scared before first chemo

VictoriaSF

hello,
next tuesday i am going to see my onco and first chemo by the end of the week, if all is ok.
i was first diagnosed 3c ovca end of october, surgery november 15th.
Ca125 was 423 before surgery and 53 after... is this ok? dotor told me it is does not matter much as it is just a mark and after chemo we hope it will go down.
on one hand i wait for the chemo to help me to fight the beast but on another - i am scared. Because of that i am feeling pretty down, crying a lot.
Do not want to upset my husband and son but i can not hold my tears.
maybe hysterectomy and sudden menopause contributes to that.

pls give me advise on how to deal with being down and overcome fear.

thank you
Victoria

clamryn

You will be okay
Victoria, it will be okay. I was scared too. It is just the unknown that is so scary and, of course, the word Chemo. Chemo doesn't hurt. And a lot of us never get sick. They have medicine to help with that. I remember that before I had my big surgery that my CA125 was 485 and after surgery it was 55. After chemo, it got down to the normal range and stayed there for 17 years.

You just think to yourself when you go in there that the chemo is "Pac man" and when it goes in, those little Pac men are eating up all the cancer cells that might be left.....
gobble gobble gobble.

Keep us posted on how you do. By the way, I will be starting up another roung of chemo on Thursday. So we might be getting the juice at the same time.

Big Hugs to you.
Linda

leesag

Hi Victoria
Hi,

I was diagnosed IIIC in January of 2010. You can read details of my story in my profile. I have to say that a drop from 423 to 53 before chemo is a good sign as far as I'm concerned. (Especially when you consider that below 35 is considered normal!) Also normal, is feeling scared, crying and feeling down.

We all have different ways that we have dealt with our fears, I'm sure some of the other women will chime in, but here is how I've dealt...

#1: I have a friend who was willing to listen to all of my fears without judgement. My husband was having panic attacks and was not really available to support me emotionally in those early days when I was feeling negative. (However, he did a tremendous job of taking care of me physically and giving me hugs and cuddles and making me feel beautiful with a bald head!)

#2: Better living through chemistry! Celexa (for depression) and Ativan (for anxiety) made a huge difference for me. Some of us love our meds and some of us are anti-meds. It's an individual choice that you need to discuss with your doctor.

#3: The support of these lovely ladies was and is everything to me. Sometimes the threads are difficult to read, it's ok to pick and choose what you read and respond to. Even now, I find myself having days where I'm feeling too overwhelmed to read about certain topics, and that's ok. I do what I can, and when I'm feeling upbeat and strong, I'm more active.

#4: After I finished chemo, I went on to find a counselor. I've been seeing her for almost four months now, and she has really helped me to work through some stuff.

Finally, I'm not sure that I can say that I've overcome my fear. I've learned to live with it and balance it with a healthy dose of hope for tomorrow and joy for today.

Sending hugs and prayers your way!

Leesa

Sandy10

Hi Victoria!
I agree with everything leesa and Linda wrote. Chemo IS a scary thing and I think we were all scared before our first infusion. Before too long though, you will be a chemo pro just like the rest of us. Chemo doesn't hurt. you will be tired afterward though. Also, it affects everyone differently. As far as being down, it's probably a mixture of the menopause and a stressful time with being diagnosed, recent surgery, pending chemo etc. Give yourself some slack. you have been through a lot and you need time to absorb it all. You are a strong woman and you will get through this!! You can always come here and say anything. The women on this board and wonderful!!! Always remember you are not alone!!! chemo is just another step on the road to NED!!! (((((HUGS))))) Lots of hugs to you!!!

Sandy

VictoriaSF

Sandy10 said:

Hi Victoria!
I agree with everything leesa and Linda wrote. Chemo IS a scary thing and I think we were all scared before our first infusion. Before too long though, you will be a chemo pro just like the rest of us. Chemo doesn't hurt. you will be tired afterward though. Also, it affects everyone differently. As far as being down, it's probably a mixture of the menopause and a stressful time with being diagnosed, recent surgery, pending chemo etc. Give yourself some slack. you have been through a lot and you need time to absorb it all. You are a strong woman and you will get through this!! You can always come here and say anything. The women on this board and wonderful!!! Always remember you are not alone!!! chemo is just another step on the road to NED!!! (((((HUGS))))) Lots of hugs to you!!!

