Heart Break Update

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cyndilou
cyndilou Member Posts: 5
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Well it is officially over. He signed a new lease on our house we shared and my name was removed. Said he did what was best for both of us. If that's the case, why am I so miserable. Rejection is a hard thing to take especially when you feel your body has been mutilated. I feel so ugly. I have found an apt for myself and son but we can't move yet. Still living with sister. I absolutely hate everything. I still think how can he do this to me after the year I've had??? I know it was hard for him but he is blaming me for everything. Why not just admit he didn't love me or his feelings changed this year... it was too and is too much for him? Don't put the guilt on me. I know I didn't do anything but love him and even on some of my worst days I still let him know how much I loved him and would snuggle if that's all I could accomplish. But in the end none of it mattered.

I'm feeling sorry for myself and I know it... I can't seem to shake it.
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  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
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    Oh, Cyndilou
    sounds to me like you're way too good for him. I went through a very miserable divorce many years ago and it was awful. I can't imagine going through it while going through breast cancer. I wish I could give you a good strong hug in person.

    I'm afraid you're going to feel crappy for awhile. I just hope it's not too long and that you do not blame yourself. I had a young son (6-year-old) during my divorce and he was my salvation. I pretty much centered my life around him.

    Remember--we can't make anyone do anything they don't really want to. I spent a whole year trying to make my divorce "not happen" and it was a year wasted. Wish I knew that then.

    You will go on, you will get stronger and you will feel better. Trust me.

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers,
    Renee
  • smalldoggroomer
    smalldoggroomer Member Posts: 1,184
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    Dear Cyndilou
    I

    Dear Cyndilou
    I truly believe everything happens for a reason. I told my niece the same thing when her husband told her he wanted a divorce. She was devastated, depressed, didn't eat or go to work. She finally had to get on with life because she had a small child. Well a little over a year ago she met the most wonderful man in the world. They got married 2 months ago. He loves her more then she thought possible and she is the happiest she has ever been. Now her smile reaches her eyes. And she smiles all the time. So I know you feel bad now that is normal. But some day it will happen you will be glad you didn't wast anymore time on this jerk. And your eyes will smile. Take care Honey Kay,
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
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    Dear Cyndilou
    I

    Dear Cyndilou
    I truly believe everything happens for a reason. I told my niece the same thing when her husband told her he wanted a divorce. She was devastated, depressed, didn't eat or go to work. She finally had to get on with life because she had a small child. Well a little over a year ago she met the most wonderful man in the world. They got married 2 months ago. He loves her more then she thought possible and she is the happiest she has ever been. Now her smile reaches her eyes. And she smiles all the time. So I know you feel bad now that is normal. But some day it will happen you will be glad you didn't wast anymore time on this jerk. And your eyes will smile. Take care Honey Kay,

    Try to think of it as a
    Try to think of it as a fault in him and not a rejection of you. he is lacking somehow. Yes it was a lousy thing to do. I dont blame you for feeling bad, because I would too. You are in a vulnerable place right now. Fast forward to a year now and you will be in a better place. Settled into your new normal. He is not deserving of you. Easy for me to say, but you will come out of this stronger than ever. We are all here for you!
  • Scotch Freckles
    Scotch Freckles Member Posts: 273 Member
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    Not into name calling
    But, this guy, if he really was/is a man he is very little in his thinking, so that makes him a little man, if at all. You surly don't need a self centered guy like this in your life. There are plenty of GOOD GUYS out there who are looking for someone special. Take one day at a time. Take care of yourself and your son. You shouldn't feel any guilt for your BC, it just happened. Stand up straight, smile, and feel better about yourself first. We are here to help you stand up and move on. Keep in touch, keep smiling.

    KAH
  • Gabe N Abby Mom
    Gabe N Abby Mom Member Posts: 2,413
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    The official legal things
    The official legal things like leases just make it so real and bring up all those emotions. This guy didn't handle this big bump in the road very well (and yes, cancer is a pretty big bump)...how would he have handled future bumps? You deserve someone who will stay in the car and stay on the road, someone who will support you and someone you can support in turn.

    Clearly, it hurts like heck right now. But with each day that you get through, each time you smile a little or laugh a little, each time you hug your son, you will get stronger. Then someday soon, you will realize it doesn't hurt so much anymore.

    Hugs,

    Linda
  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
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    missrenee said:

    Oh, Cyndilou
    sounds to me like you're way too good for him. I went through a very miserable divorce many years ago and it was awful. I can't imagine going through it while going through breast cancer. I wish I could give you a good strong hug in person.

