are you ever lonely?

tootsie1

Yeah
Sometimes. Of course I haven't had the very rough road with cancer that so many of y'all have had, but I do feel like there's a part of me that most people don't understand now.

*hugs*
Gail

ron50

TMac52 said:

Gone fishin!!!
Hey Ron where do you live I want to go fishing with you! No one going through what you are should be alone dude!!!

Hi Tmac
I'm down under mate ,I live in a small town called Nambour in Queensland on the tropical east coast of Australia. Not always alone ,some of the areas i go to fish have a very healthy croc population though I have a feeling with some of the meds I've been on even they might reject me:):)Ron.

lisa42

sometimes I still can't believe it
Even after being on chemo for 3-1/2 years now, I still sometimes can't believe that I really have cancer. That this is me- this is my life now. I hear other people talk about it, see people talk about it on TV, and almost feel shocked to think that I have cancer too. That the person's obituary I read about in the newspaper today who "lost their battle with cancer after 5 years"- that that could be me. I guess I feel the most lonely when I think that I'm different from all my friends and that they'll never know exactly how I feel. I pray that they don't- that they are spared from ever experiencing cancer.
I imagine my funeral sometimes- do you all ever do that? I hear a song that is especially moving & I think about how I'd like that one played at my service. Then I imagine what my husband and kids' faces will look like during the service. WHY do I do that??????
I HATE that I do that! I want to live!!! I don't want to think of the sadness my family will go through if I don't make it. I know life will go on without me- life always does go on, but I want to be part of it all!!!
I hate that I have to carry this burden of wondering if I'll be alive when my kids get married or have my grandkids- or if I'll even see them graduate from high school. YES- I want to live!!! I feel far from dead now, but I know how quickly it can go downhill too & that is definitely a lonely, scary feeling. I have gotten stronger in my faith in Jesus since thinking about all this & that definitely makes me feel less alone, but makes me feel even more alone and different from my friends.

I'm grateful for this forum that we can share these feelings with each other- we're all here for each other & we all GET IT.

Hugs to all,
Lisa

Nana b

lisa42 said:

sometimes I still can't believe it
Even after being on chemo for 3-1/2 years now, I still sometimes can't believe that I really have cancer. That this is me- this is my life now. I hear other people talk about it, see people talk about it on TV, and almost feel shocked to think that I have cancer too. That the person's obituary I read about in the newspaper today who "lost their battle with cancer after 5 years"- that that could be me. I guess I feel the most lonely when I think that I'm different from all my friends and that they'll never know exactly how I feel. I pray that they don't- that they are spared from ever experiencing cancer.
I imagine my funeral sometimes- do you all ever do that? I hear a song that is especially moving & I think about how I'd like that one played at my service. Then I imagine what my husband and kids' faces will look like during the service. WHY do I do that??????
I HATE that I do that! I want to live!!! I don't want to think of the sadness my family will go through if I don't make it. I know life will go on without me- life always does go on, but I want to be part of it all!!!
I hate that I have to carry this burden of wondering if I'll be alive when my kids get married or have my grandkids- or if I'll even see them graduate from high school. YES- I want to live!!! I feel far from dead now, but I know how quickly it can go downhill too & that is definitely a lonely, scary feeling. I have gotten stronger in my faith in Jesus since thinking about all this & that definitely makes me feel less alone, but makes me feel even more alone and different from my friends.

I'm grateful for this forum that we can share these feelings with each other- we're all here for each other & we all GET IT.

Hugs to all,
Lisa

Great heartfelt post Lisa,
Great heartfelt post Lisa, and yes I do. I have a folder on my i-tunes with my favorite songs, a folder with my favorite pics (I look hot, of course1 lol). You are not alone. Funny, no not funny but I have the music the slide show for my own funereal. Now that is strange!

ron50

Nana b said:

Great heartfelt post Lisa,
Great heartfelt post Lisa, and yes I do. I have a folder on my i-tunes with my favorite songs, a folder with my favorite pics (I look hot, of course1 lol). You are not alone. Funny, no not funny but I have the music the slide show for my own funereal. Now that is strange!

