hello everybody

lanochka

Hey everybody. I've just joined today and hoping to get some quistions answered by this great group. I'm a 35 yo, had my last chemo in Dec. 2010. I'm a newly divorced parent of an 11 yo son. So, are there any ladies out there, the same age as me, and possibly in the same situation. And also, when I start dating, when do you think is the right time to tell my new "friend/ partner" about my life-changing experience (that left multiple scars on my body)?
Thank you so much to all of you for being here and supporting each other.

seof

I remember some time ago (a
I remember some time ago (a year or 2) someone sent a similar post. I am married (25 yers) with 2 teenage daughters, so I am not in your situation. However, my openness in a relationship is always proportional to the intimacy/seriousness/longevity of the relationship. For example, the relationship I have with the Wal-mart clerk is not one that I expect to last long, so it is not worth much effort or risk. Casual chit-chat, or just polite greeting is sufficient. My boss at work is a relationship that is worth a bit more work, so I am willing to be a bit more open, but just about work-related issues. My friends at church are worth a bit more effort. They know some things about work and some things about family, and it is worth risking some openness because they will support and pray for me. My daughters and my husband are expected to be lifetime relationships that are worth as much effort as I can give. I am as open as know how to be with them and it is worth a great deal of risk.

So, what does this have to do with your situation? Maybe nothing. I guess what I am getting at is this: if I was getting to a point in the relationship where he might see scars and ask questions, I would probably say something before getting into that situation. Or if a Dr. appointment or feeling bad because of chemo was going to interfere with dating plans I would explain. If the relationship is worth pursuing, knowing that you are a survivor should not make much difference. If he can't handle it, you need someone who can.

That's my take on it, for what it's worth. seof

lanochka

seof said:

I remember some time ago (a
I remember some time ago (a year or 2) someone sent a similar post. I am married (25 yers) with 2 teenage daughters, so I am not in your situation. However, my openness in a relationship is always proportional to the intimacy/seriousness/longevity of the relationship. For example, the relationship I have with the Wal-mart clerk is not one that I expect to last long, so it is not worth much effort or risk. Casual chit-chat, or just polite greeting is sufficient. My boss at work is a relationship that is worth a bit more work, so I am willing to be a bit more open, but just about work-related issues. My friends at church are worth a bit more effort. They know some things about work and some things about family, and it is worth risking some openness because they will support and pray for me. My daughters and my husband are expected to be lifetime relationships that are worth as much effort as I can give. I am as open as know how to be with them and it is worth a great deal of risk.

So, what does this have to do with your situation? Maybe nothing. I guess what I am getting at is this: if I was getting to a point in the relationship where he might see scars and ask questions, I would probably say something before getting into that situation. Or if a Dr. appointment or feeling bad because of chemo was going to interfere with dating plans I would explain. If the relationship is worth pursuing, knowing that you are a survivor should not make much difference. If he can't handle it, you need someone who can.

That's my take on it, for what it's worth. seof

Thank you so much. Any
Thank you so much. Any advise counts for me.

ladyg

Hi lanochka
I am also not in your situation but I did want to welcome you to the group although I am sorry you need to be here. I am pretty sure that you will find someone who has had some experience with what you are asking about. My only "advise" is that you will know when you feel right about telling someone.

Hugs,
Georgia

New Flower

ladyg said:

Hi lanochka
I am also not in your situation but I did want to welcome you to the group although I am sorry you need to be here. I am pretty sure that you will find someone who has had some experience with what you are asking about. My only "advise" is that you will know when you feel right about telling someone.

Hugs,
Georgia

Привет Ланочка
Hi Lanochka,
Your screen name is very similar to Russian first name Ланочка or Лана. Welcome to the board. We have several very young survivors here and I am sure dating is hot topic for any age. I think you need to know person and trust him before you bring the cancer subject up. Right now I wish you minimal side effects from your Chemo and good open relationships with your son. I hope you have a family member who is helping you to go through Chemo. If not, please ask for help.
Hugs,
New Flower

lanochka

New Flower said:

Привет Ланочка
Hi Lanochka,
Your screen name is very similar to Russian first name Ланочка or Лана. Welcome to the board. We have several very young survivors here and I am sure dating is hot topic for any age. I think you need to know person and trust him before you bring the cancer subject up. Right now I wish you minimal side effects from your Chemo and good open relationships with your son. I hope you have a family member who is helping you to go through Chemo. If not, please ask for help.
Hugs,
New Flower

Well, unfortunately cancer
Well, unfortunately cancer doesn't choose, where you're from:). Yes, I'm Russian. Thank you for your great support. I'm actually done with the Chemo part as of Dec. Time to enjoy the life for its fullest:)

pinkkari09

Hello lanochka and welcome
Hello lanochka and welcome to the board. I'm in your situation. I'm 39, have a 16 year old at home yet and a 21 year old on her own. My cancer put serious trauma on my marriage and has left me single. I have dated and I was very open with this gentleman, but I've known him for several years. If you tell someone of your multiple scars right away, and they can't see past this, it'll ween out the bad ones quickly. Just a suggestion. Welcome again and best of luck to you as well.
Miles of "Dating" Love,
~Kari