    I'm afraid you're going to feel crappy for awhile. I just hope it's not too long and that you do not blame yourself. I had a young son (6-year-old) during my divorce and he was my salvation. I pretty much centered my life around him.

    Remember--we can't make anyone do anything they don't really want to. I spent a whole year trying to make my divorce "not happen" and it was a year wasted. Wish I knew that then.

    You will go on, you will get stronger and you will feel better. Trust me.

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers,
    Renee

    I am so sorry that this
    I am so sorry that this happened. But, it is better for it to happen now, then later. You can move on with your life and take care of yourself, which is the most important thing now.

    From your other post, no offense, he sounded like a jerk. So, I would say you are better off without him.

    Praying for you,

    Leeza
  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
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    I know it hurts and this shouldn't happen
    to someone going through cancer. From the description of him, I believe him leaving is a huge blessing for you even though you may not recognize it right now.

    Please try and focus on moving forward. You are beautiful and special and you need to believe that about YOU. This relationship and his behavior shouldn't define who you are so please don't view nor judge yourself harshly.

    You deserve way better because you're WORTH it! So I pray that you heal from this wound and begin to move forward and focus on taking care of yourself and your child who needs you.

    Big hugs,

    Sylvia
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
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    Evidently he wasn't the one
    Evidently he wasn't the one for you so that means there is someone else. He at least had your name taken off the lease. This is good. It makes it easier for you to sign another and get on with your life. Take care of yourself and son and when the right guy comes along you will be ready. So live and be happy till then.
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
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    you have a right to feel sorry for yourself
    so so sorry to hear....this just showed true colors and you deserve more then that..you can show you son how to truely love someone in good and bad times...I Hope your apt works out-
    I"ll be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way!I hope you are feeling better day by day
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
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    you have a right to feel sorry for yourself
    so so sorry to hear....this just showed true colors and you deserve more then that..you can show you son how to truely love someone in good and bad times..I Hope your apt works out-
    I"ll be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way!I hope you are feeling better day by day
  • Lighthouse_7
    Lighthouse_7 Member Posts: 1,566 Member
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    you have a right to feel sorry for yourself
    so so sorry to hear....this just showed true colors and you deserve more then that..you can show you son how to truely love someone in good and bad times...I Hope your apt works out-
    I"ll be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way!I hope you are feeling better day by day

    So sorry that you're feeling
    So sorry that you're feeling sad right now. In the end ( easy to say now) I hope you realize that you will be better off. I just wish for you that it didn't have to happen while you were in the fight of your life.
    HUGS and more HUGS,
    Wanda
  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
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    So sorry that you're feeling
    So sorry that you're feeling sad right now. In the end ( easy to say now) I hope you realize that you will be better off. I just wish for you that it didn't have to happen while you were in the fight of your life.
    HUGS and more HUGS,
    Wanda

    I wish I had a voodoo doll!
    I hope he will feel as bad as humanly possible for the rest of his life about this - and then some! We can all justify our actions for any actions we take if we want to dig deep enough. Doesn't matter whose "fault" it is or who is to blame, the facts are: you were in a committed relatioship, you got breast cancer, and HE decided it was over. HE called it quits when you were most vulnerable. I would definitely say you're better off without someone in your life capable of doing something like that. Time heals and some day you will look back on this and likely be stronger because of it, but for now it just plain hurts.

    Sending hugs your way. Oh, and I have a former son-in-law named Guido if you want me to contact him . . .

    Suzanne
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
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    I wish I had a voodoo doll!
    I hope he will feel as bad as humanly possible for the rest of his life about this - and then some! We can all justify our actions for any actions we take if we want to dig deep enough. Doesn't matter whose "fault" it is or who is to blame, the facts are: you were in a committed relatioship, you got breast cancer, and HE decided it was over. HE called it quits when you were most vulnerable. I would definitely say you're better off without someone in your life capable of doing something like that. Time heals and some day you will look back on this and likely be stronger because of it, but for now it just plain hurts.

    Sending hugs your way. Oh, and I have a former son-in-law named Guido if you want me to contact him . . .

