. The first person I met on here was Hissy , I read her threads and I will always be praying she is well. She was there when I needed her regarding my mum and I do class her as a friend. We do make friends here

Kris xxxxxx

Kris...your post touched me
Kris...your post touched me deeply. Thank you for your kind words. I try very hard to help whenever I can. I feel like it gives this rotten journey some higher purpose, something beyond just testing my faith and teaching me and mine about the oh-so-frail human experience that we call life.

Like you, I found myself getting very close to some of the people here. So close that it can (and has) break my heart when they get bad news. The daughters here are a window into my own children's thoughts. I know they don't tell me everything they feel and think. And that's another reason I need you guys.

Even my real life support group pales by comparison. It's just not as personal and close.

Carlene

Hissy_Fitz

LaundryQueen said:

"Bad News" subject headings
I support Patty's idea of making a clear subject heading when there is "bad news" so that someone (newbie or not) can choose NOT to read a post if they feel like they need to be spared something painful for whatever reason.

I find it so interesting that there are more postings from the "realists" on the board regarding this subject than from those who support the idea of letting people stay in denial a little longer about how truly devastating it is to be diagnosed with ovarian cancer.

It's said that there are two kinds of people out there: optimists and realists....hahahaha! I'm the optimist married to a realist--if both of us were optimists, we'd be completely insufferable and have no friends at all!

So it is no surprise that I'm in favor of breaking the bad news to someone gently--I guess that's my idea of the Golden Rule (although that Golden Rule idea is all relative anyway).

Ultimately, I appreciate it when someone comes back on the board to say ANYTHING after they have posted "bad news" or that they were having a hard time--at least you know they are still ALIVE! I've read too many of the old posts on this discussion board that sounded so desperate and then...nothing! It's like reading a book and then someone tore out the last chapter.

My mother always said "Many hands make a burden light." Which is to say that when someone shares their burden or their suffering with us, we hope they may feel a bit less burdened. And rather than bringing us down, the sharing allows us to feel less alone in carrying our own burden or enduring our own suffering because we know others who understand what we are going through.

I added a lot of personal
I added a lot of personal info to my profile so you girls can track me down if I go missing. Not everyone is comfortable doing that but truthfully, if you have any kind of presence on the Internet, you are not anonymous. My phone number is in the book... I don't see much difference. Look me up, track me down, I don't care. If I know your name I can find your date and place of birth and where you live (Ancestry.com) and your drivers license number criminal and civil court records and more . Everything in life is a trade-off.

Carlene

Hissy_Fitz

LaundryQueen said:

"Bad News" subject headings
I support Patty's idea of making a clear subject heading when there is "bad news" so that someone (newbie or not) can choose NOT to read a post if they feel like they need to be spared something painful for whatever reason.

I find it so interesting that there are more postings from the "realists" on the board regarding this subject than from those who support the idea of letting people stay in denial a little longer about how truly devastating it is to be diagnosed with ovarian cancer.

It's said that there are two kinds of people out there: optimists and realists....hahahaha! I'm the optimist married to a realist--if both of us were optimists, we'd be completely insufferable and have no friends at all!

So it is no surprise that I'm in favor of breaking the bad news to someone gently--I guess that's my idea of the Golden Rule (although that Golden Rule idea is all relative anyway).

Ultimately, I appreciate it when someone comes back on the board to say ANYTHING after they have posted "bad news" or that they were having a hard time--at least you know they are still ALIVE! I've read too many of the old posts on this discussion board that sounded so desperate and then...nothing! It's like reading a book and then someone tore out the last chapter.

My mother always said "Many hands make a burden light." Which is to say that when someone shares their burden or their suffering with us, we hope they may feel a bit less burdened. And rather than bringing us down, the sharing allows us to feel less alone in carrying our own burden or enduring our own suffering because we know others who understand what we are going through.

I added a lot of personal
I added a lot of personal info to my profile so you girls can track me down if I go missing. Not everyone is comfortable doing that but truthfully, if you have any kind of presence on the Internet, you are not anonymous. My phone number is in the book... I don't see much difference. Look me up, track me down, I don't care. If I know your name I can find your date and place of birth and where you live (Ancestry.com) and your drivers license number criminal and civil court records and more . Everything in life is a trade-off.

Carlene