husband's stress

Dawn McManus

This is my first time here. I may not get to review it daily but every chance I get. My dr. suggested this for me so here I am. I feel helpless and don't have anywhere to turn mostly just to express something I don't even know how to discribe. I was married to my husband (the first time) in 1995 and was married for 9 years when we got a deviorce that in "my" opinion was at the fault of both parties but I will take the majority of the blame. We were deviorced for about 3 years when we reconsiled what I had hoped to be back with my best friend. We always thought alike and even ordered the same foods and could finish each others thoughts. We known each other all our lives. When he was about 16 he had lukemia and survived it (barely). Medicine wasn't what it is today. He has had medical problems all his life. Many many types of problems because he suffers from an blood disorder from being an RH factor baby. His mother has had colon cancer about 18 years ago and still has problems with it due to the scarring but she is 84 years old and is the sweetest person you could ever know. She has really helped me in my cancer which is colorectal. His father died also of cancer (i don't remember the type but it took his life). Now my side of the family isn't so different. My father died of stomach cancer when I was 14. That was one of the most difficult times in my life. My mother survived until she was 73 wherein she died of lung cancer. Ok, that's the basics.
Now my story, when we reconciled as I said I took the blame. I just wanted my life back, my best friend back, my home back. But you can never go back. I got a job with some great people and was working to get our bills and our life back on track and aside from the fact that he would frequently remind me that it was me who chose to leave and throw in my face everything he could which I finally figured out was to see how far he coud push my buttons to see if I would leave again before he finally would trust that I really wanted to be there. Well, I took my medicine as silently as possible and it began to ease up after a few years. Then we got remarried. Things were going pretty well overall, we were barely making the bills (lots of credit card dept we had both accumulated) but we had plans and then the cancer took hold. Well, I lost my job because I was doing chemo and radiation 5 days a week. My boss did everything possible to throw me as many hours as I could handle but eventually had to replace me. I couldn't draw unemployment because I was undergoing treatment. I was gaining weight by the visit due to the medicines and lack of motivation or the energy to get up and exercise. My overall attitude was hopeful. I pride myself in not letting this thing take me to depression (which was one of the things I suffered from when we deviorced). I held my head high and my dr.s were proud of me. The problem, the medical bills, they just keep coming. I eventually was able to get my job back which really helped (monetarily) but mostly for my sanity. I was really feeling like a worthless burden that turned into a fat worthless burden (he used to be so proud the way I looked, now I'm ashamed to even go any place with him for his sake). He drinks everynight now and really seems to hate life and I just try really hard not to hear some of the things he says like, "we're going to loose the house", or "we can never plan any trips for the rest of our lives, we just can't afford it", or "get ready to sell everything we own". The stress of even going home is almost more than I can bare. I try to put on head phones so I can't hear so I don't let it get to me but it still does. I just feel like I have "trapped" him with no where to go. He married his first wife when she got pregnant and he blames that as having been "trapped" for 18 years in his first marriage. Well, I'm at work now so I will have to continue this at a later date but thanks for letting me vent.

hopeforcure49

Welcome Dawn!
Sorry you are going through this. As far as giving you advice on marriage I'm not too good at. But I'll listen to you. If it helps. I do suggest try to go to church and make new friends that will encourage him to stop drinking. You are not alone on bills and mortgage problems. I too have this. Thanks to my employer I still have a job and they are great friends. I try everyday to look at the positive things in my life that outweigh the bad. My kids, family, friends and making new memories. Good Luck... and call on me anytime..........Blessings from Lourdes