Back from NC for Christmas

Jan Trinks
Jan Trinks Member Posts: 477
edited March 2014 in Head and Neck Cancer #1
Hi all:

Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas. I got back from NC this afternoon after spending Christmas with Charlie's family. It was a bittersweet one. We had 8 inches of snow on Christmas Day and it turned out to be just me, his parents, his brother Steve and wife Karen and brother Stan. The weather kept the children, grandchildren and great grandchildren from getting there. But that was okay and we decided that was how it was meant to be this first Christmas without Charlie. He was there under the tree. A friend of mine and I put the urn in a Christmas basket and put garland around it and it did look pretty and very Christmasy! His Dad did great and talk about about 360 turnaround from when I was there before T'giving. He was in good spirits. His mother, bless her heart, her memory is just gone. She has some dementia and her short term memory is terrible. Now she can remember things 20 years ago, mind you. She did start talking about the night Charlie passed away and that it kinda hurt her feelings because she felt like Steve and Karen should have turned around and come back and gotten them when I let them know he had passed away. Talk about what a 3 ring circus that would have been! There was no way their health would have permitted two trips down and back. I told her that Charlie would not have wanted her to have seen him (not that he looked that bad mind you, but she thought he looked bad when he looked great!)to which she replied, "Yes, but that was my child!" I thought "Okay, how am I going to respond to this?!" So, I said, "Yes, but that child was 58 years old and this is how he wanted things, and we had to carry out his wishes!" I figured Charlie wouldn't mind me blaming it on him! But it is true and we knew that! She really wants me to move up there, but I'm very happy here in the house that Charlie and I shared and worked so hard to buy 12 1/2 years ago. And, I'm just not sure I want to give up all the amenities I have here at my fingertips. I'm in Gwinnett County, Lawrenceville, GA outside of Atlanta and Marion, NC is a small town. And also, I like the fact that some of the best of the best in medical care is at my fingertips. Now, I love going to see them frequently and they love me being there, but be it ever so humble, there's no place like home and except for the fact that Charlie is not with me (so to speak) I'm very happy here! I had not seen one of his aunts (one of my favorites) since Charlie's death and she was so sweet when I told her he went very peacefully and told me that was God's mercy to Charlie and that he really never leaves me! I have to tell you something that happened one day before I left for NC. A couple of years ago Charlie gave me these kissy Christmas dogs. The boy dog is brown with a Santa hat and a jingle bell on his tail and the girl dog is white with a Santa hat and when you smack them together the girl dog's cheeks light up and it says "I love you, you really jingle my bell, Merry Christmas!" I just love these! So this year I put them in front of the picture that the funeral home had done from a picture I gave them of Charlie and me and Rowdy and Blue that we had made at Christmas several years ago. They send it out and this company redoes it and it looks like an oil portrait when it's done and it's about 11 x 16. It's really nice. Anyway, I put these dogs in front of that picture along with the other decorations on the entertainment center. Well, I was trying to replace a flag holder on the deck and was having trouble with getting the screws in the hard wood. So I had this epiphany. I would get a nail and hammer it in a little ways so the screw would go in easier. So I came back inside to the hall closet to get the hammer and nail and as I started back through the house and passed through the living room (where the picture and the kissy Christmas dogs are) and those dogs go off by themselves! I stopped and said, "Well, Charlie, is that you?" And they went off again! Needless to say I was startled a bit but decided to enjoy and savor the moment! I just wanted to share that with y'all. I had my moments from time to time but over all did well, except I cried coming back home today. I guess it was this was first Christmas going into NC and coming home without him. Sometimes it's just so hard being without him.

Anyway, hope everything is well with everyone and that y'all have a "Happy New Year!" God Bless and I love y'all!

Basketcase (Jan)


  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,304 Member
    Merry Christmas Jan
    You don't sound so much like a basketcase anymore....Charlie is definitley proud.

    Thanks for the awesome story and your thoughts and feelings....even the subtle sign that Charlie is still watching over you and knowing that he more than likely gave you that knowledge to get the hammer and nail to punch a starter hole and get that screw started.

    Best always, and hoping you have an awesome New Year.

  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    You sound good
    Hi Jan,
    Sounds like you're doing pretty good. Guess we don't have a choice when we lose our husbands, but have to move on. I"m glad Christmas is over and I made it without too many tears.
    Glad to hear that you're doing good too.
    My cousin whose husband died when he was 40 had given her a Precious Moments music box. This happened twice where they started playing by themselves too. Weird, but must be a sign.
    The one thing that happened to me this year was that Tom died in March. We had a redbud tree that had been planted 4 years ago and never bloomed. Well in May this year, it bloomed for the first time and guess that was my sign. But in fall we had a bad wind storm and a big part of it broke off, so still not sure what that meant. Hope it blooms again next spring.
    Take care Jan! "Carole"
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    Hi Jan
    Glad to see you had a good Christmas

    God bless