Sandy

thank you ladies!
Thank you Ladies!
i am really , really greatful for your replies and appreciate you sharing stories and info. i am reading a lot and trying to educate myself - bit it is just too much.
i will keep you posted after my dr's meeting.

we have our own business - line of pet's products and i absolutely have no time to be sick:)) one good thing - i work from home, design, handle product development overseas, etc... my husbands helps a lot and we have the team - like accountant/ lawyer/ warehouse..
still - main part on me:))
our website under update now, but for your ref it is www.waghearted.com
we help animal charities a lot, so if you are involved with local harities let me know and i will be happy to support / donate
we are also on facebook - pls join our page. my products selling across US and Canada.
so - make long story short - it adds more stress as i can not stop.

Thank you again and again
Happy New Year to all of you
Victoria

pattysoo

Scared before chemo
You have some good advice here. I have to say that I was NOT scared before chemo. Instead I welcomed it as a way to eliminate the disease in me. I cannot describe the process as pleasant (losing hair, extreme fatigue) but in retrospect it wasn't devastating by any means. My CA125 was 98 after surgery and 20 after all the chemo. Focus on good health practices, be kind to yourself, and try to accomplish at least one thing a day. Focusing on the good things helps alleviate unknown fears (I think). Good luck and keep us posted.

lindaprocopio

VictoriaSF said:

thank you ladies!
Thank you Ladies!
i am really , really greatful for your replies and appreciate you sharing stories and info. i am reading a lot and trying to educate myself - bit it is just too much.
i will keep you posted after my dr's meeting.

we have our own business - line of pet's products and i absolutely have no time to be sick:)) one good thing - i work from home, design, handle product development overseas, etc... my husbands helps a lot and we have the team - like accountant/ lawyer/ warehouse..
still - main part on me:))
our website under update now, but for your ref it is www.waghearted.com
we help animal charities a lot, so if you are involved with local harities let me know and i will be happy to support / donate
we are also on facebook - pls join our page. my products selling across US and Canada.
so - make long story short - it adds more stress as i can not stop.

Thank you again and again
Happy New Year to all of you
Victoria

(((Victoria))). I have my own business too, & I'm so GLAD!
I hope that you find your business to be the same kind of escape and 'normalcy' that I have with my own business. (www.procopiofundraising.com) I have been in almost constant cancer treatment since fall of 2008, and the distraction of my work has allowed me to stay sane and calm and helped me to make my peace with this journey. I always had to keep in the back of my mind that my 12 employees (1/3 of them family members!) and my 30 clients were all counting on me keeping the firm solvent and healthy. It may have added some stress, but it's also given me a focus that allows me to forget about cancer for huge blocks of time as I work against deadlines and plan for the future. I did see a financial advisor and changes my corporate status to make both of my sons legal partners, and gave them the final shares of the company January 1, 2011, so that I could relax that the succession plan was in place. I spent part of the last 2 years writing a 'how to' manual for the business, and I spent a lot of time training people on every aspect of the business that I handle personally. It's actually been so GOOD for the business to lessen the dependence on me personally (I can really be controlling and a micro-manager if I'm not careful!). And the 2 times that I was in brief remissions, I was able to go on long vacations and not take along my computer! (IMAGINE THAT!) And now I feel content that I've covered all the bases, even though I plan to live on a LOT longer!! HA!

I remember crying when they hooked me up to chemo the 1st time; I was that anxious and scared. Now I cry when my blood labs are too low and I can't GET my chemo; I WANT my chemo! You'll find that, in the chemo lounge, people are laughing and chatting and snacking as they get their chemo, and you will rise to the occasion because so many others are there nonchalantly getting treatments, happy brave people, and you will find yourself following that example of acceptance and optimism. I pretend I am at a spa getting some beauty treatment, and enjoy the down time to read and relax with my feet up, a luxury a business owner probably NEVER gets to enjoy! ((((Victoria)))). I never threw up even 1 time from chemo, and had almost no chemo side effects other than baldness and fatigue. I hope you have the same 'no reaction' to your chemo. Best wishes on this journey. Find my email address on my website and contact me off-board if I can help you balance your business responsibilities with your cancer treatments.

