JohnSFO update

AceSFO

I know we haven't been active here in a long time, but for the sake of those of you who remember us, I thought I'd give an update.

Things change quickly and John's cancer (just over 3 years now and over 1 year with sacral mets) has continued to spread aggressively and appears to now be blocking one of the ureters causing urine to back up into the kidney. A sign, according to our palliative care doctor, that his death is imminent - probably about a week. We are doing as well as any couple could be under the circumstances and talk about all of what we're facing. We sometimes feel frustrated that there is such a taboo around talking about death in our culture. I went to the mortuary yesterday to sign papers and get things in order and the person I met with was surprised that I had told John where I was going. For us, talking about it makes it all easier to bear.

You guys have all been such a huge comfort to us both through this journey and I wish I could travel around to meet each of you and thank you in person for lightening our burden.

Some of you have our Caring Bridge address and we love the messages we get there. If anyone else wants it, just PM me and I'm happy to send it along. We've been leery of posting the URL publicly here because of some issues with spam and lurkers in the past.

with love and gratitude,
Adrian

dmdwins

Thank you
Adrian,
Thank you for the update on John. I had been wondering how you both were doing. You have been an awesome partner and caregiver. I am so sorry to hear that the end may be near. I wish you peace and memories in the time you have left together. Please continue to check in with us as time allows. My heart aches for you....Dawn

CanadaSue

So sorry
Adrian,

So sorry you and John are having to go thru this.

We have missed you posting here, and thought something was.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both!

Hugs,

Sue

KathiM

Aw lieverd,
Ik hebt geen worden. Mien hart is vol. En Nederland, dar is en plan voor sterven. Het is nooit taboo...sigh...

I have been sending warm hugs to you forever, and, yes, I will PM you for the Caring Bridge address...

I love you both, and wish for John a bit of comfort time, everyday!

BIG hugs, Kathi

immbeloved

KathiM said:

Aw lieverd,
Ik hebt geen worden. Mien hart is vol. En Nederland, dar is en plan voor sterven. Het is nooit taboo...sigh...

I have been sending warm hugs to you forever, and, yes, I will PM you for the Caring Bridge address...

I love you both, and wish for John a bit of comfort time, everyday!

BIG hugs, Kathi

always be prepared
the boy scout motto is a good one, no need to cram everything in hurriedly at the last minute. i have been thinning out my closets and drawers. i am going to try on "burial dresses" today, and pick out hymns i want sung at my funeral, may sound morbid but we are all going to die eventually. i know i will be given an advanced directives at the hospital and have decided what i want and don't want so my husband won't have to.


God bless you.

amber

luv3jay

Any time I mention my death
Any time I mention my death to a friend or family member, they get really upset. Which is strange because I tell them all the time that we all have to die. And just because I talk about it, doesn't mean I plan on taking that trip anytime soon. Heck, they may go long before me. One thing I am thankful for though is a long "good-bye" to my family and friends. Most people never get that. I'm glad that you and John were able to have a long loving *see you later*...

-Sheri

AnneCan

Adrian
Thanks for posting this. I think of you and John often; I enjoyed the posts from both of you. I am sorry John + you are going through this. Please know you + John are in my thoughts.

Sundanceh

Touched Base...
Hey Adrian

I left you a message on your site...I hate that thing have come to this, but facing it head on with dignity and grace is a wonderful way that you are both handling things.

You once told me many moons ago and I say it to you both now:

"Holding you in the light..."

-Craig

sfmarie

Adrian
I am sorry to hear that John is nearing the end. It is so very brave of you both to talk about death. I agree, we have a taboo in our society about death. I think it is especially hard when (in my opinion) it is someone young. You just want to hold on to any ounce of hope and somehow talking about death seems to take some hope away.
I know John is blessed to have you in his life and this cannot be an easy road for you. Take care of yourself and do not hesitate to give me a call if you need anything at all.
Holding you both in my prayers.

geotina

Dear Adrian:
I left a note on your site yesterday. I'm so sorry that John has suffered so. Adrian your strength, courage, love, affection and care as a caregiver to John is beyond words. You will need that strength in the coming days and weeks and months as you face life without his physical presence. He will always be with you.

Love to you both - Tina

idlehunters

geotina said:

Dear Adrian:
I left a note on your site yesterday. I'm so sorry that John has suffered so. Adrian your strength, courage, love, affection and care as a caregiver to John is beyond words. You will need that strength in the coming days and weeks and months as you face life without his physical presence. He will always be with you.

