My Mom's was gone in 6 days??????

Jasmine092910
Jasmine092910 Member Posts: 4
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
There's no long story here. We took my Mom in on a Tuesday night and they founds Brain Mets and on Sat. she took her last breath right in front of my eyes. She was my best friend and I dont know how to live this life without her. I have 4 kids and a husband so believe me I know I have to, but it doesn't make it easy. Everyday min. of everyday I think about her. What could I have done, why didn't I see the signs, why didn't I have more time????? I don't know how to get through this. My Mom died Aug. 29th 2010 and a whole lot of me died with her.

Comments

  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #2
    Forgot to mention this in my other post
    Jasmine,
    I've always heard that our parents are the "wheels" and the kids are the "spokes" and without the wheels, it's hard to move on. Always thought this was the truth cause that's how I've felt ever since I lost them. My husband was my "rock" and now he's gone, and I feel so lost.
    "Carole"
  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #3
    counseling might be good...
    Please accept my kind condolences on the devastating loss of your mother. It is so fortunate that she suffered so little, yet so unfortunate that you are suffering so much.

    In psychology circles, it is now thought that when you lose a very close loved one suddenly, without warning and time to prepare, you can experience a form of Sudden Traumatic Stress Disorder. Counselors who have been trained in grief counseling know what to do to help, so why not try it? I got a little counseling after my father's death, and it helped a lot.
  • Jasmine092910
    Jasmine092910 Member Posts: 4
    #4
    Barbara53 said:

    counseling might be good...
    Please accept my kind condolences on the devastating loss of your mother. It is so fortunate that she suffered so little, yet so unfortunate that you are suffering so much.

    In psychology circles, it is now thought that when you lose a very close loved one suddenly, without warning and time to prepare, you can experience a form of Sudden Traumatic Stress Disorder. Counselors who have been trained in grief counseling know what to do to help, so why not try it? I got a little counseling after my father's death, and it helped a lot.

    I know that I am traumatized
    But I am not ready to talk to someone about it yet. See this board is hard enough but atleast I am typing and not talking cause the min. I open my mouth to talk about my mom, I just start crying. I know most Mother's and Daughter's are close, but my Mom was my best friend. I feel like I took atvantage of how much she did for me and was there for me now. I think about how I would complain about her now and I want to scream at myself!! She was the only person in the world that I could talk to about anything. She was the only person that was always there for me no matter what. I have a Dad that doesn't really care. He hasn't called me once since the day of the funeral. My husband is there for me, but we had just went through a heart attack with his dad, and almost lost him. His Dad came home the day my Mom went into the Hospital. I feel like I traded my Mom for his Dad. I know its stupid to feel that way, but I resent him for still having his Dad. My sister is my only sibling from my Mom, and she won't talk about it. Her way of dealing with things is to shut down and shut everyone out. She is the only person that I really want to talk to and she wont talk about it.
    I am just lost. I am Mad as Hell. I have never went a day in my life without knowing where and what my Mom was doing and I don't know what she is doing. I have never went a day without calling her and telling her about my day, so everynight I want to call her, and I can't. I can't even take her number out of my phone. She really was my anchor, and now I feel like I am just floating around lost at sea. I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't know she was gonna die. I hadn't even had time to let it sink in that she had Cancer. She just went to sleep and I knew something was wrong by how hard she was sleeping and I didn't say anything to the nurse. I just thought it was the drugs. I know I can't go back in time, but if I could just have one more day. She didn't know she was going to die. She didn't get to say goodbye to anyone. I didn't take my kids to see her because I was waiting for the Radiation to take the swelling down so she wasn't so confused, so the kids didn't get scared. They didn't get to see their Grandma before she died. And saying she is Dead is the hardest thing in the world, cause I just want to pretend she is on vacation or something. Actually believing she is gone and never coming back is just too much. Its just not fair. I have always been a person of faith, and always thought that when its your time, thats it, it means that God needs you. But I needed her more!!!!! I don't want to live without her. Its just not fair, I need her, and nothing can make that go away.

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