The biggest blunder I ever made........

djm_2010

I also blame myself not
I also blame myself not having a colonoscopy earlier, knowing that we have a strong history of colorectal cancer, I had rectal bleeding since I was in high school and my diet was terrible, all the fast foods and meat that I ate. I'm in the medical field and know that I should had it earlier but I really hate the taste of phosposoda and the preparation needed for the procedure, hence the delay and it's too late. I also had my 15 yr old son a colonoscolpy because he also having rectal bleeding, thank God it's only colitis. We should not take our health for granted and live healthily from now on, maybe I had this cancer 10 yrs ago, and I will never know. I'll just have my children screened earlier and hope that this cancer curse will stop with me.

pete43lost_at_sea

TMac52 said:

My Story is similar to Blakes!
I went for a routine colonascopy. No symptoms, no pain, I was 51 yrs old and had already waited a year too long. Doctor removed a large polyp 11 inches into my colon. Started at the very end of the colon and worked his way out. I was sound asleep until he burnt out that polyp woke my right up. after he removed the polyp exam was over he said everything else was clean "NOT" he never went back in to do the other 11 inches. (from the polyp to the anal canal) When I write this out my anger starts to get the best of me. anyhow 3 months later I had blood in my stool but didnt think anything but hemroids since he was just in there. I waited another 4 months as it got worse i got scared and my primary told me to schedule another scope. went to the same doctor this time woke up with a cancer diagnosis in the rectum 2cm tumor. I wanted to seriously hurt this guy and i think he knew it, he was all apologies and admitted to missing it on the first go round.
Now I spent time being mad at him and then turned the anger inward. I hadnt done a very good job of taking care of my insides. I liftrd weights and looked good on the outside but drank too much and ate all the wrong foods. I had quit smoking when my son was born and when he was 16 I was going through a divorce i picked up the butts again.

So when it comes right down to it I did it myself. could the doctor have saved me from having a permanent colostomy?? Maybe we'll never know, but now that I'm almost done with my mop-up chemo one year later, it's all water under the bridge. Most importantly now is keeping my 2 sons 21 and 18 healthy and i'm not off to a good start. their diet is terrible even though they played sports all of their lives.

This is a great thread good to get this stuff out and good to hear everyones point of view with regard to diagnosis and diet. I am eating alot healthier now and even juicing once a day. Good health to all!!! Tom

just take the boys out to dinner
try and find a healthy restaurant.
I have the same gaol to bring up health aware kids.
your dx story sux as well, so sorry mate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lets just say LOTS OF ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT in the medical system and how we use it.

at least people who read this board are informed of the type, size and frequency of the COCKUPS. all around the world. its not surprising doctors are clearly faliable and are human. In life threatening issues a second and third opinion buys certainy, treatment options. I even had a **** scan at one hospital. If i did not have a 2nd opinion my tumour would have been treated as a t3 not the t4 it was. glad I avoided that.

tell yoiur boys about thhe fitest marathon jogger who dropped dead of a heart attack. his arteries were clogged.

pete43lost_at_sea

coloCan said:

Some researchers and companies are trying to come up with
more comprehensive and prognostic ways of detecting CRC other than the pathology analysis that generally follows the snipping of tissue during the colonoscopy procedure,most revolving around blood tests and genetic/biologic markers which may also indicate potential likelihood of mets in lungs/liver in the future......

Again, guidelines concerning diet, nutrition , exercise and cancer, can be found at the ACS, AICR, NCI,and other cancer.orgs and .govs as well as the CRC-specific orgs (fightcolorectalcancer.org, formerly 3C)web sites and most provide free booklets, info.etc

One good book to read has been cited here before, "Anticancer: A New Way of Life" by Dr Servan-Schreiber, specifically the shiny,color pages in the middle,- page 9 of these for CRC- between pages 178-179 (if you don't want to read it all)

anticancer is amazing, i have not put it down
did you see my post about master and commander. probably not, no onme commented but it was from reading anticancer.

I am looking or will make an online copy the others to read ( assuming they order the book if they like it )

we should have sticky posts like on other sites, where we could have a selected reading list. just an idea. surviving survival and anticancer would be on my list.

