Rollercoaster

Carrie King

Once again getting ready for MRI and then the wait.

Feel at wits end. Hate how this is making me feel.

Put on the "happy/strong" face for friends, family and church. Inside guts are being consumed by the "unknowing".

Hate how this has made been become scared, nervous, anxious.

Doc prescribed anti depressents in August. Haven't taken one yet. Do I want this cancer to get another part of me ?

Feel at any second rug will be taken from underneath me.

Don't want to go talk with counselor again who thinks I should read, walk or take a bath when I feel like this????????????????

Feel like screaming. Have I gone crazy ?

mswijiknyc

not crazy
actually for the position you're in, you sound just about right. My suggestions are to find a counselor who has experience with caregivers or a support group locally. This sounds very backwards, but find a gym with a punching bag and get taught how to use it so you won't break your hands, then go to town on it. Listen to every angry rock song and scream with it.

This thing has turned my life upside down. So anything I have complete control over I rule with an iron fist. I am not a tyrant, but d@mmit the laundry is done to my standards!

Pennymac02

Tennis raquet
Tennis raquets and a double bed, beat the sh** out of the bed with the raquet! Instant stress reliever. Anti depressants are working wonders for me. I've learned to not keep the happy/strong mask in place so much, if I'm at church or with my friends and I am learning how to ask for their help. I don't have to keep it together all of the time, cause I can't save my face and my a** at the same time.

And I have also become a bit of a control freak over some unimportant things, it helps me feel in control if the dishes are done and the beds are made. I can't find what little bit of peace I have when my house is in chaos.

You're not going crazy. You've got caregiveritis. We've all got it too.
Penny