Newly diagonosed and so very scared

MelanieL

Hello everyone

My husband was just diagnosed with esophageal cancer(adenocarcinoma)with metastasis. We go for the Pet scan tomorrow. He is 38 years young and the most wonderful man I have ever known. He doesn't meet any of the risk factors. No gerd, never smoked. Ate a pretty good diet. He has no symptoms. He developed a sudden rash which was dx'd as dermatomyositis and soon after, the cancer was found.

I can't breathe. I don't know what to do with this pain. I don't know what my role is suppose to be. I do ok for a while then I have this sudden wave of sadness hit me and the tears pour. I can't seem to get control. My husband appears to be handling this better than me. He starts chemo tuesday. They are being very aggresive. I'm reeling. What do I do? How do I help him? Dear God, I am scared of losing my very best friend in the world.

Unknown

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

MelanieL

unknown said:

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

Hello William and thanks for
Hello William and thanks for your reply. Things have happened so quickly. In Sept, my husband developed a rash on his face, eyelids and scalp. He thought it was a contact dermatitis, but I felt it was not as it had a very strange look to it. From Dermatology and after a biopsy of a calcified area on his hands,, we had a diagnosis of Dermatomyositis.

Being a nurse, I started reading up on it and found that sometimes this can be triggered by an underlying cancer. So we got a Ct of chest, abd, and pelvis. It was there that the enlarged lymph nodes were found in his neck and abdomen. Ca 19-9 was drawn and found to be elevated at 54,000. They then biopsied the lymph node which came back as adenocarcinoma. We were thinking maybe lymphoma, but it was ruled out.

Next we had an egd and colonoscopy. That is when we got the diagnosis. We were sent immediately that day to see a surgical oncologist as well as a thoracic oncologist.

My husband is known by these doctors and they have started pushing things quickly. They ordered the pet scan to determine if this has spread to any organs, but they are setting up already to start chemo on Tuesday. I'm sure the treatment will be based on the pet results as the oncologist will be there to see the results as soon as it is finished.

We have been told that the prognosis is not good considering the lymph node involvement.

We will be treated at Leo Jenkins Cancer Center in Greenville, NC.

I have always been the one to console and comfort at work. My role there is well defined. This one, not so much. One minute I am the strong, positive person, the next minute I'm the one being comforted by my husband. I am angry that I can't fix this as his wife or as a nurse. I have never suffered a loss in my family and fully expected to lose my parents, but never my husband.

I will share more information in the next few days as results are given to us. I thank everyone for their prayers and I am so very sorry for the grief others are going through as well.

I found this site by the grace of God, I believe.

sal314

Hi Melanie,
SO sorry about
Hi Melanie,

SO sorry about what you and your husband have been thrown into! Of course you are scared and overwhelmed. That's totally normal. I haven't read all of what the other posters have written you, but William is an amazing resource and knows of what he speaks. Heed his advice! He's put in so much time researching and reading about EC, he knows his stuff! You'll probably hear from "baily1459" as well. She is full of knowledge too.

My biggest piece of advice is to seek out a second opinion at a MAJOR cancer center like Mayo, MD Anderson or Sloan-Kettering. EC is a tricky, fast moving cancer and you really need to be seen by "Experts" in the field.

Just reading your post, I'm a little skeptical about your husbands cancer being diagnosed as Esophageal in orgin. Wondering why they are telling you that without doing a scope and/or biopsy?

