how do you deal with depression and anxiety when...

Hal61

Eileen
Hi Eileen, thanks for the free style post, and I mean that. I thought I was listening to myself think for a moment, it sounded so familiar. I feel like Dennis a lot, except I've never felt especially angry--chemo, radiation (35), and partial neck dissection. I'm more of a survivor than a "coper". No one has let me down because there was no one left by the time I got cancer. Friends moved or died, wife and I had broken up, and my lady friend lived in another town. Like Sweet, the idea of going back to work is a joke. Luckily, I'm older than most of you, and early SS kicked in because there is a front-of-the-line disability clause that applies to SCC cancers of head and neck. So I don't cope much. I've been to counseling, take pills--but stay aware of the various dangers and don't over do them. I keep the tv on a lot for company, play a computer game more than I'd like to say, read, and try to eat. I watch movies also, but not many comedies, I like history.

I'd just advise you give yourself more time. I know you just had your neck dissection, and that in itself can bring you down for a period. I'm eight months from mine--15 nodes on left removed--and it's lately driving me nutty because it's so tight. I'd leave it on a door step if I could. I have a few web sites I tend to, and just bought a Jack Lalanne power juicer. So my answer for myself is simply to keep trying things. The anxiety and depression are controlled if I keep myself occupied, appreciate the strong people on this board, and remember that the down times will swing up if I let them. According to my counselor--who I no longer see, but he was fine--we don't control much, just what we put in our bodies and how we treat ourselves and others. I'm not sure we control that much, but I get what he's saying.

best, Hal

Greg53

Hal61 said:

Eileen
Hi Eileen, thanks for the free style post, and I mean that. I thought I was listening to myself think for a moment, it sounded so familiar. I feel like Dennis a lot, except I've never felt especially angry--chemo, radiation (35), and partial neck dissection. I'm more of a survivor than a "coper". No one has let me down because there was no one left by the time I got cancer. Friends moved or died, wife and I had broken up, and my lady friend lived in another town. Like Sweet, the idea of going back to work is a joke. Luckily, I'm older than most of you, and early SS kicked in because there is a front-of-the-line disability clause that applies to SCC cancers of head and neck. So I don't cope much. I've been to counseling, take pills--but stay aware of the various dangers and don't over do them. I keep the tv on a lot for company, play a computer game more than I'd like to say, read, and try to eat. I watch movies also, but not many comedies, I like history.

I'd just advise you give yourself more time. I know you just had your neck dissection, and that in itself can bring you down for a period. I'm eight months from mine--15 nodes on left removed--and it's lately driving me nutty because it's so tight. I'd leave it on a door step if I could. I have a few web sites I tend to, and just bought a Jack Lalanne power juicer. So my answer for myself is simply to keep trying things. The anxiety and depression are controlled if I keep myself occupied, appreciate the strong people on this board, and remember that the down times will swing up if I let them. According to my counselor--who I no longer see, but he was fine--we don't control much, just what we put in our bodies and how we treat ourselves and others. I'm not sure we control that much, but I get what he's saying.

best, Hal

Depression and anxiety
Eillen,

I've written about 3 responses to this since it came on-line, but none of them seem to say what I mean to say so none of them ever made it this far, if that makes any sense. I'm quoting Kent here "My experience with depression was limited (I tell myself)". I think that descibes me to a T. Not saying this about Kent, but I definitely was in denial about being depressed and having anxiety. The 3-4 weeks post treatment were BAD for me. I had some really dark days then. In retrospect I wish I had got a little help at that time, whether it would have been counseling or a prescription of some sort. I really wouldn't have cared what others thought of me if I did seek help, but I think I would have thought less of myself for doing it. Dumb, but true.

