How do i help her with this?

kellyh33

Hi Ladies,
My Mom (Saundra although she goes by Sam) is having a very difficult time with her diagnosis/prognosis.
How do I help her with this? She was told in September that she has one year to 18 months. How do I help her with the fear of dying and the fear of the unknown? I have talked to her about her wishes and I have told her there are all kinds of medication to help with pain should it come etc. I am not really too worried about pain since my mom has an incredibly high pain tolerance. After her surgery she only used the pain pump once!
I don't know how to help her find some inner peace? Any advice? Any words of encouragement i can pass along to her?
I just want her to be okay with what happens no matter what! Her tumor has not grown nor has it shrunk since her diagnosis in June 2010. She is doing a clinical trial right now.
Honestly, I wish the whole damn thing would just go away. I miss my Mom the way she used to be......
Kelly

kikz

Kelly
This is a very hard time for you and your mom. When I was dianosed with Stage IIIc on 3/16/2010 it was devastating. That day my house was full of family and friends, everybody so sad. Like you I was worried about my mom because I realized that even though I had the cancer, it felt like everybody who loved me had it too. I have a son and I could not stand the thought of him seeing me go through this. That day I was given the news by my primary physician and then got a call from the gastroenterologist who had ordered the cat scan. He told me there was nothing that could be done for me. I thought I was going to die and wondered if I would live to see summer. I lived with that fear until I went to see my gyn/onc. He told me it was serious of course and that if he operated then, he would just have to close me up because the tumors were so large. He said I would have chemo and if the tumors shrunk enough, I could have surgery. I told him what the gastro doctor had said and the gyn/onc said that is why you are here, I am not a gastroenterologist. I asked him, so are you saying I have a fighting chance and he said, yes. That was all I needed to hear. I decided then I would fight with all I have. Luckily the tumors shrunk, I had the surgery, more chemo and was pronounced NED(no evidence of disease) in November. I am living one day at a time and each day is precious to me. And though this disease may come back, I will fight it again.

When you first posted, the ladies on the board suggested your mom get a second opinion. That would be a great idea especially since you say the tumor has not grown. Chemo can be rough but I would do it again if I had to. I just want to be here with my family and friends.

You ask what you can do for your mom. Let her share her feelings whatever they may be. I had to hide mine a lot because my mom and my son found it so hard to see me sick or upset. I sometimes just wanted to fall into their arms and cry but I couldn't. My mom actually ended up in the ER twice after she saw me crying. But I think you probably are already doing that for your mom. Please get help if you need it. There are a lot of resources available. I really believe that sometimes it is harder for the family than the patient. Take care of yourself.

Sending you love and prayers.
Karen

anicca

I agree
Kelly, I agree with Karen that your mom should get a second opinion, especially since her doctor gave her a time frame for her survival. It may be statistically true, but your mom is not a statistic; she is an individual (I learned that here). It sounds like her doctor did not give her much hope, but really, as long as she is alive, there is hope. I am glad to hear she is in a trial, and hope she gets good results from it.

DB

azgrandma

anicca said:

I agree
Kelly, I agree with Karen that your mom should get a second opinion, especially since her doctor gave her a time frame for her survival. It may be statistically true, but your mom is not a statistic; she is an individual (I learned that here). It sounds like her doctor did not give her much hope, but really, as long as she is alive, there is hope. I am glad to hear she is in a trial, and hope she gets good results from it.

DB

God bles you honey
Nothing is written in stone, i would get another opinion and go from there. I think we all need to find God in our own way and time.
Pray and ask God how to help your Mother, he is there all you have to do is ask.
I will pray for you both.
Keep your faith and don't give up
God Bless
Lynda

.molly2

MOM
.HI KELLY
I THINK YOU ARE DOING AND SAYING EVERYTHING YOU CAN. I KNOW THIS IS HARD FOR YOU ALSO I KNOW GOD WILL WATCH OVER HER AND GIVE YOU AND YOUR MOM STRENGTH . LORI