Guess what Nana
I'm 60 yrs old and I refuse to make a will is that mega denial or what. Perhaps if you listen to my reasoning I'm gonna live for ever. I used to sing an old flash in the pan song in chemo. I used different words.."hey there St Peter,before you ring your bell,just come down to survivor town,we've done our time in hell!" Now cheerful thoughts and a merry Christmas.Ron.

KathiM

ron50 said:

Guess what Nana
I'm 60 yrs old and I refuse to make a will is that mega denial or what. Perhaps if you listen to my reasoning I'm gonna live for ever. I used to sing an old flash in the pan song in chemo. I used different words.."hey there St Peter,before you ring your bell,just come down to survivor town,we've done our time in hell!" Now cheerful thoughts and a merry Christmas.Ron.

Aw, darlin'....you need a hug.....
I'll come fishing with you, my dear!!! I have almost 200000 frequent flier miles...do you suppose that's enough for a RT to you?

Whew! I'll tell ya, I'm trying to unravel the estate I call my mom...sigh...she has dementia, and trying to find out where things are from her is a real challenge...I am trying to make things easier on ME (of COURSE it's all about ME...lol) when she dies...

In America, if you don't do things right, the goverment gets half. Of everything. So, that is the ONLY reason I have all of my estate (will, advanced directive, etc) in order....the only thing I hate worse that cancer is the Federal Government!!! ROFL!!!

Hugs to you, my dearest friend!

Hugs, Kathi

Kenny H.

ron50 said:

Hi Tmac
I'm down under mate ,I live in a small town called Nambour in Queensland on the tropical east coast of Australia. Not always alone ,some of the areas i go to fish have a very healthy croc population though I have a feeling with some of the meds I've been on even they might reject me:):)Ron.

May the fish be with you
May the fish be with you bud!
Sorry to get off the topic but as a fisher freak myself i would love to fish the down-under.
What kind is that your holding? Mine in pic are speckled trout.
Fish here in S.tx coast. Lots of large species in the Gulf of Mexico, but I prefer the shallow inland flats. (water 2ft deep max) wade and use kayak.

angelsbaby

KathiM said:

Aw, darlin'....you need a hug.....
I'll come fishing with you, my dear!!! I have almost 200000 frequent flier miles...do you suppose that's enough for a RT to you?

Whew! I'll tell ya, I'm trying to unravel the estate I call my mom...sigh...she has dementia, and trying to find out where things are from her is a real challenge...I am trying to make things easier on ME (of COURSE it's all about ME...lol) when she dies...

In America, if you don't do things right, the goverment gets half. Of everything. So, that is the ONLY reason I have all of my estate (will, advanced directive, etc) in order....the only thing I hate worse that cancer is the Federal Government!!! ROFL!!!

Hugs to you, my dearest friend!

Hugs, Kathi

I am lonely
every minute of the day, missing my husband angel


michelle

johnnybegood

angelsbaby said:

I am lonely
every minute of the day, missing my husband angel


michelle

awwww
hey michelle we often think of ouselves being lonely and not others.my heart goes out to you.its one thing to have had cancer and live with all the nasty side effects but loosing a loved one to it...i cant imagine here is a hug for you((( ))).i think of you often Godbless...johnybegood

lisa42

johnnybegood said:

awwww
hey michelle we often think of ouselves being lonely and not others.my heart goes out to you.its one thing to have had cancer and live with all the nasty side effects but loosing a loved one to it...i cant imagine here is a hug for you((( ))).i think of you often Godbless...johnybegood

johnnybegood
Hey Johnnybegood... good to see a post from you- haven't seen you post in quite a while and have been wondering how are you??