After that time I started getting busy, working, visiting friends, fishing, hiking, etc. And I started feeling better. Then about 3 months ago it hit me again and I wasn't any fun around friends and family and had a tough time of it. I have thought about this very hard and have determined for me it was a direct relation to how I've changed (for the better I think) due to this crap we're all going thru but mainly it was how I had changed and my Career had not changed as well. I hope I'm not minimizing this by what any others who have commented here and me blaming my latest bout on my work. But that is what it was for me. Previously I loved my job! High pressure, solving problems everyday, dealing with people from my board of directors to clients to employees. Problem is I DO NOT love my job anymore and the pressure and anxiety really got to me. And I like to think it's because I came out on the other side of treatment "a better person" and do not like how I have to deal with that side of my personality now. Because of that I took about a 2 month hiatus from this site during my last crappy time.

Since I (think) I identified the issue, I tried to solve it. I know I'm not leaving my job for at least a year (can get a partial retirement package at that time) I tried several things to help me get over my anxiety. I joined a group for survivors and even though I met several nice people, overall it did not work for me. It was formerly a breast cancer survivor network. I would show up with 15 other people, all women and they would look at me like I had..... cancer or something. Did not feel comfortable even though there were nice people there.

What I think got me out of my situation was 3 things. (Knock on wood, cross my fingers, and hope it doesn't come back). Through that support group I started QiGong and TaiChi. I went to about 4 different teachers. The last one is awesome and has helped me beyond belief. I am not a religious person but this has brought my spiritual thoughts, my mental and my physical being all into one focus. I love it and am pursuing it with a passion. Secondly I volunteer at a no-kill animal shelter. I love giving back and I think that helps me put things in perspective and I love being with dogs and that just calms me down (even when I'm walking the bigges,meanest pit bull in the kennel). The last thing is that I have re-connected with my wife. We've always been best friends but I realize now how important she is to me. I know several here don't have that available for them and I don't mean to be throwing that up there, except to say I admire you people beyond belief for going through this without a caregiver. I have been lucky there.

Wow, this is the longest post I've ever made. This was more of a venting than any advice. Hang in there and hope everyone is doing well!

Positve thoughts to all!

Greg

wifeforlife

Greg53 said:

Depression and anxiety
Eillen,

I've written about 3 responses to this since it came on-line, but none of them seem to say what I mean to say so none of them ever made it this far, if that makes any sense. I'm quoting Kent here "My experience with depression was limited (I tell myself)". I think that descibes me to a T. Not saying this about Kent, but I definitely was in denial about being depressed and having anxiety. The 3-4 weeks post treatment were BAD for me. I had some really dark days then. In retrospect I wish I had got a little help at that time, whether it would have been counseling or a prescription of some sort. I really wouldn't have cared what others thought of me if I did seek help, but I think I would have thought less of myself for doing it. Dumb, but true.

After that time I started getting busy, working, visiting friends, fishing, hiking, etc. And I started feeling better. Then about 3 months ago it hit me again and I wasn't any fun around friends and family and had a tough time of it. I have thought about this very hard and have determined for me it was a direct relation to how I've changed (for the better I think) due to this crap we're all going thru but mainly it was how I had changed and my Career had not changed as well. I hope I'm not minimizing this by what any others who have commented here and me blaming my latest bout on my work. But that is what it was for me. Previously I loved my job! High pressure, solving problems everyday, dealing with people from my board of directors to clients to employees. Problem is I DO NOT love my job anymore and the pressure and anxiety really got to me. And I like to think it's because I came out on the other side of treatment "a better person" and do not like how I have to deal with that side of my personality now. Because of that I took about a 2 month hiatus from this site during my last crappy time.

Since I (think) I identified the issue, I tried to solve it. I know I'm not leaving my job for at least a year (can get a partial retirement package at that time) I tried several things to help me get over my anxiety. I joined a group for survivors and even though I met several nice people, overall it did not work for me. It was formerly a breast cancer survivor network. I would show up with 15 other people, all women and they would look at me like I had..... cancer or something. Did not feel comfortable even though there were nice people there.

