Tears and Showers

hope0310

I lost it in the shower this morning. Out of the blue. Very strange. I have thought alot about March 1st the past week or so. Thinking of taking off work etc.

You see, March 1st last year is the day my life was changed forever. The day the **** ER doc said "well folks, it is worse than a stroke, she has cancer". I swear I do not know what kept me from punching him in the throat!! What a delivery!!! Ggrr..

Anyway, I started remembering moms last moments and how I had to run to the garage and get my brother and stepdad....It was peaceful, and she was never in pain, but the tears just flowed and flowed this morning. Probably more than they have since mom went to heaven on Sept. 23rd.

I have had so much to deal with, MIL passing a month and a day later.....then re-evalutaed my life and told my husband to leave Jan 10th.

But I AM HAPPY, I am doing all the right things for me, and my mom is very proud. She was always very proud of the woman that she raised......I always told her if I could be half the woman that she was, I would be happy. I think I am getting there......

Elysia

Noellesmom

Tears are a good form of release, Elysia.

I'm glad it sounds like they were good tears.

Hugs.

3Mana

Good place for tears
Elysia,
What better place is there to cry but in the shower? I did that many times while Tom was alive so he wouldn't see me cry. You can't control your feelings and if that's when you want to cry, go for it.
I forgot that you had asked your husband to leave in January. How are you doing?? Hope you don't have any regrets.
I'm sure your mom is watching you and saying "good job Elysia!" She probably is very proud of you. I always wonder if Tom is looking down on me when I'm using my little snowblower and thinking "why the hell didn't I buy her one of those sooner, she's doing a good job!" We have to always think we have an angel watching down on us.
I think once spring gets here, we'll all do better. keep in touch! "Carole"

hope0310

3Mana said:

Good place for tears
Elysia,
What better place is there to cry but in the shower? I did that many times while Tom was alive so he wouldn't see me cry. You can't control your feelings and if that's when you want to cry, go for it.
I forgot that you had asked your husband to leave in January. How are you doing?? Hope you don't have any regrets.
I'm sure your mom is watching you and saying "good job Elysia!" She probably is very proud of you. I always wonder if Tom is looking down on me when I'm using my little snowblower and thinking "why the hell didn't I buy her one of those sooner, she's doing a good job!" We have to always think we have an angel watching down on us.
I think once spring gets here, we'll all do better. keep in touch! "Carole"

Thanks you guys.
Just a
Thanks you guys.

Just a tough morning, but all in all I am doing good.

Carole - regrets? Zero!! Life is way too short for regrets, that is one reason I had to do it!!!

Unknown

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bluerose

Hello Elysia
Yes it hits us at different times and seemingly for no reason, just out of the blue as you said. It happens to me still every now and then but now I can tell what triggered it. However there is one time when I get realy down that I still don't see coming.

I have a friend who told me years ago that there is a pattern to my getting super down in the dumps each year apparently she said. I didn't realize it was 'every' year or even once a year as I felt a little down now and then since my bone marrow transplant some 22 years ago. She would hear that down sound in my voice and she would say 'look at the calendar', or 'what month is this?' and sure enough it was right around the same month every year = the year I had my transplant. It wasn't the anniversary of the diagnosis strangely but the treatments - guess cause they were pretty severe back then. I really never put a pattern to it til my friend mentioned it to me. Of course I am also a bit slow, so ... . lol.

I guess our bodies have a built in remeberance system for traumatic events that occur it would seem, I sure do and from what I hear lots of others saying I am certainly not the only one.

You sound like you are handling things well but that doesn't mean there still won't be memories but hopefully you will be able to replace them all by good memories and the bad ones will fade over time.

All the best.

Bluerose