Lisa

annad723

lisa42 said:

sometimes I still can't believe it
Even after being on chemo for 3-1/2 years now, I still sometimes can't believe that I really have cancer. That this is me- this is my life now. I hear other people talk about it, see people talk about it on TV, and almost feel shocked to think that I have cancer too. That the person's obituary I read about in the newspaper today who "lost their battle with cancer after 5 years"- that that could be me. I guess I feel the most lonely when I think that I'm different from all my friends and that they'll never know exactly how I feel. I pray that they don't- that they are spared from ever experiencing cancer.
I imagine my funeral sometimes- do you all ever do that? I hear a song that is especially moving & I think about how I'd like that one played at my service. Then I imagine what my husband and kids' faces will look like during the service. WHY do I do that??????
I HATE that I do that! I want to live!!! I don't want to think of the sadness my family will go through if I don't make it. I know life will go on without me- life always does go on, but I want to be part of it all!!!
I hate that I have to carry this burden of wondering if I'll be alive when my kids get married or have my grandkids- or if I'll even see them graduate from high school. YES- I want to live!!! I feel far from dead now, but I know how quickly it can go downhill too & that is definitely a lonely, scary feeling. I have gotten stronger in my faith in Jesus since thinking about all this & that definitely makes me feel less alone, but makes me feel even more alone and different from my friends.

I'm grateful for this forum that we can share these feelings with each other- we're all here for each other & we all GET IT.

Hugs to all,
Lisa

so get it
Hi Lisa,

I so get what you are saying. I already have the funeral planned in my mind. What a sicko I must be!!!

I also feel alone with my cancer. I have a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful sons that can't do enough for me, but still I feel alone. This board is very important because unless you have cancer, stage IV, unfortunately, no one can truly understand what we are going through.

I am going to try to focus on being happy this Christmas. I am here feeling physically fine. My sons are here, my husband is here and I have to stay in the positive. Thanks for posting Lisa.


Anna

annad723

lisa42 said:

sometimes I still can't believe it
Even after being on chemo for 3-1/2 years now, I still sometimes can't believe that I really have cancer. That this is me- this is my life now. I hear other people talk about it, see people talk about it on TV, and almost feel shocked to think that I have cancer too. That the person's obituary I read about in the newspaper today who "lost their battle with cancer after 5 years"- that that could be me. I guess I feel the most lonely when I think that I'm different from all my friends and that they'll never know exactly how I feel. I pray that they don't- that they are spared from ever experiencing cancer.
I imagine my funeral sometimes- do you all ever do that? I hear a song that is especially moving & I think about how I'd like that one played at my service. Then I imagine what my husband and kids' faces will look like during the service. WHY do I do that??????
I HATE that I do that! I want to live!!! I don't want to think of the sadness my family will go through if I don't make it. I know life will go on without me- life always does go on, but I want to be part of it all!!!
I hate that I have to carry this burden of wondering if I'll be alive when my kids get married or have my grandkids- or if I'll even see them graduate from high school. YES- I want to live!!! I feel far from dead now, but I know how quickly it can go downhill too & that is definitely a lonely, scary feeling. I have gotten stronger in my faith in Jesus since thinking about all this & that definitely makes me feel less alone, but makes me feel even more alone and different from my friends.

I'm grateful for this forum that we can share these feelings with each other- we're all here for each other & we all GET IT.

Hugs to all,
Lisa

so get it
Hi Lisa,

I so get what you are saying. I already have the funeral planned in my mind. What a sicko I must be!!!

I also feel alone with my cancer. I have a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful sons that can't do enough for me, but still I feel alone. This board is very important because unless you have cancer, stage IV, unfortunately, no one can truly understand what we are going through.

I am going to try to focus on being happy this Christmas. I am here feeling physically fine. My sons are here, my husband is here and I have to stay in the positive. Thanks for posting Lisa.


