A little humor....figured we could all use some
Dear Hernia... Go away. Now. Kthxbai.
Dear Beck, this is your hernia- I think you're hot, so I am going to stay awhile. But if you get me tickets to Disneyland, I'll go! Sincerely, your loving hernia xoxo
Dear Hernia who sounds suspiciously not like a hernia but someone else who wants me to fund a vacation... Go away. You're not getting squat.
Dear Doubter- I am too a hernia!! I have my membership card and everything. I am really hurt you are not acknowledging me as your own personal hernia. You have hurt my feelings. Sincerely, your not so loving anymore hernia PS- Don't piss me off, it won't go well for you, I promise!
Dear Fake Hernia - You can't fool me. You wouldn't go away for Disneyland tickets because you need a body to get there.
Dear management- LOTS of people go to Disneyland- I could go with them. Signed, Super REAL Hernia
Not so dear Fake Hernia - Yes, but you're STUCK in my body for now. That's ok. Your time is coming. And by that, I mean look out. You're getting fixed.
The Real Management
Oh look who just showed up! It's my friends Bunion and Canker Sore!! Just waiting for Hemmoroid and Gout and we can have a basketball game since NO ONE is sending me to Disneyland!!!!
See here's the deal - I already have pain meds. You're done. BRING your friends. I'll deal with them with medication.
I just got a call from dear old aunt Leprosy. She has been away in the mountains for quite awhile. And is just aching to get back to society. She says to tell you thanks for the wonderful invitation to visit!! Her sister Hairy Nose Wart is coming too! Her gay son Pink Eye isn't sure yet if he can make it.
You know, with all of these things coming to visit, I"ll be sure to get lots of time off work and go to a very good hospital where they will chase you guys off with medication and needles and I'll get friends to visit me and you'll get nothing but headaches. And why do you have to mention that pink eye is gay? Are you homophobic? I think you are. That's not tolerated around these parts. You just wait till the hot sauce hears about this.
I LOVE the hospital!! It isn't often we get to visit with Uncle Staph Infection!! And I am not homophobic- some of my best friends are gay!
Yes but you'll also get to visit with Uncle Anitbiotic and Aunt Morphine. You know - from what you told me, they touched you where you didnt' want them too the last time they came around.
Yeah, well I will let Pink Eye know that. I'm sure he'll be happy to throw you a welcome party with some good old fashion sutures,I told you that in confidence- I thought you were my FRIEND!!! I am calling cousin GANGRENE RIGHT NOW
Go ahead. By the time he gets here you'll be too terrified and scarred from your other visitors.
See how funny you think it is when you are missing an arm!!
DISABILITY FOR LIFE!!!!!
Can't we just exchange a few tickets to Disneyland and call it a day? I know a guy we could all go visit instead...
Oh look who's scared now? MUAHAHAHAHAH.
Not scared. I just figured, you know, that's a lot of work. For the both of us. Maybe those tickets would start looking pretty good right about now.
Nope. I'm releasing the hounds.
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