My father was diagnosed in March with stage IV EC with mets to the liver. He too had no symptoms. Still doesn't, as far as EC goes! He eats fine, swallows fine. They found it because he fainted and his hemoglobin was really low. They did a scope and saw a "spot" in the esophegeal junction. But my mom looked (she's a nurse as well) at the pics and it doesn't look like a typical "tumor mass", more like an inflammed node. After scans they found an area on the outside of the esophagus. They did radiation and several chemo treatments. Since his diagnoses the cancer has spread to one area on the spine. And it only happened while on a "break" from chemo. Nothing in his esphagus has gotten worse. He continues to swallow and eat fine. He's gained back the weight he lost during the first chemo treatments. In short, there is a real question as to whether or not the cancer of orgin truly is esophageal. We know he has adenocarcinoma, but not convinced it started in/on the esphagus. He is seeing another doctor who's just as perplexed. My mother and I thought we'd be having a funeral by now, but my dad is doing amazingly well. We've been so blessed. Not to mention the doctors are a little more than "amazed" at how well he's doing.

So...all that is to say...you really need to someone at a large, well known Cancer center to get the right diagnoses and staging. It makes ALL the difference in the world! The trick is to act fast. You do not have the luxury of sitting and waiting around. If it is indeed EC, you have to start treatment ASAP. The "beast" as we call it, is ruthless and hard to control.
You need to stay a step or two ahead of it, which can be very hard to do.

Just try to take it a step at a time. I know it's scary, but you will find strength you never knew you had and you will get through it.

Glad you found this board. The people here are amazing. ANd very wise and knowledgeable!
Please keep us updated as to your husbands situation. People here care and do a lot of praying for one another!

Blessings,
Sally

paul61

Your are your husbands caretaker and advocate
Melanie,

Your reaction the news of your husband’s diagnosis is normal. It takes us a while to process news like this and it will take time to get past the shock and on to dealing with the current situation. The best way to help your husband is to be there to support him through the difficult days ahead and educate yourself so you can be a proactive caretaker and advocate for your husband.

Step 1 – Have a good cry, get the anger, frustration, shock, and sense of loss out so you can move on to positive steps that really help. Preferably do this with your husband because he needs to go through these same steps. Holding it in and “being brave” is not the most beneficial route. After you are both done, hug each other and take some time to be glad you are both there for each other. Then begin making a joint plan to deal with this disease.


Step 2 – Get accurate staging. Your husband should have a staging diagnosis that contains a T (a number) an N (a number), and a M (a number). Once this staging information is defined your doctor can provide an overall estimate of the progression of the cancer called “staging”. This will define the treatment approach.


Step 3- Educate yourself. There is a wealth of information available here and at other cancer support sites to prepare you and your husband for what to expect from treatment and chemotherapy. Sites I have found helpful include:

http://www.chemocare.com/

http://www.cancer.org/cancer/esophaguscancer/index


Step 4 – Ignore the statistics. The typical esophageal cancer patient is 65 years old or older with a number of other health issues. Your husband is young and strong and much better prepared to deal with the side effects of chemotherapy and fight this disease than a “typical” case.


Step 5 – Build a support network for you and your husband. Your friends and family want to help but they will be shocked and frightened by this diagnosis as well. They don’t want to be intrusive and they don’t know what to do but they will gladly do whatever you ask. Be sure to ask. Right now you are thinking about supporting your husband but you will need support as well.

Investigate the availability of a cancer support group in your area. Many cities have groups of cancer survivors and caretakers that will be happy to support you with advice, rides, help with chores, meals, or just a good listener if that is all you need.

Use this group. Out little family here has many wise and educated survivors and caretakers who have been down the road you are about to travel. The only dumb question is the one you don’t ask.


Step 6 – Get a second opinion at a nationally recognized cancer care center. Since esophageal cancer is a relatively rare disease many local hospitals don’t have the most current information and treatment plans. Be sure you get the best information.

Be sure to have your husbands tumor tissue tested for HER2 positive and other targeted treatment options.


Step 7 – Review your health insurance coverage and create a financial plan for the next year. Hopefully your husband has good disability insurance. If not there is help through the social security system and the American Cancer Society.


Step 8 – Be positive and expect good things. Our immune system performs best when our outlook is positive and our body has the right fuel. I know it sounds a bit crazy to say "be positive" after the news you and your husband have just received; but he is young and advances are made in cancer treatment every day.


We will be praying for you and your husband.