Anna

annad723

lisa42 said:

sometimes I still can't believe it
Even after being on chemo for 3-1/2 years now, I still sometimes can't believe that I really have cancer. That this is me- this is my life now. I hear other people talk about it, see people talk about it on TV, and almost feel shocked to think that I have cancer too. That the person's obituary I read about in the newspaper today who "lost their battle with cancer after 5 years"- that that could be me. I guess I feel the most lonely when I think that I'm different from all my friends and that they'll never know exactly how I feel. I pray that they don't- that they are spared from ever experiencing cancer.
I imagine my funeral sometimes- do you all ever do that? I hear a song that is especially moving & I think about how I'd like that one played at my service. Then I imagine what my husband and kids' faces will look like during the service. WHY do I do that??????
I HATE that I do that! I want to live!!! I don't want to think of the sadness my family will go through if I don't make it. I know life will go on without me- life always does go on, but I want to be part of it all!!!
I hate that I have to carry this burden of wondering if I'll be alive when my kids get married or have my grandkids- or if I'll even see them graduate from high school. YES- I want to live!!! I feel far from dead now, but I know how quickly it can go downhill too & that is definitely a lonely, scary feeling. I have gotten stronger in my faith in Jesus since thinking about all this & that definitely makes me feel less alone, but makes me feel even more alone and different from my friends.

I'm grateful for this forum that we can share these feelings with each other- we're all here for each other & we all GET IT.

Hugs to all,
Lisa

so get it
Hi Lisa,

I so get what you are saying. I already have the funeral planned in my mind. What a sicko I must be!!!

I also feel alone with my cancer. I have a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful sons that can't do enough for me, but still I feel alone. This board is very important because unless you have cancer, stage IV, unfortunately, no one can truly understand what we are going through.

I am going to try to focus on being happy this Christmas. I am here feeling physically fine. My sons are here, my husband is here and I have to stay in the positive. Thanks for posting Lisa.


Anna

ron50

Kenny H. said:

May the fish be with you
May the fish be with you bud!
Sorry to get off the topic but as a fisher freak myself i would love to fish the down-under.
What kind is that your holding? Mine in pic are speckled trout.
Fish here in S.tx coast. Lots of large species in the Gulf of Mexico, but I prefer the shallow inland flats. (water 2ft deep max) wade and use kayak.

G'day Kenny
It is a 35lb estuary cod ,They spend there early days in the rivers and creeks then as they grow they move out to the inshore reefs. They can get up to 200lb but any thing over 30-40lb I let go. the younger they are the better they taste. I used to fish out of an 18 footer but now i can only manage a 12 footer:) Ron.

AnneCan

plh4gail said:

Guilty
It took me awhile to decide to answer this question or not. I think I am lonely as in even though I am surrounded by family and friends that love me, this is ultimately my diagnosis and as much love and support revolve around me, no one can step into my cancer. There is a part of my personality that it has changed. First I want to tell you that I was nominated Nurse of the Year for Compassion at my Hospital. Not once, but three times! Made me cry at finding out my peers saw something special in the way I thought I was just doing my job. Now,I am still the same person, but.... Tolerance? Acceptance? What I will and will not put up with. That HAS changed! Are you wondering what this has to do with being lonely and why I am ranting about it?....I did something last week that I am not proud of, but I just felt I could not put up with it or go on with it any longer. I broke up with my boyfriend the week before Christmas. He was not taking care of my emotional needs, and yes it was making me feel lonely and isolated. I told him, asked him, showed him what I needed and it was only the basic's, the fundamental's of a relationship. Love, support, and acknowledgement. I tried to explain to him how the written words "Hope you're feeling better today" and asking someone "How are you feeling today" are so different to me (he didn't even know I was having a good day). He called me negative. There is much more, but basically revolves around the same idea. I feel guilty and mean and selfish for doing this at the Holiday's. It was just such a conflict of my emotions to have to ask someone for something I felt they should be wanting to give on their own.

Sorry about the vent session, Gail

You have to follow your heart
Gail, with these matters it is important that you follow your heart. If your boyfriend did not fufill your needs, it is better he is gone. I think you can sometimes feel the loneliest in a relationship which is not going well. I have had people email me + say, "I hope your feeling well". That kind of annoys me; I know they mean well but it almost seems like they don't want to hear about it if I am not feeling well. Often after that they just switch to a different subject.