Pete

pete43lost_at_sea

lisa42 said:

how I wish I had acted sooner
Oh, how I wish I had acted sooner, myself. Even after I put it off so long myself, my doctor still acted like I wasn't a cancer risk (with no risk factors or family history at all of cancer & I was "too young" supposedly at "just" 40). So, even after I acted and went to the doctor, it was still another 5 months before I had a colonoscopy and was diagnosed as stage IV rectal cancer, with it already quite profusedly spread throughout my liver and both lungs.
But, as we say too- it's really no use bemoaning what has transpired and what cannot be changed. The only way others can benefit from my loss now is that I can spread the word to others to act on any/all symptoms and get checked out! My own brother still won't act, even 3-1/2 years after my stage IV diagnosis he still hasn't ever gone to the doctor to request a colonoscopy. His angle, he claims, is that his insurance is so bad that it pays for almost nothing so even if they found something, he could never pay for any treatment. I told him how there are ways he could be helped, especially as he is quite low income, but he won't listen. He is so concerned about me, but still won't act for himself. It really does concern me. Fortunately, my cancer genetics were tested and I was found to not have the family hereditary type, but I still know that he needs to be checked soon, as he has now just turned 40.

The thing that makes me the most frustrated with my whole situation & I've heard it from so many other people is that the doctor and nurse practitioner that I first saw blew it off & decided to not be proactive and to not take the "better safe than sorry" attitude. I definitely had a lot of blood, so my insurance paying for my colonoscopy was no problem- that wasn't the reason. I really think the doctor and nurse were just ignorant that colorectal cancer can really present itself in someone younger than their standard age of 50 to do colonoscopies & really just thought there was no reason other than hemmorhoids for my bleeding.
Now, in retrospect, I know that my many, many years of having digestive upset was due to my being gluten intolerant, which in turn caused irritable bowel. It is my hunch that because my colon and rectum were always irritated, that the polyp formed and then grew into a tumor and that is probably what caused my cancer. I had never really complained to my doctor until that point in time about my digestive problems. I had always been that way and my mom was that way too. Being quite ignorant about irritable bowel, colitis, etc., I just thought that was the way I was wired and that it was "normal" for me. I had years of diarrhea, which is why I really wasn't alerted, because there really wasn't a big change in my bowel function- they were functioning the way they had been for years, which was badly, but that was my normal.
I think word is getting out a lot more in the past couple of years to doctors- I know my family doctor has since said that she has seen several cases of colorectal cancer & in several people in their 30's', 40's, even a couple in their 20's. We know this to be true on the CSN board here- I would say most of us are under 50. I do wonder if we on the CSN board are a true representative of ages associated with this cancer- perhaps the older people mostly just aren't ones to go on an internet support group. Heck, my own mother is 67 and she just finally purchased a computer, so I know she would never go on a board like CSN if she were ever diagnosed with cancer. Hmmm...
Makes me think a lot...
But thinking doesn't help unless it is put into action- so now I'm a spokesperson everywhere I go for getting tested and checked out if there are ANY signs or possible symptoms. Better safe than sorry is my motto! Now if only my own brother would listen...

Hugs to all,
Lisa

dearest lisa may i disagree
only nit picking but thinking and the contents of these posts are tremendously benefical to us all.

I believe our "thinking really helps" then posting a reply "that really helps more"
i am comparing and contrasting thoughts, feelings, knowledge, experiences. dammit we are colorectal experts in many mnay ways.

of course actions help even more. but it all starts with thinking and caring.

Pete

pete43lost_at_sea

KathiM said:

So well said, my Southern gentleman cowboy!!!!
I'm still learning....looking to change my life once again....reached an impass with my beau...After 20 years, we are talking about splitting up....I feel lighter!

Hugs, Kathi

hi kathi
sorry to hear about possible split.

we grow and change alot from our extreme life experience cnacer, so sometimes our spouses get disconnected. its sad when this happens. I hope your happiness is maximised which ever route the relationship goes.

if you get a chance read "surviving survival" its awesome.

Pete

SamsWife

plh4gail said:

The thing about this thought
The thing about this thought that now keeps entering my mind is about my kids. I didn't have any family history of colon cancer and I led the so called healthy life. So since I got the diagnosis and my onc told me my children (25 and 24) need to have their colonoscopy 10 years younger than I was at diagnosis....why only 10 years? I know it's not what they want to do or think about, but like you said coloCan...why wait for the damage? Look at the young people on here with this diagnosis. And I consider myself as young at 46, there are kids here in their 20's like my kids.

