The comfort of a Mother

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herdizziness
herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Tomorrow I leave my mother (I hope I see her again this Thanksgiving, hoping to go back up before surgery)been trying to convince her, she won't die from too much talking on the phone, or going down her steps to go outdoors and enjoy her flowers. The child has become the parent, the parent the trying child.
I realize I'm going to surgery and when I get out, for the first time, my mother won't be there for me.
My first emergency c-section and loss of child, my mother was there. My second c-section and birth of my beautiful daughter Maria, my mother was there. My third c-section and handsome wild son David, my mother was there.
She watched over me, cooked and gave me love and the comfort only a mother can give.
This next surgery I have, she won't be there for me, my son will be in college, my husband drunk, and I'll pretty much be on my own.
I hope I don't end up crying for my Mommy while I'm there.
Shoot, I guess I'm saying is I'm scared of surgery, and worse, no mother when I wake up to kiss my forehead and tell me "it'll be okay honey".
I can't hold my mother enough at this time.
Winter Marie
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  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
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    That's so sad
    I'm so sorry, dear. I know how hard this must be. I wish I could come and be there for you when you come out of surgery. I hope someone will be there with you. A good friend, a pastor, someone. Please know that I will be there in spirit, whispering in your ear that all is well.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • Lori-S
    Lori-S Member Posts: 1,277 Member
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    aaaaaaaaaah Winter Marie
    I'm so sorry that she won't be there for your upcoming surgery. It's ok to cry for your mommy when you come out of surgery. I will pray for you and ask that you feel her kiss on your forehead and hear her voice say "it'll be okay honey". Because she will be there with you in spirit just as all of us will be too. BIG HUGS to you.
  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
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    tootsie1 said:

    That's so sad
    I'm so sorry, dear. I know how hard this must be. I wish I could come and be there for you when you come out of surgery. I hope someone will be there with you. A good friend, a pastor, someone. Please know that I will be there in spirit, whispering in your ear that all is well.

    *hugs*
    Gail

    Dear Tootsie
    You have to be one of the sweetest souls on this earth.
    My friend that was going to be there for me called today. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer with masses in both ovaries and they think lymph nodes. She goes for further testing tomorrow. So I've got to try and be there for her, instead of her being there for me. It's all to new for her. I thank the Lord I know a few of the ropes to help her. Like me when I was diagnosed she has no insurance, etc...
    I never thought I knew anyone with cancer before me, then I find out one of my neighbors had brain cancer (he's a veterinarian and doing quite fine 12 years later) and two of my neighbors, one across the street and my next door neighbor had colon cancers (they also both had my same oncologist and their still both here years later, very GOOD SIGN I'm thinking on my oncologist's part).
    I appreciate you being there in spirit my dear Gail, thank you for that.
    Winter Marie
  • okthen
    okthen Member Posts: 232
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    Lori-S said:

    aaaaaaaaaah Winter Marie
    I'm so sorry that she won't be there for your upcoming surgery. It's ok to cry for your mommy when you come out of surgery. I will pray for you and ask that you feel her kiss on your forehead and hear her voice say "it'll be okay honey". Because she will be there with you in spirit just as all of us will be too. BIG HUGS to you.

    Shoot! I hate this for you!
    Shoot! I hate this for you! I know it's not the same, but we will all be with you in our hearts! You are in my prayers!
    Chriss
  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
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    Lori-S said:

    aaaaaaaaaah Winter Marie
    I'm so sorry that she won't be there for your upcoming surgery. It's ok to cry for your mommy when you come out of surgery. I will pray for you and ask that you feel her kiss on your forehead and hear her voice say "it'll be okay honey". Because she will be there with you in spirit just as all of us will be too. BIG HUGS to you.

