Had first (strange) dream about husband

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  • Elizabeth15
    Elizabeth15 Member Posts: 37
    #22
    Elizabeth15 said:

    Thank you
    Dear Stargzr, Some would think it were strange to say thank you for a welcome to a cancer discussion board regards grief but the relief I found in knowing others long for dreams is comforting...sad we must long to dream but good to know others are also understand. What an awful place we are in right now...this isolation and sadness is unexplainable to most I know so finding this board is good for me...I just do not want to get obsessed with being here all the time...maybe just because I found it today the newness is what has had me scouring the subjects looking for words/feelings that relate to me and my loss. Bob and I were two peas in a pod...we worked together and worked at home so now that he is gone I have trouble getting motivated. So much to do and I don't really care...I get spurts of energy and then sputter out. I have never minded being alone but I so miss him...the everyday routine, the sound of his razor in the morning, the key in the door, personal exchanges that were our own...everything...had did not care about a lot of friends because we were always together...lived, worked, traveled...everything. We both have good families which is wonderful...no stess there as I have read some folks have. So it is dreams I yearn for. The little "incidents" that have occurred have helped but I just hope to dream and see his movement and hear his voice as I have no recordings of it....I have searched for some videos and have none...I wonder how I let that happen...loads of photos just no audio. Once again thank you for reaching out. Elizabeth

    Incredible
    How I have longed to dream of Bob. I just googled yesterday can not dream about husband who has died and a link led me to this site. I write about it and found comfort in knowing I am not alone...and last night Bob appeared for one brief sweet moment in a dream...how did this happen...did I need to simply acknowledge somewhere my need other than to myself? I also wrote I longed to hear his voice yet had no recordings and today I find our wedding video...I had forgotten about it...it is on an old 8mm cassette someone had done for kicks and later given to us and I tucked it away...and lo and behold I found it...so tomorrow off to the photography studio to have them convert it to a DVD...Since finding you "guys" and reading your comforting words I don't feel so alone...the moments of peace I find in knowing there is somewhere to go other than the solitude of myself is encouraging. Elizabeth
  • Stargzr
    Stargzr Member Posts: 47
    #23
    Elizabeth15 said:

    Incredible
    How I have longed to dream of Bob. I just googled yesterday can not dream about husband who has died and a link led me to this site. I write about it and found comfort in knowing I am not alone...and last night Bob appeared for one brief sweet moment in a dream...how did this happen...did I need to simply acknowledge somewhere my need other than to myself? I also wrote I longed to hear his voice yet had no recordings and today I find our wedding video...I had forgotten about it...it is on an old 8mm cassette someone had done for kicks and later given to us and I tucked it away...and lo and behold I found it...so tomorrow off to the photography studio to have them convert it to a DVD...Since finding you "guys" and reading your comforting words I don't feel so alone...the moments of peace I find in knowing there is somewhere to go other than the solitude of myself is encouraging. Elizabeth

    I am so happy that you dreamed of your Bob
    I think it's quite amazing that you dreamed about him and remembered your wedding video. I think our loved ones are close by. I think that we are led to people and places that can help us. I'm happy that you found this Board.

    Yesterday, I had a rather tough day - so many tears! I was curled up and dozing last night. I was hoping to dream of my Bob. I didn't, but as I woke up from my dream or hazy state, I recalled a line from a poem that I hadn't heard of thought about in decades: "Though lovers be lost love shall not; And death shall have no dominion." It startled me, but it also gave me peace.
  • Elizabeth15
    Elizabeth15 Member Posts: 37
    #24
    Stargzr said:

    I am so happy that you dreamed of your Bob
    I think it's quite amazing that you dreamed about him and remembered your wedding video. I think our loved ones are close by. I think that we are led to people and places that can help us. I'm happy that you found this Board.

    Yesterday, I had a rather tough day - so many tears! I was curled up and dozing last night. I was hoping to dream of my Bob. I didn't, but as I woke up from my dream or hazy state, I recalled a line from a poem that I hadn't heard of thought about in decades: "Though lovers be lost love shall not; And death shall have no dominion." It startled me, but it also gave me peace.

