i should be happy but i'm not

dee1962
dee1962 Member Posts: 99
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I got my CT results the other day and nothing got bigger actually they went down and my bone in the spine got hard so she said it was healing, I guess i'm feeling sad cause i always have to ask her when is it over , and that dreaded word comes out and says you have to be doing this the rest of your life and i just want to scream.....I told her can you give me something to give me my hair back and the answer i get is that this is working.....but i don't want to live with no hair the rest of my life i'm only 48....Do i seem weird about this idk what to feel i just want to be like last time i told her when i had this 17 yrs ago she said you do this and this and then your done...I can't get over this for life thing......Dee

Comments

  • aisling8
    aisling8 Member Posts: 1,627 Member
    #2
    I'm sending you
    a great big hug. That's all I've got.

    I don't know that you're necessarily supposed to be happy. It seems natural that you would have very strong feelings about what's going on with you. I hear you and I'm sending you some strength and energy until you have some of your own:)

    xoxoxo
    Victoria
  • phoenixrising
    phoenixrising Member Posts: 1,508
    #3
    I think I'd want to scream
    I think I'd want to scream too! No I don't think you're weird. I think it's totally understandable and having treatment for life would be a hard thing to accept but accepting and taking it one day at a time might relieve some of the anguish you're feeling. Don't get me wrong, you have every right to feel the way you do, but it can be a hard road when your fighting all the way. I also think that we are continuing to make strides against BC and each year or even month there is news about various drugs and it could very likely be that something will come up to put you into remission where you don't need to continue with this treatment.

    Dee, I wish I had something more productive to say to take away this pain...I do have hugs though and I send you many!
    hugs
    jan
  • webbwife50
    webbwife50 Member Posts: 394
    #4
    God bless you! It sounds
    God bless you! It sounds like you are going through a grieving process of sorts. I know I would feel the same way, like what the hell? But, life really does go on, and we all know that blessings come to us in some of our darkest hours. Try and stay positive and know many many prayers and hugs are here for you. Hugs alison
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159 Member
    #5
    Of course you are tired of
    Of course you are tired of the dignosis~and that some days are just harder than others to get on with it and live the life we have left in a happy, meaningful way. Does the fact that you have no hair in your forseeable future mean that the treatment you are on will always preclude hair growth? But hopefully give you a long, productive quality of life?
    I am sure you have been through every conceivable wig, hat, scarf, bandana incarnation on the planet! You just want HAIR! I dare say 99.99999% of the ladies here on the boards understand that!
    For the record, I saw a Kindred Spirit at a restaurant a few months ago..I also make it a point to hug each one I see~ this was a 30 something woman wearing a bandana. Turns out she didn't have chemo-head, she suffers from alopecia~ and was, and would forever be, as bald as a cue ball! I realize she doesn't have cancer...and for that I am 99 parts happy and 1 part jealous! But she will live for decades with no hair!
    If that is your fate...to live decades with no hair~ it can't be fun, it can't always be easy. But, as with all things cancer, it is do-able! And we are here to help you do it!

    I am happy for the good news you got, and I hope that you feel free to vent and join in with this amazing family of strong , empathetic women who really do "get it".

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #6
    Dee
    if I were walking in your shoes I would want to scream too )-: At 48 hearing this is for the rest of your life is a tough pill to swallow. Hopefully as time goes on your dr will say you're done! Try to stay positive. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
    {{hugs}} Char
  • sal314
    sal314 Member Posts: 599 Member
    #7
    Go Ahead and Scream All You Want!
    I can only try to imagine being in your shoes. I don't really know what to say. So...all I will say is... just take every day and run with it! Do things that you love and that make you happy. Spend time with the people that you care about and that fill you up, not bring you down!

    As for the hair thing? Well, not sure on that one. I guess if I were you, I'd just take all the money I'd save on hair products and haircuts and spend it doing something really fun!

    Blessings,

    Sally
  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
    #8
    cahjah75 said:

    Dee
    if I were walking in your shoes I would want to scream too )-: At 48 hearing this is for the rest of your life is a tough pill to swallow. Hopefully as time goes on your dr will say you're done! Try to stay positive. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
    {{hugs}} Char

    Hey Dee
    I'm another Dee. I
    Hey Dee
    I'm another Dee. I havn't posted much lately. Been one of the FaceBook junkies.....I'm sorry to hear of your situation. That is a tough pill to swallow.But of course there are new treatments all the time and this may not be something you have to live with forever.Keep the faith ...one steo at a time...
    Dee
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #9
    phoenixrising said:

    I think I'd want to scream
    I think I'd want to scream too! No I don't think you're weird. I think it's totally understandable and having treatment for life would be a hard thing to accept but accepting and taking it one day at a time might relieve some of the anguish you're feeling. Don't get me wrong, you have every right to feel the way you do, but it can be a hard road when your fighting all the way. I also think that we are continuing to make strides against BC and each year or even month there is news about various drugs and it could very likely be that something will come up to put you into remission where you don't need to continue with this treatment.

    Dee, I wish I had something more productive to say to take away this pain...I do have hugs though and I send you many!
    hugs
    jan

    you will not have it for life, but she does not know when
    i am very sorry for your recurrence. Unfortunately your doc does not know when ... Congratulations on good news that medication is working and you on your way to remission
  • Marsha Mulvey
    Marsha Mulvey Member Posts: 597 Member
    #10
    sal314 said:

    Go Ahead and Scream All You Want!
    I can only try to imagine being in your shoes. I don't really know what to say. So...all I will say is... just take every day and run with it! Do things that you love and that make you happy. Spend time with the people that you care about and that fill you up, not bring you down!

