My husband is so supportive.

Betsy13

I just tried to discuss with him something I read on here and he said, "I'm not going to discuss it." Nice. Great support, huh? Oh, I forgot, I'm done with treatment, I should be good to go.

aisling8

Oh, that was sarcasm
I'm sorry, Betsy. That must be a not so good feeling. Everyone needs to be heard. Maybe the topic scares him?? Men can be big babies, you know. You always have us, though!

xoxo
Victoria

betsymorgan

hmmmm
I'm sorry for that, Betsy. It's like a part of you doesn't seem important, right? I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I imagine that's what I'd be feeling if I were in your shoes. Wonder if he needs a break (like you don't need one, too--and you can't very well walk away from it, can you!)

(hugs)

betsy

disneyfan2008

my husband has driven me
my husband has driven me over an hour to support group (since I needed much needed info on employee/ employer laws) He sat through the meeting asked questions etc..

I don't complain or talk much about my BC etc..but I have read some very interesting facts, opinions etc and have cut and paste and emailed my husband...!

Perhaps you could do that sicne he wont' talk about it...!

MINE never replies.....I assume he reads them...hopefully!!

jessiesmom1

Supportive husband
Throughout my axilllary dissection, mastectomy and 16 rounds of chemo my husband was there every step of the way. He went to every single appt., emptied the vomit bucket, helped shave my head, did all the household chores, etc. At about round #12 of chemo I said I couldn't do it anymore - he was very encouraging and was immensely supportive. Once chemo was over he was infinitely less understanding and interested in helping out. He also gave me the impression that since treatment was over I should be feeling OK. He clearly does not want to hear that I have lost 2 more fingernails and 2 toenails. He doesn't want to hear about the watery eyes. I want to do more but some days I still just want to sleep. Over the holidays I pushed myself because we had two home from college. I frequently hear about the things I haven't done or have forgotten.

So when you talk about lack of support, believe me, I can relate. It does not improve the situation much, but it is always nice to know that you are not alone. At least I do not have to worry about shoveling snow and icy roads. This part of California is generally in the 50s during the day. I would have to drive about 4 hours to get to a ski resort but am only 30 minutes from the beach.

ms.sunshine

jessiesmom1 said:

Supportive husband
Throughout my axilllary dissection, mastectomy and 16 rounds of chemo my husband was there every step of the way. He went to every single appt., emptied the vomit bucket, helped shave my head, did all the household chores, etc. At about round #12 of chemo I said I couldn't do it anymore - he was very encouraging and was immensely supportive. Once chemo was over he was infinitely less understanding and interested in helping out. He also gave me the impression that since treatment was over I should be feeling OK. He clearly does not want to hear that I have lost 2 more fingernails and 2 toenails. He doesn't want to hear about the watery eyes. I want to do more but some days I still just want to sleep. Over the holidays I pushed myself because we had two home from college. I frequently hear about the things I haven't done or have forgotten.

So when you talk about lack of support, believe me, I can relate. It does not improve the situation much, but it is always nice to know that you are not alone. At least I do not have to worry about shoveling snow and icy roads. This part of California is generally in the 50s during the day. I would have to drive about 4 hours to get to a ski resort but am only 30 minutes from the beach.

I quit talking to my husband
I quit talking to my husband a long time ago about anything to do with cancer. Anytime I need emotional support I call my sisters. I've realized he can't give what isn't in him to give.

Betsy13

Thanks Ladies!
It's just nice to know that I am not alone in dealing with this. I appreciate your support!

Betsy

Heatherbelle

Betsy13 said:

Thanks Ladies!
It's just nice to know that I am not alone in dealing with this. I appreciate your support!

Betsy

Mine too was super
Mine too was super supportive, took me to each appointment, etc. Once chemo ended, though, so did the support for the most part. We bicker alot & he finds any excuse to get away from the house (i suppose his way of dealing with it).
Hopefully it's just a phase of cancer recovery for the family
*hugs*
Heather

disneyfan2008

Besty:
I have been thinking about your...how are things? Has he been willing to LISTEN to you?

TRY a journal...i thought it was silly when 2 friends/therapist gave to me and now i look back and a great help

Betsy13

disneyfan2008 said:

Besty:
I have been thinking about your...how are things? Has he been willing to LISTEN to you?