    Tears
    I am sorry to hear you had a tough day. Our emotions are like a roller coaster ride...and I have never ever liked roller coasters! tears come from no where and at the oddest times. I seem to cry when in my husband's bathroom...so I decided to use mine and that worked for one day...since we are the only two in the house we had the luxury of each having our own BR (I always said it made for a happy marriage). The day my husband died I broke my hip...and ended up in the hospital...thankfully only a hairline but I could not lift my leg so when I was finally able to get home I used his stall shower rather than try to get in and out of my shower combo tub...While it was easier to use the stall moving into his bathroom never seemed right to do it so quickly...maybe that is why the tears flow so easily in there. Star isn't is heartbreaking to just want to dream? I truly don't believe there is a soul in the world but those who have suffered our type of lose that can fathom this insatiable desire to dream...it is so sad. When I came home from the gym this morning I remembered how thrilled I was the first time I came into this house...my future husband invited me over and I was giddy and just a little nervous. Today I can not believe that this house is now filled with despair...oh, I wonder how did this happen...from joy to despair...no wonder tears flow...it is also amazing where things come from that give us moments of peace...such as the Thomas quote you awoke to as if you had just read it - yet it had lingered deep inside of you for years only to surface at a time to give you some peace...unexplainable...yet we accept these little gifts gladly. Hope your day has more highs than lows and your sweet memories can bring a smile or even a little giggle...I love those kind of memories...there is something to be said for daydreams! Elizabeth
  • Stargzr
    Stargzr Member Posts: 47
    #25
    Elizabeth15 said:

    Tears
    I am sorry to hear you had a tough day. Our emotions are like a roller coaster ride...and I have never ever liked roller coasters! tears come from no where and at the oddest times. I seem to cry when in my husband's bathroom...so I decided to use mine and that worked for one day...since we are the only two in the house we had the luxury of each having our own BR (I always said it made for a happy marriage). The day my husband died I broke my hip...and ended up in the hospital...thankfully only a hairline but I could not lift my leg so when I was finally able to get home I used his stall shower rather than try to get in and out of my shower combo tub...While it was easier to use the stall moving into his bathroom never seemed right to do it so quickly...maybe that is why the tears flow so easily in there. Star isn't is heartbreaking to just want to dream? I truly don't believe there is a soul in the world but those who have suffered our type of lose that can fathom this insatiable desire to dream...it is so sad. When I came home from the gym this morning I remembered how thrilled I was the first time I came into this house...my future husband invited me over and I was giddy and just a little nervous. Today I can not believe that this house is now filled with despair...oh, I wonder how did this happen...from joy to despair...no wonder tears flow...it is also amazing where things come from that give us moments of peace...such as the Thomas quote you awoke to as if you had just read it - yet it had lingered deep inside of you for years only to surface at a time to give you some peace...unexplainable...yet we accept these little gifts gladly. Hope your day has more highs than lows and your sweet memories can bring a smile or even a little giggle...I love those kind of memories...there is something to be said for daydreams! Elizabeth

    Even in this pain, some memories bring laughter
    I was sitting at work, when I thought about a vacation and a memory came to me that made me laugh out loud. It felt so good to remember and laugh. At present, most of the memories that come to mind are of my husband when he was very sick. He was such a vibrant man that it makes me so sad to think of him as sick. I have to remind myself that the cancer was a very small part of who he was. He had the heart of a lion. You are right it's so heartbreaking to just want to dream. I know that I am dreaming at night, but I don't remember my dreams - which is doubly frustrating.
  • Elizabeth15
    Elizabeth15 Member Posts: 37
    #26
    Stargzr said:

    Even in this pain, some memories bring laughter
    I was sitting at work, when I thought about a vacation and a memory came to me that made me laugh out loud. It felt so good to remember and laugh. At present, most of the memories that come to mind are of my husband when he was very sick. He was such a vibrant man that it makes me so sad to think of him as sick. I have to remind myself that the cancer was a very small part of who he was. He had the heart of a lion. You are right it's so heartbreaking to just want to dream. I know that I am dreaming at night, but I don't remember my dreams - which is doubly frustrating.

    Agree
    Good Evening, Nice to know you laughed today as a good memory came to mind...when this happens to me I am lost in that thought and it is the laugh that jolts me back to reality...I love that brief moment when I am lost in good thoughts. My thoughts of Bob also are of him ill...I feel guilty at times that this is how how see him...my Bob was only very ill very a very short time...he was always lucid which for me was a blessing. maybe this is why I long to dream...because I believe I will see him well. When I see him now it is walking slowly, or rushing for the chair because he had trouble breathing. This weakness was so not like him...he could carry a huge box on his shoulder down the stairs, miss two steps and recover like nothing happened...I would call him a mountain goat...but I have trouble keeping him in my minds eye like this...the illness predominates my thoughts and how I "see" him...I feel so guilty that this is in my mind...I think he would be disappointed I even let that image enter my mind...yet it is there...like you I must remind myself this is just a small memory yet is rules...I suppose the joy of those daydreams that brings smiles is because finally...finally I see him like I want to...I want this all the time...oh Star...I weep...I weep for you and your Bob, I weep for my Bob and I weep for me...I simply weep...I wish sweet dreams for you...comforting sweet dreams. Good Night
  • Stargzr
    Stargzr Member Posts: 47
    #27
    Elizabeth15 said:

    Agree
    Good Evening, Nice to know you laughed today as a good memory came to mind...when this happens to me I am lost in that thought and it is the laugh that jolts me back to reality...I love that brief moment when I am lost in good thoughts. My thoughts of Bob also are of him ill...I feel guilty at times that this is how how see him...my Bob was only very ill very a very short time...he was always lucid which for me was a blessing. maybe this is why I long to dream...because I believe I will see him well. When I see him now it is walking slowly, or rushing for the chair because he had trouble breathing. This weakness was so not like him...he could carry a huge box on his shoulder down the stairs, miss two steps and recover like nothing happened...I would call him a mountain goat...but I have trouble keeping him in my minds eye like this...the illness predominates my thoughts and how I "see" him...I feel so guilty that this is in my mind...I think he would be disappointed I even let that image enter my mind...yet it is there...like you I must remind myself this is just a small memory yet is rules...I suppose the joy of those daydreams that brings smiles is because finally...finally I see him like I want to...I want this all the time...oh Star...I weep...I weep for you and your Bob, I weep for my Bob and I weep for me...I simply weep...I wish sweet dreams for you...comforting sweet dreams. Good Night

    Still waiting for dreams
    Each night I think of him before I go to sleep hoping that it will continue in a dream. Once in awhile I get a sense of him around me, but it is too fleeting. I think back to where we were last year around Easter. We were so happy. It makes today so heartbreaking. I hope that you have dreamed of your Bob. Take care.
  • Elizabeth15
    Elizabeth15 Member Posts: 37
    #28
    Stargzr said:

    Still waiting for dreams
    Each night I think of him before I go to sleep hoping that it will continue in a dream. Once in awhile I get a sense of him around me, but it is too fleeting. I think back to where we were last year around Easter. We were so happy. It makes today so heartbreaking. I hope that you have dreamed of your Bob. Take care.

    Dreams
    Thank you for asking...I did dream of my Bob three nights in a row...never saw him clearly nor did we interact as I longed for but I did dream and it has satisfied my longing...I read nothing into any of this except my intense longing has been quelled...The photo shop said it would be at least a week till they could convert the cassette to a DVD and miraculously they called the next day saying they had done it overnight...I received this as a gift as I did not have to wait...I couldn't wait to see it and rushed down to pick it up...We have a mini van with DVD players so I jumped in and found a quiet spot where lunched at times by the water and watched it...I was giddy at some points and saddened by other points...but I saw him not sick...I saw him the way I want to remember our life....sickness was a small part yet it had been dominating my every vision...still photos were good to look at but I needed to see him moving and the DVD offered me the opportunity to put my mind's eye in order...We were never big on video taping but now I would encourage people to take some time to just occasionally record simple passages of time in your relationships...I am sorry to hear you still wait...I believe for me just being able to say I longed for them helped me...and you are the person I said it to...I am forever grateful to you for listening and responding. I read where yesterday was hard for you...I am sorry you have to go through this...just trying to come to grips with believing this has happened is unspeakable except to those who share the same loss...I hope today is a little better...When Bob and I were first in the throws of our relationship I couldn't get him off my mind...it was driving me crazy...I needed to think about other things but he was always first...when I told him he laughed and said what is so wrong with that...I said I just need a brain break...the thinking was so intense...good intense but really I needed to get myself straightened out and not be so obessed...he loved knowing I was head over heels...and now my thoughts are just as intense yet the emotion driving this is 180 degrees in the other direction...it is grief that drives my every thought...and I wonder what he would say...I am pretty sure it would be...Beth you have got to stop this...you have to get on with things...Oh Star what has happened to you and me?
  • Stargzr
    Stargzr Member Posts: 47
    #29
    Elizabeth15 said:

    Dreams
    Thank you for asking...I did dream of my Bob three nights in a row...never saw him clearly nor did we interact as I longed for but I did dream and it has satisfied my longing...I read nothing into any of this except my intense longing has been quelled...The photo shop said it would be at least a week till they could convert the cassette to a DVD and miraculously they called the next day saying they had done it overnight...I received this as a gift as I did not have to wait...I couldn't wait to see it and rushed down to pick it up...We have a mini van with DVD players so I jumped in and found a quiet spot where lunched at times by the water and watched it...I was giddy at some points and saddened by other points...but I saw him not sick...I saw him the way I want to remember our life....sickness was a small part yet it had been dominating my every vision...still photos were good to look at but I needed to see him moving and the DVD offered me the opportunity to put my mind's eye in order...We were never big on video taping but now I would encourage people to take some time to just occasionally record simple passages of time in your relationships...I am sorry to hear you still wait...I believe for me just being able to say I longed for them helped me...and you are the person I said it to...I am forever grateful to you for listening and responding. I read where yesterday was hard for you...I am sorry you have to go through this...just trying to come to grips with believing this has happened is unspeakable except to those who share the same loss...I hope today is a little better...When Bob and I were first in the throws of our relationship I couldn't get him off my mind...it was driving me crazy...I needed to think about other things but he was always first...when I told him he laughed and said what is so wrong with that...I said I just need a brain break...the thinking was so intense...good intense but really I needed to get myself straightened out and not be so obessed...he loved knowing I was head over heels...and now my thoughts are just as intense yet the emotion driving this is 180 degrees in the other direction...it is grief that drives my every thought...and I wonder what he would say...I am pretty sure it would be...Beth you have got to stop this...you have to get on with things...Oh Star what has happened to you and me?

    Videos are so important
    I'm so glad that you received your DVDs. I have a few video recordings of my husband and they are so precious to me. I wish that I had recorded more videos. I just didn't think that I would lose him so fast. I thought that we had more time. I continue to wait for more dreams. I know that they will come soon. I just feel it. We are facing a tough road, but we will make it.
  • Elizabeth15
    Elizabeth15 Member Posts: 37
    #30
    Stargzr said:

    Videos are so important
    I'm so glad that you received your DVDs. I have a few video recordings of my husband and they are so precious to me. I wish that I had recorded more videos. I just didn't think that I would lose him so fast. I thought that we had more time. I continue to wait for more dreams. I know that they will come soon. I just feel it. We are facing a tough road, but we will make it.

    Glad you have videos
    I am pleased you have videos because mine brought so much comfort...I wondered if you had any but did not ask. I also did not expect to lose Bob so fast...fours months from diagnosis to the day he died...he thought he had two or three years....this is so tragic to me on so many levels...I feel as if you and I share many parallels...I agree we will make it...I know this from experience but the sad part of my living through this is that my first husband died from cancer as well...it was only six weeks from his diagnosis till the day he died...I told my sister I am no ones lucky charm...to have lost two husbands to cancer is very hard...I read where people have cancer and go through treatments and live for so long...years and yet I lost two husbands in less than 5 months of diagnosis. I try to never ask why... I pray you have sweet dreams...you have been through so much, you deserve this comfort.
  • Stargzr
    Stargzr Member Posts: 47
    #31
    Elizabeth15 said:

    Glad you have videos
    I am pleased you have videos because mine brought so much comfort...I wondered if you had any but did not ask. I also did not expect to lose Bob so fast...fours months from diagnosis to the day he died...he thought he had two or three years....this is so tragic to me on so many levels...I feel as if you and I share many parallels...I agree we will make it...I know this from experience but the sad part of my living through this is that my first husband died from cancer as well...it was only six weeks from his diagnosis till the day he died...I told my sister I am no ones lucky charm...to have lost two husbands to cancer is very hard...I read where people have cancer and go through treatments and live for so long...years and yet I lost two husbands in less than 5 months of diagnosis. I try to never ask why... I pray you have sweet dreams...you have been through so much, you deserve this comfort.

    Oh, Elizabeth...
    I am so sorry that you have to go through this for a second time. To have lost your first husband so quickly - I can't imagine how painful this must be for you. It seems so tragic that you found love twice only to lose both husbands to this cruel disease... Like you I have read and know people who have lived with cancer for 5,6,7 years. Some of them have beaten cancer. Your second husband sounds very robust like my husband -- why not them? Why not your first husband? It is you who have been through so much! I will keep you in my prayers.
  • Stargzr
    Stargzr Member Posts: 47
    #32
    Elizabeth15 said:

    Glad you have videos
    I am pleased you have videos because mine brought so much comfort...I wondered if you had any but did not ask. I also did not expect to lose Bob so fast...fours months from diagnosis to the day he died...he thought he had two or three years....this is so tragic to me on so many levels...I feel as if you and I share many parallels...I agree we will make it...I know this from experience but the sad part of my living through this is that my first husband died from cancer as well...it was only six weeks from his diagnosis till the day he died...I told my sister I am no ones lucky charm...to have lost two husbands to cancer is very hard...I read where people have cancer and go through treatments and live for so long...years and yet I lost two husbands in less than 5 months of diagnosis. I try to never ask why... I pray you have sweet dreams...you have been through so much, you deserve this comfort.

