mom wants to see ANOTHER doctor...

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We just went for our second opinion today. We live in New York. We started out in Mount Sinai because thats who did the surgery... LOVE the surgeon.. did not like the radiation doctor.

Mount Sinai plan: Tonsillectomy to see if we can find the source and then radiation.

Today we went to Memorial Sloan Kettering.. top dog for cancer treatment.. they made us the appointment with The Director of Head/Neck Oncology.
He confirmed the diagnosis. He was very nice, very positive but basically said he couldnt give us the next step ..that the two doctors we really need to see are a surgeon and a radiation doctor.. he deals mostly with chemo and does not recommend chemo.

He also said he probably would NOT recommend tonsillectomy.. but will leave that up to surgeon. He also said we were in good hands either with him, mount sinai, or beth isreal.. and that we could stay with Sinai if we want.


Mom just came into my room.. two of her friends did "research" and recommended ANOTHER dr. at Beth isreael. He has * 20* years of experience and apparently the doctors at sloan we are going to only have 10 or 8. She wants the doctor with more experience even if they are going to tell her the same thing...

Should i give into her and try to make an apointment with him ALSO???? is she just shopping for a doctor who is going to give her BETTER news? I feel bad telling her no, but is going to a third hospital just wasting precious time??

Isn't it really the radiation doctor at this point who needs to be our most important player?

Help

Comments

  • sweetblood22
    sweetblood22 Member Posts: 3,228
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    Well, I had three opinions
    Well, I had three opinions because I had a sort of unique issue and it was 1 vote for radiation and 1 vote to do nothing. I think it's important that your mother feel confident in whatever decision she makes. I know since I was making a life and death decision I took the time I felt I needed. Attitude is everything when you are in this fight and your mom needs to feel that she is in good hands and doing the right thing.

    Try to get her to that point. Make an appointment with the doctor she wants to see and the surgeon and RO. Try and understand where she is coming from. She is probably trying to control what she can because when you hear that you have cancer, you feel your life is completely spiraling out of control. It's not easy. I know you want to help. :)

    If she still wants to shop around after three, then I might say something.
  • Kent Cass
    Kent Cass Member Posts: 1,898 Member
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    Well, I had three opinions
    Well, I had three opinions because I had a sort of unique issue and it was 1 vote for radiation and 1 vote to do nothing. I think it's important that your mother feel confident in whatever decision she makes. I know since I was making a life and death decision I took the time I felt I needed. Attitude is everything when you are in this fight and your mom needs to feel that she is in good hands and doing the right thing.

    Try to get her to that point. Make an appointment with the doctor she wants to see and the surgeon and RO. Try and understand where she is coming from. She is probably trying to control what she can because when you hear that you have cancer, you feel your life is completely spiraling out of control. It's not easy. I know you want to help. :)

    If she still wants to shop around after three, then I might say something.

    Her C
    She's the one with the C. Thing is- Sloan and Sinai are great places. I didn't even get a 2nd opinion, because I assumed my team was on the same page with the U of Iowa (which I now doubt was the case). Not sure she will be able to find a Dr. anywhere that'll tell her what she wants to hear, you know. Hope it all works out- please keep us updated.

    kcass
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
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    Kent Cass said:

    Her C
    She's the one with the C. Thing is- Sloan and Sinai are great places. I didn't even get a 2nd opinion, because I assumed my team was on the same page with the U of Iowa (which I now doubt was the case). Not sure she will be able to find a Dr. anywhere that'll tell her what she wants to hear, you know. Hope it all works out- please keep us updated.

    kcass

    Very good Cancer treatment centers
    And very good doctors, like Kent said she is the one with the cancer let her get as many opinion as she feels she needs. At some point she will need to connect with one of these doctors and put her trust in that he knows what he is doing.

    Wishing you the and Mon the best
    Hondo
  • Jimbo55
    Jimbo55 Member Posts: 590 Member
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    More Opinions
    I just came back from getting a 2nd and 3rd opinion. Your Mom needs to have confidence in her Dr's and treatment plan. If that means seeing one more Dr, then go for it. Cheers

    Jimbo
  • MarineE5
    MarineE5 Member Posts: 1,031 Member
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    Agree with others
    B,

    I am in agreement with the others. Let your Mom have another look see and she will more then likely come to a conclusion. She does need to be comfortable with whom ever she decides on.

    I spoke with another patient some time ago and he had actually seen 4 Doctors. The 4th Doctor explained it this way to him. If they were making bread, they all have the recipe but make the mixture differently. The end result is a loaf of bread. He was given several options as far as the treatments, all incluled Chemo, but in different ways. He finally made his decision and is happy with it as he was just told he was "NED" No Evidence of Disease.

    My Best to Both of You and Everyone Here