This thing called life...friggin SUCKS sometimes! Forgive me while I vent......
Haven't posted for a while. As some of you know (full story in my "about me" page)...my
19yr old son has metastatic stage IIIc colon cancer. He's on FOLFIRI/Avastin for mets to multiple lymph nodes. The good news is that his last CT scan was clear, except one VERY small node. THANK YOU LORD!!!
Now for the bad news....my Mom, the woman from whom I learned my determination, drive, independence, morals, values, strength and courage from was just diagnosed with LUNG cancer....which looks metastatic on CT. She was being treated for 2 weeks for a walking pneumonia that progressed to full blow pneumonia...then the DREADFUL diagnosis of cancer.
How is it that the love of my life...the one who taught me unconditional love, compassion, patience, endurance and perserverance...my WONDERFUL son to whom I birthed, AND the most unselfish woman on earth...my LOVING mom...my other love...the one who gave birth to me..BOTH have cancer!?!?! What kind of cruel f@cking joke is this???????? WHY WHY WHY UGHHHHH
SO...last Thursday when I went to drop my 1 1/2 year old diva off to the sitter (my great friend of 18 years who is like family and also babysat for my son when he was an infant) her dear Mother (whom I love like my own) had just had a STROKE as I walked in the door. A week later...she's on hospice and we are all a mess!
Then....one of my best friends for the past five years....her 32yo cousin dropped dead earlier this week, leaving behind a beautiful daughter. Medical examiner report indicated a massive stroke from high blood pressure. She didn't even know she had high blood pressure.
Oh, I forgot....my little diva has a stomach virus and between her and my son (it's his chemo week), my house smells like vomit and poo! LOL I have to laugh to keep from crying.
Apologizing in advance for whining.....but I just had to get it out somehow. I'm the "strong one" in the family so I have to keep my game face on at home and at work. I know you guys will understand my ranting.
All the best to each and every one of you!
Dee
Comments
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Dee
Vent away. That's what we are here for, support.
I won't even go into what has all happened to me and my loved ones this year besides my cc dx. Let me just say that when it rains it pours and this has been the most challenging year of my life.
I'm so sorry that it is pouring on you! It is alot, I know and I can certainly relate. Hang in there and just take care of things in small doses as they come up. I've found that's the best I can do at any one time.
I am so sorry to hear of your mother's dx and will pray for the best for her. Hang in there as you go through this and make sure to take care of and find time for yourself to just decompress in whatever way works best for you. I call it my "Calgon Take Me Away!" time. Sounds like you really need some down time so you can handle these tough times. I will pray for you too. HUGS0 -
Stay strong
Dee, you are definitely in the middle of a rough patch. I hope you don't mind, but I pray for God to send you His healing strength and that He wrap His arms around you for comfort. One day at a time, one hour at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. Remember to always look for the rainbow.
mary0 -
Dee
I sure wouldn't call that whining, that was mild, compared to the screaming I'd want to be doing if I had all that coming down on me at once!!!
So you just vent away, we've got some broad shoulders here (being big boned does have it's advantages)and can handle any whining, screaming, crying, sobbing, etc...
And well, it helps the rest of us, you just lightened my load considerably, here I was stuck in some self pity type of mode, and then I see the burden you are carrying, and I realize, I've got nothing to whine about at hardly at all.
I'll do the best I can do, which is just to say a prayer or two for you and your family, and be here when you need us.
Winter Marie0 -
Oh Dee!! I am so sorry!herdizziness said:Dee
I sure wouldn't call that whining, that was mild, compared to the screaming I'd want to be doing if I had all that coming down on me at once!!!
So you just vent away, we've got some broad shoulders here (being big boned does have it's advantages)and can handle any whining, screaming, crying, sobbing, etc...
And well, it helps the rest of us, you just lightened my load considerably, here I was stuck in some self pity type of mode, and then I see the burden you are carrying, and I realize, I've got nothing to whine about at hardly at all.
