Our last two weeks --carepages--to update you all.

Betty in Vegas
Betty in Vegas Member Posts: 290 Member
edited March 2014 in Esophageal Cancer #1
Habakkuk 3:19
Posted Dec 15, 2010 12:46pm
"The Lord God is my strength. He has made my feet like hinds feet and he makes me walk on my high places."
Cori Ten Boom, Holocaust survivor, used to compare our time on earth as a tapestry or needlepoint. When you look at one of these from the bottom, it seems to be quite a mess. There are threads of every color running all over the place. It’s confusing, and messy. However, if you look at the same piece from the top, it is a masterpiece of color, expertly weaved.
Such is life. We see things from a skewed perspective. We see things from the bottom looking up toward heaven. We don’t understand a lot of things. We get confused, but that does not mean there is not an artist above, at work in our lives, making something beautiful of even the ugliest, most knot ridden thread in the piece.
Right now, we don’t understand. Our doctor tells us that we have reached the end of feasible treatment. Layne is in pain, he cannot pass food or even water though his system. He’s got edema, and he’s pretty miserable physically. Why does he have to go through this? Why is the guardian of our family being taken from us? We don’t understand, we don’t know. But we know that our God loves us all and that He is surely crying for us, as we go through this pain.
We wish we had answers for our friends, we don’t. We do know though, that God is still here with us, and that your prayers are not in vain. We know that you can do much by falling to your knees, and we ask that you would do that—for our family. Our boys are heartbroken, the girls distraught, and there is nothing that as a mom, I can do to stem their fears or their pain at this point except hold them and tell them God is here with us.
Our promise is not in this life. This we know for sure. Layne once said that he would not trade this experience—for he would rather live 2 years this close to his Savior than 90 wondering around aimlessly, wishing he could truly see the miracles of God. We have seen miracles. Layne has been a walking miracle. He has overcome much, and he has guided our family through this storm. We are blessed to be a family. We are thankful for what the Lord HAS done.
Layne’s request was that all measures be taken. He made this request in writing because he believes in the sanctity of life. He understood he may be in pain or suffer greatly due to this, and he felt that only God should make the decision when to stop trying to live. He is a man of God. And he will pass into God’s hands in God’s timing, not in ours.
We know you all would like to be here, but the room is small and only family is permitted in. We appreciate your prayers for his comfort, his peace, and our children. Layne is our hero. God is our strength.
In the Lord’s hands,
The Layne Johnson Family
Psalms 9:10
Posted Dec 16, 2010 11:20pm
"And those who have knowledge of Your Name will put their faith in You; because you, Lord, have ever given Your help to those who were waiting for you."
Waiting...patiently waiting on the Lord. After our recent news, we did not expect to be here, posting again our news. Yet, here we are. Waiting on the Lord to clarify and waiting for HIS answers.
Layne is such a fighter. He was doing much better and we thought he'd be getting a jtube the day he had to be intubated. Now, those of you who know Layne know that he HATES things being stuck down his throat. So for him to say "Yes, intubate me" was huge.
However, he was stable this morning. In fact, he was so stable that we started taking shifts, sending some home to sleep or to shower. So this morning, those of you who have noticed her lack of clothing changes and weary, greasy hairstyle, Betty was able to go home, shower, and pick up some fruit for the nurses. When she was in line to pay for the items, she got a call from Michael--"Mom, come quick, Dad's heartbeat is over 200 and his blood pressure is dropping."
We jumped in the car and raced to the hospital, calling the other children on the way. The nurse, thankfully, was right on the situation and had given the appropriate meds--before long, Layne's numbers were much better.
His platelets were down today, so he'll receive a transfusion tonight to try to fix that. He's still on antibiotics.
So we wait. And we are thankful for every day we are given.
To those who have offered food, simple items are good for the waiting room, but we have no where to store major foods. The waiting room is very small and there are several families using it. Therefore, items that are small and don't have to be refrigerated are good. We wish we could respond to everyone in person, but it has taken all day to get this little carepage entry out.
We don't know when anyone will be at the house for sure. Things change minute by minute here. And cell phones are hard to use in the room. We do appreciate all the kind offers...and we wish we could make it easier for you to help us...but right now, we live from minute to minute.
One thing is for sure...Layne is IN this fight!

