The room

mswijiknyc
mswijiknyc Member Posts: 421
in Grief and Bereavement #1
For well over a month now, even since before Pat passed, I have been avoiding really doing anything in the bedroom we shared. I go in there and I go right back out. I already moved my clothes out of there before he passed as I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep there. I thought I would, but no, just can't.

As everything starts coming together, paperwork pretty much finalized and knowing my time here in this house is coming to a close, I know I can't continue to leave everything for later. I really don't want to leave everything for last minute to try and make a split second decision about everything that's there.

Nighttime is worse, but I have a strange feeling that is when I will end up sorting through everything. I don't want to do this, but I don't want anyone else to, and I don't want help with it. *sighhhhhhh*

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LEAVING ME WITH ALL YOUR CRAP. IT IS TRULY APPRECIATED. Can't say that completely, he gave some things to people he knew. With exception of his tools, which he lent out like a moron and now the a$$hole he lent them to refuses to give them back to me, I still have most of it. With his tools, it's just the point. Not that I would know what to do with them anyway.

Yes, I'm talking in circles. Again, avoidance. How is it I can everything else without batting an eyelash but this I just can't do?

Comments

  • Pennymac02
    Pennymac02 Member Posts: 332 Member
    #2
    Yuck
    I hate that you're going to have to move and will be unable to wait for a while to got thru Pat's stuff. I've just ignored Mikes closet and dresser because every time I think I'll try..well, I just can't.

    When Mikes son Zach came for the motorcycle I had to got thru a lot of stuff whether I wanted to or not. It was okay while we were doing it, but after he left, alone, and yes, in the evening, it was pretty awful. Nights are the worst. House is too quiet.

    I did finish painting the bedroom and have refinished some furniture and moved things around, so the room feels more like mine than ours. I remember being very upset with my stepmother for remodeling after my dad passed away. Boy, do I ever understand it now. I think this little bit of avoidance is okay, April. Who wants to take on a painful chore when they're in enough pain already?
    Penny
  • hope0310
    hope0310 Member Posts: 320
    #3
    Pennymac02 said:

    Yuck
    I hate that you're going to have to move and will be unable to wait for a while to got thru Pat's stuff. I've just ignored Mikes closet and dresser because every time I think I'll try..well, I just can't.

    When Mikes son Zach came for the motorcycle I had to got thru a lot of stuff whether I wanted to or not. It was okay while we were doing it, but after he left, alone, and yes, in the evening, it was pretty awful. Nights are the worst. House is too quiet.

    I did finish painting the bedroom and have refinished some furniture and moved things around, so the room feels more like mine than ours. I remember being very upset with my stepmother for remodeling after my dad passed away. Boy, do I ever understand it now. I think this little bit of avoidance is okay, April. Who wants to take on a painful chore when they're in enough pain already?
    Penny

    My stepfather.......
    ....slept on a blow up mattress in the living room floor by moms hospital bed, for 7 weeks.

    He continued to sleep there for 3 months after she passed.....just could not go back to their bed/room.

    Give yourself time, only you will know when it is right...


    I have gone over to go through some of moms stuff a million times...never turns out like I plan. Baby steps.....

    Lov ya girl!
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #4
    Thinking of you April
    April,
    Do you have to move so soon? They say not to make hasty decisions after something like this happens.
    I can't even go through Tom's stuff muchless getting rid of stuff. This really sucks and I don't know how I can go on somedays.
    I'm so sorry that we all have to go through this. Life isn't fair and cancer sucks.
    Take care April & keep in touch! PM me if you want. "Carole"
  • debbieg5
    debbieg5 Member Posts: 167
    #5
    avoidance
    Funny thing...it dawned on me the other day that I have been purposely avoiding anything related to my husband lately. Definitely nothing big like going through clothes or boxes of office stuff. But not even the little things like letting my eyes rest on the leftover memorial handouts from the funeral that are still lying on the hallway table. some of it is mental like when a thought or memory creeps up, I just push it away. Not sure why I started doing that...guess my brain/heart just needed a rest. Well, I had to come face to face with it on Sunday. I'll write about that later but suffice it to say that the dam broke and everything came pouring out...in public. I guess that just proved to me that avoidance is not a long term solution.
    Damn! I wish someone had left better directions for this journey that we are forced to take.
    debbie
  • mswijiknyc
    mswijiknyc Member Posts: 421
    #6
    moving . . .
    It crossed my mind before that if this was the course his disease would take that I might want to move. When it became more of a reality, I knew I couldn't stay in this house. This is Patrick's house, and I can't stay here. I will be staying on the Island, but just not in this house. I'm trying to settle up all of his affairs before I do that so nothing gets lost or follows me so to speak.

    I have heard before not to make big decisions in the time directly following a spouse's passing. I don't look at this as a big decision, more like rearranging things.

    I remember when we first got married I was so excited that I was finally a Mrs. Hardly anybody every used it, and now I'm finally getting mail addressed to Mrs. April Howe.

    *sighhhhh* Dammit.
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #7
    debbieg5 said:

    avoidance
    Funny thing...it dawned on me the other day that I have been purposely avoiding anything related to my husband lately. Definitely nothing big like going through clothes or boxes of office stuff. But not even the little things like letting my eyes rest on the leftover memorial handouts from the funeral that are still lying on the hallway table. some of it is mental like when a thought or memory creeps up, I just push it away. Not sure why I started doing that...guess my brain/heart just needed a rest. Well, I had to come face to face with it on Sunday. I'll write about that later but suffice it to say that the dam broke and everything came pouring out...in public. I guess that just proved to me that avoidance is not a long term solution.
    Damn! I wish someone had left better directions for this journey that we are forced to take.
    debbie

    Cards from funeral
    Debbie,
    Believe it or not but I still haven't read all the sympathy cards I got when Tom died. I have them in the closet with the guest book from the funeral home. One of these days I'll be able to do it, but not yet. I know we can't avoid things forever, but one day we'll be able to face our lives alone and go on with things, right?
    Take care Debbie! Carole
  • debbieg5
    debbieg5 Member Posts: 167
    #8
    3Mana said:

    Cards from funeral
    Debbie,
    Believe it or not but I still haven't read all the sympathy cards I got when Tom died. I have them in the closet with the guest book from the funeral home. One of these days I'll be able to do it, but not yet. I know we can't avoid things forever, but one day we'll be able to face our lives alone and go on with things, right?
    Take care Debbie! Carole

    cards
    Carole, someone suggested to me that something to do on the anniversary of their death was to review the smypathy cards that you received. I know that date is looming in your very close future. It will probably bring some tears but that's not always a bad thing. Hang tough!!
    Debbie

Discussion Boards