Love to you both - Tina

Adrian
Thanks so much for the update. Everyone has been wondering whats up. I'm sorry things are not going well for John. Your strength is unreal which just shows me how much love is there. Will keep you both in my prayers. Take care.

Jennie

mom_2_3

Adrian
Adrian and John,

My heart hurts to hear this news. I always tend to believe that when posters are absent for a period of time that it is good news...that they are doing well and being busy with the important things in life. I was so hoping that would be how it was for you and John.

I am so sorry to hear that John is not doing well right now. I am so glad that you are spending this time together in contemplation of the future and I imagine that you hold each other close in love and affection. I have a firm belief in life after death, and while it may not give you much comfort right now, I am confident that one day you will be together again.

My virtual hugs to you both,
Amy

Jaylo969

Dear Adrian and John,
I have
Dear Adrian and John,

I have been wondering how things were going for you. Thank you for updating so that now we know and have the opportunity to express our hearts to you.Please give one another a big hug..one big enough to encompass all of us.

You are so right...things DO change quickly, especially with very aggressive cancer.For what it is worth, I applaud the way you and John are talking realistically and getting things in order now. I just went through this with both parents and I am so thankful that most things had been arranged by them several years ago. We sat down with my Mother and she told us step by step how to have their funerals conducted...even telling us to "tell that Preacher to make it quick, no more than 30 minutes, because she gets restless!"
The hurt, pain, and grief will still be there but you won't have to be trying to think about major decisions while your heart is breaking.

Words are never sufficient but please know that you are in our hearts and we care so much.

Peace and love to you both.

-Pat

Buzzard

Jaylo969 said:

Dear Adrian and John,
I have
Dear Adrian and John,

I have been wondering how things were going for you. Thank you for updating so that now we know and have the opportunity to express our hearts to you.Please give one another a big hug..one big enough to encompass all of us.

You are so right...things DO change quickly, especially with very aggressive cancer.For what it is worth, I applaud the way you and John are talking realistically and getting things in order now. I just went through this with both parents and I am so thankful that most things had been arranged by them several years ago. We sat down with my Mother and she told us step by step how to have their funerals conducted...even telling us to "tell that Preacher to make it quick, no more than 30 minutes, because she gets restless!"
The hurt, pain, and grief will still be there but you won't have to be trying to think about major decisions while your heart is breaking.

Words are never sufficient but please know that you are in our hearts and we care so much.

Peace and love to you both.

-Pat

Adrian and John........
may peace be with you...I am so very sorry, and plase let John know as well that you will both be in my prayers for comfort through this.......Love to you both, Clift

HollyID

I've been wondering how you
I've been wondering how you and John were doing. I'm so sorry to read this news, Adrian. Please accept my best thoughts and wishes for both of you. You both mean so much to us here. Love and hugs for you both

Holly

Kathryn_in_MN

Preparation
I left a note on CB when I got the update. I'm sad that the end is near, but so glad that you've both done it "your way." You have both been an inspiration to me - handling everything with dignity and grace, but not afraid to confront issues frankly.

Hugs for both of you - wishing you comfort and peace in this difficult time.

angelsbaby

Kathryn_in_MN said:

Preparation
I left a note on CB when I got the update. I'm sad that the end is near, but so glad that you've both done it "your way." You have both been an inspiration to me - handling everything with dignity and grace, but not afraid to confront issues frankly.

Hugs for both of you - wishing you comfort and peace in this difficult time.

So Sorry
my prayers are for you both .


michelle

Annabelle41415

Update
Thank you for the update, but not the one that would have liked to hear. So sorry that John is not doing well. Glad that you are able to both talk freely about this as it is a part of this life. Always thought so highly of the both of you. You both have such geuine spirits. Tell Johh he is in my thoughts and prayers and please keep us posted.

Hugs to you both! Kim

AceSFO

Thanks to each of you for
Thanks to each of you for these beautiful and moving messages. I'm sitting in bed beside John and just finished reading each of them to him. Our faithful dog is curled at the foot of the bed. It makes us feel so good to receive the support from all of you who really understand what we are going through. I'm full of gratitude.

I'll be in touch as things unfold.

PhillieG

Peace
John is lucky to have you Adrian just as you are lucky to have John.
Cancer can be a very tough journey, having people around you who love you makes a huge difference.
-phil

karguy

I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry to hear the bad news.It must be very hard for you both.I will pray for you both.Thank you for the update.We are here if you need anything.