Jeremiah 29:11
Posted Dec 20, 2010 11:03pm
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope."
Tonight, our family said goodbye to its warrior and its head. We held Layne in our arms, we sang him hymns, we talked about how wonderful he was, and told him we loved him. He passed peacefully, and his last thoughts were of us, because he had a tear for us...
We love you, Layne...we will hold you in our hearts forever. You were a man of integrity and morals. We know that you were a man after God's own heart and that is why he took you.
Thank you to everyone who has given us support and love on this journey in His hands.

Psalm 34:18
Posted 19 hours ago
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Christmas is a time to reflect on the year, and the gift of salvation, which is what all our earthly gifts to one another is patterned after. It's a joyous time, and in the Johnson home, it is a marvelous time.
Every year, we decorate the entire house, we put up our tree, we remember each ornament and when we got them or made them. We laugh about Christmases past, we watch sappy movies, and the kids say "That is SO dad" to every line in "The Christmas Story." The kids laugh so hard at the aunt who wraps her cat up in "Christmas Vacation" and say "That is MOM!"
We eat cookies--and we are together. This year, so much is the same, yet so much is drastically different. We'll have a hugely empty spot in the gifts this year. We will have an empty spot in our hearts, as well.
The kids have tried very hard to keep the traditions alive, and to do what we must to keep our family together. After all, isn't that what this season is about? The love of family. I think they all realize that the glue that held us together was these traditions, these joint memories--and now, those things won't be overseen by Layne, so those embers have to be stoked within our hearts and guarded by each one of us.
We'll have some special gifts...and we will laugh, play family games, have ham and too many cookies. We will love one another and be grateful that we have one another for whatever time we do.
We will be very cognizant that our best gifts are actually the gift of sharing one another's lives--and that doesn't come under a tree. We pray that your family will treasure one another as gifts, as well.
Our favorite gifts were always ones that were from the heart anyway--gifts Layne made with his hands, gifts that the kids made for us, or services they provided. I loved the year I got massages and chores--and Layne loved getting music or photos. When the kids were very small, we made so many of their presents to save money. How special those gifts were to them.
A gift from your heart--that can never be taken away by a thief or its memory dimmed. The gift of time and the gift of love are eternally enjoyed.
We are well...our souls are uplifted by the love of our friends, the love of our family and the blessings of God. Thank you to all who have cared for us. We love you--God bless you...each and every one!

Thank you so much to everyone at CSN. I won't be going anywhere so that I can help anyone that I can...as I received help myself.

In the end, Layne starved to death and it killed his kidneys--his doctors didn't recognize it in time and when we moved doctors, it was too late to reverse the process. We had fought and fought the docs...we should have switched docs sooner. Always be in charge of your healthcare.

Our family loves you all.



  • oriontj
    oriontj Member Posts: 375
    Oh Betty I am crying
    for you and your family...you and Layne were more than a name on the board we met you two last year and shared lunch together...I can't believe this has happened...I can close my eyes and see the two of you sitting across from us.

    I am so sorry...I don't have the words...just words in my heart for you. I know you are devout Christians and trust our Lord with your salvation and life. I don't know why things like this happen to good people...no one does but God...he knows his plan for us and we don't...some times it seems it's just too much to handle...and I know you trust the Lord for your strength...so do I...but we still say "why?"..we're only human...we can't see ahead like God can.

    I will tell Tom in the morning...I'm the only one awake in the house as usual.

    We will pray for you tomorrow at Mass and every day as I have done...

    Dear friend...there is no pain now for Layne only for those left behind...I truly wish there was some thing I could do to help you...anything at all...Please let me know if I can help...

    I'm truly devasted....and will light a candle for Layne tomorrow...I promise and pray for God to give you the strength you will need in the coming weeks.

  • GerryS
    GerryS Member Posts: 227 Member
    Beautifully written and thanks for sharing.

    What a lesson on how to cope. I will keep this post, so inspirational.

    God Bless you and your entire family.

  • unclaw2002
    unclaw2002 Member Posts: 599
    I am so sorry to hear


    I am so sorry to hear that you are without Layne's physical presence in your family. Your posting brought tears to my eyes as I read your beautiful words, the love of your family and the grace and courage of Layne shown through the words. Thank you for sharing these memories with us and know you are in my prayers and thoughts.