Best Regards,

Paul Adams
McCormick, South Carolina

DX 10/22/2009 T2N1M0 Stage IIB
12/03/2009 Ivor Lewis
2/8 through 6/14/2010 Adjuvant Chemo Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU
6/21/2010 CT Scan NED

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!

Unknown

paul61 said:

Your are your husbands caretaker and advocate
Melanie,

Your reaction the news of your husband’s diagnosis is normal. It takes us a while to process news like this and it will take time to get past the shock and on to dealing with the current situation. The best way to help your husband is to be there to support him through the difficult days ahead and educate yourself so you can be a proactive caretaker and advocate for your husband.

Step 1 – Have a good cry, get the anger, frustration, shock, and sense of loss out so you can move on to positive steps that really help. Preferably do this with your husband because he needs to go through these same steps. Holding it in and “being brave” is not the most beneficial route. After you are both done, hug each other and take some time to be glad you are both there for each other. Then begin making a joint plan to deal with this disease.


Step 2 – Get accurate staging. Your husband should have a staging diagnosis that contains a T (a number) an N (a number), and a M (a number). Once this staging information is defined your doctor can provide an overall estimate of the progression of the cancer called “staging”. This will define the treatment approach.


Step 3- Educate yourself. There is a wealth of information available here and at other cancer support sites to prepare you and your husband for what to expect from treatment and chemotherapy. Sites I have found helpful include:

http://www.chemocare.com/

http://www.cancer.org/cancer/esophaguscancer/index


Step 4 – Ignore the statistics. The typical esophageal cancer patient is 65 years old or older with a number of other health issues. Your husband is young and strong and much better prepared to deal with the side effects of chemotherapy and fight this disease than a “typical” case.


Step 5 – Build a support network for you and your husband. Your friends and family want to help but they will be shocked and frightened by this diagnosis as well. They don’t want to be intrusive and they don’t know what to do but they will gladly do whatever you ask. Be sure to ask. Right now you are thinking about supporting your husband but you will need support as well.

Investigate the availability of a cancer support group in your area. Many cities have groups of cancer survivors and caretakers that will be happy to support you with advice, rides, help with chores, meals, or just a good listener if that is all you need.

Use this group. Out little family here has many wise and educated survivors and caretakers who have been down the road you are about to travel. The only dumb question is the one you don’t ask.


Step 6 – Get a second opinion at a nationally recognized cancer care center. Since esophageal cancer is a relatively rare disease many local hospitals don’t have the most current information and treatment plans. Be sure you get the best information.

Be sure to have your husbands tumor tissue tested for HER2 positive and other targeted treatment options.


Step 7 – Review your health insurance coverage and create a financial plan for the next year. Hopefully your husband has good disability insurance. If not there is help through the social security system and the American Cancer Society.


Step 8 – Be positive and expect good things. Our immune system performs best when our outlook is positive and our body has the right fuel. I know it sounds a bit crazy to say "be positive" after the news you and your husband have just received; but he is young and advances are made in cancer treatment every day.


We will be praying for you and your husband.

Best Regards,

Paul Adams
McCormick, South Carolina

DX 10/22/2009 T2N1M0 Stage IIB
12/03/2009 Ivor Lewis
2/8 through 6/14/2010 Adjuvant Chemo Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU
6/21/2010 CT Scan NED

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

llamp0922

unknown said:

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

Hi Melanie
Hi Melanie,

Sorry to welcome you to this board. You will discover a wealth of information from folks who have fought the battle. I wish I had a source like this when I was being treated! I can relate to you and your husband. I was diagnosed with Stage 3B Esophageal Cancer in 2007 at the age of 38. Like your husband, I was diagnosed locally. My GI at our local hospital who scoped me and biopsied the mass met my husband and I the following day with a treatment plan and a treatment team in place. We immediately sought a second opinion at Mass General Hospital Cancer Center. Cancer can be treated locally, but Esophageal Cancer is tricky. You need to give this battle to those who have the most experience treating this disease. Seek an experienced oncology team who deal with Esophageal cancer daily. I also think your husband should have an Esophageal Ultrasound and a Pet/CT for accurate staging prior to treatment.

