Feeling sad

kikz

Life has been tough the last few years. It just seems to go on and on. I have already talked about the breakup of my 26 year relationship, subsequent reconciliation and then during the difficult reconciliation he died. Three years later diagnosed with stage lllc ov/ca. Been through treatment and am now dancing with NED. On 11/12 our hall toilet flooded the house. All floors and lower part of walls had to be replaced. All of our stuff had to be put in storage. I had looked forward to the holidays (especially this year) but could not have Thanksgiving here for the first time in years. We did have Christmas here amid a mess of boxes and stuff that had not yet been put away. But we got through it and I was still thankful to be alive and to have my family and friends around me. We and are looking ahead to good times.

Then a few weeks ago we found out that a dear family friend has liver cancer. She is 75 but what a little spitfire. I have known her all my life. She came each week during my treatment to clean my cat's litter box. I call her the energizer bunny. Her house and yard are neat as a pin and up until her diagnosis she was even working for friends doing any odd jobs they needed done. She has come and helped me try to organize my garage and worked circles around me and this was before my ov/ca.

She was basically told she had two years to live but was sent to Stanford for a second opinion. They offered and she accepted a treatment consisting of two chemo infusions directly into the liver. She had one and it hit her hard. She ended up in the hospital after a few days and then spent a few weeks in a convalescent home. She came home yesterday but is not doing well. Doctors say her liver is giving out. I have a cough and cold and cannot go see her. My mom is taking this very hard. She and Judy have been friends since 1946. This is her buddy. They go shopping to Walmart together and bet on all the football games.

I'm sorry to go on but it sometimes seems like life is not going to give us a break anytime soon. But as everyone tells me when I complain about anything, "At least you're here."

Thanks for hearing me out.
Karen

anicca

What a rough time
What a rough time you've had! You are totally justified in going on about it. I don't see how you could do otherwise without going crazy, and I think you deserve a lot of credit for hanging in there and getting through it all! I hope things begin to look up soon, especially for Judy. Is a transplant a possibility for her, or does the cancer rule it out?

kikz

anicca said:

What a rough time
What a rough time you've had! You are totally justified in going on about it. I don't see how you could do otherwise without going crazy, and I think you deserve a lot of credit for hanging in there and getting through it all! I hope things begin to look up soon, especially for Judy. Is a transplant a possibility for her, or does the cancer rule it out?

Thank you
No mention was ever made about a liver transplant. The terrible irony is that her cancer may stem from the Hepatitis C she contracted from a blood transfusion in the 80's. Sometimes medical science helps and sometimes it seems to hurt.

Karen

anicca

kikz said:

Thank you
No mention was ever made about a liver transplant. The terrible irony is that her cancer may stem from the Hepatitis C she contracted from a blood transfusion in the 80's. Sometimes medical science helps and sometimes it seems to hurt.

Karen

This is true
One way to think about that irony, is that the transfusion may have given her much more time than she would have had without it. I knew someone who developed leukemia and had a successful bone marrow transplant. He died about 10 years later from damage to his lungs from the treatment, but the leukemia would not have given him half that time without the transplant.

I try to keep in mind that adversity is what drives evolution, and none of us would be here at all without that. Of course, it's pretty hard to think that way when the adversity is so personal.

kikz

anicca said:

This is true
One way to think about that irony, is that the transfusion may have given her much more time than she would have had without it. I knew someone who developed leukemia and had a successful bone marrow transplant. He died about 10 years later from damage to his lungs from the treatment, but the leukemia would not have given him half that time without the transplant.

I try to keep in mind that adversity is what drives evolution, and none of us would be here at all without that. Of course, it's pretty hard to think that way when the adversity is so personal.

You're right, Anicca
I usually do see the glass half full and am grateful for each day, each minute I have with the people I love. I am 62 (63 in Feb) and have seen too many people go. It just gets harder to let go each time. My mom is 86 so I try to enjoy each day with her. And with my diagnosis, I try to be mindful of how precious each day is.

Karen

anicca

kikz said:

You're right, Anicca
I usually do see the glass half full and am grateful for each day, each minute I have with the people I love. I am 62 (63 in Feb) and have seen too many people go. It just gets harder to let go each time. My mom is 86 so I try to enjoy each day with her. And with my diagnosis, I try to be mindful of how precious each day is.

Karen

I'm just a year older
I'm just a year older than you! I'll be 64 in March. Here's more irony: I've always been a glass half empty person. It took my own cancer to make me see the glass half full. I'm glad you still have your mother, and understand the value of the present moment! I know what you mean about letting go. I lost my entire parents' generation, and it's been very, very hard.

DB

kikz

anicca said:

I'm just a year older
I'm just a year older than you! I'll be 64 in March. Here's more irony: I've always been a glass half empty person. It took my own cancer to make me see the glass half full. I'm glad you still have your mother, and understand the value of the present moment! I know what you mean about letting go. I lost my entire parents' generation, and it's been very, very hard.

DB

More tears
My mom went to see Judy this morning and she did not know my mom. She is fading and I feel such pain. I am going to go see her when my mom gets off work. It will be so hard. We won't get a chance to really say goodbye. Although I have known Judy my whole life I have felt particularly close to her in the last few years. She was here at all gatherings and she and my mom would go to Walmart all the time. I believe I mentioned she is a busy bee and helps my mom bring in the bags and put the items away. She neatly folds all the plastic bags. She is an extremely orderly person. I usually find my fridge reorganized when she puts things away. She can never sit still and always finds things to do. She will go around and pluck dead leaves from all my house plants. We used to have a big mulberry tree in the back yard and when Judy came to visit she didn't sit still for long. She would ask, can I rake your leaves? She is such a character.

I have lost a lot of relatives and friends and at this age I guess I can expect to lose more. It doesn't get easier, that's for sure. But I am thankful to have had a lot of terrific people in my life. People who loved me and made me feel special.

Karen