Children of survivors often the overseen victims of cancer

sleepy524

Many of you have read my story. You may already know that while this is my sweetheart's second battle w/ cancer it is my first as his caregiver. Between us we have five children ranging ages between 9-17. Anyone on the caregiver or the survivor side knows what I mean when I say that if you have not gone through a long term treatment plan, you do not know the severity of its affects on your life. Here is how it has affected mine so far, and we are early into it.

Brian's pay has been cut to aprox 50% as he is unable to work full time. We have tapped out his retirement. I take my job as his caregiver very seriously and spend much of my time caring for him, researching, disinfecting, etc. Socially we tend to keep to ourselves not really sure when he may have a "chemo crash" again. Physically we have improved our relationship, we are more affectionate, we have grown closer. I often joke even the dog is affected as he wont be seeing the vet anytime soon.

Here is where I have seen a substantial impact. My babies... They hurt differently, they are affected differently. They often act as if they are not affected at all. The disappoitment on their face when we say we cant afford to do that right now is accompanied by understanding. They miss having as much time with us as before, as now there is perscriptions to pick up, disinfecting to be done more often, or we are just plain exhausted from being up all night from the side effects. My heart hurts that they worry about me, so they refuse to open up. I have not yet found a support group that deals with this. I am not looking for a psychologist, I am looking for a group of families touched by, battling, surviving cancer. To show my children people are getting through this and so will we.

When he was first diagnosed we held a family meeting. Told kids what to expect from the treatments assured them that the doctor feels we have a good chance of beating it. We also reminded them that they are number one in our lives but that it might seem like we have less time to show it, we may need their help. Cancer is making me a stronger person, teaching me to love everyone in my life as if there may be no tomorrow. I am hoping they may learn a little of that as well.

srpeteranne

looking for support for kids too
Sleepy,

Hi, I have three kids, ages 4,3,1. I'm worried about them too. Mine, being younger, are even less apt to express verbally what is going on inside. So far they just think that the doc appointments are fun becuase they get to go play with their friends, or the neighbors. Thanks be to God...so far. This is second bout for us too. My husband (their daddy) was diagnosed stage IV colon cancer with mets to the sacrum. We had surgery (colostomy), and now we start chemo and radiation this week. Finally got to John's Hopkins for the first word from a doc that didn't include a death sentence. Thanks be to God again! And so we will go on. I haven't looked yet, but I can't believe that there's not support resources for the families...I'll be looking for sure in the days to come when the flurry of doc appointments slow down as I hope they will. Anyone out there who can help out? Thanks so much...

Tina Blondek

Group for Families
Hello Karrol
You are such a sweet, caring, loving mom and caregiver! I am sitting here thinking that there just has to be a group where families can go for support. I would ask at the hospital. I would contact The American Cancer Society. Ask them if they know of a group you can go to and join where there are other families that are dealing with a loved one having cancer. I would call it a support group. I know when we were going through this journey with my dad, the University of Virginia hospital did have such groups available through the cancer dept. Hoping this helps. Keep up the good work and keep in touch!
Tina in Va

CherylMike

Have been where you are
Hello. My husband battled head and neck cancer for over 2 years. He passed away on October 31, 2009. I was his caregiver and experienced what you are going through. We have three children, ages (at the time) 11, 19 and 21. The American Cancer Society sent me a brochure that listed all kinds of support groups. My 21 year old called and meant with the group leader for a one on one. She called her as she needed to talk. I asked my 11 year old if he wanted to go to a teen group or a family group. He did not, but I did call his school and spoke to his counselor. She helped him through his dad's illness and death. She also organized meals for us and I spoke to her on several occasions. Mike and I always told the kids what was going on. My children all reacted differently and went through different phases of grief. (My 11 year old acted out 7 months after his dad's death, but was ok up until that point). He now has a 4.5 GPA and is on the High School soccer team. You will get through this. Sometimes it is best to take it one day at a time. I am glad you and your husband are getting closer through this. You will really need each other to lean on in the days to come. Your kids will see this and it will help them get through this difficult time. Our lives were changed forever, but we have come out as a very close family that cares more about others and appreciates each day that we have. Take care and know that I will say a prayer for you and your kids.