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fredswilma

Hey everyone,
Have you any idea how beautiful this site is, it gives me hope, really helpful advice and makes me feel like I'm doing something useful, with all the research suggestions. Here comes the but, my husband is 45 years old with stage 4 cancer he had finished his Chemo in December and everything has been going well, he has regained most of his weight and no longer so tired, except now his eating is becoming difficult for him again, I have once again changed the menu to lots of soft food. What I need help with is, the oncologist has said that we still have the option of radiation therapy for when the cancer is on the move again which I suspect it is, when is the ideal time for that when he is still quite fit or are we better to wait. You know I really hate this disease, has anyone else got young children how oh how do I tell them, it really is breaking my heart. Thanks in advance, sorry to be so down.
Ann

K_ann1015

second opinion?
Ann--so sorry you have to come to this site.... I can't be of much help as my dad was 70 when diagnosed with stage 3. But I am surprised they didn't do chemo & radiation at the same time---even at stage 4. Where do you live & what facility did you go to? You could always get a second opinion! Many on this site have and even at stage four extended their quality & length of life!

OK FOLKS--GIVE ANN SPECIFICS--Since I don't know the answers here!

Ann--hang in there---consider a second opinion---please let us know where you live-places I know of---Pittsburgh, MD Anderson in Houston & my dad went to Duke.

please keep in touch
Kim

birdiequeen

Ann,
My husband was 49 at
Ann,

My husband was 49 at diagnosis of stage 1 EC, our children are 19 and 21...so not young but too young in someway. It is a struggle of mine to know how much to tell them. Of course they are old enough to jump on the internet and find out information. I tell them enough so they know how serious things are but try to not give them so much information they don't want to carry on with their dreams. I feel if they postpone their dreams, then the cancer has won in someway. But, I don't want to rob them of time with their dad. Like I said its a struggle. I had a friend who lost his dad at the age of 21 to cancer, so I asked his advice. I appreciated his in site, maybe you can find a similar person in your life.

Unknown

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Unknown

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Sarah B

Hope this helps some
I too, am surprised you didn't pursue chemo/radiation at the outset, but I don't know your husband's details or where you are receiving treatment. My husband just finished with chemo along with proton beam radiation at MD Anderson for T4N1 EC. The benefit to proton is there is much less damage to surrounding organs. His tumor was touching one of his lungs, but had not invaded it yet (thank God!). They were able to direct the proton beam to treat that area, but spare the greater portion of his lungs and heart. MDA is doing clinical trials with proton therapy for surgical and non-surgical candidates so you might be luck enough, as we were, to have your insurance pick up the tab. The drawback is that there are only about 9 proton therapy centers in the US. We traveled between Dallas and Houston every week because we were so impressed by the results we read about proton therapy vs. IMRT. This may or may not be feasible for you depending on where you live and what child care you can get from family and friends if you had to travel.

As to how to tell your children, depending on their ages, less can be more in this situation. Our three are 11-19 and we told more to the older two and less to the youngest. They need to know what is going on because they will sense that things aren't right. I'm surprised you made it through a whole round of chemo without telling them! It is an exceedingly difficult conversation to have. Because of their varying ages, we told our three separately so we could give details as needed and allow each of them to react naturally without fear of being judged by the others. They each need their own support group so I contacted the parents of their friends to let them know the situation. They in turn told their children so they would not be surprised or fearful of how to handle the situation if and when the subject arises. I also contacted their teachers at school to keep me aware if any behavioral issues arise. I was lucky that my youngest's teacher had gone through prostate cancer treatment 2 years earlier and had to tell his children so he is exceptionally attuned to what my son is going through and gave him permission to leave the classroom if at any point he started thinking about his dad and needed some time alone. We are fortunate to have hope that the chemo/radiation and surgery next month will cure my husband, but we are living in the world of the unknown again as we wait for the restaging tests in 4 weeks. If the tumor didn't respond as anticipated, or if the cancer spread then he won't be eligible for surgery and we'll have to reevaluate and figure out a Plan B and have another conversation with our children...
Good luck and God Bless

fredswilma

unknown said:

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Stage iv
Hi William
Thank you so much for your support, at the moment Mark has no stent or feeding tube and when the time comes I know which one we will be pursuing, the stent is the one that has been spoken of but I can assure you the J-tube is the one that we will be having. That is what I love about this site it gives you options that sometimes your Oncologist fails to mention or you just don't know about and therefore can't ask the appropriate questions. Over here we don't have the same options as you do to as to picking your Oncologist on the up side we also don't need insurance, however we are still able to ask for second opinions. I have been enquiring about Therespheres and we have a clinic in Wellington only about 4 hours away, I'm not sure how much benefit it would give Mark as from my understanding it would only be able to be used on his liver, though logic would tell me that having a liver free from cancer would have to be a benefit. As you state it is trying to balance Marks life and knowing which treatments will give him the best quality. Mark needs normality, he goes to work everyday and we spend our weekends having really quality family time, if there is one upside to this horrible disease is that everyday is so special, every moment should be treasured, anyways thank you so much for your care.
Ann