    Oh, Elizabeth...
    I am so sorry that you have to go through this for a second time. To have lost your first husband so quickly - I can't imagine how painful this must be for you. It seems so tragic that you found love twice only to lose both husbands to this cruel disease... Like you I have read and know people who have lived with cancer for 5,6,7 years. Some of them have beaten cancer. Your second husband sounds very robust like my husband -- why not them? Why not your first husband? It is you who have been through so much! I will keep you in my prayers.
  • KarrenJ
    KarrenJ Member Posts: 1
    #33
    Elizabeth15 said:

    Thank you
    Dear Stargzr, Some would think it were strange to say thank you for a welcome to a cancer discussion board regards grief but the relief I found in knowing others long for dreams is comforting...sad we must long to dream but good to know others are also understand. What an awful place we are in right now...this isolation and sadness is unexplainable to most I know so finding this board is good for me...I just do not want to get obsessed with being here all the time...maybe just because I found it today the newness is what has had me scouring the subjects looking for words/feelings that relate to me and my loss. Bob and I were two peas in a pod...we worked together and worked at home so now that he is gone I have trouble getting motivated. So much to do and I don't really care...I get spurts of energy and then sputter out. I have never minded being alone but I so miss him...the everyday routine, the sound of his razor in the morning, the key in the door, personal exchanges that were our own...everything...had did not care about a lot of friends because we were always together...lived, worked, traveled...everything. We both have good families which is wonderful...no stess there as I have read some folks have. So it is dreams I yearn for. The little "incidents" that have occurred have helped but I just hope to dream and see his movement and hear his voice as I have no recordings of it....I have searched for some videos and have none...I wonder how I let that happen...loads of photos just no audio. Once again thank you for reaching out. Elizabeth

    Thank You Elizabeth
    Elizabeth, I was encouraged to read your comment about the relief in finding that others long for dreams as you do (and I do). I too feel isolated and extremely sad. Like you, I have trouble getting motivated, have spurts of energy and then sputter out. It's helpful to know that it's not just me; it must be part of the grieving process. I find entire days disappear and I wouldn't be able to explain to anyone what I did the entire day ~ sometimes they are just lost to me as I feel lost. I miss everything about my husband, who died May 17, 2012. We were married 35 years October 16th. I have his voice recorded on his cellphone, my cellphone and our answering machine. I found a company that will record his voice on a CD. I really need to do that before I somehow delete his voice. I also have no videos, just photos. I wish every night that he would come to me in a dream to let me know he made it to his final reward. He was religious and a good person ~ I have no doubts that he is in a better place ~ I just wish he could convey that to me in a dream or in some kind of "sign". I subscribe to Woman's World Weekly and there is a column every week about Angels. I wish each day that an angel would appear and let me know he is in a better place. So far my prayers remain unanswered, just like all the other prayers from so many friends and family, praying for his health to be restored. I appreciate reading all the comments posted by other people missing their husbands. It helps me appreciate that I am not asking too much for some sort of closure. Karren
  • Rom1975
    Rom1975 Member Posts: 1
    #34
    KarrenJ said:

    Thank You Elizabeth
    Elizabeth, I was encouraged to read your comment about the relief in finding that others long for dreams as you do (and I do). I too feel isolated and extremely sad. Like you, I have trouble getting motivated, have spurts of energy and then sputter out. It's helpful to know that it's not just me; it must be part of the grieving process. I find entire days disappear and I wouldn't be able to explain to anyone what I did the entire day ~ sometimes they are just lost to me as I feel lost. I miss everything about my husband, who died May 17, 2012. We were married 35 years October 16th. I have his voice recorded on his cellphone, my cellphone and our answering machine. I found a company that will record his voice on a CD. I really need to do that before I somehow delete his voice. I also have no videos, just photos. I wish every night that he would come to me in a dream to let me know he made it to his final reward. He was religious and a good person ~ I have no doubts that he is in a better place ~ I just wish he could convey that to me in a dream or in some kind of "sign". I subscribe to Woman's World Weekly and there is a column every week about Angels. I wish each day that an angel would appear and let me know he is in a better place. So far my prayers remain unanswered, just like all the other prayers from so many friends and family, praying for his health to be restored. I appreciate reading all the comments posted by other people missing their husbands. It helps me appreciate that I am not asking too much for some sort of closure. Karren

    Prayers do work a lot of

    Prayers do work a lot of wonders and would definitely help us in the most trying times.  Hope everthing is well now.

     

    ____________________________

    Rom - ABP

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