We finaly got the truth about being told to make a choice

stretch7425

We finaly have found out the reason we were told to make a choice quality or quanity.
My wife never recovered from the chemo, and unfortunaitly has been on a downward spiral. Her cancer is the same as it was 5 months ago, tumor reduced by 75% and no active cancer cells showed up on PET SCAN and no new tumors, Bone Scan normal. While the outcome would still be the same I just wish the Dr would have brought the subject of Quality or Quanity differently as they way he did it caused her spirt to fight to be destroyed. We have one more day in the Hospital then get to go home. Hospice is all set up. This stay in Hospial has help by giving me time to process all of this and I've been watching how the nurses do things so I can do them when we get home. We've been lucky as the nursing staff here has been excelent.
I would advise everyone to think about talking with your doctors about not saying or doing things that could cause your loved ones to lose there spirit to fight. Let them tell you first then you decide how you want them informed.
Prior to that visit she could still get up and walk using a walker, climb stairs by just holding on to my arm, help cook, take care of her own hygine. In 5 days she could not move her legs, hands and arms continualy shake, mental awarenous had gone away.
Also if your gut tells you that something needs to be done do not let a clinic nurse (or anyone) stop you. In our case I could tell she was having trouble going to the bathroom and her abdomin was swelling. I kept calling and was told to just wait and bring her in during the regular clinic appointment 9 days away. She wound up with a unrinary infection that spread to her blood and caused this stay in the hospital.
Every please keep the faith and pray that someday a cure will be found
Rick

hope0310

So sorry
I am so sorry to hear that you are now at this place in your journey. Parts of it are similar to my mothers as far as the sudden decline in mobility and then hospice. I spare you of the details, but since you did mention that you were "watching how the nurses do things"....I have a great tip. Most likely your wife has the thick fabric pads underneath her and you will see the nurses use those to reposition her....TAKE THEM!!! As many as you can. They are a god send!!!! Our hospice nurse was so glad to see that we had take (4 total)

I know it sounds like a small thing, but it will make things much easier on you and other caregivers and most importantly easier on your wife.

I hope you find peace during this phase of your journey...talk to your wife, caress her, and most of all, when the time comes.....let her know that it is OK.

be good to yourself,
Elysia

mswijiknyc

I'm sorry
There isn't much I can say other than I'm sorry for all of the unnecessary mess. If the subject had been approached differently, things might be going a little better. Lots of hugs and I will have you in my thoughts.

April

Pennymac02

complications
So sorry you're going through this, Stretch. I posted in another thread that the treatment to slow the growth of my husbands liver cancer has caused him to go into acute liver failure. It was supposed to make him elligible for a transplant, but instead has made him too sick to wait for one. I'm a google-holic, so I'm surprised I missed that side effect. They're not sure what's next, but he's been in the hospital for a week and a half and they are just baffled. My prayers are with you and your wife during this difficult time.

stretch7425

hope0310 said:

So sorry
I am so sorry to hear that you are now at this place in your journey. Parts of it are similar to my mothers as far as the sudden decline in mobility and then hospice. I spare you of the details, but since you did mention that you were "watching how the nurses do things"....I have a great tip. Most likely your wife has the thick fabric pads underneath her and you will see the nurses use those to reposition her....TAKE THEM!!! As many as you can. They are a god send!!!! Our hospice nurse was so glad to see that we had take (4 total)

I know it sounds like a small thing, but it will make things much easier on you and other caregivers and most importantly easier on your wife.

I hope you find peace during this phase of your journey...talk to your wife, caress her, and most of all, when the time comes.....let her know that it is OK.

be good to yourself,
Elysia

too late to get the pads
Thanks for the suggestion but they moved her discarge up so got to bring her home yesterday
I could tell she was alot happer being here at home. I watched them use a small sheet at this hospital and I have some sheets that we do not use so will cut them down and make some.

stretch7425

Pennymac02 said:

complications
So sorry you're going through this, Stretch. I posted in another thread that the treatment to slow the growth of my husbands liver cancer has caused him to go into acute liver failure. It was supposed to make him elligible for a transplant, but instead has made him too sick to wait for one. I'm a google-holic, so I'm surprised I missed that side effect. They're not sure what's next, but he's been in the hospital for a week and a half and they are just baffled. My prayers are with you and your wife during this difficult time.

Sorry about your husband
Penney I saw the other post and Im sorry for what has happened. I will keep you in my prayers. Never give up

cbeckman

OMG! I am so glad I read
OMG! I am so glad I read this. We are planning to break the news monday to my mom that her cancer has spread to her bones. At first my mom wanted everything done for her to help her, then as she started getting sicker, she mentioned she wasn't sure if she wanted to continue treatment if it was going to make her feel worse than it already has. My mom wants to live with every once of her and it is going to be so hard to do this. We are still paying the bills on her apartment and we need to let it go. Putting all these on her is going to distroye her and I dont know if I can handle it. I'm really not sure what to do.

As for the bed pads, Thank you! my mom is getting released next week and that is definitly something I am going to do.