What I think got me out of my situation was 3 things. (Knock on wood, cross my fingers, and hope it doesn't come back). Through that support group I started QiGong and TaiChi. I went to about 4 different teachers. The last one is awesome and has helped me beyond belief. I am not a religious person but this has brought my spiritual thoughts, my mental and my physical being all into one focus. I love it and am pursuing it with a passion. Secondly I volunteer at a no-kill animal shelter. I love giving back and I think that helps me put things in perspective and I love being with dogs and that just calms me down (even when I'm walking the bigges,meanest pit bull in the kennel). The last thing is that I have re-connected with my wife. We've always been best friends but I realize now how important she is to me. I know several here don't have that available for them and I don't mean to be throwing that up there, except to say I admire you people beyond belief for going through this without a caregiver. I have been lucky there.

Wow, this is the longest post I've ever made. This was more of a venting than any advice. Hang in there and hope everyone is doing well!

Positve thoughts to all!

Greg

Greg
Your post was wonderful. You seem to be looking at your life straight forward... and making changes that are better for you and the ones you love.
Wife

Greg53

wifeforlife said:

Greg
Your post was wonderful. You seem to be looking at your life straight forward... and making changes that are better for you and the ones you love.
Wife

Change is Good
Thanks wife, I appreciate that.

And I do like making changes for the good, now. My mantra when I do TaiChi is advice my mentor from work told me years ago. It was more about my career, but on second thought, maybe not - that was why he was a good mentor. Nothing that profound but he always said "Change is Good".

Positive thoughts!
Greg

Dragons7-7-2010

Greg53 said:

Depression and anxiety
Eillen,

I've written about 3 responses to this since it came on-line, but none of them seem to say what I mean to say so none of them ever made it this far, if that makes any sense. I'm quoting Kent here "My experience with depression was limited (I tell myself)". I think that descibes me to a T. Not saying this about Kent, but I definitely was in denial about being depressed and having anxiety. The 3-4 weeks post treatment were BAD for me. I had some really dark days then. In retrospect I wish I had got a little help at that time, whether it would have been counseling or a prescription of some sort. I really wouldn't have cared what others thought of me if I did seek help, but I think I would have thought less of myself for doing it. Dumb, but true.

After that time I started getting busy, working, visiting friends, fishing, hiking, etc. And I started feeling better. Then about 3 months ago it hit me again and I wasn't any fun around friends and family and had a tough time of it. I have thought about this very hard and have determined for me it was a direct relation to how I've changed (for the better I think) due to this crap we're all going thru but mainly it was how I had changed and my Career had not changed as well. I hope I'm not minimizing this by what any others who have commented here and me blaming my latest bout on my work. But that is what it was for me. Previously I loved my job! High pressure, solving problems everyday, dealing with people from my board of directors to clients to employees. Problem is I DO NOT love my job anymore and the pressure and anxiety really got to me. And I like to think it's because I came out on the other side of treatment "a better person" and do not like how I have to deal with that side of my personality now. Because of that I took about a 2 month hiatus from this site during my last crappy time.

Since I (think) I identified the issue, I tried to solve it. I know I'm not leaving my job for at least a year (can get a partial retirement package at that time) I tried several things to help me get over my anxiety. I joined a group for survivors and even though I met several nice people, overall it did not work for me. It was formerly a breast cancer survivor network. I would show up with 15 other people, all women and they would look at me like I had..... cancer or something. Did not feel comfortable even though there were nice people there.

What I think got me out of my situation was 3 things. (Knock on wood, cross my fingers, and hope it doesn't come back). Through that support group I started QiGong and TaiChi. I went to about 4 different teachers. The last one is awesome and has helped me beyond belief. I am not a religious person but this has brought my spiritual thoughts, my mental and my physical being all into one focus. I love it and am pursuing it with a passion. Secondly I volunteer at a no-kill animal shelter. I love giving back and I think that helps me put things in perspective and I love being with dogs and that just calms me down (even when I'm walking the bigges,meanest pit bull in the kennel). The last thing is that I have re-connected with my wife. We've always been best friends but I realize now how important she is to me. I know several here don't have that available for them and I don't mean to be throwing that up there, except to say I admire you people beyond belief for going through this without a caregiver. I have been lucky there.