Keep breathing!
Positive Thoughts!
Lisa

MOE58

WE NEVER EXPECT TO HEAR THE C WORD IN OUR PROFESSION
Melanie,

Welcome, and lets talk, I too had a husband 45 years young diagnosed on APRIL FOOLS DAY IN 2009, i was waiting for someone to say APRIL FOOLS, BUT IT WASN'T A JOKE IT WAS FOR REAL. (we have divorced but remain good friends) he was having stomach problems, we thought it was his gall bladder, he went for test after test, the doctor he went to kept telling us everything was negative, and wanted to put him on some med, thought it was an ulcer, well as you say working in the medical field you never dream of someone in your life being diagnosed with the C word, when everything kept coming back WNL i knew I had to put my foot down, I called the office went over heads, and said LOOK THIS MAN CANT SLEEP, HE HURTS, HE IS HAVING A HARD TIME EATING, AND THIS MAN IS NEVER SICK, NEVER, so when i oiled the wheel they sent him for the EGD, Low and behold when they put him in the room and the doctor came in and told us he had a tumor, YOU COULD HAVE PICKED ME UP OFF THE FLOOR, i would have never dreamed he would have this, had i not been so persisent in getting him in and getting the correct diagnose who knows where he would have ended up, I was beside myself, I thought how can this happen to him, he worked 40-60 hours at work and when he wasn't working at work he worked outside, he weighed 285lbs, from there we went to the oncologist and found the staging which was a II and not in the lymph nodes, he immediately started the highest chemo he could power him with (you being a nurse they said he was gtting some kind of drug they don't use much on anyone with the mycin group) he would go for chemo, and come home with it for 5 days, he had to go on total disability from work, we NEVER GOT A SECOND OPINION, we felt comfortable with his doctor, his oncologist his surgeon and never in a minute wanted a second opinion, you have to go with your heart, and trust, if you are comfortable with the docs then you know you are in good hands, and they will do all they can but GOD has the final answer.

Well Jeff went through Chemo for 3 months, in July 09 he had IVOR LEWIS surgery, he did great on the surgery but he had major problems with his lungs, one collapsed in surgery so he was having a very difficult time breathing so he was put on a ventalator for 10 days, the first 72 hours was touch and go and wasn't sure he was going to pull through.

I had to PULL UP MY BIG GIRL PANTIES ALOT AND DEAL WITH THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE TO DEAL WITH, it was tough seeing him through this ordeal.

I would have not been able to make it through everything without this site, William Marshall lifted my spirits when I thought I could go no more, if I asked for help he was there, he gives awesome advice, but WHEW is he lengthy.

We as medical profession people are always there to help our patients, but never think of one of ours having to go through it, you will have days you cry, scared, we cant fix the problem, like we do on everyone else, I know exactly how you feel, they have days that you just want to leave cause this ugly beast makes this monster come in thir bodies and do things to thir partner that they would never have done before cancer.

Melanie, I am there for you if you need to vent, I have walked the shoes with a young man, like yours, its hard but you can do it.

on another note, Jeff is doing great now weighs about 200lbs, goes in for appts every 3 months with a pet scan an so far so good we are good friends and always will be with the shoes I walked.

Just pull up your BIG GIRL PANTIES, and know we all have the same thing that ugly beast we call CANCER, but we are here to help

take care and keep in touch

Lori/aka moe

ps William when you read this post you know that the BIG GIRL PANTIES is what got me through this along with alot of other viewers. maybe Melanie might need a pair, sounds like me when i first found out huh?

Unknown

MelanieL said:

Hello William and thanks for
Hello William and thanks for your reply. Things have happened so quickly. In Sept, my husband developed a rash on his face, eyelids and scalp. He thought it was a contact dermatitis, but I felt it was not as it had a very strange look to it. From Dermatology and after a biopsy of a calcified area on his hands,, we had a diagnosis of Dermatomyositis.