    Thank you Lori
    Thank you Lori, I guess I'm feeling self pity a bit, my mom is sleeping in the next room, and I'm just feeling how much I'm going to miss her being there for every important moment in my life. You know you have the best mother, the best ever Step-Mother to be there for you on every important date. When I told her, that her grandson, my son, would be getting married on March 26th, she said, "It's the day before your birthday, AHA!!! (she exclaimed) I bet you didn't think I remembered!!!!" (Only because her memory goes a bit now and then again).
    You know, now that I think about it, my poor mother will be at home almost worried to death about my surgery, and she will be with me in spirit.
    And most importantly you just made me think of something, and I ask opinions on this matter, because I didn't think of this until your message, Lori.
    Does it seem alright to tell her my surgery is a couple of days after the surgery??? So that I can talk to her and tell her it went okay, so that it's less strain on her? Would that be wrong?
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
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    Sad
    Winter Marie,

    I am sad that your mother won't physically be there when you get out of surgery, but I know she'll be thinking of you! I hope someone will be there; maybe a brother/sister/friend? Or maybe your husband will surprise you. You know we will all be here waiting for you. I have missed my Mom too through my journey; she doesn't live far but she is 88 + I find myself trying to prevent her from worrying; sometimes I would just like to cry on her shoulder + have her tell me it's going to be allright; just like when I was little. I have that since my Dad died when I was 19 we have been in role reversal in that regard. I guess what I am trying to say is I understand.
  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
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    AnneCan said:

    Sad
    Winter Marie,

    I am sad that your mother won't physically be there when you get out of surgery, but I know she'll be thinking of you! I hope someone will be there; maybe a brother/sister/friend? Or maybe your husband will surprise you. You know we will all be here waiting for you. I have missed my Mom too through my journey; she doesn't live far but she is 88 + I find myself trying to prevent her from worrying; sometimes I would just like to cry on her shoulder + have her tell me it's going to be allright; just like when I was little. I have that since my Dad died when I was 19 we have been in role reversal in that regard. I guess what I am trying to say is I understand.

    Anne
    We do have a lot in common. My mother is 89 and my father passed away when I was older then you, but still vulnerable at 23. You never outgrow your mama's hugs and love do you?
    And to this day, I miss my dad's wisdom.
    Thank you for understanding.
    Winter Marie
  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
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    okthen said:

    Shoot! I hate this for you!
    Shoot! I hate this for you! I know it's not the same, but we will all be with you in our hearts! You are in my prayers!
    Chriss

    Thank you
    It means a lot to me Chriss.
    Thank you.
  • mom_2_3
    mom_2_3 Member Posts: 953 Member
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    Winter Marie
    I always tell my 3 little ones that no matter what I will always be with them, even if I am far away. I bet your Mom told you that when you were little too. Don't forget that emotional closeness can sometimes hold us closer in love and affection than physical proximity. Your Mom is going to be "with" you.

    Amy
  • jararno
    jararno Member Posts: 186
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    Mother's Comfort
    Wish I could be there to hold your hand and tell you it will be OK. There is no love like a mothers love. It is so hard to have to become the adult ( also hard to watch your children become adults! )

    When I had my surgery my son was on a flight to Japan to see his fiance, my husband and daughter were at the hospital but they are not ones to show their emotions so I felt rather alone.( A friend was also there waiting with my family, but she seemed to be more of a hinderance than a support as she wasn't asked to be there, she just came. )

    My mother passed away 16 years ago, but I have found myself feeling thankful that she hasn't had to deal with my cancer as she was a very overprotective worrier and the stress would have killed her. But I still miss her support and caring.

    Hold your Mother tightly and know that she will always love you and be there for you in her own way!

    Sure hope that you get to see her at Thanksgiving.

    Take Care,

    Barb
  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
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    Hugs
    Winter Marie, I know how you feel. I lost my mom ten days after I got married in 07. I miss everything about her every day, she was only 53. Your mom is lucky to have such a loving daughter like you, and I know she's so proud of you for all that you have achieved.

    Sonia
  • claud1951
    claud1951 Member Posts: 424 Member
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    You make me cry, Winter
    You make me cry, Winter Marie. I understand how you feel. Wish I could be there for you.
    I know we tell you to be strong, you can do it, but that still doesn't take the place of a Mom.

    I can offer a virtual hug (((((((((((((((((Winter Marie))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    Claudia
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
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    But she WILL be there!
    You have described her so well, even I see her!!!!

    If you need someone there, call me...I'm a mom, just not your mom...but I will come if you need me to...

    BIG hugs, Kathi
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
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    KathiM said:

    But she WILL be there!
    You have described her so well, even I see her!!!!

    If you need someone there, call me...I'm a mom, just not your mom...but I will come if you need me to...

    BIG hugs, Kathi

    We
    are with you, i know how it feels i just had surgery and angel was not there to take care of me like he would always do had to get threw it alone i had no other choice. but i will be thinking of you and holding your hand if i could. take care

    michelle
  • cwork
    cwork Member Posts: 37
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    KathiM said:

    But she WILL be there!
    You have described her so well, even I see her!!!!