Wow, this is the longest post I've ever made. This was more of a venting than any advice. Hang in there and hope everyone is doing well!

Positve thoughts to all!

Greg

Depression, Anxiety, Anger and no evidence of Disease
First thanks all for the words of encouragement and input. I am glad to know I am not alone in how I feel and what I have been experiencing. Well, I have been busy recovering, going back to work, seeing a counselor, trying to get out to socialize and just get back on track with the new life I have. On a major positive I went to my surgical oncologist on March 8th and got the words we all long to hear NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE. They removed 16 lymph nodes in my partial selective neck dissection and no evidence of disease so I can say I am cancer free for now. I have a follow up CT in 3 months and see my medical oncologist in April. I am going to have Accupuncture for the pain I still experience and hoping that they can do something for the depression, anxiety too.

I am going to see if I can get in to see the Counselor at MD Anderson as the counselor I am seeing is not really working for me and sometimes I actually think her eyes close when I am talking like she is falling asleep.

I did go to a support group that was very helpful unfortunately it only meets once a month on the first tuesday of the month.

I have decided that I may have do distance myself from some family or may have lost some friends in the process of my anxiety and depression. I pray my friends and family can try to understand it is a hard time as you all know. We have our good days (where we are positive and happy) and then we have our bad days where we want to just cry (do cry), get angry and yell. And until someone actually walks in our shoes and join this club no one wants to beloing to (the cancer club as I call it) they really cannot understand 100% what we as the cancer patient go through. With the exception of the caregivers on this site who seem to really have empathy and get what we go through....Many people I believe cannot understand the depression and anger we feel that we did not do anything to get cancer yet here we are we got cancer and whether we are in treatment, post treatment or dealing with a reoccurrence it is ok to be angry and / or depressed. Otherwise we would not be human feelings are part of being human and cancer did not cause us to no longer be human.

So I will accept what happens next, if it is family not being able to cope, losing friends, gaining friends part of me believes things happen for a reason and being a spiritual person I believe GOD will get me through all of this if I take myself to him in prayer he will either give me the strength to deal with my burdens or take my burdens from me.

I take Everyday as it comes and try to be the best person I can be at work, at home, and with friends and family.

Trying to stay positive one day at a time and not run out of energy.

Thanks for listening.

Eileen Cibil
Dragons7-7-2010

Now cancer free 3-8-2011

Dragons7-7-2010

adventurebob said:

stress and anxiety
Hi Eileen,
Sounds like it's been a long haul for you. Good thing you're on this board as most of us understand what you're going through and have gone through our own long hauls. I'm 2 months out of treatment and learning to handle the stress and anxiety of not being the same guy I was prior to cancer. And every time I get an ache or itch or something feels not quite right my mind goes where it shouldn't. Mornings are still the worst but are getting better. I have a few tricks that work for me and I'm happy to share them. 1. Prayer 2. Music 3. Reading: Psalms is full of prayers from David stressing out 4. Walking 5. Yoga 6. This board 7. Funny movies 8. Bath 9. Cuddle with the cat 10. Call my Mom
I do have a therapist that I see weekly and I also do accupuncture 2 times a week. I attend a support group with my girlfriend twice monthly that is helpful too. It seems to be getting better as I get further away from treatment but I still have some days that just suck. I hope you find some things that work for you. It will get better. It helps to believe that. Feel free to keep venting. That's what this board is for and we're all here for you.

BOb

stress and anxiety and a new cat...
Well, I started back volunteering with the cat rescue group I volunteered with before cancer. My friends will think I am crazy and I don't care but it makes me happy and gives me peace and reduces stress. Plus, I took on fostering 4 tiny kittens and then a one year old all white cat. The 4 kittens are siblings and the one year old cat reminded me of my former cat Tiggy Boo that died in 2003. Another friends says I should keep this white cat I am calling her BOO in honor of my tiggy Boo but I wonder if Boo Kitty was meant to come into my life at this time. She loves to cuddle though right now she is in isolation in the bathroom.