Being a nurse, I started reading up on it and found that sometimes this can be triggered by an underlying cancer. So we got a Ct of chest, abd, and pelvis. It was there that the enlarged lymph nodes were found in his neck and abdomen. Ca 19-9 was drawn and found to be elevated at 54,000. They then biopsied the lymph node which came back as adenocarcinoma. We were thinking maybe lymphoma, but it was ruled out.

Next we had an egd and colonoscopy. That is when we got the diagnosis. We were sent immediately that day to see a surgical oncologist as well as a thoracic oncologist.

My husband is known by these doctors and they have started pushing things quickly. They ordered the pet scan to determine if this has spread to any organs, but they are setting up already to start chemo on Tuesday. I'm sure the treatment will be based on the pet results as the oncologist will be there to see the results as soon as it is finished.

We have been told that the prognosis is not good considering the lymph node involvement.

We will be treated at Leo Jenkins Cancer Center in Greenville, NC.

I have always been the one to console and comfort at work. My role there is well defined. This one, not so much. One minute I am the strong, positive person, the next minute I'm the one being comforted by my husband. I am angry that I can't fix this as his wife or as a nurse. I have never suffered a loss in my family and fully expected to lose my parents, but never my husband.

I will share more information in the next few days as results are given to us. I thank everyone for their prayers and I am so very sorry for the grief others are going through as well.

I found this site by the grace of God, I believe.

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

ladyleisure1

I know where you are coming from
My husband has esophageal cancer, he had had both chemo and radition and they were very agressive.
I know what you are going through, we were told last august of 2009 that he had cancer, since then its been nothing but heartache for me. as I caregiver, its worse,
I feel you pain, know what its like, nothing can prepare you for this..
We have been married for 40 years and now he is different person and I am also scared,
I do not know him anymore, they change so much, only thing I do is pray, and try to talk to someone who will understand, and there are not to many people out there willing to share there feelings, its hard on you, you have no idea what is going to happen, so you wait and pray, but right now my husband is working again, it was a long haul, having 2 surgerys, it just never ends, but as long as you can talk or put down on paper or type in this case I am one who can say I am here to listen, I also need to talk, I guess people do not realize that even though they our loved ones have the cancer, its us who are most scared, I still do not know what life is bring us it was ayear tomorrow that he had his first surgery, on last new years day he agai went for surgery, its the worst of times, we spent last new years day waiting the ICU at MGH to see if he was going to make it..
Long rode to travel, right now my husband cannot eat or drink he is tube fed, and I have to take care of his tubing and such, but keep praying and keep your chin up and if you want to talk please write me I am always here to listen and I have been where you are going with all the test Pet scans and such, so feel free to vent,,,only way to keep your sanity, believe in God he will see you through, and cry if you must, we did, its a good release, I have first had experience, its a never ending story, so please write and keep you your strength, he will need you, most of all keep yourself healthy its very important you think its not but it is..very much so..take care and write if you like,,I will check my email ok..take a breath and just try to relax, huh what is that you ask, have not relaxed yet..have a wonderful day ..God bless both of you
Doris aka ladyleisure1
Please keep in touch its so nice to have someone to chat with, that is most important do not hide be strong and let it all out, you are not alone,

dragonflymom

Many hugs to you. This road
Many hugs to you. This road is a bumpy one and you will find your role in it as life moves forward. I pray that your husband responds well to the chemo and any future treatment.

