Kindness Advice for when Mom is so discourged

Lisa13Q

Well Mom is depressed and very fatigued...she's not sure if its the cancer or the chemo. She started PARPs one month ago, and she has been fatigued ever since. She fell last week, didn't break any bones, but bruised her knee badly and has a bruise under her eye, on her cheek. She is hobbling, and miserable I would say. She is soooo fatigued. I don't know what to say to her. I am taking her back to NY Wed. for her next chemo. She is soo discouraged....Any words any of you have to offer her? I'm kind of losing my cheerleader spirit. It feels a bit contrived honestly...what do you say to someone who feels like CR_P all the time? She won't take an anti-depressant....she already is on a ton of meds....words words words are what I need....Thanks, Lisa

lindaprocopio

I asked my oncologist what I could do about the fatigue...
I asked my oncologist what I could do about the fatigue...He said "Lie down".

Maybe your mom is pushing it too much. She needs to think of resting as a pampering time; maybe you can introduce that idea into her psyche. Before cancer I never had time to laze in bed and read or nap or watch some ridiculous chick flick or a foreign film; I never sat around and painted my toenails or curled up with my granddaughter for hours and let her prattle to me all silly things that enter her creative little mind. Now, because I must rest or I truly can feel awful while I'm in treatment, I indulge myself. It's the 'Pollyanna' in me that looks for the bright side of everything, I guess.

You have my sympathy. It must be awful to try and bolster up someone that seems to prefer sinking on down with the downward spiral. My pride won't allow that; I've always hated pity directed at me. And I know how much my cancer pains my family and friends, so I try hard to keep the brave front intact. And it's good for my head, personally, to do that, because it forces me to look for the little moments of beauty and joy of every day and recognize them and celebrate them in my heart. And I've never had to take anti-depressants, never even been offered them by my oncology team. Because the peace I feel is real.

Please encourage your mother to rest, rest, rest. That way when she is up and about, it will be easier to reach inside herself for the strength she needs to live the time she has left to the fullest. It's hard. But she may surprise you if she can just get enough rest to feel in control.

Mwee

That awful fatique
I feel for both of you! I'm an energizer bunny type person and it's so hard for me when I'm experiencing that awful fatique. Could you find her some things to do while she's resting that would entertain her brain more than boring TV? I use audiobooks, e-readers, movies from the library and Netflix, hand sew to finish up quilting projects and I make lots of lists. It's so hard not to get depressed when you feel so tired and sleep does little to make it better. Your Mom is so lucky to have you... I tell myself that it's my job to try and keep a positive attitude... would that be something she would respond to?
(((HUGS))) Maria

Cafewoman53

Lie Down
What great advice ! It is so simple but really hard to do . The fatigue is so weird to deal with if your Mom was used to being active but this is temporary . Pretend that the chemo came with a script to rest,our bodies are being poisened with the chemo so you have to rest to give your body the tools it needs to fight the cancer and heal from the chemo.
How long is her chemo scheduled for ? Try to focus on what this treatment will give her, I make lists of things I am going to do when I am feeling better.
I hope she feels better soon !
Colleen

Hissy_Fitz

Cafewoman53 said:

Lie Down
What great advice ! It is so simple but really hard to do . The fatigue is so weird to deal with if your Mom was used to being active but this is temporary . Pretend that the chemo came with a script to rest,our bodies are being poisened with the chemo so you have to rest to give your body the tools it needs to fight the cancer and heal from the chemo.
How long is her chemo scheduled for ? Try to focus on what this treatment will give her, I make lists of things I am going to do when I am feeling better.
I hope she feels better soon !
Colleen

I agree with the
I agree with the others....encourage her to rest and tell her not to feel guilty about it. I felt like being so tired all the time meant I was really, really sick but that's not so. I had such low hemoglobin, it was no wonder I was tired all the time. But it's not an indication of how "sick" you are. It's just a physiological response to the chemo.