But it is also a way to make extra money as the cat rescue group gives me cat food and cat liter in exchange for fostering. I think it is a win win situation.

Thanks BOB for the advice. I am also going for accupuncture on March 29th hoping that will help with pain and anxiety.

Eileen

sweetblood22

Dragons7-7-2010 said:

stress and anxiety and a new cat...
Well, I started back volunteering with the cat rescue group I volunteered with before cancer. My friends will think I am crazy and I don't care but it makes me happy and gives me peace and reduces stress. Plus, I took on fostering 4 tiny kittens and then a one year old all white cat. The 4 kittens are siblings and the one year old cat reminded me of my former cat Tiggy Boo that died in 2003. Another friends says I should keep this white cat I am calling her BOO in honor of my tiggy Boo but I wonder if Boo Kitty was meant to come into my life at this time. She loves to cuddle though right now she is in isolation in the bathroom.

But it is also a way to make extra money as the cat rescue group gives me cat food and cat liter in exchange for fostering. I think it is a win win situation.

Thanks BOB for the advice. I am also going for accupuncture on March 29th hoping that will help with pain and anxiety.

Eileen

Volunteering and kitties
Not sure why your friends think your crazy. I think it's an outstanding idea. I don't even want to think about where I'd be without my dog. We are always together.

Pam M

Dragons7-7-2010 said:

Depression, Anxiety, Anger and no evidence of Disease
First thanks all for the words of encouragement and input. I am glad to know I am not alone in how I feel and what I have been experiencing. Well, I have been busy recovering, going back to work, seeing a counselor, trying to get out to socialize and just get back on track with the new life I have. On a major positive I went to my surgical oncologist on March 8th and got the words we all long to hear NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE. They removed 16 lymph nodes in my partial selective neck dissection and no evidence of disease so I can say I am cancer free for now. I have a follow up CT in 3 months and see my medical oncologist in April. I am going to have Accupuncture for the pain I still experience and hoping that they can do something for the depression, anxiety too.

I am going to see if I can get in to see the Counselor at MD Anderson as the counselor I am seeing is not really working for me and sometimes I actually think her eyes close when I am talking like she is falling asleep.

I did go to a support group that was very helpful unfortunately it only meets once a month on the first tuesday of the month.

I have decided that I may have do distance myself from some family or may have lost some friends in the process of my anxiety and depression. I pray my friends and family can try to understand it is a hard time as you all know. We have our good days (where we are positive and happy) and then we have our bad days where we want to just cry (do cry), get angry and yell. And until someone actually walks in our shoes and join this club no one wants to beloing to (the cancer club as I call it) they really cannot understand 100% what we as the cancer patient go through. With the exception of the caregivers on this site who seem to really have empathy and get what we go through....Many people I believe cannot understand the depression and anger we feel that we did not do anything to get cancer yet here we are we got cancer and whether we are in treatment, post treatment or dealing with a reoccurrence it is ok to be angry and / or depressed. Otherwise we would not be human feelings are part of being human and cancer did not cause us to no longer be human.

So I will accept what happens next, if it is family not being able to cope, losing friends, gaining friends part of me believes things happen for a reason and being a spiritual person I believe GOD will get me through all of this if I take myself to him in prayer he will either give me the strength to deal with my burdens or take my burdens from me.

I take Everyday as it comes and try to be the best person I can be at work, at home, and with friends and family.

Trying to stay positive one day at a time and not run out of energy.

Thanks for listening.

