venting - once chemo ended support vanished

HillBillyNana

warrrior3 said:

Heather
so sorry you are having such a rough time. Going to visit your mom with the kids for the weekend sounds like a wonderful idea. You will be able to rest in a clean and neat environment instead of being so tense and upset. Maybe being alone in a messy house is exactly what will help your husband wake up to reality.

Cleaning for a reason
I found it!! I have the website but I don't know if I can post it here or not. Is it ok? Or I can email it to you privately. I am pasting the info here.

"If you know any woman currently undergoing chemo, please pass the word to her that there is a cleaning service that provides FREE housecleaning - 1 time per month for 4 months while she is in treatment. All she has to do is sign up and have her doctor fax a note confirming the treatment. Cleaning for a Reason will have a participating maid service in her zip code area arrange for the service.

This organization serves the entire USA and currently has 547 partners to help these women. It’s our job to pass the word and let them know that there are people out there that care. Be a blessing to someone and pass this information along."

carkris

HillBillyNana said:

Cleaning for a reason
I found it!! I have the website but I don't know if I can post it here or not. Is it ok? Or I can email it to you privately. I am pasting the info here.

"If you know any woman currently undergoing chemo, please pass the word to her that there is a cleaning service that provides FREE housecleaning - 1 time per month for 4 months while she is in treatment. All she has to do is sign up and have her doctor fax a note confirming the treatment. Cleaning for a Reason will have a participating maid service in her zip code area arrange for the service.

This organization serves the entire USA and currently has 547 partners to help these women. It’s our job to pass the word and let them know that there are people out there that care. Be a blessing to someone and pass this information along."

I just want to offer my
I just want to offer my support, perhaps you can go to your mom for the weekend. I know people around us are too happy to get on with things, not realizing you arent ready. It is so frustrating, they want to escape it and we cant its our body. anyway HUGs Hugs Hugs. I wish one of the guys would weigh in with a suggestion.

ladyg

I am sorry
you can't get the support you need from your husband. I don't know what I would have done without the help and support I got from my wonderful husband. Maybe going to your mom's for a time would wake him up a little. It is worth a try. Vent as much as you need to because we are all here to listen and support you.

Hugs,
Georgia

Heatherbelle

wow - i was really cranky &
wow - i was really cranky & upset yesterday! thank you all for chiming in & most of all hearing my vent! Most of the time, just telling someone your frustrations makes you feel somewhat better. First off - I have decided to go on my own little "strike"-not that I can do much to begin with, I cant vacuum, carry laundry baskets, basically lift anything around 10 lbs or more for the next week or so. My muscles in my armpits/arms/back/chest are really sore so I can't do much reaching, stretching, or especially bending (OUCH!-1st day after surgery i actually had to lift the toilet lid with my foot because I couldn't lean down to lift it up with my hand!!). But, I still made the effort to pick up after myself (any dishes that I dirty, put dirty laundry in a hamper, etc.). Well now I'm not doing none of that
My husband was pretty upset with his sister too - they made an arrangement that she'd help us out on Fridays, when she worked half days. She'd do a quick cleaning of the house, then help him with some light paperwork at the shop (and he's paying her for this) - he must have said something to her because she's coming over this afternoon to help out, then taking my daughters over to my mother in law's for the rest of the weekend. I also have one of my best friends coming over on Sunday to help me out. I did break down & ask her yesterday. And I say it like that she has 3 young children of her own, is a single mom, works full time, and her boyfriend has 2 daughters that they get on weekends-so usually they have a whole gaggle of kids at their house on weekends & i know she's just so busy with her family & i hated to even ask her. She's been there for me in many other ways, though - she's brought us dinners, I talk or text with her every day, she sends me flowers, just randomly, btw, and she even sent me a package of Jelly Belly jelly beans (OMG -my favorite!!) because I had mentioned how I ran out of them a while before on facebook! She's been very supportive to me through this, I'm lucky to have a friend like her.
I love all your suggestions! I do have some really good smelly candles, & a scentsy burner that i'll turn on -its really just my kitchen sink that was smelly lol -i think there was food in the drain. I can't drive yet since my surgery, so my dad picked me up around 1:00 in the afternoon, then he came back to my house & picked camryn up when she got home from school at 2:30 and we stayed there until almost 7 (the baby was at daycare until tim picked her up). He knows that i was really upset yesterday & im sure he'll do something this weekend to make it up to me. He's really stressed with work & finances, on top of what I'm going through. I just have to remind myself that he just doesn't handle stress as well as I do
thank you all for being here for me i love you all!
*hugs*
Heather

smalldoggroomer

Oh Heather, I'm sorry but
Oh Heather, I'm sorry but men are no good at anything you know that right. It will get better and so will you. And I bet when your better these people better look out. You go ahead and vent all you want. I would come help if I lived close to you. Go see your Mom. That will make you feel better. You in my thoughts and prayers sweetheart Kay

roseann4

smalldoggroomer said:

Oh Heather, I'm sorry but
Oh Heather, I'm sorry but men are no good at anything you know that right. It will get better and so will you. And I bet when your better these people better look out. You go ahead and vent all you want. I would come help if I lived close to you. Go see your Mom. That will make you feel better. You in my thoughts and prayers sweetheart Kay

A friend told me...
that I taught people how to treat me. I didn't like it but she was right. I never had a reason to ask for help so I just assumed that help would be there for me when I needed it. I had always been there for others if they asked for help. Well, bc showed me who my friends are and where to look for support. I'm a much stronger and more assertive person for the experience. Now I say no when I don't feel up to something. I am no longer a people pleaser. I respect myself and my needs and expect from others what I give. It feels great! I hope the same is true for you.

Roseann

SamuraiMom

I feel ya
Hey HB,

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Go with your gut. Go visit. But remember you may come back to the same house and it may tick you off even more. Any way you slice it though, you need a break.

Hang in there sweet friend.

xxoo,
SamuraiMom

carriesoup

hey lady
i feel ya. we all have our good and bad days. glad you're feeling a bit better today! i can't imagine how sore you must be after surgery. i only had 1 side done, can't imagine not being able to use both! hang in there girlfriend

love ya!
*hugs*

carrie

DebbyM

Mariannemm said:

I totally understand....
I am done with treatment and rads but it takes so long to get some energy back! I am lucky that my husband will help when asked. He doesn't just do it when he sees it, but will when I say something. Then he gets the kids to help him. My sister's don't live near by and that is hard they would help if they were here. At least that is what they say! :-) I had many friends help but that has ended. Everyone seems to move on alot easier than we do. If no one will help do what you can and then you have to just let it go. It doesn't help your recovery to be stressed! Hang in there!

I am sorry Heather. I have
I am sorry Heather. I have been so lucky to have such a great support group, especially my husband surrounding me. I think contacting a church group as some wrote might be a good idea.

Sending you hugs,

Debby

Bella Luna

I feel for you Heather.
I feel for you Heather. Sorry to hear you are having to go through all this stuff. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. As hard as it is with everything going round you, take care of yourself so that you can heal. Strong cyber hugs to you.
BL

jnl

New Flower said:

Heather let it go
I am very sorry, completely understand, still please let it go. Safety of your baby is the most important issue so far, the rest just let it go. You can buy disposable plates, eat prepared food and if your husband like the house as it is now, then let it be. Do not put pressure on yourself, you need to recover and gain energy.
Hugs

I am hoping that by now
I am hoping that by now someone is helping you Heather. I can't understand why your husband doesn't do more for you. You just had surgery!

Right now, you need to just recover.


Hugs, Leeza

Alexis F

disneyfan2008 said:

I am so sorry...
perhaps you need or would like the help more now then during treatments...vent away...

Oh Heather, I am so sorry
Oh Heather, I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. I hope that someone, your husband, your friends or family will realize how much you still need them and will help you.

Kristin N

weazer said:

Get out of the house!
If I were you, I would have my Dad pick me up and take me too my Moms for a break.
What could it hurt?
You could get some rest and have a nice visit with your mom.
If I was close too you I would clean your house for you!
Where do you live?
Maybe someone on here knows somebody that can help you.
Take care sister...Karie

☺
I certainly hope that everything is going better for you now Heather. It does help to vent, and, this is the perfect place. You are with your sisters!

Kristin ♥

Kylez

smalldoggroomer said:

Oh Heather, I'm sorry but
Oh Heather, I'm sorry but men are no good at anything you know that right. It will get better and so will you. And I bet when your better these people better look out. You go ahead and vent all you want. I would come help if I lived close to you. Go see your Mom. That will make you feel better. You in my thoughts and prayers sweetheart Kay

I'm sorry Heather that you
I'm sorry Heather that you have to go through this now. You should be just resting and recuperating. I agree, go see your Mom. Mom's always make us feel better.

How are you doing with your implants? Good I hope.


Hugs, Kylez