VictoriaSF

lindaprocopio said:

(((Victoria))). I have my own business too, & I'm so GLAD!
I hope that you find your business to be the same kind of escape and 'normalcy' that I have with my own business. (www.procopiofundraising.com) I have been in almost constant cancer treatment since fall of 2008, and the distraction of my work has allowed me to stay sane and calm and helped me to make my peace with this journey. I always had to keep in the back of my mind that my 12 employees (1/3 of them family members!) and my 30 clients were all counting on me keeping the firm solvent and healthy. It may have added some stress, but it's also given me a focus that allows me to forget about cancer for huge blocks of time as I work against deadlines and plan for the future. I did see a financial advisor and changes my corporate status to make both of my sons legal partners, and gave them the final shares of the company January 1, 2011, so that I could relax that the succession plan was in place. I spent part of the last 2 years writing a 'how to' manual for the business, and I spent a lot of time training people on every aspect of the business that I handle personally. It's actually been so GOOD for the business to lessen the dependence on me personally (I can really be controlling and a micro-manager if I'm not careful!). And the 2 times that I was in brief remissions, I was able to go on long vacations and not take along my computer! (IMAGINE THAT!) And now I feel content that I've covered all the bases, even though I plan to live on a LOT longer!! HA!

I remember crying when they hooked me up to chemo the 1st time; I was that anxious and scared. Now I cry when my blood labs are too low and I can't GET my chemo; I WANT my chemo! You'll find that, in the chemo lounge, people are laughing and chatting and snacking as they get their chemo, and you will rise to the occasion because so many others are there nonchalantly getting treatments, happy brave people, and you will find yourself following that example of acceptance and optimism. I pretend I am at a spa getting some beauty treatment, and enjoy the down time to read and relax with my feet up, a luxury a business owner probably NEVER gets to enjoy! ((((Victoria)))). I never threw up even 1 time from chemo, and had almost no chemo side effects other than baldness and fatigue. I hope you have the same 'no reaction' to your chemo. Best wishes on this journey. Find my email address on my website and contact me off-board if I can help you balance your business responsibilities with your cancer treatments.

thank you very , very much!
hello Linda
thank you very much
your reply was exactly what i needed.
realistic but not depressing and also encouraging.
Today i had great photoshoot for upcoming catalog - it was fun.
i will contact you by email.
tomorrow my onco appt - will see what is in store for me.

best
v

lavanya30

TRUST THE DOC AND BE RECEPTIVE
Victoria

In many ways you are luckier than me .I am single and i still had 5 cycles of chemo n my hysterectomy..and yes the counts will come down after each cycle of chemo..we need only patience and tolerance ...our tempers will rise and its better to shout it out or cry ..but after all the let out the mind woud b calm ..dont worry

one tip from me wud be to tell your mind that the chemo iv fluids which come is your best friend which will get into your body and kill the cancer inside and altho it wud make u weak n sick n nausea n all it will cure you !!MARK MY WORDS...IF YOU CAN YOU TAKE SOME MUSIS THERPY CDS TO THE HOSPITAL AND LET IT PLAY WHEN YOU TAKE IT ..IT WUD SOOTHE IT..I DINT KNOW OF THESE MUSIC THERPY CDS WHEN I HAD CHEMO...ITS A GOOD MOOD LIFTER...

EAT WELL A WEEK BEFORE YOU TAKE YOUR CHEMOS AND THAT WUD GIVE YOU A LOT OF STRENGTH TO BOUNCE BACK...

AM SURE YOU ARE GONNA BE IN ROBUST HEALTH VERY SOON..I WOULD PRAY FOR YOU ..WHEN WE COME ACROSS PEOPLE WHO ARE MUCH MORE SICKER THAN US AND UNTREATABLE WE KNOW THAT WE ARE BLESSED IN ONE WAY ATLEAST ..

ALL THE BEST !!

STAY IN TOUCH