what a nightmare! im so lost!

teresa41
teresa41 Member Posts: 471
edited March 2011 in Breast Cancer #1
my boyfriend larry of 9 years left on feb 21,2011 to go ice fishing he never came back home i got very concerned at dark and called the police, the next day they pulled him up from the water he drowned. we lived together, and his son and daughter called the police the same day as the funeral to have me removed from the house well i was not removed. there was no will he only gave his wishes that i stay in the house verbally well that didnt work. they hired a lawyer and they are next of kin so they get it all. his mom gets all his retirement money. the lawyer sent me a letter telling me to get out of the house so i moved out. the stress and worry was not worth it i cry and cry but it does not seem to help any. grant [the dog] is so sad he misses larry and the house i cry everytime i look at him. i know larry loved us i just wish things would have been made clear in writing . i have been diagnosed 2 times with breast cancer i thought i would be gone before him. im so lost he was always there for me. i wonder where do i go from here?


thank you for listening

teresa
«1

Comments

  • seof
    seof Member Posts: 819 Member
    #2
    Wow,
    Wow, I am sorry you have so much to deal with right now. Here are some ideas I would try:

    1. See if your Dr. or hospital has a support group for cancer survivors so you have people who know what you are going through with cancer.
    2. See if there is a counsellor/social worker who could help you with a place to live, legal help and maybe other help.
    3. Contact the local American Cancer Society to see if what help they can give you. They may hook you up with a support group, someone to help you drive, take care of your dog, clean house, maybe financial or legal help.
    4. Get involved in a church or other faith-based group if that is something you find helpful.

    Praying for you, seof.
  • Lynn Smith
    Lynn Smith Member Posts: 1,264 Member
    #3
    seof said:

    Wow,
    Wow, I am sorry you have so much to deal with right now. Here are some ideas I would try:

    1. See if your Dr. or hospital has a support group for cancer survivors so you have people who know what you are going through with cancer.
    2. See if there is a counsellor/social worker who could help you with a place to live, legal help and maybe other help.
    3. Contact the local American Cancer Society to see if what help they can give you. They may hook you up with a support group, someone to help you drive, take care of your dog, clean house, maybe financial or legal help.
    4. Get involved in a church or other faith-based group if that is something you find helpful.

    Praying for you, seof.

    So sorry about your loss and problem
    I am sorry about what you are going through.Must be unbearable.Goes to show you what families do when they have control. I guess with you thinking you would go first you never talked about security. My husband and I have been married for 42 years.Made out a will probably 18 years ago BUT that one has to change. We've been married many many more years since then and need to protect our assests for our sons and their families.

    I wish things would have been different for you.The last thing you need is stress. And having no place to go and not given any amount of time.And of course the lawyers get involved to make sure it all happens.

    Lynn Smith
  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
    #4
    How..
    How long were you living together under the same roof? Many states recognize "common law" marriages...perhaps there is a free legal aid agency in your area who maybe able to help...This IS the time for legal aid...they can advise you as to any rights you maybe entitled to...this is a sad lesson to learn....EVERYTHING needs to be in writing....a lesson to all in similar situations..even in iron clad relationships....I feel so bad for you...

    I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Larry..

    Peace be with you
  • she21
    she21 Member Posts: 6
    #5
    Lost
    Firstly, let me share my condolences with you on your loss. You know life can be so beautiful and yet so cruel at times. Sometimes we just don't know the answers. My advice to you is to cry when you want and let yourself feel the pain. Then tell yourself that you are a survivor. Diagnosed twice with cancer, you are a very strong person and there are people who will be there for you. Give yourself some time to heal, mediate, exercise, feel the sun on your face and take one day at a day. Most of us think too far ahead, just live in the day that you are in. For someone who has had cancer twice, you have proved you have strong will. I am so sorry for your loss, i know that pain, I have been a widow for 10 years and lost my husband to brain cancer quite suddenly, he only lived 6 months after being diagnosed.

    My prayers are with you.
  • PinkPearl
    PinkPearl Member Posts: 280
    #6
    I just wish
    I could reach out and give you the biggest hug and a shoulder to cry on. It is no wonder you are beside yourself. So many loses in such a little time. Some good suggestions are above, I just want you to know that others care.
  • Gabe N Abby Mom
    Gabe N Abby Mom Member Posts: 2,413
    #7
    I wish I had the words to
    I wish I had the words to make everything better for you. I only have cyber hugs, and lots of positive energy to send your way. I wish you peace and strength. Please come back and let us know how you're doing.

    Hugs,

    Linda
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #8
    Gabe N Abby Mom said:

    I wish I had the words to
    I wish I had the words to make everything better for you. I only have cyber hugs, and lots of positive energy to send your way. I wish you peace and strength. Please come back and let us know how you're doing.

    Hugs,

    Linda

    so sorry this is awful. I
    so sorry this is awful. I just want to give you hugs. You will find your way out of this one day at a time.
  • ladyg
    ladyg Member Posts: 1,577
    #9
    Teresa, I am
    soo sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through right now. You need to take one day at a time and do what is best for you right now. If that means crying then go ahead and cry.
    There is one thing you should remember "What goes around comes around" and some day his heartless children will pay for what they did to you.

    Hugs,
    Georgia
  • Ticky
    Ticky Member Posts: 117
    #10
    We are here for you.
    Teresa,

    There are people here who care. Keep writing to us a let us know how you are getting along. Please do call the American Cancer Society and have them set up telephone calls to you also with their volunteers.