Eileen Cibil
Dragons7-7-2010

Now cancer free 3-8-2011

Cancer Free - The Way to Be
Eileen,

Wonderful, wonderful news. Great you hear you got the all clear. I am sorry you're feeling the strain. I attend a weekly cancer support group, and I recently started yoga and tai chi and LeBed movement (all four at a cancer support organization - The Wellness Community); they are very helpful. The LeBed Method movement sessions help not only with stress, but also with lymph flow. I also recently attended a Guided Imagery training session and a Reiki training session (energy transference - like a cousin of healing touch). Wow - I sound like a total New-Ager - hah. AND I have dogs and cats at home. With all of this stress-busting, I still have my moments. I'm with you on family members sometimes being off-track: for my family, once I regrew hair and got rid of my feeding tube, that meant I was fine - they were amazed months later when I said I had to have surgery (right modified radical neck dissection) - then, once again, when the outside of the neck was healing, that meant I was again fine. Like you, one of the reasons I come to this site is that folks "get" me. I can talk about things here that I cannot share with family members (and, truth be told, the family members would not want me to share, I think). Keep truckin', Eileen. Do Well

Azsweets

Greg53 said:

Change is Good
Thanks wife, I appreciate that.

And I do like making changes for the good, now. My mantra when I do TaiChi is advice my mentor from work told me years ago. It was more about my career, but on second thought, maybe not - that was why he was a good mentor. Nothing that profound but he always said "Change is Good".

Positive thoughts!
Greg

I was happy to come across
I was happy to come across this thread. I am a Uterine Cancer survivor of 16 months and was under the misconception that survivorship would be all joyful and lollipops and rainbows. It is most of the times as I do feel extremly lucky and blessed to be a survivor. But I notice when it hits the month of my "Every three month check up" I begin to get very nervous, anxious, irritable and depressed.

This month is a bit worse because my appointment in January came back with the results, "slightly abnormal." I was told not to worry they sometimes see this as a long term side affect of radiation. I had 25 doses external radiaition and 3 doses internal.

Allright, ok. I won't worry for the next three months. But then I turned the calendar page to April and everything went down the tubes. No energy at all, want to sleep all the time. So irritable, and letting my mind go to dark places.

Just reading these posts and knowing that others have experienced this too makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER!

Annie

Azsweets

Azsweets said:

I was happy to come across
I was happy to come across this thread. I am a Uterine Cancer survivor of 16 months and was under the misconception that survivorship would be all joyful and lollipops and rainbows. It is most of the times as I do feel extremly lucky and blessed to be a survivor. But I notice when it hits the month of my "Every three month check up" I begin to get very nervous, anxious, irritable and depressed.

This month is a bit worse because my appointment in January came back with the results, "slightly abnormal." I was told not to worry they sometimes see this as a long term side affect of radiation. I had 25 doses external radiaition and 3 doses internal.

Allright, ok. I won't worry for the next three months. But then I turned the calendar page to April and everything went down the tubes. No energy at all, want to sleep all the time. So irritable, and letting my mind go to dark places.

Just reading these posts and knowing that others have experienced this too makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER!

Annie

I just realized you all have
I just realized you all have had head and neck cancers.

You still helped me feel better.

Annie

Skiffin16

Azsweets said:

I just realized you all have
I just realized you all have had head and neck cancers.

You still helped me feel better.

Annie

Same Scenario, Different Location
Annie, just because you have had cancer in a different location, you still have went through similar treatment, and definitely going through the same anxiety....

Glad that reading the similarities bridges a little gap between your roots and ours in this cancer forum....stop by anytime.

Best,
John

Azsweets

Skiffin16 said:

Same Scenario, Different Location
Annie, just because you have had cancer in a different location, you still have went through similar treatment, and definitely going through the same anxiety....

Glad that reading the similarities bridges a little gap between your roots and ours in this cancer forum....stop by anytime.

Best,
John

Thank you, John.
I do agree.
Thank you, John.

I do agree. Even though we may have different types of cancer, we are all one big family.

Annie

Hondo

Azsweets said:

Thank you, John.
I do agree.
Thank you, John.

I do agree. Even though we may have different types of cancer, we are all one big family.

Annie

Hi Az
It don’t matter what cancer it is because cancer is cancer, what does matter is that it brings all of us closer together and supporting each other

Take care and God bless you
Hondo.

palmyrafan

Stress, Anxiety and Family
Hey there.

