Depression

bluerose

abrub said:

Depression is a reasonable
Depression is a reasonable response - whatever semblance of control we thought we had over our lives has been undermined. However, you can chose not to live with depression.

As others have said, there are excellent therapists out there. Mine reminds me of all that I've been through, and how well I've coped. I have reason to be angry, fearful, and depressed, but he helps me to see what I've accomplished, and how to continue living, moving forward. Meds have occasionally been part of treatment. As of now, I'm on no meds. Having someone to talk to who understands is sufficient for me. However, we understand that I may need meds again in the future - who knows what is in store for me. I think that one thing that has worked for me is that I've been very open about my cancer. I'm not looking for sympathy, but this is who I am now; my cancer experience has formed me. Some people can't deal, but most seem to be more comfortable with my being straightforward. They are not as fearful to bring things up, to ask questions, and to learn.

My therapist does not tolerate BS - he pushes me to be honest with him and myself about my feelings and dealings with cancer as well as the rest of my life. I can talk with him about how my family has pushed the cancer to the background, as they no longer want to deal with it, because it is in the past (hopefully forever, tho at the moment, only 2 1/2 years out.) I trust him and know that I can say anything to him, no matter how ridiculous or "childish" it may appear. Emotions, feelings are what they are, and are not "required to be mature because we are adults."

Seek out support - a 3rd party is often better than those directly involved with you. Don't plan to live out your life alone and depressed. Having beaten cancer, you now need to work on living again.

It's not easy, but life awaits you.

Alice

Hello Hawkeye
First off, you aren't nuts. I am a 23 year NHL survivor who went through CHOP too and a bone marrow transplant at recurrance and have been considered cured ever since - 21 years cured. Lots of leftover health issues from treatments but that's another story.

You know there are alot of physical issues that can happen to a person that simply can not be cured but today cancer isn't necessarily one of them. Lots of people are being cured all the time and even doctors are using the word 'cured' as they did for me and others on this board. One other thing that can be cured is depression. If taken seriously there is no doubt that you can get help for depression so why live with it? That's my take on depression. For medication you will have to see a shrink or your GP but for generally hashing things out my best support came from a psychologist.

As survivors I think I can safely say that most of us have had depression visit us now and again, sometimes we get through it on our own but other times we need help. I have personally seen both shrinks and psychologists and I have found much greater insight and hands on healing through psychology. Since they deal with matters that affect our lives daily and don't get bogged down in having to remember what color our booties were before we get to the next subject. They deal with the NOW. My psychologist who I visit when I need to also specializes in PTSD and that is something you need to look into in case you are experiencing that. You could also be suffering from panic attacks too, somethings you say sound almost like a panic attack but you need to be diagnosed by a professional of course.

Bottomline is that depression can be handled and when lifted you will begin to see things alot more clearly and will feel much better. Without a good diagnosis you could sink further and further as it was starting to sound in a couple of spots in your posting.

If I were you I would first have a talk with my family doctor about depression/panic attacks and possible PTSD and ask for a referral to either a shrink or psychologist. The GP can prescribe meds if he thinks you are clinically depressed for may send you to a shrink for that diagnosis and medical treatment. As you probably know a psychologist can't write prescriptions but you could go to one for therapy after you are on meds if you get the depression or anxiety diagnosis.

Either way I would suggest you seek help in this regard sooner rather than later. You are experiencing normal reactions but it sounds like you are stuck in one of the stages of grief over the loss of your health and you need a professional to help you out of it and onto the next stage.

Welcome to the board and I too am glad you did not delete your posting. We on this board understand what you have gone through as we have gone through similar stages and issues. Take charge and see to your mental health so that you can get on with your life. It can be handled.

Keep us posted.

Blessings,
Bluerose

winsomebulldog

Know EXACTLY where you're coming from...
I've battled depression for my entire adult life. It began after my mother died unexpectedly when I was 17. There have been a LOT of other things in my life that didn't help the situation, mostly the loss of several other very close family members, 2 to different cancers. Then, last June, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.

I have been on an anti-depressant for a few years now and I can honestly say it's made a difference. I'm not a fan of medications in general, but I'll take what I need to and this was something I needed. It makes battling the anxiety and dark thoughts and emotions much, much easier.

Also, as others have said, I have a therapist. I have seen 2 different ones, but have been with this one for a few years, now. I see her only when I need to, though in the beginning it was very regular. I went to her at first to help with the depression that set in after losing my husband's mom (and my best friend) to brain cancer in 2007. It's interesting that what she helped me see was so simple and yet something I had never considered. This is what a good therapist can do. Sometimes we get so caught up in dealing with the depression itself that we cannot see the forest for the trees, so to speak. I just started seeing her again after my diagnosis, just so she can help me stay on top of things.

Believe me, I know how you feel. I lived with my depression for a very long time before I finally found a doctor I trusted and liked enough to talk to about it. She was the one who suggested therapy and medication. I had learned to cope pretty well by the time I got to this point and admitted to myself and my therapist that I felt like it was something I should be able to deal with myself. But the fact is, that just isn't always possible or advisable. All the things you mention are things I felt and experienced as well. The self-isolation, the inability to shut my brain off so I could sleep, all of it. The medication alone made a lot of that better. It isn't gone for me. I still have times when I have to fight that dark little voice in my head that pushes me to see/think/feel/fear the worst. But it's easier for me to shut it out, now. And when it gets too loud, I have learned to talk about it. Believe me, that's one of the best things about having a therapist. Even if you don't want to share all you feel with friends or family (which I completely understand) a therapist is paid and trained to listen. You can share openly without having to worry about "bringing them down" or getting pat answers and suggestions.

I hope you find the relief you need and deserve. You've fought a life-altering battle and there's no going back to what/who you were before. This doesn't have to be a bad thing, of course. I hear many of the survivors here talk about the "new normal" they live after that diagnosis and all the treatment. My biggest fear, I guess, is that it'll come back some day. Do any of us not have that worry? Basically, it's just part of my life now, part of all our lives. We have to live with it and we all deserve to live lives without the shadow of anxiety and/or depression. You beat cancer. You can certainly beat depression as well. Just like the cancer, though, you might need the help of medical professionals. Prescription anti-depressants have come a long way, just like chemo and radiation. And shrinks/therapists have as well. They aren't all spouting Freud any longer and blaming everything on your mother. LOL Just give it a try. And like others have said, shop around if you need to until you find the right drug and/or the right therapist. They certainly aren't all the same and what works for one might not do a thing for you. You're the patient. Be your own advocate and find what works.

God bless you as you continue your journey.

Jennifer

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