TRY a journal...i thought it was silly when 2 friends/therapist gave to me and now i look back and a great help

Disney
I'm ok. I haven't really been feeling well lately. I just finished 2 weeks off for Christmas break so I shouldn't be tired, but I'm exhausted. I also am still having tons of side effects still from radiation. I'm going to my rad. onc. Thursday so will be discussing things with her. I can't take time off from work because I have too much to do. I'm trying to use my time wisely and rest when I get home. I have come home yesterday and today, took a nap for an hour and am getting ready to go to bed now.

I'm not really talking to my husband about cancer stuff. He is, however, going to try to go to the doctor with me. He has a meeting so hopefully.

My therapist recommended journaling also. Right now, I just don't have the energy. I'm trying to hard just to do what needs to be done at work, and some stuff at home, that I don't know how to find the energy for anything else. I guess I use this board as my journal. Maybe that's not the right thing to do, but right now I am.

Take care,
Betsy

betsymorgan

you do what you can
I think this board is like journaling. You've also got a lot of women here who know from experience what you're going through. My husband, my very best friend in the whole world, has gone with me to every appointment, has slept in the hospital with me, but still doesn't quite know what to do when I step out of the shower crying because my new nipple tissue is dying.

It's OK to be tired. I hope your doctor can help explain that you're going to be tired and feeling unwell for a long time yet (if that's what will happen--and if not, you should be seen for whatever else that's causing your fatigue). Ask how long you can expect to feel like crap and why it isn't over yet. Maybe with questions worded like that (words your husband might use), you'll get something that will resonate with both of you.

I hope it gets better, Betsy. I feel like I know you since we share the name!
hugs--
betsy

disneyfan2008

Betsy13 said:

Disney
I'm ok. I haven't really been feeling well lately. I just finished 2 weeks off for Christmas break so I shouldn't be tired, but I'm exhausted. I also am still having tons of side effects still from radiation. I'm going to my rad. onc. Thursday so will be discussing things with her. I can't take time off from work because I have too much to do. I'm trying to use my time wisely and rest when I get home. I have come home yesterday and today, took a nap for an hour and am getting ready to go to bed now.

I'm not really talking to my husband about cancer stuff. He is, however, going to try to go to the doctor with me. He has a meeting so hopefully.

My therapist recommended journaling also. Right now, I just don't have the energy. I'm trying to hard just to do what needs to be done at work, and some stuff at home, that I don't know how to find the energy for anything else. I guess I use this board as my journal. Maybe that's not the right thing to do, but right now I am.

Take care,
Betsy

energy
Sorry to hear your issues....I was very lucky to have NO side effects from radiation! I am sorry you are having them...will they be over soon?

I"ll be thinking of you..

disneyfan2008

betsymorgan said:

you do what you can
I think this board is like journaling. You've also got a lot of women here who know from experience what you're going through. My husband, my very best friend in the whole world, has gone with me to every appointment, has slept in the hospital with me, but still doesn't quite know what to do when I step out of the shower crying because my new nipple tissue is dying.

It's OK to be tired. I hope your doctor can help explain that you're going to be tired and feeling unwell for a long time yet (if that's what will happen--and if not, you should be seen for whatever else that's causing your fatigue). Ask how long you can expect to feel like crap and why it isn't over yet. Maybe with questions worded like that (words your husband might use), you'll get something that will resonate with both of you.

I hope it gets better, Betsy. I feel like I know you since we share the name!
hugs--
betsy

bestymorgan
wow, never thought of that..good point this board is jounaling...

VickiSam

disneyfan2008 said:

bestymorgan
wow, never thought of that..good point this board is jounaling...

Besty Morgan .. ahhhh, I am so
sorry about your dying nipple. Bless you! Please take care and let us know how you are doing.

Strength and Courage,

Vicki

betsymorgan

doing better, thanks
I've rallied...I guess. Hoping that the dead tissue is just protecting new growth underneath. And if not, well, I'll just deal with it as we've all had to deal with all that other crap we haven't wanted to deal with but did anyway, right?

Does it ever get easier to look in the mirror?

Betsy13

disneyfan2008 said:

energy
Sorry to hear your issues....I was very lucky to have NO side effects from radiation! I am sorry you are having them...will they be over soon?

I"ll be thinking of you..