I don't take anti-depressants but I will take an occassional anti-anxiety pill. Maybe your mom would consider that? Just for those days when the whole thing overwhelms her, or she can't fall asleep. Sometimes I just can't get the off switch to work when I'm trying to go to sleep. And I need my sleep! I sleep 10 hours a night and have finally stopped apologizing for it. I've been doing chemo continually for 14 months; I need my sleep. And naps. I take naps in the recliner during the day. Tell your mom that few people have the luxury to do absolutely nothing if they don't feel like it, so she should take advantage of it while it lasts. And if she feels 100 per cent next month or six months from now, she can make up for all that "lost time", if she wants to. But in the meantime, she needs to listen to her body and give it what it needs to heal - plenty of REST.

Being sick makes us feel old and useless and worn out. Chemo makes us feel like we are dying. Plus we look weird - no hair and no eyebrows. But every day you wake up on this side of the ground is a good day. Tell your mom not to give in. Don't let the Cancer win. Don't let it suck the joy out of life.

Carlene

Lisa13Q

Thanks to you all
And you are all correct. We went in to see her doctor today and she couldn't get her PARP because her platelets were too low and she has a bad cold (as do I by the way)...Anyway, my sister)who has had platelet issues her whole life told Mom to get into bed and stay there until she felt better....sis got really upset and said "I'm tired of you not taking care of yourself when you feel this way". If Mom's plateltes aren't up in 2 weeks, she loses out on the PARP trial and sister said, "I'd much rather have you here in a year than have you walking around trying to be strong and not taking care of yourself"....I applauded her. My mother can be stubborn. The oncologist also said "go to bed".....I am going to be her role model, I amk going food shopping and then bed myself...and if she so much as gets up and bothers me, I am going to read her the riot act!!!! Being strong is one thing, but....it's hard to walk this walk.....(not complaining just sharing).....Thanks to you for your feedback

kayandok

Lisa13Q said:

Thanks to you all
And you are all correct. We went in to see her doctor today and she couldn't get her PARP because her platelets were too low and she has a bad cold (as do I by the way)...Anyway, my sister)who has had platelet issues her whole life told Mom to get into bed and stay there until she felt better....sis got really upset and said "I'm tired of you not taking care of yourself when you feel this way". If Mom's plateltes aren't up in 2 weeks, she loses out on the PARP trial and sister said, "I'd much rather have you here in a year than have you walking around trying to be strong and not taking care of yourself"....I applauded her. My mother can be stubborn. The oncologist also said "go to bed".....I am going to be her role model, I amk going food shopping and then bed myself...and if she so much as gets up and bothers me, I am going to read her the riot act!!!! Being strong is one thing, but....it's hard to walk this walk.....(not complaining just sharing).....Thanks to you for your feedback

Dear Lisa,
I have been thinking about you and your mom. Just wanted to check in and offer my support, although I don't have any words of wisdom. I agree that "rest!" is encouraging. I wish someone would tell me to "go to bed". Maybe after Christmas.....
k❥

Cafewoman53

Going to bed
It is so hard, I should be in bed right now as I have a cold and sore throat. My good sense tells me to go to bed but my stubborn presonality keeps me up.I might have to tell on myself to my kids so they read me the riot act ! LOL.

Colleen

Lisa13Q

kayandok said:

Dear Lisa,
I have been thinking about you and your mom. Just wanted to check in and offer my support, although I don't have any words of wisdom. I agree that "rest!" is encouraging. I wish someone would tell me to "go to bed". Maybe after Christmas.....
k❥

Hi Everyone...
Mom has finally gone to bed...we both have a nasty virus....her platelets were too low last week to get chemo. so I am here and if I have to go to bed so does she!!! LOL....It has been good for her as her platelets have doubled since wednesday...she feels awful, but I do think rest is the best thing....I am being a role mode....I wish you all a very happy holiday!!! Although ours has been a sick one so far, I am going to enjoy it none the less....I think Mom likes having company in her misery....:) I will keep you posted....Love to you all..and thanks for your responses....Lisa

srwruns

Cafewoman53 said:

Going to bed
It is so hard, I should be in bed right now as I have a cold and sore throat. My good sense tells me to go to bed but my stubborn presonality keeps me up.I might have to tell on myself to my kids so they read me the riot act ! LOL.

Colleen

Yup cozy up and snuggle
Yup cozy up and snuggle time. Sucky weather all over the US...batten down the hatches, pull out the cozies, brew the tea! Susan