Just wondering does it ever end? (some venting)

ms.sunshine

A year ago while in the middle of treatments I often said, "I'll be glad when this is all over with." Now I'm wondering is it ever over with? Seems like there is always one more test, one more procedure, one more "we need to be 100% sure" according to the next doctor you are sent to see.

I had mammo/ultrasound in Oct. PET in Nov. Went in for results. Already to be given the thumbs up, "you are free to go, your clear, see ya in 6 months, a year." Nope nadda. There's a blurred image on ultrasound, but mammo didn't show anything. PET didn't alert to anything. Dr. wants me to have MRI to make sure it is nothing. She seems to think it is inflammation.

PET did show an abnormality in colon. Dr. said scan didn't show it to be cancerous, probably a polop or a slight rip that maybe infected. Now I have to have a colonoscopy in Dec. Great the one place on my body that hasn't been poked, and proded by the doctors. Nope couldn't escape.

I had to fill out a medical update questionaire. I answered truthfully. I have had headaches, but I believe it to be sinus pressure. Now she has ordered a CT scan on brain, and bone density.

I feel fine. I started taking sinus meds, and the headache has weakened, and there are days I don't have a headache. I'm going in to have these tests to give myself peace of mind. I would rather have the tests, and it turn out to be nothing. Than not have the tests, and it be something.

Will this ever end: doctors, tests, procedures, etc..? Is this my new "lifestyle" so I need to accept it and roll with it. I want to be let out of the institution so I can live my life without the thought "what if" everytime a doctor looks over my, by now a mile high, medical records.

Geez I even get upset with myself for, get this, getting upset(wth). I believe we, or I know I have been conditioned to step up, 'get ur done'. Well I'm tired of 'gettin ur done'. You all know I will be that 'good trooper' who stays the course. I don't know any other way, that's how I am -- FIGHT until it is conquered. I do know this victory will be mine, I just have to weather the storm, heck this is just a little downpour compared to cancer treatments that I have went through, and survived.

Take care
Jennifer

KathiM

I'm sending big hugs....
Actually, at nearly 5 years...no one wants to see me anymore...my primary said "Well, you are considered cured..."

I, too, never thought I would see the day....first stage III rectal cancer, followed 6 months later by stage II breast cancer...2005 was spent more in the hospital than out.

I actually feel better knowing that someone is taking an interest in my future...and watching out by ordering yearly scans, etc...I was blindsided by the beast at 49...no warning...I DON'T want THAT again!!!

Jennifer, it WILL get better...I always feel that I'd rather know the fight I'm in, than to find out about it in the midst of battle!!

Chin up, dearheart!!!

Hugs, Kathi

(BTW, the last time I visited with my onc, she held up my-no kidding-5 inch thick patient chart....she looked at me, looked at it, looked at me, and shook her head. She said "Hard to believe that you and this chart have anything to do with each other!")