I lost my grip on 'Reality' a few days ago, and finding it 'DIFFICULT' to recover -- YIKES

ladyg

Please, Please
do not say you feel like a failure. That is the last thing you are. We all get upset when we hear about a fallen warrior and for it to be someone you know is extremely hard to handle. If you didn't care so much about others you would not have been volunteering and would never even had the chance to know Rachel. The thing I think that happened to you is that all of the feelings you had bottled up finally came out. I hope you will be able to find another way to volunteer so you can continue to "pay it forward" as you want to do.

Hugs,
Georgia

Dawne.Hope

[[[[[[[[[vicki]]]]]]]]]
I would hug you so tightly right now, my dear VickiSam. You've received such good advice for your sisters ... Stef, Carkris and others can't add anything just reinforce what's already been said. Reality caught up with you. We're strong, we get through treatment and then something happens ... like what happened to you today to trigger all the pent-up emotion we've been holding back since our dx and we 'lose it.' We need to get it out. I'm so sorry for the loss of young Rachel. It is sad. And we need to weep, get it out. It's horribly unfair, and so so sad.

Give yourself some time. Stuff those envelopes! And in time when you're a little stronger and the emotions aren't so raw you can go back.

Much Love to you xoxo,
dh

RE

~So Sorry My Friend~
Oh Vicki, just reading your words and envisioning your grief causes my heart to ache. I am sorry you lost a friend to bc, it knows no bounds. It is true occasionally we are struck in the face with the brutal reality of it all, but as you grieve for Rachel remember there are also many of us who do live on for many years after cancer touches our lives and the longer we do so the closer we get to being here for the cure. Love you lots and wish you many better days ahead!

♥ RE

chenheart

Oh sweet Vicki~ having had
Oh sweet Vicki~ having had the extreme pleasure of meeting you in person and spending time with you, I can absolutely see how you would have been so affected by what happened at the cancer center. You are o full of life, and loving-compassion, that I honestly am not surprised that you sobbed. I don't think you lost your grip on Reality at all~ to the contrary, I think Reality smacked you right in the face and you cried!!! You may have been embarrassed or felt so out of control; most of us can relate to that. BUT...to me, it simply shows how connected you are to the hero warriors you have come to know. We are not Kindred Spirits in name only!!!

You were neither blissful nor ignorant about cancer and its devastation~ the lovely thing about you is that you are ever hopeful and giving, no matter what. I love you!!

Hugs,
Chen♥

Gabe N Abby Mom

How can you be a failure
How can you be a failure when you have helped so many? You are such a compassionate, wise, loving person.

Sometimes, when life smacks us in the face, the result is tears...especially when we're not ready for the smack. I believe the tears, and dealing with those overpowering emotions, make us stronger. It may not feel like it when you're in the moment, but it takes real courage and real strength to deal with such powerful emotions. And you have that strength, I know because you've already decided to go back.

A big hug for you,

Linda

creampuff91344

Gabe N Abby Mom said:

How can you be a failure
How can you be a failure when you have helped so many? You are such a compassionate, wise, loving person.

Sometimes, when life smacks us in the face, the result is tears...especially when we're not ready for the smack. I believe the tears, and dealing with those overpowering emotions, make us stronger. It may not feel like it when you're in the moment, but it takes real courage and real strength to deal with such powerful emotions. And you have that strength, I know because you've already decided to go back.

A big hug for you,

Linda

My Dear Vicki Sam
Without compassion and caring, our world would be such a dismal place, and those of you who are so brave as to be on the front line with those still in the fight, I commend you. Rachel's passing is just another one of those "slap back to reality" things, as we all know, deep in our being, that it is certainly possible we will face the beast again. I know you have done such good work with the Cancer Center, and those you have touched have been truly blessed. Don't ever think that your kindship with Rachel didn't help her through her plight, and I can assure you that you made her journey's end much more pleasant. We are not infallable, and we certainly can't make this go away. All we can do is care for those who are near, serve those who are in need, and stand fast as an example for those who need a strong prsence to help them get through just one day. You are a very special person, and certainly you are entitled to be affected by this loss. My heart goes out to you as you try to be brave for those faces you see at the center. They will miss you if you are not there, so if you decide to reappear, I can guarantee there will be a smile to greet you. If you choose to help in another way, the memories you left with those still in treatment are not forgotten. We love you and your spirit. Hugs, Judye

Bella Luna

Vicki you are an AMAZING,
Vicki you are an AMAZING, KIND, and GIVING person. The fact that as a former chemo patient and now, Warrior, you should want to volunteer your time at the clinic speaks volumes about the kind of person you are. You are, without a doubt, EXCEPTIONAL and human! Sending big HUGS to you dear Sister in Pink.
BL

Jean 0609

Dear VickiSam,
Sending an extra big cyber hug your way. You are one wonderful person with such a big heart! Hugs, Jean

VickiSam

Jean 0609 said:

Dear VickiSam,
Sending an extra big cyber hug your way. You are one wonderful person with such a big heart! Hugs, Jean

All you 'Warriors' .. are so wonderful, kind and
caring ..

A big GIANT cyber hug back to you all!


Strength and Courage, I pray for us all.


•☆.•*´¨`*••♥ Vicki Sam ♥••*´¨`*•.☆•

ms.sunshine

VickiSam said:

All you 'Warriors' .. are so wonderful, kind and
caring ..

A big GIANT cyber hug back to you all!


Strength and Courage, I pray for us all.


•☆.•*´¨`*••♥ Vicki Sam ♥••*´¨`*•.☆•

Vicki so sorry
I am sorry about Rachel. I know what you mean when you say you feel like a failure, although it isn't true. Not for any of us. I don't know why we feel that way, as if we can control death. I recently dealt with that myself.

You take a break, but I have a feeling it won't be a long one. You Vicki are a doer. I have never met you, but have read your posts. I have a feeling you are one of those that when life slaps you, you come back and slap it twice as hard.

I am not a crier. I don't cry often, but when I do the tears inspire me to come back stronger, and better, or should I say badder. You shall rise again, I just know you will.
Take care
Jennifer

webbwife50

Hi Vickie
Gosh, in by book, your one of the heros! I lose it reading this board sometimes, I cried to two days after hearing that the young Marine had lost his wife Lesley! My God, this stuff breaks your heart into little pieces, it tries to crush one's spirit, it is cancer!
God bless you for your efforts to ease others pain as they enter some of the most fearfull and painfull events that happen in life. Love and husgs..alison

aysemari

VickiSam said:

All you 'Warriors' .. are so wonderful, kind and
caring ..

A big GIANT cyber hug back to you all!


Strength and Courage, I pray for us all.


•☆.•*´¨`*••♥ Vicki Sam ♥••*´¨`*•.☆•

And a BIIIG huge hug for you!
This really touched me. Going through this ,really makes us so much more
sensitive and compassionate.

Be fair to yourself, because you are more sensitive to and understanding of
what the cancer patients go through. So it takes a lot to be around them for
you. I applaud you for your courage and strength to reach out.

I hope to have the strength and courage one day to be like you.

Ayse

carkris

webbwife50 said:

Hi Vickie
Gosh, in by book, your one of the heros! I lose it reading this board sometimes, I cried to two days after hearing that the young Marine had lost his wife Lesley! My God, this stuff breaks your heart into little pieces, it tries to crush one's spirit, it is cancer!
God bless you for your efforts to ease others pain as they enter some of the most fearfull and painfull events that happen in life. Love and husgs..alison

I think you honored Rachel's
I think you honored Rachel's spirit.