    Prayers and Hugs.
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #11
    Ticky said:

    We are here for you.
    Teresa,

    There are people here who care. Keep writing to us a let us know how you are getting along. Please do call the American Cancer Society and have them set up telephone calls to you also with their volunteers.

    Prayers and Hugs.

    Teresa
    I am very sorry. I have been wondering about you. My condolences to you. I am glad that to come and post. Please check with your state about legal issues. It is very sad.I hope your family will help you out. Please reach out, ask your oncologist for counseling recommendation, clinical social worker could be helpful too.
    Sending you a big hug.
    New Flower
  • BioAdoptMom3
    BioAdoptMom3 Member Posts: 43
    #12
    I am so sorry for your
    I am so sorry for your devastating loss. I think some of the suggestions you have been given are excellent ones. I would seek out a support group and/or counseling asap. I am adding you to my prayer list as of right now.

    (((((HUGS)))))

    Nancy
  • Hippiechick58
    Hippiechick58 Member Posts: 320
    #13
    BioAdoptMom3 said:

    I am so sorry for your
    I am so sorry for your devastating loss. I think some of the suggestions you have been given are excellent ones. I would seek out a support group and/or counseling asap. I am adding you to my prayer list as of right now.

    (((((HUGS)))))

    Nancy

    Teresa, my heart goes out to
    Teresa, my heart goes out to you. You did not deserve to be treated this way! You will be in my thoughts and prayers.


    "May you be at Peace, May you be Free of Suffering,"
    Dianne
  • roseann4
    roseann4 Member Posts: 992 Member
    #14
    Hippiechick58 said:

    Teresa, my heart goes out to
    Teresa, my heart goes out to you. You did not deserve to be treated this way! You will be in my thoughts and prayers.


    "May you be at Peace, May you be Free of Suffering,"
    Dianne

    So sorry for you losses.
    I hope you will take the suggestions from our bc sisters. There is help and support available if you can find the energy to look for it. Start with your doctor. Wish I could be of more help.

    Roseann
  • pinkkari09
    pinkkari09 Member Posts: 877 Member
    #15
    Teresa, this is so SAD. I
    Teresa, this is so SAD. I wish I could reach through and give you a big hug as well. Life throws us some major curve balls, I'm praying for you and thinking of you!!
    Miles of Love,
    ~Kari
  • Reikigemgirl
    Reikigemgirl Member Posts: 278
    #16
    I am so sorry to hear about Larry......
    my heart goes out to you and all you are going through.

    What a thoughtless, mean thing for the kids to do to you.

    Like mentioned before, are you in a common law state? I too live with my boyfriend of seven years and it's scary to think of what would happen to me if I lost him. I am in florida and it is a common law state. He owns the trailer we live in so I am not sure what would happen.

    Stay strong and grieve in your own way. Glad you have your dog to keep you company, even though he is missing Larry too.

    Love and Light coming your way,
    Vicki
  • teresa41
    teresa41 Member Posts: 471
    #17
    Reikigemgirl said:

    I am so sorry to hear about Larry......
    my heart goes out to you and all you are going through.

    What a thoughtless, mean thing for the kids to do to you.

    Like mentioned before, are you in a common law state? I too live with my boyfriend of seven years and it's scary to think of what would happen to me if I lost him. I am in florida and it is a common law state. He owns the trailer we live in so I am not sure what would happen.

    Stay strong and grieve in your own way. Glad you have your dog to keep you company, even though he is missing Larry too.

    Love and Light coming your way,
    Vicki

    thank you !
    thank you all for the wishes . i am not in a common law state illinois! i contacted lawyers they told me i have no rights. so i found a place in the country for me and grant we are doing the best we can! i pray for strength everyday as i did going threw cancer 2 times. i dont have any family for support they were not there for me during my dark days with cancer either so i take it one day at a time.



    thank you all!

    teresa
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #18
    teresa41 said:

    thank you !
    thank you all for the wishes . i am not in a common law state illinois! i contacted lawyers they told me i have no rights. so i found a place in the country for me and grant we are doing the best we can! i pray for strength everyday as i did going threw cancer 2 times. i dont have any family for support they were not there for me during my dark days with cancer either so i take it one day at a time.



    thank you all!

    teresa

    Teresa ... I am so very sorry for your loss .. of Larry,
    Please please .. find peace somewhere. Seaof .. offering many wonderful options, and suggestion.

    Please find the courage to take 1 step forward, and make a new life for you. Dark days are so very difficult on us, and those dark clouds take forever and a day, to lift.

    Strength, Courage and Hope

    Vicki Sam
  • Jean 0609
    Jean 0609 Member Posts: 2,462
    #19
    Teresa,
    I am so sorry for your loss. Sending positive thoughts & prayers your way.

    ♥ Jean
  • DebbyM
    DebbyM Member Posts: 3,289 Member
    #20
    roseann4 said:

    So sorry for you losses.
    I hope you will take the suggestions from our bc sisters. There is help and support available if you can find the energy to look for it. Start with your doctor. Wish I could be of more help.

    Roseann

    I am so sorry for your
    I am so sorry for your loss.


    Hugs, Debby
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    #21
    PinkPearl said:

    I just wish
    I could reach out and give you the biggest hug and a shoulder to cry on. It is no wonder you are beside yourself. So many loses in such a little time. Some good suggestions are above, I just want you to know that others care.

    My sympathy for your loss
    My sympathy for your loss and I'm so sorry for everything else that happened.

    Sending positive thoughts and hugs.


    Jan

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