Feeling Somewhat Helpless

Couchie
Couchie Member Posts: 24
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
First of all, for anyone who's new to the caretaker experience I just want to preface my post by saying it gets better. My wife is about half a year in to her treatment and we've come a long way and gotten through some pretty low lows to get where we are now. For a while things were relatively "normal" and at times "good". But lately she's been having a really tough time with this one drug that's vital to her protocol. She's been violently ill from it and absolutely nothing the doctors or me and her family have tried for her has helped at all. The other day, her treatment team doped her up to the point where I was starting to get concerned and she was still vomiting.

I realize this is probably just a little bump in the road and things will improve and get back to the level of "normal" we've come to expect while she's getting treatment. But I can't help but feel helpless. It breaks my heart to see her sick like that. The other night she told me that she was jealous of me because I can live a normal life and participate in sports that I enjoy and work. She had recently graduated college when she was diagnosed and was looking forward to starting her new life. But now it will have to be put on hold for a couple years. That and the fact that she's felt to crappy lately is making her really depressed.

I know it's pointless to stress about it, but I just wish there was something more I could do for her.

Comments

  • Luv2lunch
    Luv2lunch Member Posts: 270
    #2
    Couchie,
    I'm so sorry for
    Couchie,
    I'm so sorry for what you and your wife are going through. I am currently taking care of my Mom who has rectal cancer. She has been through the ringer as far as chemo, radiation, surgery, and more chemo.
    Mom got really sick on her 5th week of 24 hour a day chemo, to the point of not eating or drinking anything. It didn't matter how much we begged and pleaded with her to force herself to eat, she said she just couldn't. She did wind up in the hospital and after 4 days of IV's, she felt 100% better.
    At that time, I was like you feeling helpless. I wanted to "fix" her and have things go back to normal. I have come to realize that our normal is no longer there.
    But, there is a "new" normal for us. And we will take that over the alternative any day :)
    Try and not stress too much if you can. Be there for her. She will be mad, sad, and any other emotion that she might feel. Just try and let her feel those emotions and hold her hand, and try and not take anything she says when she is upset to heart. I'm sure she is just plain scared.
    I wish I could help more. We will be praying for both of you.
    Take care,
    Linda
  • mandobass
    mandobass Member Posts: 1
    #3
    Feeling Somewhat Helpless
    Couchie, I know too well that feeling of fear and distress--I have had those feelings as my wife has had several major surgeries over 9 years related to ovarian and breast cancers, and has taken some heavy duty chemo at certain times. What helps me, first,is to remember how valuable I am to her as she moves through these very difficult experiences, coz I tend to overlook that. Also, I have to pray about it, and ask God/Higher Power why it is my loved one is suffering so deeply. I have to tell my HP that I do not feel this is fair or just. My HP does not necessarily answer me clearly, but my HP does listen to my questions and concerns, and in stating them, I feel some sense of relief. Living with a torn heart is hard, but it is the only heart I have now. I wish you the best in this hard time.

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