I can't believe my mother did this on X-mas..

tjohnson2310

I had my last of 16 chemo treatments on 12/16. For some reason this one hit me harder then the others. I was fatigued, nauseated, and vomiting. So on Christmas Day I was still feeling terrible. But here is what is bothering me. My mother lives around the corner from me. She wanted me to come over to her house on Christmas. So,she called me on Christmas Eve to tell me to come over the next day. I told her I was not feeling well, I was not able to keep anything down and I was still very tired.I told her it would be best if her and my dad come over to my house. I told her they could bring over the food they cooked like they did when I was feeling bad for Thanksgiving. Well, she told me she didn't feel like doing all that because it was to much trouble to pack up the food.I repeatedly told her I was not feeling well and that it would be best for me. She told me I am not the only person feeling bad this Christmas and that I need to come over to her house because she was not coming over to mine. She was like I had breast cancer to and I still did things.I told her that I was not feeling well and that she could stop over anytime. She then said well "we are not coming."So after all that she did not come to my house..she sent my dad over with the gifts and some food. She did not come at all. I talked to her not to long after my dad left, I asked why did she not come with him..she said she was to emotional at the time. She said I was trying to avoid coming to her house..I told her I told you I was not feeling well and you just ignored me..I told her I expected her to just say ok I'll come over but you just ignored me as if I were lying..she said if I am trying to make her feel bad about what she did she said she's never going to feel bad about it...so I am not talking to her. I am just pissed and disappointed.

KathyLQ

It will be OK
I know you're disappointed. You both have the right to decide where you want to be. Try not to be so disappointed that she didn't come.
All you can do is keep saying, if she asks about this day, that you were not able to keep food down after your 16 chemo treatments. You have to be the broken record. And focus on your own health and what you know you need to do, and don't worry about what she did do, or didn't do.

When you aren't feeling well, you probably are emotional. I know I get emotional. I always have the 3 day rule. Wait 3 days and see how you feel then. In most cases, my attitude and how I feel has changed by the 3rd day. I've learned to keep my mouth shut when I know perhaps that I should just wait.

weazer

KathyLQ said:

It will be OK
I know you're disappointed. You both have the right to decide where you want to be. Try not to be so disappointed that she didn't come.
All you can do is keep saying, if she asks about this day, that you were not able to keep food down after your 16 chemo treatments. You have to be the broken record. And focus on your own health and what you know you need to do, and don't worry about what she did do, or didn't do.

When you aren't feeling well, you probably are emotional. I know I get emotional. I always have the 3 day rule. Wait 3 days and see how you feel then. In most cases, my attitude and how I feel has changed by the 3rd day. I've learned to keep my mouth shut when I know perhaps that I should just wait.

Good Advise Kathy!
I need to learn the three day rule...makes losts of sense.
I think TJ your Mom might be in denial and want to ignore that you might be so sick...it just might hurt her to the core to think her baby is that ill.
You are incredible, #16 WOW.
Keep your chin up sis.
I'm sorry hunny and I hope that you rest and take it as easy as you can...feel better soon.
Hugs Karie

joannstar

Stand your ground
as difficult as it may be. You need to take care of you!!! You do not need to justify your behavior although that is harder to do that to say. No one understands exactly what you feel like, no matter how you try to explain.
See if you can let go of being pissed--it will only hurt you. Just go on from here.
Good luck to you.
JoAnn

Betsy13

joannstar said:

Stand your ground
as difficult as it may be. You need to take care of you!!! You do not need to justify your behavior although that is harder to do that to say. No one understands exactly what you feel like, no matter how you try to explain.
See if you can let go of being pissed--it will only hurt you. Just go on from here.
Good luck to you.
JoAnn

ditto
Stand your ground. You need to take care of you. I am truly sorry she treated you this way. You are going through enough right now without someone trying to add guilt onto your plate.

The three day rule is a good one. But you do not owe her an apology, if anything, she owes you one. And you'll probably never hear it, but you may see it. My in-laws have treated me like the proverbial red-headed stepchild. I did get a hug at Christmas. I was amazed!

I've learned to say "I'm fine. Thanks. You?" Few people truly want to know. To them, I talk. Otherwise, less is more.

Hang in there. Sending hugs you way!
Betsy

tjohnson2310

Thanks
Thanks for your support. It is heartbreaking for me that my mother would act this way. She to had breast cancer and under went chemo and rads 12 yrs ago. I drove her to every treatment. And not once did I treat her this way. I am not asking her to pamper me just support me.

disneyfan2008

mmmm maybe she just can't face it
Seeing her child...I personally could not do that to someone...but each handles differnetly..I would be every so dissappointed to say the least...but like the others said you must take care of yourself!

Eveyone has completely different reactions to different treatments-and it could be different each time...

feel better....take deep breath...

sorry you were treated like this esp on a Holiday

disneyfan2008

disappointed...
I think if me I MAY BE OUT and out MAD...and hurt...but then I would have to say to myself it is NOT ME>...it's her..