I'll do the best I can do, which is just to say a prayer or two for you and your family, and be here when you need us.
Winter Marie
I
Oh Dee!! I am so sorry!
I think I'm in the same club that you joined...was it a box we checked on some form?? Ya know, like the ones where you sign up for 57 newsletters without knowing it??
You are in my prayers along with the rest of the board, as is your whole family (and friends).
What I have found in my short time here is there is always someone to listen and offer a hug...never judgement, never a cold shoulder and I, like you, am the caregiver, not the one fighting cancer (in my body anyway).
"Enough already" comes to my mind at least 50x a day...but we'll make it, we'll make it, we'll make it...those we love appreciate our strength, and we have this board when we need to "whine", kick and cry.
Hugs!!
Chriss0 -
hugs and prayers
Hi Dee,
I'm glad you were able to come here and vent- feel free anytime.
I'm sorry for all you've been dealt and all the bad things folding in on you recently. I will read your story, as I don't recall reading your posts before or hearing about your son. 19? Wow.
I don't have much to say, except I will be praying hard for your son and you (and that little 1-1/2 yr old diva
I know it's hard to keep the faith when all is going badly, but keep the faith is what I must do- it's what keeps me strong in the face of the storm.
Hugs to you,
Lisa0 -
Dee just vent all that.lisa42 said:hugs and prayers
Hi Dee,
I'm glad you were able to come here and vent- feel free anytime.
I'm sorry for all you've been dealt and all the bad things folding in on you recently. I will read your story, as I don't recall reading your posts before or hearing about your son. 19? Wow.
I don't have much to say, except I will be praying hard for your son and you (and that little 1-1/2 yr old diva
I know it's hard to keep the faith when all is going badly, but keep the faith is what I must do- it's what keeps me strong in the face of the storm.
Hugs to you,
Lisa
Here we are to support you, just hang to your son,s good news, try to look the bright side of life, despite some times is a hard job!0 -
So sorry
Wow...you have been dealing with so much! A friend of mine was so overwhelmed by her husband's severe medical problems, she couldn't function. Her husband hsd been through many serious problems with his parents as a young man and many times he told her that the best way to cope was to "put out one fire at a time" Kinda hard to do at times, but it helps me when I am overwhelmed. Her husband passed away suddenly at the age of 50 leaving her with 2 teenage children....I was afraid that she would not be able to go on with her life on her own, but she has learned to put out one fire at a time and go on. A valuable lesson.
I am thinking about you and hoping that you are able to get the support and rest that you need so much. Being a caregiver is so stressful. Try to remember to do a few things for yourself!
Take care....Try to breathe
Barb0 -
That is alot to deal with, ujararno said:So sorry
Wow...you have been dealing with so much! A friend of mine was so overwhelmed by her husband's severe medical problems, she couldn't function. Her husband hsd been through many serious problems with his parents as a young man and many times he told her that the best way to cope was to "put out one fire at a time" Kinda hard to do at times, but it helps me when I am overwhelmed. Her husband passed away suddenly at the age of 50 leaving her with 2 teenage children....I was afraid that she would not be able to go on with her life on her own, but she has learned to put out one fire at a time and go on. A valuable lesson.
I am thinking about you and hoping that you are able to get the support and rest that you need so much. Being a caregiver is so stressful. Try to remember to do a few things for yourself!
Take care....Try to breathe
Barb
That is alot to deal with, u need to vent, it just helps writting it all down.. Sorry to hear about all the horrible things you are experiencing. Try and keep your chin up.... Petrina0 -
Do you feel like smaking anyone...
Who smiles, and says "God never gives you any more than you can handle."?
After my ex-, my daughter, and both of my in-laws all died, and I was dx'ed with 2 different cancers, and my beau was dx'ed with congestive heart failure, all within 2 years, someone actually SAID this to me!!!! I showed great restraint in not decking them....
Sadly, living life comes with it's ups and downs. I'm sorry you have such a full plate, but, as others have already said, we are here for you! Please, please, PLEASE take care of YOU!!! Caregiver's health sometimes gets lost in the shuffle!
