leesag Member Posts: 621 Member
Ok...so I've been a lurker lately. Things are going well for me. In January, CA125 was 13. However, for the past week, I've had nightmares every night, nightmares about the cancer returning. Last night, I dreamed that I was in the waiting room of the hospital and the nurse called my name. I couldn't hear her, so I called across the room to her. She said, "27 your new number is 27. But don't worry, it's still normal." Immediately, the patients around me began whispering that my number had doubled and it was back.

Da*n cancer. Haunts me in my sleep.

Now the news about Jayne comes. I'm so angry and so scared, I don't want to sleep tonight.

I have a hunch that if anyone can persuade the Great Spirit to provide a cure for us, it's Jayne. I really hate that she has to make a personal appearance to get it done.

Sorry for the ramble, I'm just in a mood.





  • kellyh33
    kellyh33 Member Posts: 287
    No need to apologize we all get in moods sometimes. You are entitled to feel grumpy and a down every now and then.
    It is discouraging to say the least when someone on the board loses their battle, but you are right Jayne will keep an eye out on all of her ladies.
    Have you considered something for sleep if you are having a hardtime getting a good night's sleep? I can almost feel the stress in your post. I hope you have lots of good friends and family you can talk to when you are upset.
    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
    Kelly <3
  • Hissy_Fitz
    Hissy_Fitz Member Posts: 1,834
    I just told my


    I just told my husband not 30 minutes ago that I need two of his klonopin so I can sleep tonight. I rarely take that stuff, and have eschewed anti-depressants ever since they were offered to me, way back in the beginning. (Here's your diagnosis, a copy of your labs, and a prescription for Prosac.)

    I know what you mean about the nightmares, too. And you're right: Cancer has taken over our lives - even our unconscious lives. What a crock!

    I knew, as did she, that Jayne's time was drawing to a close. The last email I received from her, she talked about how important it was for us to make our voices - our stories - told, so that people understand there are real people behind the statistics. That was the driving force behind her blog, and the very graphic photos and videos. Not for shock value, but so people could see what this disease does to its victims. How many of us could put our dignity in our back pocket like that, and let the world see us at our most vulnerable and unattractive? Jayne didn't do that for the attention; she did it for us. She knew it was too late for her, but she had great hopes for her teal sisters. She supported me and encouraged me in my decision to join the vaccine trial. There was a time when I second guessed myself, and thought I might even back out. But when I thought about Jayne, and everything she had been thru, I knew that she would have done it in a heartbeat - no reservations at all. She had real chutzpah. True grit. The heart of a lion. Whatever you want to call it. She never lost hope. She never gave up. Almost 9 years, and she never even considered throwing in the towel. And she wouldn't want us to, either.

    You are so right, Leesa....if there is a heaven, Jayne is there, pleading our case and lobbying for the cause. Like me, Jayne had no sisters, except for us - her virtual teal sisters. And she loved us all.

  • Mwee
    Mwee Member Posts: 1,338
    sleep haunts
    Just when we think we have some control in our lives, we have the nerve to fall asleep and wham.... we're hit with THOSE dreams.
    (((sweet dreams))) Maria
  • childofthestars
    childofthestars Member Posts: 251 Member
    I so understand how

    I so understand how you feel, even though i never had the privilege of 'knowing' Jane I was really devastated when I read she had passed and then went on to read her blog. I haven't even been able to write anything in response to Carlene as i just don't know what to say! I can honestly say it really scared me and I have not slept properly since. I am scared but what to do. I think being in a positive state of mind must go some way to helping but at the end of the day what is needed is research, research, research, funding, funding, funding and MORE AWARENESS.
    Big (((hugs))) for all of us.
    Michelle x