We are all going to have our own coping mechanisms and ways that we deal with cancer, so let me weigh in and share mine.

I am in therapy. I have been in therapy since 1994 when first diagnosed. I have found it to be extremely beneficial and therapeutic, not only to me, but to my husband as well. I found a s therapist who has a MSW (Master's in Social Work) whose sub-speciality is chronically ill patients. We talk about daily issues, medical, family (children, grandchildren), etc. Anything that has an impact on my daily living.

As for the family? My father (God Bless Him) is the world's biggest ostrich. He has always preferred to put his head in the sand when it comes to conflict, bad news, etc. with the words, "now, you know you need to think positive" or "don't worry". I have simply started asking him where he got his medical degree that he can tell me that I shouldn't worry about something the doctor tells me. I also tell him that anyone who has been diagnosed with cancer who is happy 24/7 ain't rowing with both oars in the water. We have had my husband on occasion set my father straight and tell him that just because I've had the surgery and radiation, that the tumors didn't go away, they did come back and not only do I have to face the fact, but that he does too.

We also know that my family just doesn't want to believe what is going on because it hits too close to home for them. If it happened to me, it could happen to them.

I deal with my stress and anxiety by immersing myself in knowledge. Knowledge about my cancer, treatment, possible outcomes and what I can do to help get the best possible outcome I can. I also indulge my passions (genealogy, stained glass, reading, scrapbooking, grandchildren, etc.) that keeps me busy.

Please remember that all the emotions you are feeling are normal. There are the basic emotions you will feel: anger, denial, acceptance, etc. that are normal. You will also go through these stages more than once. I go through them every time a new protocol or issue arises. But I have learned that it is okay and that there is nothing wrong with me to feel that way. I've also learned that I can't control the way others feel or think or what they say. They are entitled to their opinions and their emotions. I have learned that the key to my emotional survival is to not let it affect me. Even when it comes from my own family. Don't get me wrong, I love my family dearly. But what they think, feel and say will not have an impact on me or my decisions about treatment or lack thereof.

mjdouty

palmyrafan said:

Stress, Anxiety and Family
Hey there.

We are all going to have our own coping mechanisms and ways that we deal with cancer, so let me weigh in and share mine.

I am in therapy. I have been in therapy since 1994 when first diagnosed. I have found it to be extremely beneficial and therapeutic, not only to me, but to my husband as well. I found a s therapist who has a MSW (Master's in Social Work) whose sub-speciality is chronically ill patients. We talk about daily issues, medical, family (children, grandchildren), etc. Anything that has an impact on my daily living.

As for the family? My father (God Bless Him) is the world's biggest ostrich. He has always preferred to put his head in the sand when it comes to conflict, bad news, etc. with the words, "now, you know you need to think positive" or "don't worry". I have simply started asking him where he got his medical degree that he can tell me that I shouldn't worry about something the doctor tells me. I also tell him that anyone who has been diagnosed with cancer who is happy 24/7 ain't rowing with both oars in the water. We have had my husband on occasion set my father straight and tell him that just because I've had the surgery and radiation, that the tumors didn't go away, they did come back and not only do I have to face the fact, but that he does too.

We also know that my family just doesn't want to believe what is going on because it hits too close to home for them. If it happened to me, it could happen to them.

I deal with my stress and anxiety by immersing myself in knowledge. Knowledge about my cancer, treatment, possible outcomes and what I can do to help get the best possible outcome I can. I also indulge my passions (genealogy, stained glass, reading, scrapbooking, grandchildren, etc.) that keeps me busy.

Please remember that all the emotions you are feeling are normal. There are the basic emotions you will feel: anger, denial, acceptance, etc. that are normal. You will also go through these stages more than once. I go through them every time a new protocol or issue arises. But I have learned that it is okay and that there is nothing wrong with me to feel that way. I've also learned that I can't control the way others feel or think or what they say. They are entitled to their opinions and their emotions. I have learned that the key to my emotional survival is to not let it affect me. Even when it comes from my own family. Don't get me wrong, I love my family dearly. But what they think, feel and say will not have an impact on me or my decisions about treatment or lack thereof.