Unknown

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

1914ce

Your words reflect my exact
Your words reflect my exact feelings and experience in June of this year (the words I can't breath really hit home with me). I am so sorry that you & your dear husband are going thru this. I will tell you what we have done & gone thru so far, as we are 6 months into this further than you.
My husband, Richard, is a very active 60 year old (I know at 38 that sounds old, but believe me, it happens in a minute). Anyway, he has never smoked, drank heavy, no acid reflux, etc. but, in May he started complaining about his omega 3 pills being hard to swallow (big baby, I thought). Then, toward the end of the month he said nothing was going down & it was giving him pain in his chest. He only wanted broth for several days until he got into our family doctor. He was sent for an upper GI, then an EUS... and was diagnosed on June 24th with cancer! The 6cm tumor was in the distal part of his esophagus with two suspicious lymph nodes. He did 3 rounds of iv chemo and some pills (one week on, one off, for a total of four rounds). The chemo was not so bad as we had imagined, the anti-nausea meds they gave & eating very cautiously were very effective. The week of the chemo iv's he was tired & had little appetite, but bounced back for the next two weeks. I am trying to not make this too long, so if you want more details, just ask. The chemo shrank the tumor, Richard was eating normally, for the most part, just before surgery he was feeling really well. They cautioned us about skin sensitivity due to the chemo, we didn't realize that our walks around the park that we enjoy so much together would lead to blood blisters on the bottom of his feet, and a 15 minuet talk with a neighbor in the noon day sun would end up in a rash that lasted several weeks (just some heads up info for you).
As for my part, I have tried to be strong as I am sure you are doing too. At first I was overwhelmed, I couldn't stop thinking about the future & the possible bad outcomes there were. I soon realized that I was putting myself thru many pains that were only imagined & I had to stop that. It takes a lot of self control, but for myself it was the only way to deal. Yes, I had times when I cried my eyes out, but I could go on after that (kind of like the pressure release valve on my heart). I have noticed that many of the words of encouragement that I have said, Richard has repeated as his own when talking with friends. One that has especially helped us is looking at others in our group of friends who have had major heart surgery in the past & are walking around just fine now... they got thru it, we can too is our thinking. Richard continued to work full time thru this part of the process, as he telecommutes from our home. I think he took a total of 5 or 6 pto days, for doctor appointments, tests, etc. I am going to stop here for now, and will check back to see if you want more info about the surgery etc. We have been home from hospital now for 13 days.

unclaw2002

Melanie,
I echo what
Melanie,

I echo what everyone on this board has said. And would urge before your husband is given any chemo you get a second opinion, the tumor is biopsied and tested --- there are new targeted therapies available --- and finally that the cancer is properly staged and a treatment plan is agreed upon. Usually before any chemo is started a team evaluates the patient's condition and then develops a strategy ... chemo, radiation, surgery etc.

Sometimes one type of chemo is better than another depending on the patient, and any underlying physical conditions, and the nature of the tumor. With EC speed is urgent, but it must be done properly. One of my mentors has always said you have a choice to chose two of three when considering quality, accuracy and speed --- and quality and accuracy are the optimal choices, but often people are tempted to focus on speed and end up sacrificing the other two. It sounds that is the way you are headed if the doctors are going to start chemo before really knowing the extent of what they are dealing with.

One last point --- when you said they say it looks bad because it is in the lymph system. That is relative in EC patients because of how the lymph system wraps itself around the esophagous. I know that with a stage III diagnosis an EC patient with lymph involvement still has much hope for a complete remmission so if these doctors aren't up to date with the latest or even with EC they may not be accurate in what they are telling you. I know you are a nurse, but I have to tell you that during this EC journey with my dad I have learned that the doctors don't have all the answers and sometimes they are just wrong. So ask the questions, keep asking and don't just take what they say at face value.

Good luck and welcome to our family. You will want to check in often. And one last comment as William said we may not always say what you want to hear --- but it will always be said with your best interests at heart.

Hugs,
Cindy

sal314

SO Interesting About Your Husband Developing a Rash
I find that so intriguing. My dad had a terrible rash on the palm of his hand for several years before he was ever diagnosed! It never went completely away, but got better with the prescription creme the doctor gave him...after about a year!