I am dancing and dancing for the good news on your son!!!! YEA!!!!
(BTW, if you don't know me, in a nutshell, I was given 6 months to live, 6 years ago with stage III rectal cancer. At the 'magic' 6 months, I started treatment for my OTHER cancer, stage II breast, that had been found at the same time and to which I was told "We will wait to treat the breast cancer, only if you survive the rectal cancer."...Nice, huh? I have been treatment-free, with no reoccurance on either, for over 4 years.)
Hugs, Kathi0 -
Sorry
You have had it rough. Good news for your son though. Hope he continues to improve. Will be thinking of you and hoping it gets better for you.
Kim0 -
SMACK KATHI
Go ahead and smack kathi, you can do it, and we can sell T shirts "I SMACKED KATHI"..LOL does anyone remember what movie that is from?
Girl, you need a break, and try to remember to breathe. I am so sorry you are going through just a horrible time. We are here for you to vent anytime you need it....try to remember to do something nice for yourself, even the strong ones need a break or a little refreshing..
HUGS
Beth0 -
Dee
I like the advice of "putting one fire out at a time". I am so sorry there are so many fires for you right now. I am sorry about your mother's diagnosis; she + your son may be able to help each other through their treatments. That is a lovely picture you have as your avatar. Take good care of yourself through all this.0 -
Beth...wasn't that fromdorookie said:SMACK KATHI
Go ahead and smack kathi, you can do it, and we can sell T shirts "I SMACKED KATHI"..LOL does anyone remember what movie that is from?
Girl, you need a break, and try to remember to breathe. I am so sorry you are going through just a horrible time. We are here for you to vent anytime you need it....try to remember to do something nice for yourself, even the strong ones need a break or a little refreshing..
HUGS
Beth
Beth...wasn't that from Steel Magnolias?? Olympia Dukakis told Sally Field to smack Shirley McClain at the daughter (Julia Roberts) funeral...I LMAO through the tears I was already crying.
Hang in there Dee, We're here for you!!0 -
DeeAnneCan said:Dee
I like the advice of "putting one fire out at a time". I am so sorry there are so many fires for you right now. I am sorry about your mother's diagnosis; she + your son may be able to help each other through their treatments. That is a lovely picture you have as your avatar. Take good care of yourself through all this.
Dee your plate is about as full as anyone person could stomach. I agree with Anne...do take care of yourself and whine away girl
mags0 -
Dee, I am so sorry for all
Dee, I am so sorry for all of your sorrow. Sometimes it seems it all comes at once. I have this beautifully printed and framed by my bed- it says..." Jean, Don't worry, I have everything under control". signed Jesus. I don't know what you believe, but for me this is something that I sometimes read over and over and over again. I will pray for your peace and that you will get through all of this. Jean0 -
So THAT'S where I got it from!!!!okthen said:Beth...wasn't that from
Beth...wasn't that from Steel Magnolias?? Olympia Dukakis told Sally Field to smack Shirley McClain at the daughter (Julia Roberts) funeral...I LMAO through the tears I was already crying.
Hang in there Dee, We're here for you!!
I am an offical registered look-alike for Sally Field!!! No wonder I like smacking people!!!
ROFL!
Hugs, Kathi0 -
Our thoughts and prayers are
Our thoughts and prayers are with you, your family, and your friend's family!
Live life in the moment and plan for the future. Even though that seems contradictory, it is the best advice. Face it anyone could be killed by a car. (We have all seen the crazy driver.)
Be a survivor and driver and not a projectile in life. We can steer the outcome of our lives. This is my second round of cancer, at 47 I am way to young to give up.
Best Always!
mike0 -
I am so sorry
I have never heard of anyone having that advanced of a cancer at 19, do not beat yourself up for not knowing, who could have guessed that? I pray for strength and healing for you all. I do not know why it always seems when the sh*t hits the fan, somebody always has to go and turn the fan on high.0
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