    Hugs and love,
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  • sandy1943
    sandy1943 Member Posts: 824
    What a beautiful love
    What a beautiful love story--The love within your family and the love for God witnessed through each of you.
    It reads in John 11, 35, Jesus wept. If He cried for his friend Lazarus,then we know He cry's for us, because we are His children. It is his love and faithfulness that helps us during difficult times, even though we don't understand the overall picture.I know He is with you now, with his arms around you, giving you comfort.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you,
  • mrsbotch
    mrsbotch Member Posts: 349
    My Heart is heavy
    You have been so blessed to have Layne with you for so many years. Now Layne is with God and smiling down at you and your children. May you have the strength to go on and always remember what a wonderful part of your life he was and will always be.

  • Donna70
    Donna70 Member Posts: 852 Member
    mrsbotch said:

    My Heart is heavy
    You have been so blessed to have Layne with you for so many years. Now Layne is with God and smiling down at you and your children. May you have the strength to go on and always remember what a wonderful part of your life he was and will always be.


    Betty, so sorry
    So sorry to see your posting but filled with admiration for the beautiful way Layne faced the end and your family with him. Your message is one of hope for our real home is not here but hereafter. The home you describe at the holidays sounds like the perfect Christmas home one with the true meaning right there up front. I am crying thinking of Layne dying from starvation when that could have been prevented. YOu are giving us a valuable lesson from your own suffering and Layne's. I started thinking of you these last days and wondering about the last time I saw a post. Now I know. My prayers and thoughts will be with you, it is hard to lose a loved one but seems so much worse at Christmas. You have been such good examples of love and sharing the burden of EC. Thank you both for your advice and help you have given so many of us here on the board. Prayers always for you and Layne and your family.
  • MOE58
    MOE58 Member Posts: 589 Member

    I am so sorry to hear of Layne's passing, I too wondered where you had been now we know you were attending to this wonderful warrior, He has left many memories with his family, you will always have a hole in your heart but he will be around you in spirit always. I remember when you first came on, i had only been on a couple of months when you first came on so we walked this journey together, and we always had each other to lean on. Our beloved Kitten has welcomed him home with open arms, and I am sure they are working on a cure for this beast, we always ask why us, but as kitten always said why not us, we never know from day to day what we have in store for us, or what GOD has in store for us. Layne fought a hard fight and you was a wonderful caregiver. I always said nobody knows what a cancer patient goes through until they walk our shoes. Please know I am praying for you and your family. May GOD be with you through all these difficult times.


    You certainly danced in the rain, and you certainly wore MOE's SHOES and the BIG GIRL PANTIES, now tuck those all away, and know Layne is loooking over you to guide you to the next step.

    GOD Bless

  • JaneE2366
    JaneE2366 Member Posts: 289 Member
    So sorry
    I am so sorry to read of Layne's passing. I will keep you in my prayers.
  • sal314
    sal314 Member Posts: 599 Member
    My Thoughts and Prayers Are With You
    your children and extended family. SO glad that you KNOW the Lord! May HIS promises sustain you in the days, weeks and months to come. And may you find peace and joy in the fact that you one day will be reunited for all eternity with Layne.


  • 38sallyb
    38sallyb Member Posts: 87
    Layne is with our Heavenly Father who is comforting all of us.
    Betty and your family,
    We were devastated to hear of Layne's passing. You were one of the first ones to welcome us to this board and meeting you and Layne was so wonderful for us! Jim was heartened and encouraged by all you wrote and shared with us. I know the hole in your lives only too well, but I also know that we are rejoicing that the Lord has welcomed two fine men home to his beautiful Heaven, where they are at peace.
    I will continue in prayer for all of you, knowing it is just one of many coming your way. I also know the peace it brings.
    When you are ready to talk, just pick up the phone or leave a message. We are having a "Celebration of Jim's Life" on the 15th. Our grandson, Jake, is back from deployment, so let the celebrating commence! It's what Jim asked for, and we aim to do it as well as we can. I LOVE you and pray for God's blessing to pour out upon all of you.
    Sally B
  • cindyhils
    cindyhils Member Posts: 27

    Thank you for sharing this. It brought tears to my eyes. You were a lucky family to have Layne, as he was lucky to have all of you. I pray for strength for you all in the coming days, God Bless cindy