Back to Reality

Callaloo
Callaloo Member Posts: 135
in Esophageal Cancer #1
I left on Feb 2 on a long-awaited Caribbean vacation and after a few days on the beaches of Anguilla in the West Indies, I succeeded in forgetting about my illness. I've been home a week, and now I have the disappointing results of my CT scan of a few days ago to jar me back to reality.

But that disappointment pales in comparison with the true heartbreak I felt when I logged in here this morning after avoiding this site for nearly a month. I am so saddened by Sherri's news about Jim, and Barb's Vince and Sally's dad. I never expected so much tragedy to strike in the few weeks I was away. I feel I was personally invested in successful outcomes for each of you, and I'm so sorry.

I think I am finally beginning to accept and understand what the doctors told me almost a year ago, what it means to be incurable. I come here not only to find some answers to my medical questions, but to find inspiration to face what my future holds for me with the same grace that I see here in others.

I will be back later when I've gathered my thoughts.

Lu in Oregon

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  • Unknown
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    #2
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  • Callaloo
    Callaloo Member Posts: 135
    #3
    William, I truly appreciate
    William, I truly appreciate your kind and thoughtful message -- full of compassion and understanding, without being Pollyannish. I especially appreciate your honesty. I know it comes, not just from your being an EC survivor having walked the walk, but also because you have done all you can to be well-informed. I'm not as eloquent as you, so I can't begin express how valuable you are to this forum, but I am grateful that you are here.

    I do not yet have a full pathology on the apparent tumors that showed up on my CT a couple weeks ago. And it will be a couple more weeks before I will have anything definitive to post here regarding my status and treatment plan. There are many reasons for the delay, but part of it is due to my own indecisiveness or unwillingness to make hard decisions. I returned from vacation a few weeks ago to a busy law practice with lots of work to catch up on, which gave me an excuse, I think, to avoid dealing with my medical issues. Besides, I wanted to take care of work-related obligations now while I'm still strong and feeling good.

    But I recognize that EC requires urgent attention, and it now has my undivided attention. Biopsies this week and travel out of state to consult with an EC specialist next week, then I will post an update.

    Lu

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