Kinda of makes you wonder if there is somekind of link, doesn't it? They say that whatever is happening inside the body eventually goes to the outside.

Just wanted to respond to that since you were the first post that mentioned the rash. I was talking to my mom the other day and brought that up and we were both kinda of dumbfounded!

Sally

rmitchell

cancer
Melani My husband was diagnosed in Aug. He had 28 radiation treatments and 6 Chemo.
It was rough, but he had the surgery on Friday and the Cancer is all gone. Dr said the treatments did the job. He is still in the hospital, but getting better every day. He did not smoke, drink, Gerd or any of it either. We will keep you in our prayers. We believe
God's hand will be on him. Hang in there. I've cried a lot too.
Reba

linda1120

Welcome
Welcome to this new family that you will find invaluable during this long battle. My husband Jim has ec as well and just finished his radiation and chemo treatments. We didn't know better and didn't get a Endoscopic Ultrasound to get proper staging. He just had his petscan and they believe that most or all of the cancer is gone. They won't know until he goes through the surgery. He has heart complications and that puts him at a higher risk during surgery. We are grateful that he is able to have surgery and are thinking positive and listened to the people on this list and got a second opinion at a major cancer center. These people know what they are talking about! I am still scared, but am being strong and taking charge while my husband is going through this cancer. We are familiar with cancer as I am a advanced ovarian cancer survivor. It isn't easy, that is for sure. Know that you have a wonderful group of people here that will guide you in the right direction. I still feel numb and believe that it is a normal feeling when you are hit with such a difficult situation. If I were falling apart I couldn't do the best job for my husband, but I know that when I can relax I will sit down and fall apart!

God bless you and your family,

Linda

dwhite0002

I am a 36 yr old
I am a 36 yr old survicor....four years this Month! If you want to contact me, my email is dwhite0002@aol.com

-David,

Hillsboro, OH

MJP52

OK to feel scared
Melanie, someone told me right off that "however you are feeling is OK". It did help me to follow the advice by Greg Anderson who wrote Cancer 50 Essential Things to Do. He gives some "been there" advice that is practical and helps you feel like there are ways to fight this disease alongside your husband. I can't imagine life without my wonderful husband either. He was so awesome during my surgeries and the months of chemo. Not giving me advice, rather giving me support was great. He really allowed me to feel lousy and loved me when I had no hair and looked like heck. I felt like he was right next to me holding my hand. I will never forget his love and care and kindness. I'll hope and pray that you can do some of that for your husband. May God give you strength when you feel like you have none.

K_ann1015

my dad went to Duke with stage 3---contact me if you want info
Melanie--
I am sorry I didn't see your post before--I am not on as much as I was before (I went back to work -have 4 children and ("thank God!!"), my dad is is doing very well right now with EC.

He went to Duke and we were VERY HAPPY with our care. I did a ton of research (I am a physical therapist and read more than I should have--it almost made me not a good advocate...so be careful). My dad is older, but was very active & healthy with none of typical risk factors. It came out of the blue also. But bc of where my parents live-that is where they chose to go. It is strange, but they had some different care & recommendations that some of the others on this site (like the actual surgery, the recommended diet after surgery, etc)....I was very worried but it really has worked out well. I do think they can compete with some of the best, but don't have the patient numbers like Pittsburgh and MD Anderson.

Hang in there (sneak in a good cry or two when you can)
private message me here on CSN and I can email or even give you my cell phone if you would like more infor... You just look at top of page and click on "home" and then CSN email... If you have trouble - just post again and I will contact you---if you want Duke info that is....

this is hard---and usually we all know no one personally that has gone through it---that is why this board makes a difference---you are not alone here....
Kim

ArchTB

How are things?
Melanie, I have not seen any updates from you. We are in a somewhat similar situation. Tom is 37, non-smoker, non-drinker except occasional beer with friends, health fanatic. And now he is with stage 3 EC (T3 N1 M0). He started his chemo this week. So far so good. How are things with your husband?
Olya