Having cancer is Hard
I was diagnosed in Dec.2010 with sinus/nasal melenoma primary stage IV. I have had 5 different surgeries to date. Now I'm starting 30 days of rads. I just want a BREAK! Sorry to yell that but it felt good. I am willing to go through this to kill anything left and after that I have to have my pacemaker put back in. Right now I'm doing good emotionally, when the side effects get worse I'll have to step up my game of how I'm keeping emotionally stable/healthy. I am also a christian and a member of a 12 step program. I practice daily meditation and have quite a few devotional and inspirational christian books I briefly read. Some times when things seem overwhelming or I'm so filled with anger, which for me is usually caused by fear. my I write out a passage that helps me to focus on the important things and I tape it to my computor table with the date on it. Just an example Thought for the day March 29 2011, first day of radiation, " But they that wait upoun the Lord shall renew their strenghth; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31. I also ordered a yoga DVD for very beginners that has meditation with it. I am married and have a husband that is supportive, but I have found that having cancer is a very personal and alone type disease. I also see a consulor but she does not deal specifically with chronic illness and cancer patients and I think that would be really helpful. I apologize for the long post but I wanted to connect in case some one needed this.

palmyrafan

mjdouty said:

Having cancer is Hard
I was diagnosed in Dec.2010 with sinus/nasal melenoma primary stage IV. I have had 5 different surgeries to date. Now I'm starting 30 days of rads. I just want a BREAK! Sorry to yell that but it felt good. I am willing to go through this to kill anything left and after that I have to have my pacemaker put back in. Right now I'm doing good emotionally, when the side effects get worse I'll have to step up my game of how I'm keeping emotionally stable/healthy. I am also a christian and a member of a 12 step program. I practice daily meditation and have quite a few devotional and inspirational christian books I briefly read. Some times when things seem overwhelming or I'm so filled with anger, which for me is usually caused by fear. my I write out a passage that helps me to focus on the important things and I tape it to my computor table with the date on it. Just an example Thought for the day March 29 2011, first day of radiation, " But they that wait upoun the Lord shall renew their strenghth; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31. I also ordered a yoga DVD for very beginners that has meditation with it. I am married and have a husband that is supportive, but I have found that having cancer is a very personal and alone type disease. I also see a consulor but she does not deal specifically with chronic illness and cancer patients and I think that would be really helpful. I apologize for the long post but I wanted to connect in case some one needed this.

Cancer is Hard
I agree: Cancer is Hard and Cancer Sucks!!!!

My sister told me that a few weeks ago and I realized that in almost 17 years of dealing with this, that I had never said "Cancer Sucks". But she is right, it does.

I have Christian Devotionals that I read too. I also have a book by Vickie Girard called "There's No Place Like Hope". Vickie battled stage 4 breast-to-bone cancer. She was a survivor, but ultimately lost her battle a few years back. Her book is written for all cancer patients, not just those with breast cancer. Her book has been my anchor that keeps me grounded when I need it the most. She addresses every aspect of having cancer, right down to insurance companies and losing hair. I highly recommend it.

If you can find a counselor that specializes in chronic health issues it might help you. I've been seeing mine for 8 years (length of time we have lived in this part of country) and she is amazing. Her husband is also our family physician so it works out well for us. They can confer about what is going on with me and it helps me in the long run.

My husband is also very supportive. As he likes to tell me, "you were drafted but I enlisted". I do not underestimate the toll this has taken on him. But he is a survivor too, just as I am. We are in this together and together we will fight until the cancer is cured or until there is nothing more we can do. But I don't worry about that because I'm not the one driving the bus. I leave that up to my Lord because He always does a better job of it than I do. I always manage to run the bus off into the ditch.

If you would like to chat with me privately, please send me an email.