anyone have a family member that "doesn't want to hear about it"????

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  • Bella Luna
    Bella Luna Member Posts: 1,578 Member
    #22
    Some are weak, some are
    Some are weak, some are strong enough to be there for you. Try and focus on the ones that are there for you. Lizzie... you know where we stand.
    BL
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #23
    Lizzie
    so far my family has been supportive. Of course, I'm the 5th one with bc so they all know what I'm going through. Except my daughter thinks that just because my rads will be done tomorrow that I'm raring to go to watch her 2 girls every day until the first week of May when she will finish her student teaching. I'll have to nap at her house because I am tired! I dread telling her that I can't watch them in September. I just have too many dr appts to have them full time.
    Char
  • pinkflutterby
    pinkflutterby Member Posts: 615 Member
    #24
    cahjah75 said:

    Lizzie
    so far my family has been supportive. Of course, I'm the 5th one with bc so they all know what I'm going through. Except my daughter thinks that just because my rads will be done tomorrow that I'm raring to go to watch her 2 girls every day until the first week of May when she will finish her student teaching. I'll have to nap at her house because I am tired! I dread telling her that I can't watch them in September. I just have too many dr appts to have them full time.
    Char

    Very well said Suzanne!!
    Very well said Suzanne!! I've vented about my oldest daughter before, she flat out told me she had her own life to live. When I was first dx'd help came from everywhere, now I have to beg for help and PAY MY OWN CHILDREN to help!!! If it werent for my mom I'd be on the METS bus going for my weekly treatments. I can go on about this for hours but I wont. I'm having a pitty me day so I will spare you all!!!
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #25
    mwallace1325 said:

    So do
    Yes, my husband who was wonderful during treatment now tells me I'm fine, it's not going to come back, it's gone. When I mention being scared of pains, he says it's cause we're old and he has them too.

    Just called my onc's office to see if they can refer me to someone. I'm always tired, scared and sad (cry at the drop of a hat) and can't seem to get over it. Must be time for some help, if I'm just supposed to "be a little stronger".

    Thanks for the opportunity to vent.

    marge

    @marge
    How about therapy...? I think it's a big help...also journals were my spot for venting...Ididnt' think it was really helping THEN but in hind sight it did for sure...
  • NJMom10
    NJMom10 Member Posts: 176
    #26
    jphilpo said:

    friends
    I am sorry that this has happened to you. I don't have the family issue, but I have had friends turn away from me. It has been very helpful and I still feel the pain from it almost 2 years later.

    Thank heavens for this board,

    Jean

    Had the same weird problem with friends
    Kind of glad you posted this, even though I'm really sorry that your daughter is not being supportive. I, too, think maybe she is worried about getting it herself, but, it still hurts when the people around you don't want to hear it.

    I was actually stunned when none of my friends called or stopped by or even sent a card when they found out. I just finished 8 rounds of chemo and only one of my friends stepped up and offered to help. She took me to one of my chemo treatments, but bagged out of the last 2 because the weather was bad. So I drove myself to chemo during an ice storm and a blizzard. It's just a weird thing. I'm not sure I understand it myself so I guess I'm not really being much help. It might help to go to an advisor, a minister or rabbi, or maybe even a BC counselor just to discuss and try to understand why people act this way. Take care.
  • pbrndm5
    pbrndm5 Member Posts: 83
    #27
    pinkflutterby said:

    Very well said Suzanne!!
    Very well said Suzanne!! I've vented about my oldest daughter before, she flat out told me she had her own life to live. When I was first dx'd help came from everywhere, now I have to beg for help and PAY MY OWN CHILDREN to help!!! If it werent for my mom I'd be on the METS bus going for my weekly treatments. I can go on about this for hours but I wont. I'm having a pitty me day so I will spare you all!!!

    This is a good post
    While my husband is very supportive-going to dr, oncologist,and rad appts-he doesn't want to talk about it. Sometimes when I try to tell him my fears, he just changes the subject. I know it's his way of coping, but I would LOVE to be able to share all of my fears with him. He believes, that once this battle is over, the cancer will never come back because I have a good prognosis. I've been trying to tell him, that this is now something that I have to live with for the rest of my life.
  • gagee
    gagee Member Posts: 332
    #28
    same here from 2 daughters
    I thought I was the only one with selfish girls. Didn't think I raised them that way.... They both said it is only a small cancer and I only needed a lumpectomy and 33 rads. Plus they had friends who had it and are doing just fine. Neither came to the surgery or any time after. I had surgery Aug. 2,2010. They don't ask us to come over as much anymore either. I sometimes feel like a leper. We used to go every weekend or so. Now it was Thanksgiving and Christmas. We have 9 birthdays in March and we celebrate all at the same time. I told my husband I don't even want to go for that. Why...........
    Sorry to rant and bring anyone down with this. I just don't know how to get past it. On top of everything I had all or (more than what is known) the side effects from the arimidex. Off it for 8-10 weeks and still not well. During rad I got e-coli in the wound in the fold next to breast. So that didn't help. Getting some energy back but still fatigues in middle of day.

    Again sorry to rant but you are not alone. My prayers are with you. That is what helps me day to day.