Hi Dis...
Went and saw my rad. onc. today and she said she didn't know. Everyone heals at different lengths of time. She did say I'm doing great! So that's good news. She said just keep going and rest when I need to. This to shall pass. So, I'm hanging in there and trying to keep positive thoughts.

My husband and I had a great conversation tonight. I told him that we need to look every day for the positives in our lives. We actually laughed together! That seems like a very long time ago, but better late than never. I think we're getting there!

Hugs!
Betsy

Betsy13

betsymorgan said:

you do what you can
I think this board is like journaling. You've also got a lot of women here who know from experience what you're going through. My husband, my very best friend in the whole world, has gone with me to every appointment, has slept in the hospital with me, but still doesn't quite know what to do when I step out of the shower crying because my new nipple tissue is dying.

It's OK to be tired. I hope your doctor can help explain that you're going to be tired and feeling unwell for a long time yet (if that's what will happen--and if not, you should be seen for whatever else that's causing your fatigue). Ask how long you can expect to feel like crap and why it isn't over yet. Maybe with questions worded like that (words your husband might use), you'll get something that will resonate with both of you.

I hope it gets better, Betsy. I feel like I know you since we share the name!
hugs--
betsy

Hi Betsy ~
I saw my rad. onc. today and asked her those questions. She said everyone heals differently and to hang in there.

I guess I need to read everything before I reply to one person!

I am so sorry to hear about your new nipple tissue. What does that mean? Do you have to have them re-done?

As I continue healing from radiation, the hole in my chest will get bigger. I asked today and she said that the plastic surgeons won't even discuss it with me until it's been at least a year She recommended 2 and said they will send my charts to them and make the appointments for me. It will be a year on Feb. 12th that I had my 2nd surgery so maybe in March I'll be talking to the plastic surgeon to see what he can do!

Take care of yourself,
Betsy

disneyfan2008

Betsy13 said:

Hi Dis...
Went and saw my rad. onc. today and she said she didn't know. Everyone heals at different lengths of time. She did say I'm doing great! So that's good news. She said just keep going and rest when I need to. This to shall pass. So, I'm hanging in there and trying to keep positive thoughts.

My husband and I had a great conversation tonight. I told him that we need to look every day for the positives in our lives. We actually laughed together! That seems like a very long time ago, but better late than never. I think we're getting there!

Hugs!
Betsy

Besty
good to hear had a laugh together..

I too try to think of postive -

disneyfan2008

Betsy13 said:

Hi Dis...
Went and saw my rad. onc. today and she said she didn't know. Everyone heals at different lengths of time. She did say I'm doing great! So that's good news. She said just keep going and rest when I need to. This to shall pass. So, I'm hanging in there and trying to keep positive thoughts.

My husband and I had a great conversation tonight. I told him that we need to look every day for the positives in our lives. We actually laughed together! That seems like a very long time ago, but better late than never. I think we're getting there!

Hugs!
Betsy

Besty
good to hear had a laugh together..

I too try to think of postive -

Betsy13

betsymorgan said:

doing better, thanks
I've rallied...I guess. Hoping that the dead tissue is just protecting new growth underneath. And if not, well, I'll just deal with it as we've all had to deal with all that other crap we haven't wanted to deal with but did anyway, right?

Does it ever get easier to look in the mirror?

I've really started looking at myself
in the mirror around Christmas. When my rad. onc. told me it would continue changing for at least a year after surgery, I figured why bother to look if it's going to continue changing. Over Christmas break, I really looked for the first time since surgery and it is better than I thought. I can see the divet (where they removed the tumor and took the lump of tissue) and it is getting deeper. But since my friend told me about bio-oil, my scar is not that bad. The bio-oil absorbs into the scar and tissue below it quicker than aloe because the molecules are smaller, therefore, it begins working faster and softening the inside scar tissue. The scar on the outside it smooth and not at red as it was. I am able to massage deeper and harder than two weeks ago so I know it is healing. The scar tissue is healing nicely and probably won't need to be removed.

I like your positive thinking, Betsy. It IS protecting the new growth underneath! It is! It is!

Hang tough,
Betsy

Betsy13

disneyfan2008 said:

Besty
good to hear had a laugh together..

I too try to think of postive -

Yeah!
It felt great, too!

Thanks, Dis,
Betsy