Just thinking, Gail

Kids
Hi Gail -

I've not been on here before (I don't think) but I have visited the caregiver and surviving caregivers sites many times. I wanted to respond to your thoughts about your kids. My husband was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer in July of 2007 and passed away last year, March 1, 2010. We were also told to have our kids (I have 4) get a colonoscopy 15 years prior to when my husband presented (I think you said yours said 10); he was 46 when he was diagnosed. I'm actually having my kids get a base line colonoscopy when they're 20 because of exactly what you're afraid of and have noticed. I read about quite a few people in their 20's who get colon cancer and I'm like you; I just thought, why wait? Also, my oldest daughter had an inflamed colon a couple of years ago (she's 22 now) and we just decided to get her checked - the docs don't know why her colon was inflamed; they said the usual answers: stress, a virus, etc. My husband always had digestive issues for as long as I knew him and my daughter does also - she reminds of him that way. Anyway, I talked with a gastro-int. doc and he said he thought it was a very good idea to just have them all checked at 20 and then we can go from there. We all know how important early diagnoses are. I don't know if you've ever heard of Lynch Syndrome but I've recently learned about it - you can read more about it on-line but basically it's a genetic predisposition to certain types of cancer. In order to be genetically tested for it the doc's look at three specific criteria and my kids fall within that criteria. The only benefit really of having the test is knowing whether or not you're predisposed to certain cancers and, therefore, should be tested earlier and more frequently than what is normally recommended for the general population. Good knowledge to have though - as we all know.

Good luck to you and God bless.
Tina

greybeard64

pscott1 said:

I'm 1 day away from a liver
I'm 1 day away from a liver biopsy to see if what the first Onc told me is true. She says my MRI that was done on 2/17, which they didn't do on 1/8 before the colonoscopy or after, but probably had time to do; shows that I have multiple lesions - 15, that it's definitely mets to my liver from the colon cancer, incurable, inoperable, radiation not an option, only chemo and maybe I might see another 4 years! I went for 2nd opinion to Siteman Cancer Center and my new Onc says that he doesn't see what they are seeing. He says spread should never be based off scans alone. So Wednesday I do the biopsy and find out the truth. I have been obsessing over this cancer since I woke up from the colonoscopy and heard those dreadful words.....you have cancer. I eat, sleep, walk, talk and breathe cancer; I've dropped 14 pounds that I'm aware of; I'm sure from the stress that is taking me over. Even when I try to push positive thoughts in my mind, it's like the natural disaster that hit Japan; it just rushes over me, the "what if's" and "what next" and I barely feel like I'm alive anymore. I keep saying if I had only asked for the colonoscopy in 2009 during my 50th birthday, if I had only ate better, exercised more, got more rest, not let life's worries overwhelm me, if, if, if..... I'm running out of reasons why I think I ended up with this horrible thing that has totally changed my life as I knew it. I'm not going to lie; I hate this....I feel like some days when I wake up that I just can't take another minute of this. I mean for God's sake, I haven't even started my chemo yet and I just feel like I could lay down and give up. You're all right though...who knows how we got it or why. We have it and I guess we have no option other than to fight it. So I'll keep going down this road of unknowns and try to make the best of it that I possibly can. I have 3 girls that I love dearly and I am just not ready to leave them; not even close. It is what it is.