AnneCan

Yes
Mags,

At some point almost every day I feel some loneliness. It is a lonely disease. Some of my friends have basically disappeared + others have appeared out of nowhere. Sometimes I have to push myself to go out; you get tired of being the one with cancer. I belong to a bookclub. One month we were reading "Still Alice", which is about a female professor who has Alzheimers. When she is first diagnosed she makes a comment that she would rather have cancer than Alzheimers. I had to endure ~ 15 minutes of some members discussing that + how they agreed + why cancer would be better than Alzheimers. I was shocked that they would be so insensitive to me sitting there with cancer. I wanted to speak up but tears stopped me. I don't know if I have ever felt so lonely. They were saying how people are treated differently when people realize they have Alzheimers. I wanted to shout, "Hello, I feel like I am treated very differently since I have been diagnosed." I went home + had a good cry after.

plh4gail

AnneCan said:

Yes
Mags,

At some point almost every day I feel some loneliness. It is a lonely disease. Some of my friends have basically disappeared + others have appeared out of nowhere. Sometimes I have to push myself to go out; you get tired of being the one with cancer. I belong to a bookclub. One month we were reading "Still Alice", which is about a female professor who has Alzheimers. When she is first diagnosed she makes a comment that she would rather have cancer than Alzheimers. I had to endure ~ 15 minutes of some members discussing that + how they agreed + why cancer would be better than Alzheimers. I was shocked that they would be so insensitive to me sitting there with cancer. I wanted to speak up but tears stopped me. I don't know if I have ever felt so lonely. They were saying how people are treated differently when people realize they have Alzheimers. I wanted to shout, "Hello, I feel like I am treated very differently since I have been diagnosed." I went home + had a good cry after.

They've no idea
Oh Anne, that hurt's my heart that you had to hear that. Would have given you a good hug through my tears too.

TMac52

ron50 said:

Hi Tmac
I'm down under mate ,I live in a small town called Nambour in Queensland on the tropical east coast of Australia. Not always alone ,some of the areas i go to fish have a very healthy croc population though I have a feeling with some of the meds I've been on even they might reject me:):)Ron.

HAHA Thats funny being
HAHA Thats funny being rejected by a carnavor beacause of chemical taste!!!!
Well wanted you to know that your story touched me friend and although your a world away I have you in my thoughts and prayers.

lesvanb

Mags
Since my positive lung biopsy last week I was holding it together until Saturday (came down with the flu Saturday too) but part of it was having everyone appreciating my attitude, and what I had written on my update, and how I was a good example yahdayahda....but, did they actually see me, feel me? Yet, do people commonly ever see you or feel you, and you know it for the gift it is when it happens. One of my good friends wrote to me today when I acknowledged feelin' the blues, she asked "what would my zen teacher say?" Well I wrote back that she would say that she had never met a Buddha, a few were close, but mostly just fellow humans. Sometimes I feel like I have to be the perfect patient, not show the flaws of weakness or fatigue and yet I do know that when I am open and not buried in the sand, that gift of connecting with someone else is more likely to happen.

So yes, it sure can feel lonely at times.

all the best to you, Leslie

AnneCan

AnneCan said:

Yes
Mags,

At some point almost every day I feel some loneliness. It is a lonely disease. Some of my friends have basically disappeared + others have appeared out of nowhere. Sometimes I have to push myself to go out; you get tired of being the one with cancer. I belong to a bookclub. One month we were reading "Still Alice", which is about a female professor who has Alzheimers. When she is first diagnosed she makes a comment that she would rather have cancer than Alzheimers. I had to endure ~ 15 minutes of some members discussing that + how they agreed + why cancer would be better than Alzheimers. I was shocked that they would be so insensitive to me sitting there with cancer. I wanted to speak up but tears stopped me. I don't know if I have ever felt so lonely. They were saying how people are treated differently when people realize they have Alzheimers. I wanted to shout, "Hello, I feel like I am treated very differently since I have been diagnosed." I went home + had a good cry after.

Thanks Gail + Christine
I was pretty upset, to the point where my husband was encouraging me to quit the book club. I talked it with one of my friends who was there afterwards + she said she wanted to redirect the conversation but was afraid that would be even more awkward for me. It is a large book club (15 people) + it was 4 or 5 people engaged in this conversation. Thanks for validating my feelings; I was worried I was too sensitive or something.