    Suzanne

    Please remember, Time wounds
    Please remember, Time wounds all heels. He was a heel and someday he will be wounded. It is sad that he did this at a time when you are so vulnerable and sadness is inevitable whether he is a heel or not but life will be better without him. He was not a keeper.
    Stef
  • roseann4
    roseann4 Member Posts: 992 Member
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    fauxma said:

    Please remember, Time wounds
    Please remember, Time wounds all heels. He was a heel and someday he will be wounded. It is sad that he did this at a time when you are so vulnerable and sadness is inevitable whether he is a heel or not but life will be better without him. He was not a keeper.
    Stef

    After a bad break up...
    a good friend said. "You can't find the right person while your trying to hang onto the wrong person". There's someone out there with a loving spirit and now you are free to find him. Give yourself time to heal but keep your heart open. Hope trumps sadness every time. My friend also had me make a list of what I wanted in a man and I saw that I was suffering over a man who didn't have any of my desired qualities. What an eye opener. Oh, by the way I'm now married to a wonderful and loving man.

    Roseann
  • ms.sunshine
    ms.sunshine Member Posts: 707 Member
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    roseann4 said:

    After a bad break up...
    a good friend said. "You can't find the right person while your trying to hang onto the wrong person". There's someone out there with a loving spirit and now you are free to find him. Give yourself time to heal but keep your heart open. Hope trumps sadness every time. My friend also had me make a list of what I wanted in a man and I saw that I was suffering over a man who didn't have any of my desired qualities. What an eye opener. Oh, by the way I'm now married to a wonderful and loving man.

    Roseann

    The boy left
    That is what he was a boy who couldn't cope, who couldn't weather lifes storms, and a boy who couldn't possibly give you the support you need. In time a man will come your way. One who can cope, who will be a rock in lifes storms, and one who will be supportive and full of love.
    Give yourself time. Become a better you. One day 'the boy' will say, " darn why did I let her go!" and you won't notice, because you will be with 'your man.'
  • smalldoggroomer
    smalldoggroomer Member Posts: 1,184
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    The boy left
    That is what he was a boy who couldn't cope, who couldn't weather lifes storms, and a boy who couldn't possibly give you the support you need. In time a man will come your way. One who can cope, who will be a rock in lifes storms, and one who will be supportive and full of love.
    Give yourself time. Become a better you. One day 'the boy' will say, " darn why did I let her go!" and you won't notice, because you will be with 'your man.'

    Very well said Ms,Sunshine.

    Very well said Ms,Sunshine.
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
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    Very well said Ms,Sunshine.

    Very well said Ms,Sunshine.

    hey send Guido my way. I got
    hey send Guido my way. I got a few people who need some attention! lol I would go ahead ang get mad. Recently something not so nice happened to someone I love Basically stsbbed in the back. I told God, I am praying to the God of the old Testament , the eye for and eye one, I know Jesus , turn the other cheek one would not approve. Once I got my anger out I then could be ok, and laugh (at myself) God understands. and so do we!!! thinking of you!
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
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    So sorry that you're feeling
    So sorry that you're feeling sad right now. In the end ( easy to say now) I hope you realize that you will be better off. I just wish for you that it didn't have to happen while you were in the fight of your life.
    HUGS and more HUGS,
    Wanda

    Aw sweetie, I wish I could
    Aw sweetie, I wish I could wrap my arms around you and make you feel better. I just hope that you do realize that you are better off that he has walked out of your life now as he wasn't much of a man for not supporting you.

    Just know that the right man for you is out there. It just wasn't this dude.


    Sue :)
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
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    Ritzy said:

    Aw sweetie, I wish I could
    Aw sweetie, I wish I could wrap my arms around you and make you feel better. I just hope that you do realize that you are better off that he has walked out of your life now as he wasn't much of a man for not supporting you.

    Just know that the right man for you is out there. It just wasn't this dude.


    Sue :)

    Cindylou - Wow, what a bozo you've been involved
    with. Again, this is gathered from what I've read! You are a loving caring women, who is facing the fight of your life -- do you really want to him around ? Or are you just used to the idea of a .. meek, meager little boy to take care of? Shame .. shame.. shame on him.

    Time to take care of yourself, and your health .. otherwise, you will always be the one taking care of him, first ...you second. I don't think I would want to live that way .. and yes, this is NOT 1960's.


    Cyber hugs for you ...

    Strength and Courage

    Vicki Sam
  • susie09
    susie09 Member Posts: 2,930
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    Marcia527 said:

    Evidently he wasn't the one
    Evidently he wasn't the one for you so that means there is someone else. He at least had your name taken off the lease. This is good. It makes it easier for you to sign another and get on with your life. Take care of yourself and son and when the right guy comes along you will be ready. So live and be happy till then.

    Marcia is right, he wasn't
    Marcia is right, he wasn't the one for you. Look forward to each and every day free of someone who wasn't worthy of you.


    Put a smile on your face and live your life!