Pam

Siteman CAM
Pam, I also ended up at siteman after the original diagnosis. I found an ONC closer (Dr. Popovic in Maryville, IL I am on the east side as they say) and have been very pleased with the results. I went through chemo in Maryville but all other aspects of my treatment where done at Barnes Hospital through the siteman center. I have nothing but good things to say about every specialist, surgeon, Doc, or nurse that I came into contact with. Considering where I was I am sure I owe that group of specialist and my Onc for saving my life. I understand how you feel, many of us do, and while I can give you know magic elixer or a specific game plan to help you deal with this I will offer you the following. It helped me not to look at to big of the picture or dwell on where I MIGHT end up. At this point you just dont know. Taking it day to day for me was easier and trying to keep my imagination in check helped. Dont go looking for trouble, or beat yourself up with the "what should I have done differently" it really serves no purpose. what is done is done and while it is easier said then done, just putting one foot in front of the other or even holding your own should be looked upon as a victory. I used to drive myself crazy trying to be upbeat and positive all the time, I couldnt do it, and then I chastized myself because I do believe a positive attitude is a benefit in dealing with this disease and by feeling depressed I was hurting my own cause. In time I learned to relax a bit its okay to doubt, to be depressed, or just be damn mad just dont get stuck there. I also have three girls and during the course of my adventure I have seen 5 new grandchildren enter into my life. Hold on to the fact that you are "just not ready to leave them, not even close" and draw your strength from the resolve that is so evident in that last sentence of yours. I am rooting for you Pam!

fair winds and following seas
Chris (greybeard)

greybeard64

plh4gail said:

The thing about this thought
The thing about this thought that now keeps entering my mind is about my kids. I didn't have any family history of colon cancer and I led the so called healthy life. So since I got the diagnosis and my onc told me my children (25 and 24) need to have their colonoscopy 10 years younger than I was at diagnosis....why only 10 years? I know it's not what they want to do or think about, but like you said coloCan...why wait for the damage? Look at the young people on here with this diagnosis. And I consider myself as young at 46, there are kids here in their 20's like my kids.

Just thinking, Gail

same boat
I too have no history of cancer of any form in my family, I was in good shape athletic and 42 years old when diagnosed. I have told my daughters (all in the mid to late 20's) not to wait for the test. I am in complete agreement why not test early. The history has been established and the earlier the detection the better the diagnosis, right!

Chris
greybeard

greybeard64

CherylHutch said:

An interesting quote that seems appropriate
The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered "Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived."

Cheryl

Perfect
That is so true!

luvmum

plh4gail said:

Dora, You need to make that
Dora, You need to make that the last time you blame yourself for not catching your Moms cancer earlier. Just be there for her in the right now and be the wonderful loving daughter that you are! As you read in all of the above, and if you didn't read them, go back and read all of the above posts. We have all been in your shoes and hopefully learned from it. Now is the time to be strong and active in her health care, now that you know what you're dealing with. You can do it girlfriend!! :):)

Love and hugs, Gail

Dear Gail, thank you so much!
Dear Gail,

I know, I should stop this ... sometimes when I'm feeling down and when I see my mum is feeling bad, I will blame myself again... but I'm really trying very hard to move forward and not to look back. I've finally read all the threads here and I really admire all of you. Thinking and acting positively, you are all strong fighters. I really wish I could have half of your strength.

Gail, thank you so much for your kind words and encouragements. I will not give up and will still try my very best to take good care of my mum so she can recover faster, or at least to make her feel more comfortable during this hard time.

Please take good care!
Lots of love from Dora

greybeard64

luvmum said:

Dear Gail, thank you so much!
Dear Gail,

I know, I should stop this ... sometimes when I'm feeling down and when I see my mum is feeling bad, I will blame myself again... but I'm really trying very hard to move forward and not to look back. I've finally read all the threads here and I really admire all of you. Thinking and acting positively, you are all strong fighters. I really wish I could have half of your strength.

Gail, thank you so much for your kind words and encouragements. I will not give up and will still try my very best to take good care of my mum so she can recover faster, or at least to make her feel more comfortable during this hard time.

Please take good care!
Lots of love from Dora

Dora
Gail said it best and I agree. I want to add something though. My wife went through the same scenario. She never suspected what was going on and she is an outstanding nurse. She beat herself up for awhile but has accepted the fact that it's also not her fault. now she jokes that "tums" ( a over the counter med for stomach discomfort) will not cure cancer. She suggested these when my symptoms first started.

I dont know what your profession or background is but lets face it how many people went to doctors, complaining about symptoms that after the fact seemed to "obviously" point to cancer and they still didnt find out until much later they had it. If people in the medical field can miss it, why should you expect more from yourself? Sometimes it doesnt seem to matter what we did or didnt do...."S#$t just happens" as they say.

Bless you for your care and compassion for your mother, she is a lucky lady to have you, and you are obviously a attentive caregiver. In my book, that makes you an angel.

Chris