    As for the hair thing? Well, not sure on that one. I guess if I were you, I'd just take all the money I'd save on hair products and haircuts and spend it doing something really fun!

    Blessings,

    Sally

    stage IV
    Stage IV cancer may not be curable, but it can be managed; a very long time for some and for others - not so long. Your treatments may vary as you go through time and not every treatment causes hair loss. I hope for you that you're able to grow hair again soon, but more than that, I wish you many years of successful management of the cancer! Hair is not nearly as important as life itself. Best wishes.
    Marsha
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    #11
    New Flower said:

    you will not have it for life, but she does not know when
    i am very sorry for your recurrence. Unfortunately your doc does not know when ... Congratulations on good news that medication is working and you on your way to remission

    I am sorry that you had a
    I am sorry that you had a recurrence. It is always on my mind that it can happen to any of us.

    I am praying for you!


    Hugs, Diane
  • dee1962
    dee1962 Member Posts: 99
    #12
    Marsha Mulvey said:

    stage IV
    Stage IV cancer may not be curable, but it can be managed; a very long time for some and for others - not so long. Your treatments may vary as you go through time and not every treatment causes hair loss. I hope for you that you're able to grow hair again soon, but more than that, I wish you many years of successful management of the cancer! Hair is not nearly as important as life itself. Best wishes.
    Marsha

    thank you ladies
    thank you ladies you are an amazing bunch of women and I will try my hardest to do what i have to and try to enjoy the rest of my life, but sometimes i just gonna take a few steps back once in awhile.....xoxoxo love you Dee It's just soo hard sometimes and I do have an amazing family THANK GOD.....SO I AM PRETTY LUCKY...
  • tgf
    tgf Member Posts: 950 Member
    #13
    dee1962 said:

    thank you ladies
    thank you ladies you are an amazing bunch of women and I will try my hardest to do what i have to and try to enjoy the rest of my life, but sometimes i just gonna take a few steps back once in awhile.....xoxoxo love you Dee It's just soo hard sometimes and I do have an amazing family THANK GOD.....SO I AM PRETTY LUCKY...

    we understand
    I think we all understand how you feel. We all wish someone would just wave that magic wand ... give us that magic pill, IV, or surgery that would TOTALLY CURE us ... and we would never need to worry about this "stuff" again. But ... that isn't the case ... and it is what it is. And we just need to keep in mind that we are much stronger than we think we are ... and we are not dying from cancer ... we are living life to the fullest with cancer. None of us knows how much longer we'll be around ... and it may not even be cancer that "gets" us. It could be a million other things ... so we shouldn't just focus on cancer. There are millions of people LIVING with many physical challenges and conditions ... and it all becomes much easier once we realize we just have to accept our conditions and live, love, laugh and enjoy every minute we are given. We could worry and stew about how our lives may be cut short due to cancer ... but we could also choose to spend that "stewing" energy ... and instead spend that energy doing things that give us joy.

    It is what it is ... and we all understand.

    big hugs,

    teena
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    #14
    cahjah75 said:

    Dee
    if I were walking in your shoes I would want to scream too )-: At 48 hearing this is for the rest of your life is a tough pill to swallow. Hopefully as time goes on your dr will say you're done! Try to stay positive. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
    {{hugs}} Char

    I am so sorry Dee. It is
    I am so sorry Dee. It is understandable that you feel this way. Please keep fighting!


    Praying for you,


    Kylez
  • Mary L
    Mary L Member Posts: 5
    #15
    webbwife50 said:

    God bless you! It sounds
    God bless you! It sounds like you are going through a grieving process of sorts. I know I would feel the same way, like what the hell? But, life really does go on, and we all know that blessings come to us in some of our darkest hours. Try and stay positive and know many many prayers and hugs are here for you. Hugs alison

    Life after breast cancer treatment
    I am a 7 year survivor of IBC stage IIIB. I am cancer free for 3 years this past Oct 2010. It is very hard to move on with your life. I know this personally as I have been trying to feel back to normal and happy. You go through so much when you are fighting a deadly disease and when it is over how can you expect to feel like you did before. It is a very hard process to go through. I have read alot of books and talked to alot of survivors. I am improving but far from where I want to be. I really feel that you have fo force yourself to do things and go places with family and friends. I love to laugh every day. It feels so good. My husband is a big help as he knows that I need to do positive things and stay upbeat. He's great! I hope we all figure out how to be ther person we were when we were precancer. Best wishes. Mary L
  • Annette 11
    Annette 11 Member Posts: 380
    #16
    Dee
    My husband told me he saw on the news that they are testing a drug that will be out in the very near future to keep us from loosing our hair during chemo treatments. Isn't that good news! So you never know what will be available in the future. Try not to stress so you can fight your battle with all your strength. We never know, things do change.
    Try to stay positive in this negitive situation. I know it's hard. You always have your BC sisters to lean on.
    Hugs,
    Annette
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    #17
    dee1962 said:

    thank you ladies
    thank you ladies you are an amazing bunch of women and I will try my hardest to do what i have to and try to enjoy the rest of my life, but sometimes i just gonna take a few steps back once in awhile.....xoxoxo love you Dee It's just soo hard sometimes and I do have an amazing family THANK GOD.....SO I AM PRETTY LUCKY...

    Having bc and dealing with
    Having bc and dealing with everything that goes along with it is frustrating and does get all of us down at one time or another. Stay strong and continue to fight!

    Venting is good therapy, so, vent here as often as you want.


    Good luck,

    Lex

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