Tomorrow will be better...

sleepy524
sleepy524 Member Posts: 20
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
So most days I do ok, but today this post is for one thing and one thing only. To vent, to complain to say all the things I won't say to him as he needs my strength so here it goes...

I am exhausted. I worry 24/7 and I am drained. My body aches and I find myself wanting to cry all day long. I dont want him to lose his hair, and I hate to see him in pain. I am angry that we should be planning our wedding but instead we are fighting just for him to be here next year. I am angry at myself for feeling this way. I am angry that as Christmas approaches I have no idea how to give my children gifts as this has strapped us financially.

Ok so... deep breath, I let it out. Now...

There is no place I would rather be then taking care of him regardless the cost, the pain, the sacrafice. I will marry him on a sidewalk, in a hospital, I dont care where as long as I can take his last name. Christmas will sting a little as my children are used to getting the things I can not normally afford on this holiday but they will recover and hopefully grow stronger. I am strong, I can do this and I love that I am the one in life to walk next to him down this horrible path giving eachother strength, sharing our tears and holding on to eachother. Thank you for letting me vent and have a minute to be selfish. With five kids, cancer in our lives and disinfecting 24/7 to try to keep him as healthy as possible, today I feel somewhat weakened and worn by this disease. Tomorrow will bebetter.

Comments

  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #2
    Venting
    Sleepy,
    You are dealing with so much at this time and can vent to us anytime. It's overwhelming being a caregiver, I've been through it although it was only for 2 months. And with 5 kids, you must be exhausted. How old are the kids? I sure hope someone is helping you cope with all this. Try to get away with friends for awhile if you can. Keep in touch! "Carole"
  • Carrie King
    Carrie King Member Posts: 48
    #3
    Sleepy524
    Continue to vent -- it does help! You are doing a great job. The kids see the daily choices and sacrifices you are making. That is what they will remember, not what they got for Christmas in 2010. How old are the kids? Perhaps relatives and friends will be "extra generous" this year. My kids love stuff from the dollar store too.

    You must, must try to get some sleep. If you are ill, it does no one any good. Take it from one who learns the hard way. My neck brought me to tears for weeks, only to be told it was from stress and to take muscle relaxer. Don't isolate yourself and be wonder woman.

    Carrie
  • sleepy524
    sleepy524 Member Posts: 20
    #4
    3Mana said:

    Venting
    Sleepy,
    You are dealing with so much at this time and can vent to us anytime. It's overwhelming being a caregiver, I've been through it although it was only for 2 months. And with 5 kids, you must be exhausted. How old are the kids? I sure hope someone is helping you cope with all this. Try to get away with friends for awhile if you can. Keep in touch! "Carole"

    The kids are 9,12, 16, 16 &
    The kids are 9,12, 16, 16 & 17. I am luckier then most. He tells me every single day how much he appreciates how I care for him. We are spending alot of time with the kids lately and it helps, seeing that we can find fun even when there is no money and when there is so much pain. Today is better, but tomorrow I will probobly cry again.
  • sleepy524
    sleepy524 Member Posts: 20
    #5
    Carrie King said:

    Sleepy524
    Continue to vent -- it does help! You are doing a great job. The kids see the daily choices and sacrifices you are making. That is what they will remember, not what they got for Christmas in 2010. How old are the kids? Perhaps relatives and friends will be "extra generous" this year. My kids love stuff from the dollar store too.

    You must, must try to get some sleep. If you are ill, it does no one any good. Take it from one who learns the hard way. My neck brought me to tears for weeks, only to be told it was from stress and to take muscle relaxer. Don't isolate yourself and be wonder woman.

    Carrie

    The kids are 9,12, 16, 16 &
    The kids are 9,12, 16, 16 & 17. I am luckier then most. He tells me every single day how much he appreciates how I care for him. I too see the physical pains in being a caregiver, worrying 24/7. My stomach is a mess, frequent migranes, I have fibromyalgia which gets worse with stress. Trying to figure out how to say yes when the few friends nearby offer help.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #6
    sleepy524 said:

    The kids are 9,12, 16, 16 &
    The kids are 9,12, 16, 16 & 17. I am luckier then most. He tells me every single day how much he appreciates how I care for him. I too see the physical pains in being a caregiver, worrying 24/7. My stomach is a mess, frequent migranes, I have fibromyalgia which gets worse with stress. Trying to figure out how to say yes when the few friends nearby offer help.

    Fibromyalgia
    I, too, have fibromyalgia and understand how stress makes it worse. I have been blessed to be one of the people that lyrica really helps. My pain level is way down, but I still get the fibro fog and the fatigue. I was caregiver for my husband for just over six years. It is tough even without children. I can only imagine caring for children at the same time. You have a great deal on your plate. Please don't be afraid to ask for help. It sounds like you are doing everything right. The kids will see that and see how important shared time is. Life isn't fair. It is hard for us adults to really understand that and even harder for children. Small gifts can mean as much as expensive ones when given with love. In time, the kids will understand that, too. Hang in there. Fay

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