    Diana
  • canoegirl
    canoegirl Member Posts: 169
    #29
    gagee said:

    same here from 2 daughters
    I thought I was the only one with selfish girls. Didn't think I raised them that way.... They both said it is only a small cancer and I only needed a lumpectomy and 33 rads. Plus they had friends who had it and are doing just fine. Neither came to the surgery or any time after. I had surgery Aug. 2,2010. They don't ask us to come over as much anymore either. I sometimes feel like a leper. We used to go every weekend or so. Now it was Thanksgiving and Christmas. We have 9 birthdays in March and we celebrate all at the same time. I told my husband I don't even want to go for that. Why...........
    Sorry to rant and bring anyone down with this. I just don't know how to get past it. On top of everything I had all or (more than what is known) the side effects from the arimidex. Off it for 8-10 weeks and still not well. During rad I got e-coli in the wound in the fold next to breast. So that didn't help. Getting some energy back but still fatigues in middle of day.

    Again sorry to rant but you are not alone. My prayers are with you. That is what helps me day to day.

    Diana

    As sad as it is to hear that
    As sad as it is to hear that so many people have the same problem with family and freinds. It is a relief to me to know that it's not just MY family. I was fortunate that my freinds all rallied around me, but the family is a different story. One of them cancelled a visit until I'm "healed"...apparently coming to visit for moral support isn't an option.

    Thank goodness for this message board!

    Marcy
  • lizzie17
    lizzie17 Member Posts: 548
    #30
    gagee said:

    same here from 2 daughters
    I thought I was the only one with selfish girls. Didn't think I raised them that way.... They both said it is only a small cancer and I only needed a lumpectomy and 33 rads. Plus they had friends who had it and are doing just fine. Neither came to the surgery or any time after. I had surgery Aug. 2,2010. They don't ask us to come over as much anymore either. I sometimes feel like a leper. We used to go every weekend or so. Now it was Thanksgiving and Christmas. We have 9 birthdays in March and we celebrate all at the same time. I told my husband I don't even want to go for that. Why...........
    Sorry to rant and bring anyone down with this. I just don't know how to get past it. On top of everything I had all or (more than what is known) the side effects from the arimidex. Off it for 8-10 weeks and still not well. During rad I got e-coli in the wound in the fold next to breast. So that didn't help. Getting some energy back but still fatigues in middle of day.

    Again sorry to rant but you are not alone. My prayers are with you. That is what helps me day to day.

    Diana

    sorry for what
    You are going through. I have had similar experiences and sometimes I just want to shout that I am not contagious!!! I think this disease is so hard for people to respond to at all. There certainly are people in my life that are very kind and concerned and others that act like they have no memory of my DX. Thanks for this board and an opportunity to find others who share what happens to us--
    sadly though.
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
    #31
    Bella Luna said:

    Some are weak, some are
    Some are weak, some are strong enough to be there for you. Try and focus on the ones that are there for you. Lizzie... you know where we stand.
    BL

    I am sorry that you are
    I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. I have been lucky and have a wonderful, supportive family and friends.

    I agree with Bella Luna, focus on the ones that are supporting and helping you. I think sometimes people that are close to us just don't know how to deal with bc and are even afraid of what might happen and in doing so, make it appear they aren't concerned.


    Take care,

    Megan
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #32
    gagee said:

    same here from 2 daughters
    I thought I was the only one with selfish girls. Didn't think I raised them that way.... They both said it is only a small cancer and I only needed a lumpectomy and 33 rads. Plus they had friends who had it and are doing just fine. Neither came to the surgery or any time after. I had surgery Aug. 2,2010. They don't ask us to come over as much anymore either. I sometimes feel like a leper. We used to go every weekend or so. Now it was Thanksgiving and Christmas. We have 9 birthdays in March and we celebrate all at the same time. I told my husband I don't even want to go for that. Why...........
    Sorry to rant and bring anyone down with this. I just don't know how to get past it. On top of everything I had all or (more than what is known) the side effects from the arimidex. Off it for 8-10 weeks and still not well. During rad I got e-coli in the wound in the fold next to breast. So that didn't help. Getting some energy back but still fatigues in middle of day.

    Again sorry to rant but you are not alone. My prayers are with you. That is what helps me day to day.

    Diana

    @Dianna rant away
    ONLY lump and radiation...well if shoe on other foot...I am sure they would think differntly!

    sorry going through this...


    I have gone 3 x in past 12 mths for D & C, biopsies etc and my oldest has not asked once if ok or not...it's just her...IF she asked I would have been surprised....so I try to just let it go...
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #33
    pbrndm5 said:

    This is a good post
    While my husband is very supportive-going to dr, oncologist,and rad appts-he doesn't want to talk about it. Sometimes when I try to tell him my fears, he just changes the subject. I know it's his way of coping, but I would LOVE to be able to share all of my fears with him. He believes, that once this battle is over, the cancer will never come back because I have a good prognosis. I've been trying to tell him, that this is now something that I have to live with for the rest of my life.

    pbrndm@
    Do you think our husbands are twins????? seperated at birth?

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