    If you need someone there, call me...I'm a mom, just not your mom...but I will come if you need me to...

    BIG hugs, Kathi

    Winter Marie, What you wrote
    Winter Marie, What you wrote about your Mom is just beautiful. Yes, it is sad because you are entering another phase of your life, one that does not include Mother being there for you in the same way she was in the past. You are so blessed to have had a Mother like this, I too am blessed in that respect. As for your question about should you tell her a different date for surgery so as not to worry her. Well.... you know her we don't so you have to do what your heart tells you to. But, I don't think I would do that. Your Mother is probably much stronger than you can even imagine. Since she can not be there for you in the flesh I would imagine she will spend much of that time in prayer for you, or if she is not religious she will be thinking of you and wishing you well. That is her way of being there for you, and it is also your way of knowing Momma is there with you in spirit if not in the flesh. If you tell her the wrong date you will rob yourself of the comfort you get from knowing your Mom is with you, and you certainly need that comfort. Your Mom seems to be an extrodinary and strong woman. I think you will feel better about surgery and yourself if you tell her the truth. She will be worried no matter what day it is, but she will be OK.
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
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    Just think of your mom' s hugs!
    Winter Marie,
    You didn't say what kind of surgery you're having, but I'm sure you'll feel your mom's hug even though she can't be there. Hey, I'm a mom, so take a hug from me & all the other moms on this site. Good Luck! Let us know how you do. "Carole"
  • Lori-S
    Lori-S Member Posts: 1,277 Member
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    Thank you Lori
    Thank you Lori, I guess I'm feeling self pity a bit, my mom is sleeping in the next room, and I'm just feeling how much I'm going to miss her being there for every important moment in my life. You know you have the best mother, the best ever Step-Mother to be there for you on every important date. When I told her, that her grandson, my son, would be getting married on March 26th, she said, "It's the day before your birthday, AHA!!! (she exclaimed) I bet you didn't think I remembered!!!!" (Only because her memory goes a bit now and then again).
    You know, now that I think about it, my poor mother will be at home almost worried to death about my surgery, and she will be with me in spirit.
    And most importantly you just made me think of something, and I ask opinions on this matter, because I didn't think of this until your message, Lori.
    Does it seem alright to tell her my surgery is a couple of days after the surgery??? So that I can talk to her and tell her it went okay, so that it's less strain on her? Would that be wrong?

    Winter Marie
    I took some time to think about your question as to whether or not to tell her on the day of the surgery or after ... and my head just sort of went around in circles. The chemo makes me a little foggy but, I just kept coming back to what works for me and that's always just been to be as honest as possible. And truly, I do that as a purely selifish thing as I've found that life is much simpler for me to just be honest and not to have to remember what I said or to have to make apologies for what I said later. But, as I heard once "Honesty without compassion is brutality" so I also had to learn to temper my honesty with the right amount of compassion for the person that I'm speak with. Since you know your mom the best, only you can tell how to handle this. I know, not much help with question from me. I'm sorry, wish I could give you a better answer. I will pray that you find the answer that works best for you and your mom. I know what matters most to you are her feelings and whatever you decide to tell her will be with the best intentions. HUGS
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
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    Sorry
    So sorry that your mother won't be there with you physically with you. Maybe there is someway the hospital can get a phone to you to contact your mother when you are in recovery. Everyone needs someone there when they get out of surgery. Hoping that the surgery is a complete success and you have a full and speedy recovery.

    Kim
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331 Member
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    Sorry
    So sorry that your mother won't be there with you physically with you. Maybe there is someway the hospital can get a phone to you to contact your mother when you are in recovery. Everyone needs someone there when they get out of surgery. Hoping that the surgery is a complete success and you have a full and speedy recovery.

    Kim

    Marie you you will be not alone ,all of us will be with
    you .You will feel our vibes from the hospital!
    All of us will accompany there!
    Good vibes from here!
  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 Member Posts: 2,342 Member
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    Winter Marie
    Winter Marie,
    You have been blessed by a mother who has been there all the way with you. I can only imagine how you feel knowing she won't be there when you wake up from surgery. Moms are amazing and provide that unconditional love. Know your mom is still loving you with everything she's got. We are all praying for you too.

    Aloha,
    Kathleen